StarCraft® II

Ask Kerrigan: Advice from the Queen of Blades

Posts: 41
This is so full of win.

Posts: 121
Dear Over-Goddess Kerrigan:

As a speedling who is devoutly loyal to you... I ask that you manage to find a way to make my armor just a bit better. I am no good to you if I am dead before I reach the line.

But, if you do not wish to do that, I would really like to be upgraded to a big volatile ball of acid, and go spit in Jim Raynor's shoes for you. He has no right to try to change you from the glorious biological queen you are!

Love,
Zergling #7,865,234
Posts: 100
Dear Kerrigan,

I may be a little green, probably don't even belong in Silver League, but I still enjoy taking the Protoss race out into the sector and fighting other commanders, but my favorite sport is against the Zerg, and I can never seem to find other Zerg commanders to engage in battle. Must I resort to the templar's simulation program with artificial intelligence? When can I expect to see more Zerg commanders and fewer Terran commanders?

(I would say Adun Toridas, but you're kinda a sworn enemy),
For the Firstborn
Posts: 267
How can you work to be a dragoon? Their fallen warriors, do you just work to die faster?
Posts: 30
A House Apart

Dear Kerrigan,

I've been living a relatively humble life on Shakuras for the past several hundred years with my loving wife and children. I have a fairly stable career as a Dark Templar (where my main responsibilities are communing with the Void and sweeping up the sand everyone tracks into our Temple) and up until recently I lived a very happy life.

A couple weeks ago I found out that I had a long lost cousin (on my mother's side, twice removed) that was a refugee from Aiur. He has nowhere else to go, no other living family to speak of, and somehow found me and came to me in a fit of desperation.

Now, both myself and my family are Nerazim. It's the way we were raised and it's the upbringing we grew up around. My cousin, on the other hand, is a very fervent and devout Khalai, himself training as a High Templar within the Templar Caste before Aiur's Fall. I take no issue with his own beliefs, but I can't help but notice his outright unease and utter contempt of my family and I's beliefs and communion with the Void. I know he tries to hide it the best he can, but his attitude of superiority and xenophobia to our conflicting belief system is quickly making my home a hostile and uncomfortable environment.

I've grown to love my cousin as the family he is, but I'm at my wit's end. I know he has nowhere else to go and no one else to turn to, but his attitude is outright uncalled for, especially when my wife and I are trying to raise our little ones. What should I do? Should I sit down and talk with my cousin and try to get him to be more accepting, or should I kick him back onto the streets if the hostility continues?

With respect,
~Void Seeker
Posts: 20
Haha, awesome post is awesome!
Posts: 1,138
Dear My Beloved Leader,

I represent the Zerg Employees for Rampaging Ground Limb-from-limb Assault Group (Z.E.R.G.L.A.N.G.). We are outraged by the lack of benefits provided in this employment and are now on strike until we get our demands. We wish dental, claw, general health, and car benefits. If you do not comply within 6 weeks, you will have to get your 6-pool elsewhere.

Sincerely,
Alphaling


Maybe you should check in with the Garm brood and see how things worked out the last time somebody tried this.
Posts: 7
Dear Kerrigan,

I'm so glad you started this thread answering our many questions, let me just say this now...I am a HUGE fan of yours. I heard that the UNN is giving you your own morning news show along with Donny (Good Morning Koprulu Sector)..and im just so ecstatic that I will be able to watch you two throw back hilarious banter at one another...giving away iPistols, and new Vulture models to the studio audience..OH its going to be so fun..congrats really you deserve it.

Anyway, Im a medic in the Terran Marines and honestly off the field i do a lot of charity work for Zergling Rehabilitation Clinics. Our main goal is to not kill off zerg, but to rehabilitate them into pets...er..companions for the many terran Dominion families who have loving open homes.

Currently..Zerglings are banned from local parks but we are working hard to get that reversed. Unfortunitly...due to the fact that dogs...and their owners have been devoured in the past...its going to be a hard battle to win. We may have to even revert to having them de-clawed..just a shame.

Since you have so much experience in winning battles, I was wondering if you would be willing to help our efforts in getting every abandoned zergling into a loving home by appearing in one of our 30 second commercial spots that we will air, showing a poor, starving, abused, zergling that can be adopted and helped by a simple communicator mineral swap. Just 50 minerals feeds 50 zerglings for a day, or will feed a single zergling for a year. Please Kerrigan, help our cause.

P.S. how do you do your hair? my BF likes roleplay.....

sincerely,
Medic Pattie.
Posts: 5
Dear Kerrigan,

Why are you so different in Starcraft II than in the original? What happened to your sassy sarcasm, evil wit, and long monologues? Though it might not have seemed so at the time, I was actually quite amused and pleased when you tricked me into killing Terrans by enslaving my spiritual leader and making her tell me to do it.

