Ask Kerrigan: Advice from the Queen of Blades

Joeyray's Bar
Prev 1 25 26 27 29 Next
also, xxPiLuM, You cant make me, IM TRYING TO RP HERE!
IM TRYING TO RP HERE!
justin... it is not roleplaying they are letters lol so please stop your post aren't even being replied to anymore
Justin, really, stop. I ignored you with the ignore button, but honestly, you take up half of EVERY PAGE.
Justin, there are rp custom maps, a nice one on Mar Sara.....Try there
Dear Kerrigan,
OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMN
OMNOMNOMNOMOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNO
MNOMNOMNOMNOMOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMMNOM
NOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM
NOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNO
MNOMNOMNOMNOM
NOMNOMNOM
NOMNOMNOM

Sincerely,

The Hungry Zergling
[Start psi transmission]
Hello, master.

I want to bring to your attention the case of us cerebrates.What the hell has happened to counter evolution!? Our underlings keep getting shot up by puny terran forces and protoss templars/stalkers. Can you PLEASE evolve better counters to our enemies.

Sincerely,
Cerebrate (and former Terran commander) Bunker
[End psi transmission]


Dear Cerebrate Bunker,

I am not quite sure you understand the delicacy of the process of evolution. You can't just evolve a creature as a direct result of another race's capabilities. You must absorb abilities and find ways to use them. For example, I found a way to morph banelings and experimented on a Dominion outpost. It would seem that their acid was highly volatile, so I tried using it to destroy masses of enemies and break down barricades. Try other evolutions against certain of our enemies and perhaps you might have success.

The problem is that it is somewhat difficult to experiment, as there's often an aggressive overlord that just wants to throw zerglings into their base before anything happens. Cerebrates are worse because while overlords just distributed my authority according to their own nature, cerebrates were to compliment and occasionally dared to contest my authority. Don't worry though, as I've since rid the Swarm of this unnecessary bureaucracy and while there may be one or two still holding out, I assure you they will be gone before too long.

See you soon,
Kerrigan

Dear Kerrigan,
I am the immortal will of a small and insignificant zergling in the Fenris brood. For whatever reason, I have been reincarnated in a new speedling body 4,322 times. I am in constant agony, and my misfortune is the stuff of legends. I have been perforated by bullets 2,200 times, incinerated 1000 times, melted 511 times, starved to death 400 times, eaten at a terran barbecue ten times, and once I was !#@@d to death by the hillbillies on the planet Deliverance 5. In recognition to my loyal service to your cause, please help me find a way to know the sweet release of oblivion. Alternatively, I would accept being reincarnated in an ultralisk's body.

-Eternally Yours, the saddest zergling.


Dear Saddest,

The immortal will within every one of the Swarm is none other than my own. You and those like you who believe that you have been reincarnated are merely recycled intelligence. There is no need to keep the souls of zerg around longer than the bodies because you are all bound by mine. When I recycle intelligence, occasionally the reports of your death must be greatly exaggerated so that there's nothing to stop you from acting suicidal if that is what the mission requires.

Love,
Kerrigan
Lol Kerrigan shot me down
Spoiler alert, dont read unless you want story spoiled, or you already completed the crystal missions, and the secret mission, unlocked by destroying the sci. fac. in media blitz

Kerrigan,

The overmind created you instead of killing you, because you are the only one to save the universe, that overmind feared the future, where the terran were consumed (the fate of earth is unknown, I bet only terran know where it is, and earth is about to kill all the evil they can) and the protoss made their last stand, and still lost, and they killed you in that vision, and there were zerg-protoss hybrds, seemed to be created by the diminion, thats why you are still up to this point, hope that helped.

Justin
Spoiler alert, dont read unless you want story spoiled, or you already completed the crystal missions, and the secret mission, unlocked by destroying the sci.fac. in media blitz
How may I help you today? :)
ok... Im moving on to my ship, Im infested, but its only visible when im using my zerg side, And theres tons of protoss in the way to the ship, and my current team is zerg and terran, but it is too dangerous to put both groups in there, now i need to discide what to do: use terran, use zerg, or use both in halfs?

