How do I fix a broken heart?

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Do hook up with some girls though, if you dont you might get lonely and go back to her. We guys got needs.
Been in similar situations before... first off you need to drop all communication. The only thing communication with a girl like that will do is drag your feelings out. Honestly (if you were in love with the girl, not just loved her) the only thing that's gonna help is time, and communication at any point will make those feelings to come flooding back especially if she's the type of girl who likes to toy with your emotions or occasionally "test" you to see if you're still in love with her.

Don't date or hook up with someone out of spite or just to fill the void... talking to other girls helps a lot though. Keeping yourself busy and social is about the best thing you can do right now, do not allow yourself become a hermit over this. Create as many new memories as possible.

Also, do not let this ruin the things you both enjoyed/enjoyed together (movies, music, etc.)... break from those things until you're "ready" but don't let her ruin things like that for you forever.
it doesn't cost a dime to try something ;) ...

A simple example.
Someone argues with you, and they insult you. That makes you either angry or sad.. But what really happpened is, your vanity got wounded. If you can acknowledge that, and toss it out, left will be the person you already are untouched, unharmed :)


Basically, I think what you are trying to say reminds me of a famous quote:
No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.

(iirc, it's from Eleanor Roosevelt)
I recently went through the same thing. Although I haven't gone through as many troubling issues as you (which I'm sorry to hear about) but my grandfather recently passed away, the man who I had admired most in my life. Even before then I was a bit depressed with how my life was turning out, but she was there for me. We had spoken about "the rest of our life" stuff throughout our relationship and literally in the space of one day it was over. It was about a month ago and I still have been given no explanation as to what happened. I have spoken to a couple people about it and they all give different advice. But from what I've been going through no one can give you any kind of advice. You will think and feel how you naturally do regardless of any advice you are given.
Update:

Been about a week since I posted anything, family was going to take a trip to Tennessee and invited me to try to get my mind off the matters.

I hadn't had ANY communications with her the two days following up to when we left. When I got to the cabin we stayed at I got on Facebook and the second I logged on she messaged me. Now, before any of this I was doing better, stopped caring about if she was with another guy, etc and got better. So she sent some long message about how she loved me and she was so pissed off at me for making her dump me (yea I don't know) and how many sleepless nights she had in our relationship because of me. At that point I just told her I don't care, I was barely getting by with my life. She said she was sorry, that she loved me, I told her I didn't buy it at all and left.

Next day she talked to me again and I felt better so I decided to keep talking and it seemed my happiness was dropping when I was talking to her. Then she told me she wanted to be with me and make everything alright again and she actually got to me and I bought into it all again and was actually thinking about her and how we could make up when I got back from my little vacation.

Then the last night of my stay there she kept talking like it again, how she wanted to see me when I get back and she wanted to hold me and kiss me and such and such. So I figured my nightmare was over and I could get back to the real problems (my mom's health, going back to classes in a couple of weeks, etc) and at the end she just said "I wanna just tell you it's okay, I wanna sit you down and kiss you and tell you I love you. But I just wanna stay friends, and friends don't do that :/"

TL;DR : I fell for her again and I feel dumb for believing it all. I don't know why she is doing this to me but I've lost 20 pounds since the breakup and she just keeps playing puppet master with me.
This is terrible news; but if you're looking for an answer there are several possibilities:
- She's using you as a safety net for every time she fails a pursuit of a different guy.
- She's using you as a backup while she pursues other interests.
- She's just playing games with you; do you mind me asking how old she is? I would say that if she is still in high school then the game playing is more likely.

Regardless, it's back to square one - or Post #1, in this thread.

You will have to repeat the recovery process; way back from the responses in Post #1. If it helps, I want you to read this entire thread from beginning to end when you encounter these problems with her again, or rather: whenever you interact with her at all again.

Why? Because it'll show you how hard you are trying, and as the thread gets longer it will also be a visible gauge for how much of your own hard work and care you turn your face at and spit on for every time you fail to uphold your stance.

The alternative to not trying is to simply let her have her way with you. "Wait, WHAT!?". That's right, you heard (read) me correctly. This is because eventually you will simply get sick of the vicious cycle you subject yourself to, so much that you feel anger and resentment to the point you will simply say to yourself "I cannot put up with this anymore", you won't just say it... you'll feel very strongly about it too.

