Diablo® III

Post Your Favorite Diablo Joke

Tyrael and Imperius go to a bar and order some drinks. After a while Tyrael also orders a plate of chicken wings. A little later Tyrael gets up from the bar, clearly ready to go.

Imperius: Why are you getting up, you still have two wings left?

Tyrael: I'm stuffed, couldn't eat another bite

Imperius: Tyrael! The ancient law of the High Heavens strictly forbids us from leaving food on our plate. Yet you have done so, brazenly! There are people who would kill for those two wings, yet you leave them here to rot!

Tyrael You cannot judge me; I am Justice itself! We were meant for more than this, to protect the innocent! But if our precious laws bind you to fight me over a pair of wings, then I will no longer stand as your brother!

Tyrael then flips the plate of wings into the face of Imperius and storms out of the bar.

Imperius: Sacrilege!!

in a booth across the bar Itherael and Auriel look on in disapproval. "I knew that was going to happen" Itherael mutters.


I giggled
Reply Quote
the identity of the warrior from diablo 1 is not cannon and blizz can change whateva the hell they want because d3 story reigns supreme
Reply Quote
Seriously? Nothing about pants having two slots for 'jewels'?
Reply Quote
Top 10 Management Lessons of Diablo 3:

1. Make sure you always know where all the hidden stairways are.
2. Walk softly and carry a gigantic skull crusher.
3. Don't surround yourself with "Yes" cultists.
4. Trained moths and pointy head gear do not pass dress code.
5. Be the best. Don't claim to be the best and then... Belial something.
6. Don't tell your competition all your diabolical plans.
7. Don't tell your competition that anything is impossible.
8. Threats of torture are not good motivational tools.
9. Getting to the top is easier than staying there.
10. Family and business don't mix.
Reply Quote
06/19/2012 06:27 PMPosted by Taedirk
Jay Wilson: We get lots of compliments on the story and dialogue.


One of my favorites.


This,... story has so many obvious flaws. I mean when Metzen presented it to the rest of the guys.. either NONE of them played Diablo 2 or they just didn't give a !@#$.

But the quote above shows the real problem with D3... blizz keep telling us that the stuff is awesome, though there are so many steps back in stuff like story,immersion,item design, skill system and and and...
Reply Quote
diablo 3 itself is a big joke.
Reply Quote
A monk, the Butcher and Diablo all sat down at a Subway to eat some lunch.

Monk: Hey Butcher, how's the sandwich?

Butcher: Vegetables bad! Meat good!

Monk: Yeah, I noticed you picking off all the lettuce over there. How about you, Big D? D?

*Diablo stands at the counter, still finishing his order.*

Diablo: You will never finish my ssssandwich, my armiesss are too powerful!

Sandwich Artist: Here you go sir, all done. Your friends already paid for you.

*Hands Diablo his sandwich.*

Diablo: It mattersss not that you made my sssandwich, you will never hand me my cookiessss!

Sandwich Artist: Here you go, sir.

*Hands Diablo two chocolate chip cookies.*

*Diablo opens his mouth to speak, then closes it and shakes his horned head. He walks over and sits with the others.*

Diablo: How tastessss your sssandwich, Nephalem?

Monk: Pretty awesome. I asked him to make me one with everything.


I lol'd
Reply Quote
Auriel and Rakanoth pay a large cover fee and attend the Annual Caldeum Carnival. Halfway through the evening they get into a heated argument over a large barrel of ale, half of which has been drunk.

Auriel: "Half full!"

Rakanoth: "Half empty!"

Auriel: "Half full!"

Rakanoth: "Half empty!"

A gigantic barbarian walks up between them and grabs the keg. He places his mouth over the bung and turns the keg up on end. He takes enormous gulps as the ale runs down his mouth, beard and chest and begins to puddle on the ground. For a full minute he chugs the ale, then he throws the empty keg across the room.

The barbarian's belch is long and loud. The ground vibrates at its intensity; it echoes from the walls and seems to last for an eternity. Other partygoers around the room stop and stare in disbelief at the length of this mighty belch.

