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Dear Esteemed Merchants of New Tristram,
I wish to renew my objection to your decision to accept animal and human teeth in the place of gold in your business transactions. Besides causing hyperinflation, this new practice has led to some very unsettling behavior among the citizenry and has attracted the worst sort of anti-social elements to this town.
My understanding from a conversation with one of the so-called “heroes” now frequenting your establishments is that they have made it a habit to break into family crypts in order to acquire these teeth, which they do not distinguish in any way from real gold and which they even call "gold". The particular hero with whom I spoke, a foreign monk of dubious background and intent, unapologetically stated that he had defiled hundreds of graves, and had made a habit of smashing urns and other objects of incalculable sentimental value in the course of searching for the teeth you have elected to use as a form of currency. Outrageously, the monk’s goal seems to be to accumulate enough “gold” to buy equipment that would do nothing other than enable him to obtain more “gold”.
I appreciate our community’s need for able hands in rectifying the situation with the undead and the goat-men, but encouraging mercenary practices will only lead to more trouble. Already, the local fauna (and much of the flora) have been obliterated in the search for fangs and tooth-like thorns; the damage to the fragile wetlands ecosystem could be irreparable. Most disturbingly, several townsfolk seem to have gone missing while searching for teeth to buy essentials like health potions.
I implore you to immediately bring an end to this false gold rush (and dental atrocity) before New Tristram becomes consumed by it.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
A Concerned Citizen
I wasn't sure what to expect when i first saw the title of this while browsing the forums. After reading it though i like its ummmm.....not uniqueness, tounge-in-cheek. Ffs i don't know what to really put there but good job bro and hope to see more of these types of articles on the forums :)
Dear Concerned Citizen,
I recently came across a letter you submitted to the merchants of New Tristram and found some interest in its content. On a day not long ago, I had gone down to the family crypt to pay my respects to my dearly departed family when I noticed that someone had smashed the doors in. Upon entering said crypt, I was horrified by what I found. The lovely urns that had been placed inside to contain flowers and mementos to honor my ancestors had been crashed and strewn all about the place. Worst of all, someone had opened many of the vaults and the bones and remnants of clothing were scattered across the crypt.
To say the least, I was outraged at the sacrilege that had been visited upon what should have been considered sacred and holy ground. As I strolled farther inside the crypt, I was astounded to learn that the very hooligan who had perpetrated this crime was still there rifling through dear old Aunt Maude’s tomb and watched as he attempted to rip the teeth from her decaying head only to send it rolling across the floor!.
I cried out in shock and nearly fainted right then and there. The sound must have caught his attention since he turned to look at me. A frightening sight he was, I could only assume he was one of those Barbarians from up Mt. Arreat. He wore very little clothing and what there was crafted from animal skins. As he made took a step towards me, I could feel my throat beating hard and I was sure that I was about to die.
“I found this crypt first!” He screamed at me, brandishing what looked like one of Aunt Maude’s leg bones and waving it threateningly. “Go find your own crypt!”
Well, that did it for me. My fear fled in a blinding haze of anger. How dare he threaten me with my own Aunt’s bones and try to run me out of MY family crypt? I would not have it! So, I tell you truly, I grabbed the bone from his hand and hit him in the knee with it! (My father always did say that I had no sense whatsoever when my temper took hold.)
“How dare you! These are the bones of my family you’re rifling through and you have the audacity to threaten me!” And again I smacked him with poor Maude’s bone before realizing what I was doing. “Why on earth would you want to rifle through my ancestors bones?”
“Stop it woman!” He tried in vain to shield his knees from my brutal attack. “I need their teeth to buy a shiny new sword. Can’t you see I’m a hero trying to stop the invasion of hell that’s going on all around us?”
“You call yourself a hero! Pshaw! Why, you’re nothing but a lowly grave robber! How would you like it if I went and dug up your ancestors to buy myself a new tea pot? Now get out of here before I show you something worse than a minion of hell!” Brandishing the bone threateningly, I chased him all the way out the door.