Pick any strategy you want, but there's something you have to definitely do, which is to answer these questions, but you don't have to post your answers in these forums:

- Does a friend intentionally pluck at your heart strings hoping to snap them?
- Does a friend manipulate you at your own expense?
- Does a friend give half-assed apologies after deliberately playing with your core feelings?
- Does a friend kick you while you are down?
- Does a friend consistently, knowingly, and deliberately, hurt you?

Friends aren't careless or heartless towards other friends, not even acquaintances or decent strangers you meet in everyday life will pull that kind of crap. If a stranger did any of these things to you, then it simply goes BEYOND rudeness.

She's no good to you, and hence no good for you.

If you respect yourself at all you will end it. Lots of people have gone through this, and honestly if shes treating you like !@#$ you need her out of your life before she does any more damage. You need to find a girl who will respect you and not take you for granted. Some girls run through guys emotions without eve realizing they are doing anything wrong. You need to be strong and not take crap from her. I've seen friends get used by girls, fortunatly im too much of an %^-*!@# and have an ego problem, but even I've been sh1tted on by that girl you think is special.

Unfortunaly these lessons are best learned through experience. Take what we say, but you will have to learn for yourself to really learn the lesson. Have some pride, and the friends thing doesn't work. I've tried the 'friends with ex's' thing, and it always leads to problems.

TL;DR tell her to $%^- off.
thats some !@#$ luck right there, up to you whether you go for round 2 or tell her to pi$$ off
Ok then.

1) Unfriend her from Facebook. !@#$ it, stop using Facebook for like a month.
2) Block her from your calls and texts.
3) Eat a ton of comfort food. Hot breakfasts (eggs, corn beef hash, hash browns, etc.) helps a lot for me.


I blocked her (so I pretty much can't see she exists on Facebook) and all her friends, family, etc that I might accidentally see when I'm on Facebook. I finally just put my phone in a lockbox so that there is no way she can contact me or any of her friends can contact me because they have. And I've been trying to eat a lot to gain weight but I get full in like 2 bites.

This is terrible news; but if you're looking for an answer there are several possibilities:
- She's using you as a safety net for every time she fails a pursuit of a different guy.
- She's using you as a backup while she pursues other interests.
- She's just playing games with you; do you mind me asking how old she is? I would say that if she is still in high school then the game playing is more likely.


Could be. Although she is very pretty she never had much luck with finding a guy she actually wanted to be with. I could see it as she doesn't want to end up as the crazy cat lady she is so afraid of becoming and would keep me here so she could use me for backup. We are both 19.

Regardless, it's back to square one - or Post #1, in this thread.

You will have to repeat the recovery process; way back from the responses in Post #1. If it helps, I want you to read this entire thread from beginning to end when you encounter these problems with her again, or rather: whenever you interact with her at all again.


Yea. I would like to thank everyone who has helped. I took all the good advice I could find here and it all helped a lot. I feel bad that it was all for nothing seeing as how I fell for her again but I can use it all again to get back on my feet.

The alternative to not trying is to simply let her have her way with you. "Wait, WHAT!?". That's right, you heard (read) me correctly. This is because eventually you will simply get sick of the vicious cycle you subject yourself to, so much that you feel anger and resentment to the point you will simply say to yourself "I cannot put up with this anymore", you won't just say it... you'll feel very strongly about it too.


I think that's what I went through lol. I finally just realized the girl I fell in absolute love with isn't who I thought she was. Even if we got back together I'd never see her as the sweet innocent girl who loved me but some !@#$% who is looking out for herself and that's it.

- Does a friend intentionally pluck at your heart strings hoping to snap them?
- Does a friend manipulate you at your own expense?
- Does a friend give half-assed apologies after deliberately playing with your core feelings?
- Does a friend kick you while you are down?
- Does a friend consistently, knowingly, and deliberately, hurt you?


We were friends about a year before we hooked up. And while I really wanted to try to be friends with her after this (I WANTED to, things have changed) all I can see is she will continue to use me until were either married miserably because she will try to get together if she can't find the person or she is married to someone and I probably won't enjoy that too much so yea.

If you respect yourself at all you will end it. Lots of people have gone through this, and honestly if shes treating you like !@#$ you need her out of your life before she does any more damage. You need to find a girl who will respect you and not take you for granted. Some girls run through guys emotions without eve realizing they are doing anything wrong. You need to be strong and not take crap from her. I've seen friends get used by girls, fortunatly im too much of an %^-*!@# and have an ego problem, but even I've been sh1tted on by that girl you think is special.


