Quote of the day

Joeyray's Bar
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"I'm not crazy, I just have another consciousness inside my brain."

-Dr. Rodney McKay, Stargate: Atlantis.
"I've heard it both ways."

~Shawn Spencer, on the TV show Psych
'One, America is capitalist and greedy, and yet half the population is subsidized. Two, half the population is subsidized, yet they regard themselves as victims. Three, they think they are victims, yet their representatives run the government. Four, their representatives run the government, yet the poor keep getting poorer. Five, the poor keep getting poorer, yet they have things that people in other countries only dream about. Six, they have things that people in other countries only dream about, yet they want America to be more like those other countries.'

-Anonymous.
Hagar: "I'll say this once, and once only: THINK! THINK! THINK!"

Lucky Eddie and another crew member: "??"

~Hagar the Horrible
The Doctor: "I'm the caretaker [Of this house]. I'm also called The Doctor, or Get Off This Planet... Though I suppose that last one technically isn't a name."

*Woman pulls a gun on a guard*
Guard: "You may be armed now, but there is nothing you can say to convince me that you will actualy use that gun."
Woman: "Really? Well, I'm looking for my children."
*Guard steps back in fear*

Girl: "What's happening?"
The Doctor: "I don't know. Do what I do: Hold on tight to something and pretend it's a plan."
03/15/2012 08:36 AMPosted by darkra
*shoots knarled in the foot*


03/15/2012 08:55 AMPosted by KnarledOne
ARRGGHH!!!

*spills boiling hot gravy all over darkra as he thrashes about*


03/15/2012 10:32 AMPosted by darkra
"what if i told you i was death?"


03/15/2012 10:55 AMPosted by KnarledOne
I just spilled gravy on death...


03/15/2012 10:59 AMPosted by Thundercrash
I don't know what that gets you in the afterlife, but I don't think it will be good.


-The Good Olde Days.
"Can we have junk food every time we make the bad guys go away?"

~Parker, the TV show Leverage

"I assure you, I have made it as boring as it is possible to be. They say justice is blind, so she wears a blindfold? Justice wears a blindfold do that you can't see that Justice is asleep!"

~Alec Hardison, the TV show Leverage
03/15/2012 10:59 AMPosted by Thundercrash
I don't know what that gets you in the afterlife, but I don't think it will be good.

-The Good Olde Days.

[/quote]

I don't remember this.
George's Mom: "What's his name?"

Zoey: "George is calling him Minithulthu."

George's Mom: "Have you noticed that he has George's eyes?"

Zoey: "Yeah, he seems to like stealing things. We're trying to keep him away from the really important stuff."

-Zombie Roomie
Man: "I need help. This is a two man job."
*Amy stands up*
Man: "What are you doing?"
Amy: "I'm easily worth two men. You can help if you like."
-Doctor Who
Dalek: "You are a companion of the Doctor. Records indicate you will show mercy."

River: "I'm River Song. Check your records again."

Dalek: "...Mercy! Mercy!"

-Doctor Who.
*Two people hiding behind a rock*
Marshal: "So now we wait here for the Doctor to pick us up in that ship."
Rory: "I know. I was there when we agreed on the plan."
Marshal: "I said that more for my benefit than yours."
-Doctor Who

"Everyone knew that the justice of the council was blind... especially to pesky things like facts."
-Harry Dresden
Guy: "Are you aware that you're aflame?"

Frank: "I accidentally drenched myself in my eternal fire solution."

Guy: "And you're alive because?"

Frank: "I had time to inject myself with a serum that heals me faster than I burn."

Guy: "Alright, I guess."

*click*

Guy: "Must be excruciating though."

Frank: "I'm sure I'll get used to it."

-Two Guys and Guy
"We have the right to complain about things."

~One of my classmates

Please note, that this is taken out of its context in order for it to be funny.
"Any language that lacks ambiguity in useless for politics."
-MidnightDStroyer
04/28/2014 07:10 AMPosted by Maverick
"We have the right to complain about things."

~One of my classmates


"And I have the right to ignore it."

-My would-be response if confronted with such a statement.
Jim: "I know this is gonna be awkward, but"

Dora: "You have a coffee date, and this is the only place you can trust Sam to stay."

Jim: "You're psychic."

Dora: "Her name is Veronica, you met her online, and she's here from California on business."

Samantha: "Whoaaaa"

-Questionable Content
Master: "Do it now or I dock you a year's pay."
Apprentice: "You know you don't pay me right?"
Master: *With a smile* "Curses. Foiled again."
-The Dresden Files
"All that is gold does not glitter"
~J.R.R Tolkien
Weedwhacker logic

Two friends, Bill and Chuck have known eachother for a long time and are very alike. Bill, however, went to college and learned something called logic. He went to go share this knowledge with his best friend.

Bill: "Hey, at college I learned something called logic."
Chuck: "Logic? Well how does that work?"
Bill: "Well, do you have a weed-whacker?"
Chuck: "Yeah."
Bill: "Then that means you must have grass."
Chuck: "I do have grass!"
Bill: "Then that must mean you have a house."
Chuck: "I do have a house!"
Bill: "Then that means you must be married."
Chuck: "Wow, I am married!"

With his new found enlightenment, Chuck goes to spread the word to his friend, Dave.

Chuck: "Hey Dave! I just learned this cool new thing called logic!"
Dave: "Woah, what's that?"
Chuck: "Well, do you have a weedwhacker?"
Dave: "No."
Chuck: "Then that must mean you're a !@#$%^-*!@!"

-A joke my Senior Army Instructor told me

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