Interview with the Protoss

Joeyray's Bar
Post Limit:
Interview with a Zealot

Me: What is your name?
Zealot: Melios
Me: Why did you become a Zealot, instead of a researcher or scout pilot?
Melios: I was born to the Akilae Tribe; also I’ve always wanted to serve Aiur.
Me:How old are you, Melios?
Melios: I’m one-hundred, ninety-two (192).
Me: Melios, do you ever wish you could’ve known any of your superiors better?
Melios: I’ve always wanted to get to know Tassadar better; he seems like a good guy.
Me: Do you ever hope of becoming a drago—Immortal?
Melios: Anything to serve my people.
Me: Do you have anything else to say?
Melios: My life for Aiur.


Interview with an Immortal

Me: What’s your name?
Immortal: Telatos.
Me: Why did you choose to continue your service?
Telatos: My people need me.
Me: How old are you?
Telatos: I’m two-hundred, eight-six (286).
Me: Do you ever miss your old body?
Telatos: Not really, I have these neat Phase Cannons *Fires at the wall, exploding on impact leaving a giant hole* How can you not love that?
Me: Do you wish to know your superiors better?
Telatos: Artanis and I don’t see eye-to-eye on everything, but…
Me: Anything else to say, Telatos?
Telatos: My wife for hire!
Me: Isn’t it “My life for Aiur”?
Telatos: I already gave my life for Aiur, don’t you see the mechanical shell? My wife is already for hire, she’s a doctor.
Me: Okay, good bye, Telatos.


Interview with a Stalker

Me: Hello, what’s your name?
Stalker: Edinlix is my name, Terran.
Me: Why did you become a Stalker, brave Dark Templar?
Edinlix: Last time I checked, Terran, it wasn’t your business.
Me: Umm—okay, how old are you?
Edinlix: I’m going to fire my particle disruptors if you don’t get out of here, Terran.
Me: I guess it’s time for me to leave.


Interview with a High Templar

Me: What’s your name?
High Templar: Aldranis
Me: Do you enjoy your duties?
Aldranis: Of course.
Me: How old are you?
Aldranis: Seven-hundred, thirty-nine years of age, Terran (739).
Me: Do you ever want to become an Archon?
Aldranis: That’s like asking do you ever want to jump in a volcano, no. However, I would.
Me: Anything else?
Aldranis: Nope.


Interview with a Dark Templar

Me: Hello, what’s your name?
Dark Templar: Siminnar.
Me: How old are y—he cloaked and disappeared.


Interview with a Void Ray Commander

Me: What’s your name, Commander?
Void Ray Commander: Siorian.
Me: How old are you?
Siorian: Five-hundred, twenty-three (523).
Me: Do you ever seek to become a Carrier Commander?
Siorian: It is my dream to be in command of one of those beauties.
Me: Anything else?
Siorian: En taro, Tassadar, Terran.


Interview with a Phoenix Pilot

Me: What’s your name?
Phoenix Pilot: Ascadian.
Me: How old are you?
Ascadian: Sorry, Artanis has called me to aid him. My apologies.


Interview with a Carrier Commander

Me: What’s your name, Executor?
Carrier Commander: Tenriis.
Me: How old are you, Tenriis?
Tenriis: Nine-hundred, seventy-one (971).
Me: Do you have any goals for advancement?
Tenriis: I command a Carrier, I’m an Executor, and personally I’ve got it all in my opinion.
Me: Ah, anything else?
Tenriis: No, Terran.


Interview with Artanis

Me: You have no idea how glad I am to be here, Artanis.
Artanis: Well, I’m glad to meet you, but what do you wish to know?
Me: Do you enjoy your duty?
Artanis: Of course, friend.
Me: How old are you?
Artanis: Two-hundred, forty-one (241).
Me: Would you like to say anything else?
Artanis: En taro, Tassadar.
How could you forget the probe?
Interview with a Probe

Me: What is your name?
Probe: Whhryyrrr
Me: Is mineral collection the same as rock collecting?
Probe: Whhyyuuuwii
Me:How old are you, Probe?
Probe: Whhhhyuuuu
Me: Is it exciting to be the backbone of the Protoss army? Maybe the ribcage or skull instead?
Probe: Whhyuuyyyyii
Me: Does your forehead feel funny when you warp in structures?
Probe: Whyiiiiiu
Me: Do you have anything else to say?
Probe: Whhiiuwia


Interview with a Sentry

Me: What is your name?
Sentry: Whchchc-chchhii
Me: Would you consider planting forceflowers in your forcefield?
Sentry: Whchchcihc-ichichiu
Me:How old are you, Sentry?
Sentry: Chcchchk-sck-ski
Me: Do you have a guardian sword with your guardian shield?
Sentry: Whskiskichi-chi
Me: Are hallucinations FDA approved?
Sentry: Chhh-ch-ski-ii
Me: Do you have anything else to say?
Sentry: Whsksksskskskchi


Interview with a Colossus

Me: What is your name?
Colossus: Whraraschiii!
Me: Do you possess "colossal" fighting powers?
Colossus: Whrriu...
Me:How old are you, Colossus?
Colossus: Whhrruiuuu
Me: How’s the weather up there?
Colossus: Whryum whhrrio!
Me: You have very nice legs.
Colossus: Whrrriuyuuyu
Me: Do you have anything else to say?
Colossus: Whhskskyuui


Interview with a Warp Prism

Me: What is your name?
Warp Prism: Whschuschu
Me: Do you make rainbows if I shine light on you?
Warp Prism: Whrrum
Me:How old are you, Warp Prism?
Warp Prism: Whuuruum
Me: You must have a warped sense of reality.
Warp Prism: Whrrvuum
Me: Do Zealots feel funny inside of you?
Warp Prism: Whrruuchm
Me: Do you have anything else to say?
Warp Prism: Whhum


Interview with an Observer

Me: What is your name?
Observer: Whchachachuchachuchachu
Me: My, such a big eye you have Observer.
Observer: Whchuchuchu
Me: What colour is my carpet in my house?
Observer: Whuchuchi
Me: How old are you?
Observer: Whchuuuuu
Me: I know a good brand of monocles you’d like.
Observer: Whhmchuuuuu
Me: Do you have anything else to say?
Observer: Whmmmm


Interview with a Pylon

Me: What is your name?
Pylon: ---
Me: You look very large and heavy.
Pylon: ---
Me: Do you like to “Pylon” the food at dinner time?
Pylon: ---
Me: Goodbye.

Me: Do you ever hope of becoming a drago—Immortal?



Should have said Do you ever hope of becoming a drago-*gut punched*... Immortal?
I'm sorry, but that was terrible.
Interview with a Probe

Me: What is your name?
Probe: Whhryyrrr
Me: Is mineral collection the same as rock collecting?
Probe: Whhyyuuuwii
Me:How old are you, Probe?
Probe: Whhhhyuuuu
Me: Is it exciting to be the backbone of the Protoss army? Maybe the ribcage or skull instead?
Probe: Whhyuuyyyyii
Me: Does your forehead feel funny when you warp in structures?
Probe: Whyiiiiiu
Me: Do you have anything else to say?
Probe: Whhiiuwia


YAYYYYY

Join the Conversation