StarCraft® II

Zanon's PRP Bar (Part 30)

Continued from Zanon's PRP Bar (Part 29)
The code of conduct remains unchanged my friends, what I say goes, and the roaches in the back haven't been fed recently. (Please excuse me while I fix that)

Now to the important stuff...

Drink menu:

The Jingle Bell -- There's no candy involved, but you will definitely be needing a cane.

A Jim Raynor -- Cheap, harsh, and served up warm in a filthy glass.

A Tychus Findlay -- You’re not actually sure what it is, but you spilled a few drops and the counter is still smoking.

The Zeratul -- It isn’t served to you, instead it appears from the shadows. Then, when you try to drink it, you experience weird visions and the glass disappears.

Zergling “Special” -- “Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my rag-time gal…”

Firebat -- Burns goin’ down AND comin’ back up.

Psi-Storm -- Hits so hard you’ll remember what happened tomorrow, yesterday.

Grounds for Divorce -- Matt Horner was drinking these when he “won” a fateful card game.

What He’s Having -- Kachinsky always seems to be in here, so whatever he’s having must be pretty good.

Baneling Body Shot -- Are you sure this is a good idea? I’m not sure where to put the lime...

A Glass of Milk -- “Whaddya mean there aren’t any cows in Koprulu? Where’d this come from then?“

The Solar Shot -- For those looking for a good time. Flame-proof clothing recommended, cuz you’ll be shining brighter than the star of Typhon.

Korhalian BackStabber -- Good for the recently betrayed and left for dead.

The Jail Breaker -- new from the recently opened New Folsom Prison Bar.

The Bloody Medic -- kills the pain, but we still say you should have a doctor check that out.

Redstone Mixer -- expensive, but I can guarantee it’ll be served in a clean and sterilized glass. Careful, that lava’s hot.

The Broadcaster -- You’re not ready for the raw $ex appeal this sucker brings. A favorite of a certain ex-convict.

The Hellracer -- suspension of sobriety is an integral part of any drinking experience, but this experience requires suspension of sobriety and inhibitions.

The Maelstrom Shocker -- Only served here, a 40% bigger hit than standard Shockers, guaranteed.

Psionic Cooler -- yes, I know it feels weird. Don’t worry, the energy coming out of your body should wear off in a couple days

(insert generic letters to indicate gibberish) -- I don’t know what’s in it either, but that guy down there had one. He started screaming and thrashing for a while, and now he hasn’t gotten up off the floor in over an hour.

The Judicator -- Perfect for influencing the minds of the intoxicated.

Prismatic Void -- Gets better with every drink. Has been known to be lethal.

Mind Shredder: perfect for those wishing to forget everything and start a new life. For anyone not wishing to do this, this drink isn’t advised.

Scotty Bolgers old no. 8: the good stuff

Andorian Ale: Can’t tell you how I got this, its a trade secret.

Charge: Made using stim and several other ingredients. Side effects vary.

Mjolnir (Thor’s Hammer): If you really want to feel hammered, this is for you. Served with a side of hot lead.

Enlightenment: tell me when you get there.

Marine: may cause you to see the counter vanish

Feedback: served cold. All those annoying voices in your head start telling you what you did wrong today.

M.U.L.E.: Good buzz, but may cause a break down later.

Haven Splitter: you’ll either feel warm, safe, and content, or depressed, paranoid, and possibly like injecting yourself with random serums. 50/50 shot.

Ace Suicide: I don’t actually know what this does. Nor do I recommend it.

Alcoholic Projector: Ever wanted to know what you’re actually like when you get totally trashed? Take a few sips of this, and all the alcohol in your system will condense into a ‘party’ version of yourself, where you are completely wasted, have no inhibitions, and are just out for a ‘little’ fun. The more you’ve drunk beforehand, the better the projection. Have fun!

The HBRB: however crazy you think you are, this will make you worse. Yes, that includes you, namesake.

The Noodle Incident: we all know what happens when you take this. It needs no explanation.

Little bit of everything: Exactly what it says. I’ve taken everything I’ve got, mixed it together, and put in the laser accelerator for a few hours. There’s no telling what will happen.