In doubt

Justin
Dear Kerrigan,

When I was but a rookie marine just out of training, I was stationed to many bases, never for very long. It seems to me that all too often, foolish cerebrates of yours attempt to send in zerglings very quickly, in the hopes of catching us off guard. What they fail to foresee is that we are always prepared. Why did we invent the siege tank? So we have the option of a hideous amount of overkill. Why did we invent the bunker? So we can shoot zerglings from safety and comfort while consuming more coffee than is good for us. I implore you, please stop sending in zerglings so early. It's fairly depressing watching them bat their heads against our supply depot's like a moth to a window. And we all know its more fun to watch zerglings die by tank fire than bullets anyway. Tell your cerebrates to cease attempting this please.

Oh and lets meet up for lunch sometime and discuss ways of annihilating thousands of each others forces in the shortest amount of time possible.

Sincerely,
A fan of your ruthless determination.
Dear Kerrigan,

What the eff is up with Jimmy's OTT southern accent?! Where the heck did it come from? The 'roids he took between Brood War and Beta?

Love,
The Original Mar Sara Magistrate (Lost but never forgotten)
Dear Kerrigan,

When I was but a rookie marine just out of training, I was stationed to many bases, never for very long. It seems to me that all too often, foolish cerebrates of yours attempt to send in zerglings very quickly, in the hopes of catching us off guard. What they fail to foresee is that we are always prepared. Why did we invent the siege tank? So we have the option of a hideous amount of overkill. Why did we invent the bunker? So we can shoot zerglings from safety and comfort while consuming more coffee than is good for us. I implore you, please stop sending in zerglings so early. It's fairly depressing watching them bat their heads against our supply depot's like a moth to a window. And we all know its more fun to watch zerglings die by tank fire than bullets anyway. Tell your cerebrates to cease attempting this please.

Oh and lets meet up for lunch sometime and discuss ways of annihilating thousands of each others forces in the shortest amount of time possible.

Sincerely,
A fan of your ruthless determination.


Dear one of my many fans,

Hush little terran don't you cry,
Kerrigan's gonna find a way to make you die.
And if you've come too late to the ring,
Kerrigan's gonna send you a six-pool ling.
And if those lings can't break your walls,
Kerrigan's gonna grow some bright green balls.
And if these balls all burst for nought,
Kerrigan's gonna hide that roach you fought.
And if that roach don't last too long,
Kerrigan's gonna have the infested spawn.
And if those infested eggs won't hatch,
Kerrigan's mutalisks will wanna play catch.
And if there aren't enough to go 'round,
Kerrigan's brood lords will watch the ground.
And if their targets soar too high,
Kerrigan's corruptors are gonna fly.
And if that don't make your terrans scream,
Come to the hive and meet my queen.
And if you can conquer hives and creep,
Kerrigan's gonna kill you in your sleep.


Sweet Dreams,
The Queen of the Blades

Dear Kerrigan,

What the eff is up with Jimmy's OTT southern accent?! Where the heck did it come from? The 'roids he took between Brood War and Beta?

Love,
The Original Mar Sara Magistrate (Lost but never forgotten)


Dear OMSM,

Jimmy's always had an accent, although its kinda hard to hear it over the comm, as I believe most of the magistrates did during the old war. The real question is why does everyone speak with a southern accent?

Short answer: Lots of planets have a south.
Long answer, I believe that the origins of the confederacy may have some history in the "dixie" region of Terra before they were banished. Personally, I always liked Jimmy's accent, its cute and it suits him. Probably also fits the rebellious, cowboy quality of the confederates. I dunno if they're supposed to sound so relaxed, but its hilarious when something goes wrong and they start screaming. Music to my minions' ears.