Yours truly,
Zeratul.



lol, agree.
Posts: 1,138
Dear Kerrigan,

I may be a little green, probably don't even belong in Silver League, but I still enjoy taking the Protoss race out into the sector and fighting other commanders, but my favorite sport is against the Zerg, and I can never seem to find other Zerg commanders to engage in battle. Must I resort to the templar's simulation program with artificial intelligence? When can I expect to see more Zerg commanders and fewer Terran commanders?

(I would say Adun Toridas, but you're kinda a sworn enemy),
For the Firstborn


Many Protoss yearn to have the gift of banelings bestowed upon their probe lines, and yet rarely find them forthcoming. Now is a time for introspection, Protoss. Rest assured, the Swarm has plans for you, but we are withholding our treasures because you have been naughty children.

The Swarm is disgusted with your proxy-gating and your photon cannon rushes. We are filled with contempt at your masses of Void Rays. Soon, the Roach will be buffed and the Void will be nerfed, and on that day, we will come to assimilate you.

Until that day comes, however, you must be content to run a build order in which you tech for Stalkers, on the rare occasions the Swarm graces you with it's presence, you shall wonder why you lose to zerglings.

Warm regards,
Kerrigan
Edited by Crawford on 8/2/2010 10:49 PM PDT
Posts: 50
Dear Kerrigan,

You have been an inspiration for me and my men over the past four years. Your ruthless tactics and love of explosions has brought my troops leaps and bounds past the regular soldiers of the Dominion, one tactical nuke at a time. However, for the past few weeks, I have been disillusioned. I have recently found out that our supposedly benevolent emperor, Arcturus Mengsk seized power for his own desires and subsequently killed thousands of civilians by bringing the Zerg to Tarsonis.

My opinion of being an officer of the Dominion has shrunk exponentially. Please, is there a way for me and my troops to find joy in combat, for a leader we can believe in?

Yours,
Sheoth "The Madgod" Eizothrope, Commander of the 106th "Nukin' Kittens" Special Forces
Posts: 415
Dear Kerrigan

This is a formal complaint from the Hydralisk union of the swarm. Recently our position has been moved from T1 to T2 and now we require more minerals and gas to be created.
We find this an unacceptable change and request to trade places with the Roaches and help our Zergling friends early on in a battle.

Your truly,
Hydralisk representative.
Posts: 8
omg i %%@%ing LOVE this thread rofl
Posts: 328
Dearest Kerrigan,

I am an Ultralisk in the 2,358,947th Zerg Heavy Siege and Baked Goods division. I write you for two reasons. The first is that despite my evolution to a higher place on the tech tree, along with my Ultralisk bretheren, we have yet to evolve legs that can hold our massive bodies up higher than the height of, say, a Zergling, making it impossible for us to step over those pesky little buggers. Might there be some directed leg enhancement in our future? And also, I've recently concocted a variant of cookie with both bacon bits and chocolate chips, and it's going over very well among the others here. Would you care to have a batch sent your way? No no, this is not a bribe, it's just an expression of our undying love for you.

Yours from the bakery
Ovenlisk
Posts: 121
Dear Garylisk of the Ultralisk division,

We of the Z.E.R.G.L.A.N.G would greatly appreciate large donations of these cookies you have made.

Bacon and chocolate seem like the perfect salve for our poor aching joints. Running so quickly does horrendous damage to our ankle joints.
Posts: 312
Dear Kerrigan:
I think I am beginning to feel depressed. I am getting very old, and as a High Templar it is critical that my mental health be in tip-top condition for use of my psionic abilities. I just don't take the same pleasure I used to in psi-storming a boil of zerglings into a pulp or incinerating a ghost with feedback. I feel like all of the joy I used to take in my work has vanished, and has been replaced by bored tedium and monotony. I have recently considered ending it all with a self-feedback at full energy while my shields are down. I haven't ruled it out yet. Do you think this is wise?

Desperately,
High Templar Shaidarharan
Posts: 267
WELL BUTTER MY BISCUIT

I be postin in an epic thread, rat bam dingo.
Posts: 140
This thread is full of win.
This topic has reached its post limit. You may no longer post or reply to posts for this topic.

Please report any Code of Conduct violations, including:

Threats of violence. We take these seriously and will alert the proper authorities.

Posts containing personal information about other players. This includes physical addresses, e-mail addresses, phone numbers, and inappropriate photos and/or videos.

Harassing or discriminatory language. This will not be tolerated.

Forums Code of Conduct

Report Post # written by

Reason
Explain (256 characters max)
Submit Cancel

Reported!

[Close]