Well, I’ll tell you that I was never so upset. I immediately called to order a meeting of the Housewives for the Beautification of New Tristram and the Surrounding Areas (HBNTSA) to discuss this new problem. Alas, most of them seem to have come down with some sort of illness. I can assure you that this matter will not be forgotten, however. I sense that the merchants of New Tristram have not taken your request very seriously as I found your letter in the outhouse belonging to the Local shopkeeper. Never fear though, you now have the HBNTSA backing you and we shall not let this go unaddressed.
President and Founder, Housewives for the Beautification of New Tristram and the Surrounding Areas
Edited by Jaec#1404 on 5/22/2012 5:13 PM PDT
It has come to our attention that two individuals—including one who would not disclose his/her identity—have been agitating against the necessary work undertaken by our clients. We urge you to view this work in the light of our town’s security and economic situation rather than from a metaphysical or sentimental perspective.
As longstanding supporters of New Tristram, we believe that it is in our town’s interests to encourage skilled safety providers to work in this area. With the full support of the Hoaradric sage, Deckard Cain, we have implemented an incentivization structure that will ensure the inflow of expert personnel to the region. We are pleased to report that this project has been a resounding success. The town has seen no attacks; meanwhile, the local manufacturing of supplies for our ever-growing base of clients has created unprecedented opportunities.
We appreciate that some of New Tristram’s residents have voiced concerns that the introduction of our new form of gold would somehow harm the economy or encourage criminal behavior. In no instance has Cain, who is arguably the world’s leading ethical authority, ever condemned our clients’ actions. That the corpses that could potentially turn into dangerous undead happen to have been long-deceased former residents of nearby communities is unfortunate but also ultimately trivial given the exigencies of today’s circumstances.
Besides valuing your safety, we also value the safety of those who protect New Tristram. Although Mrs. Talbuck’s account of an encounter with one of our clients remains unverified, we emphasize that her claimed actions, which include verbal abuse and aggravated assault, are intolerable. Legal measures will be taken against any individual or group interfering with our clients’ mission.
To curb inflation, we are restricting the use of the new gold currency to weapons, armor, accessories, vocational training grants, and health supplies.
Vice President for Public Relations
New Tristram Merchants Association
Dear Vice President of Public Relations,
I am writing you on behalf of the HBNTSA and our President Merry Talbuck. The much maligned Mrs. Talbuck has been quite beside herself with grief since the visit to her house by the local sheriff to accuse her of either lying or molesting one of your supposed heroes. At first, I could not understand how it was you could find it in you to uphold the actions of these Barbarians and other foreigners and instead chose to try and prosecute an upstanding member of our community for rightfully protecting the belongings of her family.
Only after I gave it much thought did I realize how busy the streets have been with these said heroes and how busy the merchants of New Tristram seemed to be since their arrival. It has nothing to do with the welfare of our citizens so much as the welfare of your purses. Why, just the other day, I overheard you and the Blacksmith, that horrid man Haedrig Eamon who slaughtered his poor wife simply for being afflicted with this terrible curse that’s been spreading through town. And after all the years she supported his silly pursuits and dragging her all about!
As for your throwing the name of Deckard Cain in as proof that this can’t be wrong, well we all know you can’t ever really trust a mage. It’s all about their books and magic, they have no concern beyond whatever they see is the next great threat to the world that can elevate them as an all-powerful Hero. Tell me, do you see things changed around here? Most certainly not! Here were are facing some sort of attack from hell once again and who is it that pays for it? Not these so called heroes who waltz in and act all brave while they pillage the graves of our ancestors, smash our barrels and crates of goods. No, it’s the good citizens of this town.
And you, the merchants and supposed leaders of this town, what do you do? You turn a blind eye to it to pad your purses. You call them heroes and tell us how much we need our help. You can be sure though, as soon as this newest blight is dealt with, they’ll be gone again and then it’ll be the people of New Tristram you’ll be trying to coax back into your shops. Well, you can bet we’ll be thinking twice about patronizing your shops!
Lana wife of the Barkeep
Vice President, HBNTSA
P.S. Oh I almost forgot, Mr. Vice President. You can make your own dinners and cook meals for you vaunted heroes and sweep your own floors and wash your own dishes. I’ll be staying with my mother until you wisen up.