Slicer: Has the unique property that it changes effect depending on the drinker's personality, amplifying any traits they have a good thousand times over. Buzzes in the back of your skull begin after three drinks, amplify slowly, and you randomly sprout wings after the 11th glass.

The Scoutmaster: May result in the drinkee feeling experiencing high levels of Trustworthiness, Loyalty, Helpfulness, Friendliness, Courtesy, Kindness, Obedience, Cheerfulness, Thriftiness, Bravery, Cleanliness, and Reverence. Not Recommended for parties.

Mar Sara Black: need a pick me up, or something for radiation poisoning? Or jut something to get a good buzz going that doesn’t break down? Then say good night, because we won’t be seeing you until the morning. If you wake up.

The Smylez: This beverage is delicious, trust me. Drinking it will have absolutely no harmful effects on you (please ignore the green smoke), and your liver and kidneys will not be damaged in the least. Seriously.

The Nukester Supreme- Don't mind the green, glowing mist coming out of the straw. Very sharp and stinging taste, very critical repercussions. Comes with a complimentary led cup.

The Lightyear- This drink will take you the distance

Justice Juice- Definitely not recommended for people with a... questionable history

Drink accessories:

pylon shards (for those that need that extra crunchy glitter)

hydralisk spine umbrella (not for the more bubbly drinks)

Mentos: you’ve seen that experiment with Coke? Wait till you see what happens with this stuff.

Pylon Powered Jellybeans- A classic now made available to the public. The extra energy may make you a little skiddish.

Laser accelerator: Heh heh, you think you’ve had it all? Time for a little ‘randomosity’. Maximum time of one week.

The menu will updated every so often, so check back to see if there is anything new you might like to try. There are only two rules here. Firstly: If anyone starts a bar fight I will either:

1) throw you into the pen of Roaches I keep in the back. I feed them regularly, but you know how voracious Zerg are

2) personally blow your head off, and use your dead body to make new drinks

and 2: what happens in the bar, stays in the bar.

So come. Drink. Enjoy. Chat with friends. Make new ones. Pick up a date [or a one night stand ;) ]. Drown your sorrows. Complain about your life. For those of the literary bent, use this opportunity to get the creative juices [among other things] flowing.

As long as you pay your tab, and don’t break anything, I really don’t care what you do. And the best part is: no hangovers!
Edited by Zanon on 2/18/2014 8:27 PM PST
---Reserved for Bar History & Events---

Thundercrash starts it. (Thundercrash PRP bar)

I take it over. (Zanon's PRP Bar, parts 1-4)

Thundercrash takes it back. (Thundercrash Bar Dimension)

I take it back (Zanon's PRP Bar, parts 5-7)

I leave for a few days, and will it to Draconus (The New Bar, Parts 1-2)

Smylez hijacks the new bar. (Chaos)

Zanon's PRP Bar (Parts 8-15)

Thunder's and Zanon's PRP Bar (Parts 1-5)

The Dime and Spectre: KnarledOne's PRP Inn

Zanon's PRP Bar (Part 16-26)

KnarledOne's PRP Bar

Zanon's PRP Bar (Part 27-28)

Zanon's PRP Bar (Part 29) - Note: Started and run by KnarledOne

Zanon's PRP Bar (Part 30) - Note: Zanon is back... Again.

-Events-
Heaven becomes Agravain.
Zarkun begins prepping a RP called Purity of Heart.
Auxiliatrix begins prepping a RP called the Genesis Project.
Valentines day fast approaches.
The Desolation of Smaug comes out and is [Fixed] NOT A a huge disappointment.
The Hunger Games: Catching Fire manages to stay reasonably true to the book.
A new holiday drink is added to the menu.

----TELL ME IF YOU WANT SOMETHING ADDED TO THE MENU----
Edited by Zanon on 2/9/2014 8:34 PM PST
FIIIIIIIIIIIIIRST!

Oh, Jester: glad to see you're interested.

WHICH REMINDS ME!

I need to get SF and Warhawk moving. They're probably silently seething about me forgetting them completely.
Edited by KnarledOne on 2/10/2014 3:16 PM PST
"I agree with Jester." I feign hurt and surprise as Knarled turns to look at my figure, quickly hiding a knife behind my back. "Me? Seethe about you forgetting? I would never. It offends me you would ever think that!"
Animus.... I have reviewed your post have realized something... I am in error.
But you are in trouble.

