Zanon's PRP Bar (Part 11)

Joeyray's Bar
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I thank you, Fantasy. I still need to get rid of my writers block and finish his story...
Never, I will curse you to eliminate my competiton!
(JK)
But anyways, is anyone else going to comment, or is Abel/Akia going up next.
Well made, but a little patchwork, with obscure motives. Has the "idealized past" theme.
Overall, good but expected.
Third, by the way.
It's kinda slow, so give it another couple minutes then we'll go you. I'm still working on that. I've yet to tell the story of Morzan, the living planet.
"Yeah, definitely the nice guy. He helps as much as possible and takes something major to tick him off. His development is good. He has this feeling that no matter who it is, he'll help them, even if he despises them. So good job in creating him Zarkun. I guess I'm fourth and last."
Thanks SF.
I actually am going over my own notes on my characters.
Here's what I actually have written:

Shadow: Obscure, tricky, make amazing w/o Mary-Sue
Umbra: Bratty little kid, abuses ++++++power

And so on.
I actually think Abel is well done, though sometimes things seem OP. Your development of him in both your stories and PKA are amazing. He really is well done, Fantasy. But I don't have enough about Akia yet for an accurate opinion of her.
09/23/2012 08:12 PMPosted by Draconus
Shadow: Obscure, tricky, make amazing w/o Mary-Sue

The feel I got was arrogent, and over-confident.
You posted that Arc was weak even though I posted almost no details on him, as well as being non-chalant in response to just about everything. But who knows? I don't.

Anyways, I called second Drac. Don't steal it from me.

Edit:Ninjaed by Zarkun!
"I agree with Zarkun. Well, not with the story because I haven't really read it. But I think I'll find some time to. Though I do feel that Akia is quick to anger, quicker than Zaros. And Abel has a bit too big of an obsession with sleeping and his pillow."
I just made a random thing. Wasn't stealing thunder, just bumping without bumping.

Abel is well-developed, but really is a Mary-Sue. You know, a character that always knows what they're doing and always fixes their problems?

BTW, Shadow's thing IS psionic power. Considering Arc was a purely mental entity, Shadow would have no issues with him. It's like sending wooden soldiers at a Firebender. It's just not gonna happen.
"Umbra is exactly what you say she is. A brat. She's a brat that thinks she's the center of the universe. While Shadow is a realist, mainly because he can bend reality."
Shadow seems...detached, but we know why. He seems like if he could, he'd cry more then some of the other characters, or jump with joy. Umbra, well, she's a psycho b!tch who could stand a beat down in PKA and a chill pill much later.
Thanks! I hit my mark, twice!
Hoo-ah!

But seriously, I try to design in some character flaw, a way for them to be seen as a real person. My characters have emotions, and I actually psych myself into each personality to know how they'd react.
Shadow was hard, at first.
Cayl has his flaws, I just haven't found the spot to introduce them. Their time will come though.
I've already seen some.
Am I the only one who would make an awesome Master of Disguise, with my many many personalities?
Become another person, become another person, become another person, BECOME ANOTHER PERSON!
Most likely. I'd make a good assassin. Too unnoticed for my own good.
Zarkun, this is a probably stupid thing to ask, but are we done with Darkest Heart for the evening...?
If you need to hit the hay, War, go ahead. Nothing overly harming will happen.
Alright, g'night.

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