It's a good learning experience I suppose. I mean I've had a bunch of relationships before her but they were month long things that ended without much care. This just taught me not to put all my eggs in one basket and just think that a long, happy relationship with keep up and end well.

thats some !@#$ luck right there, up to you whether you go for round 2 or tell her to pi$$ off


She's not worth trying again. This has been the worst 2 weeks in my life and if we got back it would just happen again. Time to just move on and stop thinking about the good times with her because they didn't mean anything to her so can't beat myself up thinking about what would happen if I was still with her.

Again thanks all for everything. I apologies I fell for her again and kinda ruined the advice I took from you all. I just gotta not let her get to me again and I should make it through. <3
Again thanks all for everything. I apologies I fell for her again and kinda ruined the advice I took from you all. I just gotta not let her get to me again and I should make it through. <3


Remember that we're not mad at you; we're upset and we're sad WITH you - you're the one doing all the important work here and we know it's not easy, but we're here to offer our advice and support. It's just that, when your efforts fail it's also a bit like our personal efforts here to help you on the forums have failed as well.

Regardless, try again. We'll all be paying attention to how things turn out in this thread and in the real world.
Remember that we're not mad at you; we're upset and we're sad WITH you - you're the one doing all the important work here and we know it's not easy, but we're here to offer our advice and support. It's just that, when your efforts fail it's also a bit like our personal efforts here to help you on the forums have failed as well.

Regardless, try again. We'll all be paying attention to how things turn out in this thread and in the real world.


Thank you very much :) If something big happens I'll say it but things have died down since I ended contact with her. Hopefully it will stay this way.
I have to say, this thread has done a lot to renew my faith in humanity. It seems we can all sympathize with being dumped and then yanked around.

I just want to agree with everyone else and say you gotta stop talking to her. It ain't helping. But you know that.

Also, you sound like a great guy, and in truth, you wouldn't have ended up living happily ever after anyway. Just means there's someone better for you out there. As someone happily married for almost 18 years, I can say, it was worth all the hurt to end up with my man. I know it's tough now, but you'll be amazed how happy you will be someday!
You'll also learn to look out for what you don't want in a girl. Like I said the more mistakes you make the more you learn.
From the sound of it, she's either:

1. Playing mind games with you or
2. Unsure of whether or not she really wanted to break up.

Either way, cutting off all contact is the route to take. You don't need to be dragged around by someone who can't make up her mind and you definitely don't need to be chasing after a b--- playing games with you. You don't have to be mean about it but if she contacts you, tell her you're busy handling other problems (mom's health, etc) and whenever you have things straightened back out then maybe you two can work things out.
I have to say, this thread has done a lot to renew my faith in humanity. It seems we can all sympathize with being dumped and then yanked around.


It does help to know that I'm not the only person who has been crushed by someone they thought loved them.

I just want to agree with everyone else and say you gotta stop talking to her. It ain't helping. But you know that.

Also, you sound like a great guy, and in truth, you wouldn't have ended up living happily ever after anyway. Just means there's someone better for you out there. As someone happily married for almost 18 years, I can say, it was worth all the hurt to end up with my man. I know it's tough now, but you'll be amazed how happy you will be someday!


For me the hardest thing getting through this is I have never been so happy in my life then I was with her. It wasn't like I saw this coming, it all just hit me. I can't imagine being as happy with someone else and truthfully I'm not looking forward to dating because I don't want to fall in love with another girl just so she can tell me she doesn't want me. But I'll definitively take the advice of someone who has been with someone they have been in love with for 18 years instead of thinking that I'm never going to find anyone else :).

You'll also learn to look out for what you don't want in a girl. Like I said the more mistakes you make the more you learn.


True that

From the sound of it, she's either:

1. Playing mind games with you or
2. Unsure of whether or not she really wanted to break up.

Either way, cutting off all contact is the route to take. You don't need to be dragged around by someone who can't make up her mind and you definitely don't need to be chasing after a b--- playing games with you. You don't have to be mean about it but if she contacts you, tell her you're busy handling other problems (mom's health, etc) and whenever you have things straightened back out then maybe you two can work things out.


Her friend told me last night that she regretted breaking up. But I'm not dating someone who would make such a big decision and then tell me she didn't mean to make the decision. If she really loved me like she said she did she wouldn't have made such a big decision without at least trying to work things out. So forget her, she missed out (or at least I tell myself this). And I just ignore her attempts at trying to contact me that way she can't sucker me into talking if I say something back to her.

