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Tassadar, I think the reason your story is not taking off is you are saying "alternate reality" and the opening plot leaves something to be desired.
See "The Crash" for a decent opening example.
Or: You wake up in a fog. You were sent to capture Zerus, but were shot down and...
Something like that.
English teachers will tell you having a good 'hook' is essential to an essay or story.
Edited by Zanon on 9/18/2011 3:24 PM PDT
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