You indeed fired 12 times.

Unfortunately that means you have taken 12 standard actions. I also get to act in this time.
The MATHZ work out something like this:

For starters,
We will assume we both have the HP of heroic units. For an Immortal that comes out to 240 Shields and 240 health.

We will assign Zanon 200 health (much less than SC2 heros like Nova and Tosh have) and 200 Points of Temporary Psionic Shielding.

!!!---Surprise round---!!!
Animus does 20 damage to Zanon

---Initave---
-Zanon then Animus-
Zanon uses Summon Epic Ally. => Aiur's Kitchen.
Animus does 20 damage to Zanon

Free action to offer cease fire.

---End Round 1---

Zanon looses an action while waiting for a response.
Animus does 20 damage to Zanon.

---End Round 2---

Zanon switches out Revolver Munitions to EMP rounds.
BanHammer rounds will not be used in the interests of fair play.
*Zanon's Revolver looses the BanHammer special rule*
*Zanon's Revolver gains the Shield breaker special rule*
Adjusting munitions is a full round action.
Aiur's Kitchen Comes to full combat readiness.
Animus does 20 damage to Zanon.

---End Round 3---

Zanon fires a EMP round. 100 shield damage to Animus.
The Aiur's Kitchen fires 5 ATG lazors
(due to insane ROF) and does a grand total of: 8x5=40 this turn
Animus does 20 damage to Zanon.

---End Round 4---


Results:
Zanon has taken 100 Damage to shields.
Animus has taken 140 Damage to shields.


Since I do want to be fair, I will allow you to change you plan for the next 8 turns instead of choosing the 20 damage per round rout... Since that obviously isn't going to work in the long run.

Edit made: Miscalculated damage to self. Fixed to include surprise round damage.
Edited by Zanon on 2/10/2014 5:04 PM PST
02/10/2014 05:02 PMPosted by Zanon
You indeed fired 12 times.


FACT.

02/10/2014 05:02 PMPosted by Zanon
Unfortunately that means you have taken 12 standard actions. I also get to act in this time.


FALSE. I FIRE 12 TIMES IN 1 STANDARD TURN. YOUR HONEYED WORDS MAY WORK AGAINST THESE FOOLS BUT AGAINST THE ABSOLUTE DEFENDER OF LIBERTY, IT DOES NOTHING.

02/10/2014 05:02 PMPosted by Zanon
We will assume we both have the HP of heroic units. For an Immortal that comes out to 240 Shields and 240 health.

We will assign Zanon 200 health (much less than SC2 heros like Nova and Tosh have) and 200 Points of Temporary Psionic Shielding.


THIS IS YOUR ONLY TRUTH.

AS YOUR PREMISE IS FALSE, WHAT YOU HAD HOPED TO HAPPEN DID NOT IN FACT OCCUR. YOUR DICTATORIAL POWER TO REWRITE THE PAST MAY WORK AGAINST LESSER BEINGS BUT NOT I! IN FACT, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED:

!!!---Surprise round---!!!
Animus does 312 damage to Zanon

---Initave---
-Zanon then Animus-
Zanon uses Summon Epic Ally. => Aiur's Kitchen.
Animus does 312 damage to Zanon

ZANON IS IN THE NEGATIVE HEALTH VALUE BUT SAVED BY PLOT ARMOR. HE IS INCAPACITATED.

Free action to offer cease fire.

---End Round 1---

Zanon looses an action while waiting for a response.

HIBERNATION MODE DEACTIVATED, YOUR THREAT MEANS NOTHING TO ME

ANIMUS IS ONLINE. ALL SYSTEMS NOMINAL. WEAPONS HOT. MISSION: THE DESTRUCTION OF ANY AND ALL DICTATORS.

OBSTRUCTION DETECTED, COMPOSITION: TITANIUM ALLOY SUPPLEMENTED BY DUAL LAYER SHIELDING. ADVANCED A.I HIDDEN WITHIN. PROBABILITY OF MISSION HINDRANCE: ZERO PERCENT.

OMEGA ALPHA GAMMA PROTOCOL INITIATED.

