StarCraft® II

Starcraft The Yugioh Abridged Story

Hooray for Stracftilazations!


Raynor: Hey Tychus, EARTH TO TYCHUS!! Are you in there? The Quene's done!
Tychus: Sorry Jim, doing this fake deep voice makes it hard to focus on strategy games.
Tosh: Yea man, mah voice is pretty crazy too. I be thinkin bout changin it.
Raynor: BTW mah BF has a super awesome strat!
Tosh: GrOoOvY
Valerian: Super Strat? That sounds vague enough to be the invisible protiss sni-....
And since im a guy in charge of a huge science company, i obviously have nothing better to do with my time.
Raynor: Hey zeratul? Can we try your super awesome idra rage inducing super strat?
Zeratul: I dont see why not! Here's The build order- To make the INVISIBLE PROTISS SNI-!!!
Tychus: Thats the most cheesey strat name i've ever heard. What bronzie would try a strat as dumb as that?
Valerian: IM HERE FOR YOUR BO OLD MAN AND I WONT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER!!! Now give it to me...
Zeratul: No.
Valerian: Drat, foiled again. Im gonna go hire sum hybrids to kidnap you now. Im rich so no one will suspect me!
Zeratul: That Valerian kid needs to get laid!
Tychus: Big Time!

Later At Night!!

Raynor: Hello? Hax shop!
Valerian: I kidnapped your best friend raynor, then i played him into submission. Could ya make a medivac and fly it over here for him? I have far to much money to do it myself!
Raynor: Wait who is this?

At some random place

Raynor: ZERATUL!!! Are you ok?
Zeratul: For some reason playing a strategy game has left me severly injured!
Valerian: Thats right... Now watch this! *deletes the invisible protiss sni*
Raynor: ZERATULS SUPER AWESOME HAXORZ CHEESE NOOB BRONZE GOLD STRAT!!!
Tychus: Why the hell did you do that?
Valerian: So that it could never be used against me!
Raynor: IN THAT CASE WHY DONT YOU JUST DELETE THE GAME!!
Valerian: Shutupandplayme!
Raynor: Dont worry zeratul, ill win this game with your cheese!
Zeratul: Wait a minute! I've been severely injured so your gonna steal my strats and go play games with your arch rival?
Raynor: Pretty much...
Zeratul: NO WONDER YOUR PARENTS ARE NEVER AROUND!!!
Ariel: Gather round everyone and ill inject us with a special DNA!
Tychus: Uhhh ariel aint this zerg dna?
Ariel:Oops...
Tychus:Why are you even carrying that thing around in the first place?
Ariel: I'm a cleptomaniac i stle it from the lab!
Tosh: Where be mah wallet?
Ariel: VALERIAN TOOK IT!
Raynor(In marine suit): ITS TIME TO PLAY!
Valerian: Wait did your outfit just change in the last 5 seconds or something? What the heck happened to your clothes?
Raynor(in teh suit): HOLY HYBRID! REAL UNITS!
Velerian: Actually thier just advanced holograms created for the sole purpose of enriching the experience of a korean strategy game.
Raynor(guess what!): You've got to be !@#$ing kidding me! Who wastes all their time on something like that?
Valerian: THE GUY WHOSE ABOUT TO WHOOP YOUR %^- WITH 3 MOTHERSHIPS THATS WHO!!!
Raynor(ugh): Three motherships? THATS AGAINST THE RULEZ ISN'T IT!!
Valerian: SCREW THE RULES MY FATHERS A DICTATOR!!!
Now build your last pathetic unit raynor so i can finish you!
Raynor(O3o): ZERATULS BUILDS HAVE NO PATHETIC UNITS VALERIAN!!! Except maybe the reaper... but it also has THIS!!! THE UNSTOPPABLE LEVIATHEN!!
Valerian: WHAT!! LEVIATHEN IT's NOT POSSIBLE!!! NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN ABLE TO SUMMON HIM!!!
Raynor(luls):Because it costs so much?
Valerian: NO BECAUSE THE GAMES UNBALANCED AS IT IS!!!
Raynor(i):LEVIATHAN!!! A-MOVE!!!
Pylo: BIG BROTHER!!! Is it time for my cameo yet?
Valerian: How... how could you build the leviathan....
Raynor(8): Valerian... if you really wish to know... TALK TO THE C-14 GUASS RIFLE!!!!
Valerian: AHH

Credit to :littlekuriboh

On a scale of 1-10 how much does it fail? Should i continue?
Edited by DoomerX on 7/25/2011 4:35 PM PDT
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O-o
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o-O
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LOL. how many YGOTAS fans are there here in the SC forums?

screw the rules cuz i have MONEY!!
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Glad to see someone appreciates it. I'll just make part 2 cuz no one has told me PLZ FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP THIS FAIL THREAD TROLLFACE.jpg
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Tassadar(sc1): I say raynor, can i play too?
Raynor: Sorry tassadar terrens only!
Tychus: Playing strategy game is so much better then thinking, now all i have to do is devise a plan to counter your build... uhh how do i do that again?
Ariel: It's official, your an idiot.
Tosh: I be lovin you, you be lovin me, we be a happy faaamilyyy!