Dear Townsfolk of New Tristram
I happened across one of your letters, specifically one written by a Mrs Talbuck, as I sat in the Slaughtered Calf Inn for a short reprieve from demon slaying outside of town. What I read on that letter thoroughly enraged me. Were my loyal Enchantress companion Eirena not by my side to calm me, I most certainly would have cleaved every citizen in the vicinity in two! Although having the opportunity to warm up my swinging arm before heading back out would have pleased me greatly, she advised I instead write this letter, saying, "the quill is mightier than the sword". HA! The day I see a demon felled by one of these instruments is the day I offer myself to the wretched undead.
Eirena warns that I ramble, so I will keep things short. Firstly, I have no idea where you come up with this ridiculous notion that we use teeth as currency. Every crate, barrel, and urn I smash only holds the most precious of currency, gold! I urge anyone who differs in their opinion to accompany me on one of these explorations so I may show you that it is in fact real gold. Secondly, and most important, the fault lies within New Tristram. Have you not seen the prices your Blacksmith and Jewelcrafter demand in order to craft their wares!? Utter lunacy! I suggest you speak quickly with Mr Eamon and Mr Shen in correcting what can only be seen as highway robbery directed at the very people who keep you from establishing a New New Tristram.
Dictated but not read
Prince of the Three Wolves
Edited by Smoothmove#1606 on 6/2/2012 6:03 PM PDT
Dear Police Chief Commissioner Holus and Co.
Let me just preface my deepest concerns with an 'I'm shocked to the core,' and 'How under creation do you sleep at night?'
And let me tell you young man, I, in no way refer to our disgustingly low pensioner benefits; I will spare you the suffering I've silently endured for years...only those around me ever bore the full brunt of my sense of injustice. Alas, they are all gone now, may they rest in peace...not sure why I outlived them.
But I digress.
Ahem. You might well be a nice young man, just like the other one...I forget his name, but news of the currency change of pensioner teeth being used as money has inflammed and enraged me...The roaring tooth ache I have right now has brought the whole situation to a head.
I shouldn't be surprised at such an aggressive policy, just look at how thoroughly underfunded we are as pensioners...Couldn't there be a better way? Why not just use the teeth lost by those who've bitten into the gold to test whether it's forged or not?
Oh god it's raining again, and my arthritis has crippled me...you may think I'm just putting my two cents in - and I'm on my last two by the way...but in my day we just used strips of wire and no-one complained, we even used the strips of wire to buy Ivory from the natives. Understand young man, I'm old and useless, change comes hard - too hard.
Er, I fell asleep and just woke, you'll have to excuse the saliva drops on this letter...and you'll read this and reply wont you, what a nice young man you are.
Ebeneza Dorothus Tittlebatt
Concerned Citizen of New Tristram
Edited by Raven#1752 on 6/2/2012 7:00 PM PDT
My fellow townsfolk,
Your arguments these past few days have shaken me greatly. Do you all really so despise these foreigners who now grace our town in hopes of defeating some great evil that Cain has been warning us of for years?
You claim that is such a terrible thing that they ransack our belongings, smash our things, defile our ancestors, and take our wealth. This is such utter disregard for the truth and only shows that this town desperately wishes to point the finger of blame somewhere other than themselves.
Our cathedral, its mausoleums, and almost all of the ancient cites of our countryside have been riddled with demonic filth for nearly if not more than twenty years. It is not these labeled 'heroes' who have defiled our past but these demons. We should thank them how ever we best can for the time they take to clear them if only momentarily of the hazards from below. Further I have noted multiple good people of our town clamor to these 'heroes' when their own plight is paramount.
If all these passing heroes take is a bit of lost and forgotten wealth then I say let them do so. If it buys them a stronger bit of plate and a sharper blade then the wealth is returned to its rightful place here in Tristram.
Lastly any 'hero' willing to allow that scoundrel and rouge who's name simply eludes me at this writing to depart with them deserves a barrel of my finest mead. A barrel mind you which has never once been rummaged, pillaged, looted, broken, or looked at.
Chief of Barrels at the Slaughtered Calf Inn
PS. Caldemus if your reading this pay your tab or my barrels stay dry for you.
Edited by BinaryLogic#1567 on 6/2/2012 7:35 PM PDT
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