Ya'll have a nice day!
Kerrigan
Dear Kerrigan,

As I have in fact killed all the hives and creep in this area, I am now afraid to go to sleep at night. This has led to severe sleep deprivation, and the other commanders are getting annoyed with me. Are there any sleep meds you could prescribe to me? That I may get some sleep and more easily facilitate my slumbering death at your hands?

Hope to see you soon,
Dreaming of Death
Dear Kerrigan,

Where in sam hell have my gas mask gone to? I have to resort to these stupid goggles. Not only that, but I look like a f@#&ing dork with these goggles on, especially when I go onto the battlefield with these on. My old mask made me look more like a serious bad ass. I swear to God, if you took it, I will hunt you down and rip your blades clean off, and use them against you.

Sincerely,
A random Goliath pilot.

PS, Can I have a cookie?
Dear Kerrigan,

A while ago, I adopted a larva, who soon hatched into a Zergling. I don't know why, but I think he thinks I'm his mother...
Either way, I've named him Lurker, but he refuses to be house broken, and the other Dark Templars aren't approving of Lurker's behavior. Can you recommend anything?

Sincerely Yours,
Aged and Confused.
Dear Kerrigan,

When do you intend on telling Jim that your preference changed, that all his time of drunken celebacy waiting for your return was in vain and that we are now "partners." Iam tired of hiding my love for you.

Yours Always,
Nova
Dear Kerrigan,

As I have in fact killed all the hives and creep in this area, I am now afraid to go to sleep at night. This has led to severe sleep deprivation, and the other commanders are getting annoyed with me. Are there any sleep meds you could prescribe to me? That I may get some sleep and more easily facilitate my slumbering death at your hands?

Hope to see you soon,
Dreaming of Death


Dear Dreamer,

I know of several parasites and fungi that can hinder movement and induce sleep. However, you may find it far more peaceful and rewarding to consider infestation. Not only would it bring you into the presence of the Swarm (and I assure you our philosophy on death differs quite a bit from the terrans), but it would also give you the tools you need to take revenge on those other commanders. Why dream of only your own death when you can get so many others to join you?

I'll be waiting,
Kerrigan

Dear Kerrigan,

When do you intend on telling Jim that your preference changed, that all his time of drunken celebacy waiting for your return was in vain and that we are now "partners." Iam tired of hiding my love for you.

Yours Always,
Nova


Dear Nova,

Both you and Jim should know full well I don't date terrans. Now I can see why you're both so taken by my glory, but its a glory that belongs to the swarm, not some single-minded, love-sick, foul-mouthed terran pig. Both of you would have to consider infestation before I could consider either one of you.

Not yours,
Kerrigan
Dear Kerrigan,

I've seen the zerg around me healther than any zerg I have ever seen, They are evolving to my unbelievably strong armor, and their rate of production has been increasing at an alarming rate, Is it because im here, or is it that their evolution is greatly increasing, because ive seen the zerg actually endure a nuclear lauch, caused by the dominion, and with all the protoss going down, ive gotten very high amount of research... I just dont have the time... wait... I think I know the planet... but my battery life is near dead...

Reporting in

Justin

Hush little terran don't you cry,
Kerrigan's gonna find a way to make you die.
And if you've come too late to the ring,
Kerrigan's gonna send you a six-pool ling.
And if those lings can't break your walls,
Kerrigan's gonna grow some bright green balls.
And if these balls all burst for nought,
Kerrigan's gonna hide that roach you fought.
And if that roach don't last too long,
Kerrigan's gonna have the infested spawn.
And if those infested eggs won't hatch,
Kerrigan's mutalisks will wanna play catch.
And if there aren't enough to go 'round,
Kerrigan's brood lords will watch the ground.
And if their targets soar too high,
Kerrigan's corruptors are gonna fly.
And if that don't make your terrans scream,
Come to the hive and meet my queen.
And if you can conquer hives and creep,
Kerrigan's gonna kill you in your sleep.


Sweet Dreams,
The Queen of the Blades



Amazing. 10/10.

Join the Conversation

Return to Forum