If I may, I'll try and give you a story to save your character, Gabrades.
He was the heir to a mighty legion who's leader was assassinated before their great march for victory and subsequent dispersion. He entered sleep with the other Vrykul to... well whatever reason they all went to sleep, I haven't really read up on their lore too much.
With the reawakening of the others, Gabrades was brought back and entered the service of the Lich King, quickly demonstrating skill and power enough to earn him a place in Arthas' service as a Death Knight. But he retained his pride and was always watching for a chance to gain power to challenge the Death God and become the head of his Legion one more.
After the fall of Arthas he gained his full freedom of will and joined with the Ebon Blade knights. Through the Ebon Blade he was able to devote his strength to the Alliance and gain their trust with his power and skill. All of these actions have been a front, however, as he still seeks to regain his lost glory and power from thousands of years ago.
There ya go, simple and I tried to keep (in my opinion) the important stuff in. No clouds, no gorloc or wolvar involvement (which I'm not even sure were around when the Vrykul were awake) and you could possibly try some of that half-breed stuff if you were set on it somewhere.
This works much better. You should thank Kalipsia for offering this advice.
I still advise against the half-breed part, though. I cannot see the vrykul putting anything but a pure-blooded, full-sized vrykul to rest considering they went to sleep to keep themselves "pure" in the first place.
02/01/2013 11:53 AMPosted by AmoreneI still advise against the half-breed part, though. I cannot see the vrykul putting anything but a pure-blooded, full-sized vrykul to rest considering they went to sleep to keep themselves "pure" in the first place.
This. Vrykul are the cruelest when it comes to this, anything that doesn't look like them is considered weak. Which is why they killed of Humans as they were considered defects of the Vrykul.
The rest of it looks fine though.
Thanks Kalipsia, even though most of the hate (like Amorene and her giant list of questions) was coming from things I didn't mention but are actually there, I like your story a lot, and it seems it has even made it past Amorene and everyone else, so I think I'll use it.
Feb 3, 2013 -1
...Ok then please give us the full story cause I wanna hear the bull!@#$ you've come up with to somehow justify this piece of garbage you call a character and the "hate" you're getting is called LOGIC!
02/03/2013 08:35 AMPosted by GabradesThanks Kalipsia, even though most of the hate (like Amorene and her giant list of questions) was coming from things I didn't mention but are actually there
Raising questions about the flaws and shortcomings in your story-as-given due to stuff you have inexplicably decided to omit isn't "hate". The fact you equate valid criticism with senseless hate speaks poorly of both you and your story.
So please, go ahead and explain the backstory you've made for yourself... in full this time.