I appreciate the honesty you demonstrated when turning down the proposed post. Although, the way you go about it, we could have cut down on job positions, seeing how we could have rolled Residential Jester and Head of HR into one. Still, being reasonably merciful and more or less democratic organization, we are not going to hold you to that assignment and will relieve you of any suchlike duties. Instead I'm going to give you the liberty of appointing an arch nemesis of your choice as Head of HR, accompanied by full privileges to fire him (or at him), whenever you feel the department could use a bit of a shake-up.
To anyone accusing the Club in dealings with shoddy artifacts, I would like you to observe that there's actually precious few of those amongst the Club members, the raison d'etre of our noble organization having nothing to do with any duping practices. I gather the misunderstanding stems from the ambiguity of our 'Super Duper' logo, please accept my sincere assurances that the 'Duper' part serves only aesthetic purposes in complementing the 'Super' portion of it. In fact, as soon as we recruit ourselves a Bard, I'm going to set him at adapting the music from ABBA's 'Super Trooper' into the composition of an official Anthem for the Club.
DW Skorns is not against Club policies. Regrettably, it does not seem to work at present. I can. however, make you a promise that if a time machine gets invented by a member of this Club, you are going to be the very first test subject we launch back to September of last year.
You appear to have been somehow deluded about our practices here. I cannot stress enough how spiritual our organization is, in observation of social good taste - particularly after noon time. The preferred spirit of choice seems to be beer, but I trust even the most erudite of drinkers would be impressed by the contents of our cellar. I can personally recommend the House Special, our famous Rum Punch (with a punch), mixed at the bar per our secret Club recipe.