Rakanoth gets a perturbed look on his face. “Hey, we were just arguing over that ale!”

The barbarian gets a bemused look on his face. “What do we care?” he chuckles. “We already have your coin!” He bellows laughter as he walks away.


OOo Bam! A stinging metaphor!!
And very well written too.
Edited by OnlyOne#1999 on 6/29/2012 7:58 AM PDT
Reply Quote
06/29/2012 05:24 AMPosted by Ravissia
I lol'd

I enjoyed writing that one. Twist on an old classic.

OOo Bam! A stinging metaphor!!
And very well written too.


Thanks for that! I was starting to wonder if anyone was going to comment there.
Edited by Melancholy#1609 on 6/29/2012 8:33 AM PDT
Reply Quote
Tyrael and Imperius go to a bar and order some drinks. After a while Tyrael also orders a plate of chicken wings. A little later Tyrael gets up from the bar, clearly ready to go.

Imperius: Why are you getting up, you still have two wings left?

Tyrael: I'm stuffed, couldn't eat another bite

Imperius: Tyrael! The ancient law of the High Heavens strictly forbids us from leaving food on our plate. Yet you have done so, brazenly! There are people who would kill for those two wings, yet you leave them here to rot!

Tyrael You cannot judge me; I am Justice itself! We were meant for more than this, to protect the innocent! But if our precious laws bind you to fight me over a pair of wings, then I will no longer stand as your brother!

Tyrael then flips the plate of wings into the face of Imperius and storms out of the bar.

Imperius: Sacrilege!!

in a booth across the bar Itherael and Auriel look on in disapproval. "I knew that was going to happen" Itherael mutters.


^ win..
Reply Quote
This entire game..... Bazinga!!!!
Reply Quote
06/19/2012 09:40 PMPosted by Necrosade


One of my favorites.


omg I'm laughing so hard.

damn me too
omg jay my man, have you ever read these posts?
Reply Quote
Tyrael and Imperius go to a bar and order some drinks. After a while Tyrael also orders a plate of chicken wings. A little later Tyrael gets up from the bar, clearly ready to go.

Imperius: Why are you getting up, you still have two wings left?

Tyrael: I'm stuffed, couldn't eat another bite

Imperius: Tyrael! The ancient law of the High Heavens strictly forbids us from leaving food on our plate. Yet you have done so, brazenly! There are people who would kill for those two wings, yet you leave them here to rot!

Tyrael You cannot judge me; I am Justice itself! We were meant for more than this, to protect the innocent! But if our precious laws bind you to fight me over a pair of wings, then I will no longer stand as your brother!

Tyrael then flips the plate of wings into the face of Imperius and storms out of the bar.

Imperius: Sacrilege!!

in a booth across the bar Itherael and Auriel look on in disapproval. "I knew that was going to happen" Itherael mutters.


^ win..

yup
Reply Quote
06/20/2012 01:14 PMPosted by Andrew
The Diablo III storyline.

count me in
ever watched Just For Laugh? because this
06/20/2012 01:14 PMPosted by Andrew
The Diablo III storyline.

suit it
Reply Quote
In all honesty which situation do you try harder on?

(1) The Diablo boss fight or (2) a Treasure Goblin kiting through Inferno.
Reply Quote

Diablo: How tastessss your sssandwich, Nephalem?


Reminds me of "The Broodwich" episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force...
Reply Quote
Diablo ask Baaal you think Iam fat?

BAAL says totally with emperor haakan head smiling ;)
Reply Quote
first story diablo sounded like astroga spider guy.
Reply Quote
no they hate demons and they can control hatred and wield it with discipline
Reply Quote

Please report any Code of Conduct violations, including:

Threats of violence. We take these seriously and will alert the proper authorities.

Posts containing personal information about other players. This includes physical addresses, e-mail addresses, phone numbers, and inappropriate photos and/or videos.

Harassing or discriminatory language. This will not be tolerated.

Forums Code of Conduct

Report Post # written by

Reason
Explain (256 characters max)
Submit Cancel

Reported!

[Close]