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Diablo lays slain on the ground,defeated....
Video Sequence: A guy with a shiny armor and a mighty sword walks up invisible stairs.
He looks in to the camera and says:
I was an angel. I am human now. I stay in heaven.With my Angelbretheren
As a human.
My name is Tyrael and welcome to Jack a s s.
Belial, Azmodan and Diablo are all sitting at the bar at the Restaurant at the End of the Abyss, drinking their sorrows away after a hard day of getting their plans thwarted and themselves slain. Mephisto is tending bar, listening to their conversation.
Belial: "Man, oh, man... I was ruler of the universe before that clown took me out. I cannot believe that he snuck in and stabbed me in the back! What a coward! And the people were beginning to love me."
Diablo: “I think…”
Azmodan and Belial: "SHUT UP, D!"
Azmodan: "You're such a bad liar! Whoever named you the Lord of Lies needs to have their head examined! I mean seriously, you weren't fooling anyone with that Little Emperor bit. Even the barbarian was laughing at you behind your back! And the people hated you! Moron!"
Diablo: “Yeah, he…”
Azmodan and Belial: "SHUT UP, D!"
Belial: "Well what about you Mister "Master Strategist General" person? Half the armies of hell and you couldn't take down a few hundred soldiers in a broken down fortress! I mean come on! If you spent less time with that spider hussy and more time being a general, you might actually win a battle or two! Mister “Lord of Sin!" Bah! I've got more sin in my little toe!"
Azmodan: "You leave her out of this! Next time I'm doing my own public relations. Never again am I letting you do my marketing. YOU'RE the one that came up with all that “Master Strategist” junk! I was going for something a little lower key, but NO! You had to give me all these grand titles... “Strike terror into the hearts of your enemies,” you said! I should have known better to trust the Lord of Lies…"
Diablo: "Yeah, did you..."
Azmodan and Belial: "SHUT UP, D!"
Belial: “Bah! You’re such an idiot! If you had been half the master strategist you claim to be, it could have been your corpse they tossed off the Silver Spire! Mister “I’m All Tied Up” over here can’t get out of bed long enough to direct one little siege! You could have come up with classics like “Welcome to my realm of Sin!” or “Your Greed will consume you!” Instead we get Mister “TERR-ROAR” over here!”
Azmodan: “Oh Yeah? Well…”
*Azmodan and Belial storm off, continuing their argument.*
*Diablo looks up at Mephisto and shakes his head.*
Mephisto: “Hard day there, D?”
Diablo: “I hate Mondays.”
*Mephisto shakes his head while cleaning a glass. He grins from ear to ear.*
Edited by Melancholy#1609 on 6/25/2012 12:05 PM PDT
Working late at the Blizzard office all Diablo wants to do is go home, have an adult beverage, put his feet up, and watch the game, but no matter what he tries his program keeps crashing. Finally he screams, "I cannot resolve this run time ERR-OOOORRR!!!!!!!"
Diablo, Mephisto, and Baal are comparing basketball cards, which they have collected since youth. Diablo points to Baal's Michael Jordan rookie card and turns to Mephisto, "Sorry bro, but this card is RARE-OOOORRR!!!!!"
Diablo is getting married to the love of his life, but the wedding is being held up for some unknown reason. Already feeling nervous, Diablo turns to his best man, Mephisto, and loudly whispers, "Where is the the ring BEAR-OOOORRR!!!!!!!"
Diablo is making plans for redoing his den. While looking at contemporary tables in an Ikea magazine, one catches Baal's eye. Diablo shakes his head, "An elliptical table! That is completely wrong for this aesthetic. We need a table that is SQUARE-OOOORRR!!!!!!!"
Diablo is watching his favorite baseball team in his newly redone den. While his team is up to bat, the home plate umpire calls a critical pitch a strike when Diablo could clearly see it was a ball. Incensed, Diablo rips off his hat and stomps on it yelling, "That umpire needs to be FAIR-OOOORRR!!!!!!!"
While eating ice cream, Diablo's scoops fall off of his cone. Mephisto laughs, but Baal offers Diablo a few licks from his ice cream. Diablo smiles, "Thank you, Baal, I guess I know which one of my brothers is a good SHARE-OOOORRR!!!!!!!"
The nephalem is whooping the snot out of Diablo et. al. so through some hitherto unknown hocus pocus, Diablo et. al sends the nephalem to a hitherto unknown place, "Welcome to my realm of TERR-OOOOORRR!!!!!!"
We here at [Insert Your Favorite Video Game Franchise Corporation Here] would like to take a moment to thank you for buying and playing our product. With the huge success of our [Insert Your Favorite Cash On-line Buying and Selling System] we would like to formally announce a new benefit that you, the player, can access with the upcoming patch.
[Insert Your Favorite Video Game Franchise Corporation Here] has partnered with [Insert Your Favorite Brewer or Distillery] to bring the benefits of a hard night’s work home to you. That’s right! You can now exchange those hard earned [Insert Your Favorite Non-Cash Equivalent Currency] for booze, shipped directly to your door!
Try a six-pack of our new Diablo Red Ale, Mephisto Gold or Andariel White! Chill with your friends with a keg of Belial Triple Bock! Or for those of you who only drink the best, try our exciting line of flavored liquors! Try the delicious frosty Izual Cranberry Vodka! The aged Deckard Vanilla Scotch! The fiery Butcher Cinnamon Schnapps!
And with our “Reward a Friend” option, you can now send your questing buddies a share of the profit!
“My buddies and I ripped through Inferno Whimsyshire and I got this great weapon! Somebody actually paid $250 USD for it, so I sent them all a six pack of Diablo Red! Thanks [Insert Your Favorite Video Game Franchise Corporation Here]!”
“My buddy tanked Belial while I was dead in the corner for ten minutes! After I sold my perfect rolled Stormshield on [Insert Your Favorite Cash On-line Buying and Selling System], I sent him a bottle of Deckard Scotch! Thanks [Insert Your Favorite Video Game Franchise Corporation Here]!”
Yes, friends that’s right! You too can get in on the rewards and we’ve removed all transaction fees! Unbelievable! So sign up today for your first taste of success!
*chugs a bottle of Diablo Red and sighs*
Disclaimer: Must be 21 years of age. Void in the following states: Everywhere, Paranoia, Disillusionment and Entitlement. All sales final. No, stop whining. Final. [Insert Your Favorite Video Game Franchise Corporation Here] is not responsible for anything you do in your life, ever. You are. Trolls need not reply. Neckbeards optional.
Edited by Melancholy#1609 on 6/28/2012 11:50 AM PDT
That's quite a good one ;)
Thankfully there's discipline.
Tyrael and Imperius go to a bar and order some drinks. After a while Tyrael also orders a plate of chicken wings. A little later Tyrael gets up from the bar, clearly ready to go.
Imperius: Why are you getting up, you still have two wings left?
Tyrael: I'm stuffed, couldn't eat another bite
Imperius: Tyrael! The ancient law of the High Heavens strictly forbids us from leaving food on our plate. Yet you have done so, brazenly! There are people who would kill for those two wings, yet you leave them here to rot!
Tyrael You cannot judge me; I am Justice itself! We were meant for more than this, to protect the innocent! But if our precious laws bind you to fight me over a pair of wings, then I will no longer stand as your brother!
Tyrael then flips the plate of wings into the face of Imperius and storms out of the bar.
in a booth across the bar Itherael and Auriel look on in disapproval. "I knew that was going to happen" Itherael mutters.
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