Diablo® III

The Bank of Blizzard

*This is a fictitious story, imagine at your own risk*
I'm an auction-house tycoon, and I work for the Bank of Blizzard. I loan gold and godly items to members of battlenet. Been helping noobs pwn ever since 1.03.

Every quarter, a portion of battlenet membership fees are given to the Bank in gold. I take that gold and invest it in godly gear. I buy, sell, and loan gold/items for the Bank.

If a player wants to borrow some gold or gear, I will loan it to you for a monthly fee. The collateral for this loan is secured by your worth - in gold, items, and your ability to earn those in the future.

I work hard making sure you out-gear your content. Every time I make a loan, I get a lil gold for myself (transaction fee). I also get a quarterly bonus based on how many of these deals I make.

I make good gold doing this, so good that I get greedy. I start giving loans to everyone. Loans to hardcore characters, loans to newbs stuck in Hell Act 3. Loans to people who couldn't possibly pay them back. I don't care, I make my bonus.

Bad Loans tend to default, especially when securities are over-valued. With the depreciating value of gold/gear, I foresee my Bank loosing money. But this takes time, and I'm living good now.

To keep on living I sell package-deals of these loans to other members. Every time I sell a package deal I get paid via a skim off the top (transaction fee). Other members like this because it is an easy way for them to get in on the action and earn some gold.

Although most of the individual loans are risky, the package deal isn't. With a nice chunk of loans, you are bound to collect on a few even if the others fail. This reduces the risk for investing on these 'derivative loans'. With a reduced risk, these loans now have increased leveraging power. With more leveraging power, other guilds can now trade these packaged loans for more gold then they are really worth.

Loans take time to pay and be payed, but creating and selling loans nets instant profit - for me. The more time I can stall, the more gold I collect in battlenet fees. I can then use these battlenet fees to lend out more gold to other members and pay off any gold I have borrowed.

The economic consultants and lobbyists for Blizzard see what I am doing, and like it. They want in. So they tell Blizzard to loosen up the regulations for trading packaged loans. Blizz agrees, and I give each of their employees a fresh 30% ED SOJ.

With looser regulations from Blizzard, I find a new way to make loot. I launder gold for Botters.

I use Botters' gold to buy and sell loans. Because of no regulations, I don't have to really say where the gold came from. The more times each loan is traded, the paper-trail becomes more convoluted. Once an item or loan has traversed both auction houses, its true origin is lost. This fuels a healthy Botting community.

With looser regulations, it is now easier to borrow gold then it is to lend it. Eventually the system crashes. Gold and items are worth next to nothing. This loss of money makes my Bank owe more than its worth, and so I ask Blizzard for a Bailout.

They agree, and decide to pay my bank a lot of gold. This gold comes from an increase in auction house transaction fees for everyone. This gold also pays my bonus, that I worked so hard for while my Bank failed.

Because of Blizzard's help, I now give any of their employees reduced gear prices and reduced financing on their loans. I also fully support Jay Wilson. I use some of my profits from Banking to fund Jay Wilson's re-election campaign.

If he loses, I don't care. So long as the new guy needs a loan.
Edited by SeaBass#1729 on 11/7/2012 2:55 PM PST
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Most of these kiddos cant pay attention for more than a paragraph. Your brilliant satire is falling on deaf ears so to speak.
Edited by RabidChimp#1930 on 11/7/2012 12:22 PM PST
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Thanks man, but give it time. I have seen sparks of brilliance across these forums from like-minded souls. Bumpthumping
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It's "lose" not "looses" or "looser". There's only one "o".

Loose is when something isn't tight fitting. Lose is when Romney doesn't get the Presidency.
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11/07/2012 12:21 PMPosted by RabidChimp
Most of these kiddos cant pay attention for more than a paragraph. Your brilliant satire is falling on deaf ears so to speak.


This guys speaks the truth.

Great satire... though it will largely be lost on kids that didn't take their ritalin today.
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Thanks for the grammar lesson.

But this is way beyond Romney or Obama. I'm talkin 2000's man. This election is another smokescreen. Don't you get it. Follow the money.
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Killing two realities with one stone. Enjoyed this a lot.

+ 1 million :)
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Same Seabass from jsp? ;)
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Not me, sars.
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Haha, this was actually quite funny, as I was reading this I thought... what the hell am I reading? I haven't seen anything like this in D3 is this guy nuts it sounds ridiculous.
It's actually quite funny that because I'm on a D3 forum and reading something talking about D3 my brain is apparently so logged out of RL that it took me a moment to actually realize what I was reading about and that it was a metaphor. Loool I dunno, I feel stupid now for thinking he was a real bank in D3 doing loans looool... the scariest thing is when I realized the connotations, then I was like... oh thats very clever and funny... oh !@#$ I actually play on that RL server he is alluding to... oh man thats all kinds of %^-*ed up.

Very nice SeaBass, I tip my hat off to you. :D
Edited by Amos#6777 on 11/7/2012 12:55 PM PST
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Thanks for the praise Otis, Amos.

Hahahhaha man its crazy, its like the events in real life for-shadowed D3's economy crash... or vice-versa!
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I know it totally did my head in lol. Inflation and Interest makes me feel a lot like a lobster atm lol.
Edited by Amos#6777 on 11/7/2012 1:06 PM PST
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Posts: 43
You think the gold AH would benefit if RMAH was removed?
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Are you one of Angelo's Friends, or Angelo himself? (Points if you know this reference)
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Nope, sorry Karragos.

@Stanislav Nope, only thing that can save D3 economy is a massive influx of new players and/or gear.
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Taken further, It amazes me when one imagines the correlations between: the two past stimulus packages vs. 1.05 doubling item/gold drop-rate, and their subsequent effects on both economies.

It sucks man. I don't want to work for China.
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Nice post, took a few paragraphs to realize what it was saying, but excellent analogy
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Politics aside, I do see a usefulness to someone at Blizzard occasionally buying stuff at the Auctions houses. Not top tier, but mid range stuff. Like I'm trying to sell. Who cares if it messes up the ah economy? It's just a game!
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Thanks PwnMaster.

@lizardaq I hear ya, and scary part is we have no control about what really happens behind the scenes. The Bank of Blizzard controls the market and enforces it.
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