Later

Tychus: Tosh's song taught me a valuable lesson i gotta be a better player, you gotta help me out here jim!
Raynor: Let me see a replay, oh man! He's even a better player then me, a good use for battlecruisers? I just gotta know it! Geez Tychus your terrible! Tell you what i'll get rid of these strats and Zeratul will teach you some super special awesome ones.

At the hax shop...

Zeratul: Ohhh magic ball mutas, no one must never know of our forbidden love.
Tychus: Hey Zeratul! How about training me to be starcraft champ over here?
Zeratul: Very well, but it will require hours of rigorous of off screen practice!
Tychus: I don't even get a training montage?
Zeratul: Who do you think you are? Rocky Balboa?

Somewhere in Korea...

Queen: WELCOM TO THE REGIONAL CHAMPIONSSSSSSSSSSHP!! WHERE THE EXPANSSSSIONSSSS CHARACTERSSSSSSSSSSS ARE HAVING A MEANINGLESSSSSSSS GAME!!! I CANT BELIEVE DOOMERX IS CONTINUEING THISSSS SERIESSS FOLKSSSS!!!
Tychus: Man, I love the korean channel!
Raynor: It's almost as cool as the World of Warcraft Channel!
Zeratul: There's a package here for you Raynor. You better not have been using my credit card to purchase plushie banelings again.
Raynor: It's from Dominion HQ. They must have heard about my victory over Valerian.
Tychus: Yea those strategy games are big news. It completely overshadowed the fact he kidnapped and hospitalized Zeratul.
Za'Gara: Hey Abatur, check it out, my ultralisks horny...
Abathur: yea hhehehe, yea hehehe
Za'gara: It'sss like, 10 minute mark, or something...
Abathur: Bugs are cool, hehehe...
Za'gara: I'll like, attack, or ssssssomething...
Abathur: I have burrowed banelings butt munch, hehehe
Za'gara:...no way...
Abathur: BURST BURST YEA heheheh...
Za'gara: This sucks! Im gonna go and like, inject some hatches...
Queen: LADIESSSS AND GENTLEMEN! ARCTURUS MENGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSK!!!!
Mengsk: Congratulations Abathur heres your trophy... Now allow me to render your victory utterly pointless by announcing a faaar more interesting contest with a much grander title up for grabs.
Abathur: hehehe i'll infest him hehehe...
Raynor: Hey there's a video in the package...
Zeratul: I hope it's not one of those cursed videotapes that are all the rage these days.
On the Tv
Mengsk: Seeeeven daaaays.
Zeratul: OH SNAP I WAS RIGHT!!
Mengsk: Thats right Raynor, there are only seven days 'till gsl. And in order to get you to enter i'm going to force you to play a shadow game. If you win in 15 minutes i'll release your friends.
Raynor(In suit): Thats fine by me Arcturus, I'll beat you with the strats i stole from-... i mean the strats Tychus taught me.
Mengsk: You wont beat anyone with that DT rush.
Raynor(IS): YOU CAN SEE MY BASE!
Mengsk: I do play terren don't I? And i can see we both have much in common!
Raynor(IS): Whats that supposed to mean?
Mengsk: Isn't it obvious?
Raynor(IS): Look pal, just because I started a rebellion doesn't mean-
Mengsk: Oh come now Raynor don't be vulgar, i'm talking about our Xel'naga artifacts.
What would you say if I didn't actually create Starcraft?
Raynor(__-): Well you didn't.
Mengsk: It's actually based on battles held by powerful aliens centuries ago!
Raynor(-__): What you talkin bout Mengsk?
Mengsk: These aliens battled with REAL ships and REAL units. So as you can imagine it was a great deal more exciting then the watered down product i created.
Raynor: Wait a minute! Your just using this monologue to hax the game!
Mengsk: Well it worked didn't it?
Raynor(): Your a hacker!
Mengsk: No, my strategy was only-
Raynor: HEY EVERYONE! MENGSK IS A BIG STINKY HACKER!!
Mengsk: That's the way it's gonna be? Lets see how Zeratul manages, without his soul!
Zeratul: Raaaaynorr, I bring tidiiings of doooom!
Raynor: ZERATUL!! ZERATUUUUUL!!!!
Tychus: Hey jimmy, down in front!
Tosh: Yea man, we be watchin that!