As a small update:

I picked up smoking which I know is stupid I do and I hate it but it actually makes me feel warm and happy for the first time in weeks. And I can always quit smoking later on, if I don't get better now emotionally then my weight will keep dropping and I need to at least not look like a skeleton to my mother, she has enough going on she doesn't need to know her son is losing it.

My ex tried to talk to me on Facebook (she has 2 accounts I forgot to block the other one) and for the first time I didn't respond to her and even though it's silly it felt like a win for me because if this was a week ago I would talk back to her and would usually end up crying over losing her that night (I never cry but this stuff just ruined me). So it feels like SLOWLY but steadily I'm moving on and she seems to be regretting it and she is getting worse.

Thank you all for your help :) it has meant a whole lot.
07/17/2012 07:00 PMPosted by Noservice
I picked up smoking which I know is stupid I do and I hate it but it actually makes me feel warm and happy for the first time in weeks. And I can always quit smoking later on,


Quit. Now.

Seriously, the longer you smoke, the harder it is to quit.

07/17/2012 07:00 PMPosted by Noservice
if I don't get better now emotionally then my weight will keep dropping and I need to at least not look like a skeleton to my mother, she has enough going on she doesn't need to know her son is losing it.


FYI, smoking is also an appetite suppressant.
Quit. Now.

Seriously, the longer you smoke, the harder it is to quit.


I know but I just feel somewhat good and I don't look so depressed when I see my mother. Once she's okay (I really don't want to consider the alternative to that) I'll quit.

FYI, smoking is also an appetite suppressant.


I know it is. But when I say my appetite goes down when I'm depressed, I mean I'm not hungry plus when I eat I get incredibly sick and either puke it up or feel too sick to eat after some time. At least with this I don't get sick and I eat more then I usually would.
Hi, Noservice! :)

I am proud of you for standing your ground and not letting her get to you. Remember to block that other account of hers as well. Depending on how things go, you might even have to block your ex's friends.

Why? Even though they weren't primarily responsible for the damage, they're not being considerate of your feelings if they can't see that your ex is simply using them to lower the quality of your day-to-day living.

Oh, and she DID miss out! She tied your heart to her with string under good/false pretenses and then decided to abuse that power by playing it like a puppet. You cut the strings and now it's time to run for it.

Regardless, you WILL find someone better - considering the way she's treated you, she hasn't set the bar very high for anyone else. I also know the statement I started this paragraph with is overused, but it's true. It's not something you can force or push through, it's more of a "I don't care, I'm just going to do my own thing" and then someone miraculously pops up out of nowhere and then things just click. It's awesome because A: you get to pursue your own goals, and B: you find someone, or rather, they seem to find you.

It might be because the act of standing and preserving your ground has benefits beyond initial damage control; it paints you as a stronger class of person. Whatever you do, do NOT cave in because that is the easiest and surest way of preventing yourself to finding someone better.

On a slightly different subject; I'm a little sad about the smoking. If possible, see if you could get on board a 'quitting' group because going back to cigarettes after a stressful period is not unheard of - they may have just the trick for you. I also know that in some parts, e.g: New Zealand, smokers can carry a certain sitgma which pretty much makes a lot of women instantly render someone as 'undatable' despite of their other qualities.

BUT: one thing at a time.
For now? Don't cave, it's the only way to finding someone better :)
07/17/2012 07:00 PMPosted by Noservice
It does help to know that I'm not the only person who has been crushed by someone they thought loved them.


The only people who would troll this are people who haven't been through it. It's something everyone has to deal with eventually.

07/17/2012 07:00 PMPosted by Noservice
For me the hardest thing getting through this is I have never been so happy in my life then I was with her. It wasn't like I saw this coming, it all just hit me. I can't imagine being as happy with someone else and truthfully I'm not looking forward to dating because I don't want to fall in love with another girl just so she can tell me she doesn't want me. But I'll definitively take the advice of someone who has been with someone they have been in love with for 18 years instead of thinking that I'm never going to find anyone else :).


Something I realized myself is that sometimes we are in love with the relationship more then the person. Being single and sleeping around gets old after a while, having someone is nice, and I can say that honestly and safely cause no one in my frat knows I play this game... Everyone feels the same way you do; "how can I meet another person like that" "that was a one in a million chance" but as time goes on you realize more and more things about her that make you geel better, until one day you will be glad it happened. Besides, imagine what dmg she could have done to you if she had done this later rather then sooner. I generally try to always find the positives in all of lifes misfortunes, its healthy.

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