ALL YOUR AIUR'S KITCHEN ARE BELONG TO ME.


Animus deals 312 damage to Zanon. He is atomized.

---End Round 2---

ZANON'S ATOMS IS TELEPORTED BY DISCORD SOMEWHERE INSIDE AIUR'S KITCHEN

(Animus teleports somewhere inside the Aiur's Kitchen)

DICTATOR ZANON WILL FALL! THE BAR WILL FALL!

ALL HAIL LIBERTY!

---End Round 3---

Animus begins rampaging the interiors will dual phase disruptors


RESULTS:
312X3=936 DAMAGE TO ZANON OVERKILL FATALITY BRUTALITY
0 DAMAGE TO ANIMUS

I AM IMMORTAL!
Edited by Animus on 2/10/2014 6:08 PM PST
I start swinging a liver around. "Animus! You want it? You want it?" I keep swinging it until I get his attention. Upon doing so I hurl the liver over into a hospital. "GO GET IT!"
Um.
02/10/2014 06:25 PMPosted by ShadowFury
I start swinging a liver around. "Animus! You want it? You want it?" I keep swinging it until I get his attention. Upon doing so I hurl the liver over into a hospital. "GO GET IT!"


YOUR DISTRACTIONS WILL NOT IMPEDE THE GREAT PROGRESS THAT IS DEMOCRACY.
Can we maybe vote on this whole democracy thing?
"Wait... If you wish democracy, then we are enemies... ANARCHY SHALL REIGN!" Out of no where I appear in the get up of a Dark Templar, either one of my arms blaring with Void Energy. A pose is struck with me glaring forward in an attack stance and a picture of Animus' Immortal body leaning forward, Phase Cannons charged. A lightning bolt pattern scrawls across the middle of everyone's vision with a red cursive VS a top of it. "FOR THE SAKE OF CHAOS!" The cry coming from me, without any movement of my face or flashing of my eyes, frozen in the stance until the line and VS fade away, as well as the portrait. I begin charging, flailing my arms wildly as the green void energy begins tearing apart at the bar.
02/10/2014 06:30 PMPosted by KnarledOne
Can we maybe vote on this whole democracy thing?


SO LONG AS THIS DESPOT EXISTS, DEMOCRACY WILL ALWAYS BE IN DANGER. MY MISSION WILL NOT STOP UNTIL I WIPE OUT EVERYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH ZANON.
02/10/2014 06:28 PMPosted by Animus
YOUR DISTRACTIONS WILL NOT IMPEDE THE GREAT PROGRESS THAT IS DEMOCRACY.

What this democracy BS? This is JoeyRay's bar, run by the benevolent iron fist of glorious dictator, Emperor Zanon.
02/10/2014 06:33 PMPosted by ShadowFury
tearing apart at the bar.


02/10/2014 06:04 PMPosted by Animus
Animus teleports somewhere inside the Aiur's Kitchen


02/10/2014 06:35 PMPosted by Warhawk
What this democracy BS? This is JoeyRay's bar, run by the benevolent iron fist of glorious dictator, Emperor Zanon.


WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN LIVING UNDER WAS A LIE.
I look up from my drink, a hand tapping the hilt on my revolver thoughtfully. "If I shoot him, do you think it would even the odds?"
No, no, no; the CAKE is a lie. Nothing more, nothing less.
"Well, chaos DOES in fact require at least a bit of collateral damage!" I say happily and pick up Warhawk. I charge him up with Void energy and throw him at high speeds towards Aiur's Kitchen. After seeing the body of the man I just threw keep gliding after a series of explosions and blunt impacts I curse. "Damn it, I missed!" I look around at the confused patrons. My eyes gleam. "WHO'S NEXT!?!"
02/10/2014 06:38 PMPosted by Warhawk
No, no, no; the CAKE is a lie. Nothing more, nothing less.


I FIND YOUR TASTE IN USING OUTDATED MEMES TO BE QUITE SAD. THIS IS WHAT DICTATORSHIP DOES TO YOU. BATHE IN THE GLORIOUS SEA THAT IS DEMOCRACY AND BE REBORN A BETTER AND MORE INTELLIGENT BEING.
I still think we should vote on this.
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