Credit to: LittleKuriboh
Edited by DoomerX on 7/26/2011 11:27 AM PDT
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I laughed! it's pretty good! Keep it up.
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On a random roof...

Raynor: Well, Zeratul's a senile vegetable... and now thanks to Mengsk he's lost his sould to. I just gotta save him! But first i should figure out how to get down from here...

In Raynor's house...

Tychus: Hey it's another video. I wonder if Mengsk wants my soul to... oh wait...
HOTSKerrigan: Whats up big brother.
Tychus:It's my sister who-... wait your my sister? How is that even possible?
HOTSKerrigan: DoomerX fails at continuity.
Tychus: What? And how could you answer my question if your on a video tape?
HOTSKerrigan: ... remember whos writing this.
Tychus: Oh right...
HOTSKerri: The doctors have been working on an explanation to cover up DoomerX's idiocy so they neglected to treat my infestation, so im doing a total 360 from the last games ending. Well, cya later! Or not...
Tychus: I guess my soul isnt good enough for men-... oh wait...

On the Hyperion...

Raynor: I've decided to accept Mengsk's invitation and travel to Korhal where i'll be completely at his mercy. It's a shame evil dictators are immune from the law. Otherwise we could just call the police!
Tychus: Well you know what they say, Money is the root of all ev-
Tosh: Hey look man, the tournaments prize be 3 million dollars!
Tychus: CHA-CHING! GSL here I come!

Later...

Raynor: Hey tychus remember when we became friends?

FlashBack...

Raynor: GIVE ME BACK MY VULTURE BIKE YOU BIG *@@#WEEDS!! WAAAAA!!
Tosh/Tychus: Were tormenting you!

Raynor:Actually Tychus i was talking about the part after that.
Tychus: Oh... Yea i remember!

Raynor: I MEAN IT GUYS GIVE IT BACK!!
Tosh/Tychus: Were still tormenting youuuu!

Raynor: No I mean that time you went to prison for me.
Tychus: Huh... no i don't remember that...
Raynor: But you saved me and stuff...
Tychus: Hey jim, remember when me an Tosh took your vulture?

Raynor: WAHAHAHAHAH!!
Tosh/Tychus: TOOORMENT!!

Raynor: Remind me why were friends again...

At a dock...

Nyon(Tal'darim Guy): Attention players,The Xel'Naga are telling me its now time for you to board. Anybody without a cliched attitude will NOT be permitted to GSL.
Tychus: Hey! But my voice is so Deep and badass!
NyonThug: Sorry sir but you need to constantly spout Duke Nukem quotes for that to work.
Raynor: He's with me, or should i say " It's time to kick this revelution, into OVERDRIVE!!".
NyonThug: Wow... thats cliched enough for two people.
Ariel: C'mon Tosh, lets sneak aboard like solid snake!
Tosh: Aint taht another game mon?

On the bridge...

Nova: Is that a Psi blade in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?
Tychus: Check it out Jim, a pair of breasts attached to a ghost. Booobies!!
Nova: I'll crush you when we get to the island.
Tychus: With your boobies, right?

Tosh: What be wrong mon?
Ariel:I need to use the bathroom.
Tosh: In another few hours the sun be rising.
Ariel: WTF DOES THAT MEAN!! Hey isn't that Tassadar?
Tosh: Tassadar? That weird protoss guy?
Ariel: Whats he doing here?
Tosh: Who cares? He's not even a terren!

Deck...

Abathur: Hey Raynor hehehheh... give me your strats...hheheh....
Raynor: Well, your clearly evil. But i see no reason to trust you.
Abathur: SAY GOODBYE TO LEVIATHAN hehehehehedeletehehehehe
Raynor: HOLY COW-
Tauren Paladin: What?
Raynor: NOT YOU! I NEVER EVEN SAW THAT COMING!!
Tychus: I'll save it! Must... risk... life... for strats...
*raynor jumps in after him*
Tosh: HEY!! Be gettin a room you two!
Ariel: Sorry you almost drowned guys...
Tosh: If it's any consolation the sun will be up in a few hours.
Tychus: Man, i cant believe i didn't save your strats... compared to this my sisters infestation seems like a minor inconvience.
Raynor: Wait your sister? How come you never
mentioned this subplot before?
Tychus: My parents got divorced... cause i tried teaching how to drive...

Flash Back...

HOTSKerri: TYCHUS!! STOP THIS THING!!!
Tychus: APPLY THE HANDBREAK YA DUMB BROAD!!


Tosh: If she be going blind... i might actually be havin a chance with her.
Raynor: Then we'll both do our best Tychus. You for your sister, and me for Zeratul.
Ariel: Im not sure why i even bothered coming.
Tosh: Hey look! I be right about the sun!



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This is fantastic stuff.
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Continue. This.
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On the ship heading to Korhal...

Tychus: Wow, an entire planet to run around on... kinda like that game... world of warcraft.
Tosh: Aint that be the game with da [Insert something clever] and da [Wow i suck at this]
Ariel: Why would either of those things be on this planet you idiot?
[More cleverness that i am not clever enough to cleverly cleverize this sentence]

On korhal...

Tosh: I sure hope nobody confiscates my happy dust... i mean jorium.
NyonThug: Hey you.
Tychus: The Irony!!!
NyonThug: Quit drawing attention to yourself you barely even qualify as a side character.

Later...

Tychus: AH-CHOO!!!
Raynor: You wouldn't have caught that cold if it hadn't been for Abathur.
Tychus: Actually i wouldn't have caught this cold if you hadn't have been a naive moron and went to char to save your girlfriend even though she'd probably get infested again in the sequel.
Raynor: What?
Tychus: Nothing.
Raynor: No, it was definitely Abathur. He threw Zeratul's build orders into the ocean. I'll never be able to forgive him.
Tosh: Sorta' be like dat one time when tychus be throwin' away a Xel'naga artifact.
Tychus: Yea... but he forgave me for that, right Jim?
Raynor: Sure Tychus... sure...
*WoL Ending*WoL Ending*

Later...

Nyon: Attention Players... If you would all stop stealing my precious artifacts for money and destabilizing my peoples way of life for a moment... you'll see that Mengsk's castle is just behind me. Please follow the unnecessarily long staircase to meet your host.
Ariel: My protoss senses are tingling!
Raynor: What is it Ariel?
Ariel: I thought I saw Tassadar.
Tychus: Maybe we should go check, he is the twilight messiah after all.
Raynor: And let him cut into my cheesy one liners? No way! He's not even a terren.

The Gates Of Mengsk's Castle...

Kachinsky: Check out all the obligatory cameos, Abathur, Za'Gara, Daggoth,-
Cade: But wheres the reigning champion, Valerian Mengsk?
Kachinsky: Didn't ya hear? He was barred from the tournament because his role was too cliched.
Mengsk: Welcom to GSL! I can assure you that this tournament is 100% genuine and is in no way an elaborate ruse thrown together at the last minute so that i can get my hands on an ancient Xel'Naga artifact. To advance to the finals and a chance at 3 million dollars you must each win 10 league matches by betting them on custom games. Remember kids, Gambling is good for youuuu!

In a meadow...

Tychus: Now that my cold is cleared up I can't wait to win this tournament and win the prize money!
Raynor: So you can pay for the operation right?
Tychus: What operation?
Raynor: The one your sisters having...
Tychus: What sister?
Ariel: Hey it's Abathur!
Raynor: ABATHUR I CHALLENGE YOU TO A GA-
Tychus:Wait he's running away!
Raynor: It's almost as if he doesn't want to play a RTS game with me...
Abathur: Actually dumbass i was leading you into this vague trap or something heheehehe

Raynor: SUPER LONG EXTENDED MARINE SUIT UP SEQUENCE GO!!!
Raynor(In his suit): Hell, it's about time...
Abathur: Two can play at that game dilhole ehhehehehhehehe
Raynor(IS): Sweet mother of tychus!
Tychus: HEY!
Raynor(LOLOMGWTFBBQ): But who or what is he becoming?
Ruhtaba: Hehehhahehahehehaheh Name Change FTW!!!
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...................................,<`.._|_,-&``................) It's Time to play you retarded backwards name person!
Ruhtaba: Are you threatening me? I build my... raptor... (HAHAHAH WHAT A STUPID NAME BWAHAHHAHA)

*The play, base trade, lift CC's to spite the other*

Tosh: Look mons, Breasts have arrived.
Nova: You guys are wasting your time Raynor doesn't stand a chance. He's Not nearly experienced enough.
Ariel: Compared to science and medical studies, experience is meaningless.
Nova: Keep telling yourself that... what are you a virgin or something?
Ariel: !@#$% I'LL TAKE YOUR GUN FROM YOU!!
Tychus: Will you guys stop talking about sxe! I'm trying to ogle Nova's cleavage here!

Raynor(Ascii): I use Orbital Drops!
Ruhtaba: Hey! You cant use that in multiplayer!
Raynor(>:D): Tell it to the research console! Ghost! Snipe his cheap mothra impersonation. (Brood Lords! huh huh? No? Fine...)
Tosh/Tychus: YEAAAA WE WERE TOTALLY INEFFECTUAL!!
Ruhtaba: I Lost! heheheheh...and stuff... hehehehheh...
Raynor(D:>): Maybe next time you'll think twice before forcing someone to part with their valuables. Now kiss my feet!
Abathur: Damnit! heheheheheh this RTS sucks hehehehe...
Raynor(D:<): Settle down... ^-*!@#$%^...

To be continued...

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