The King of Pirates - Story

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Thinking about "Rebooting" this like Jay did with his. My writing skills have increased 10x and I feel the story deserves more readers and better writing.

Next segment anyone?
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Posts: 28,716
Don't ask, do. Post, and the critique will come. People don't like doing it one part at a time.
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Well if I just post 10k words nobody will read it :P
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That isn't true Mark. Every like, twenty posts, and this could easily be wrong, is story. The rest is BS because you wait so long between actual story posts. Just pump them out and the critique will come as it can.
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*Raises hands in surrender*

Okay, sorry.
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Not jumping your case, I'm simply pointing out that you wait too long to post story for interest to be kept.
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True... Thanks for the feedback! Even though it didn't really pertain to the story... xD
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Samantha strolled out of the elevator and looked around for her gun. Finding it on the ground, she bent over to grab it. Just milliseconds before the gun’s cold steel was in contact with Samantha’s warm skin, It was snatched. Samantha’s eyes darted to the man who had grabbed it.
Lt. Keith Scout grabbed the gun and aimed it at Samantha. Without hesitation, Samantha grabbed the gun’s silencer and pulled herself in to Keith. Samantha turned her back to him and wrapped the arm which hold the gun in her armpit. With two hands, she pried the gun out of his fingers by forcing it to aim upward until it was upside down. She then spun around and put Keith in an arm bar. Samantha gripped her gun in one hand and Keith’s arm, which was snug in an arm bar, in the other. She aimed the gun at his back and pulled the trigger.

Keith, however, was more slippery then that. He bent his elbow, getting himself out of the arm bar, lowered his body and backed up into Sam. The bullet slammed into the floor and left a small smoke stack where it hit. Keith shifted and elbowed Sam right in the gut, knocking the wind out of her. Keith spun around, undoing the arm bar she had put him in and threw a head level high kick.

The kick connected ever so slightly, sending Samantha backward with a bloody nose. Keith took the opportunity to snatch the gun from her hand. Samantha was a little more stubborn then that, however. The gun was aimed at the wall and both of them were pulling it. Finally, Samantha won after Keith looked down briefly and took off running for the elevator. Slightly puzzled, Samantha calibrates her shot and carefully tugs the trigger. Scout timed when that would happen and dove into a summersault. The bullet grazed his back, then plummeted to the ground. Keith came up from his summersault and hit the elevator button a thousand times with each finger. His eyes were darting frantically between Samantha and the elevator.

Samantha was slightly puzzled. Why would he do that? He was putting up a good fight and could have easily taken the gun. Just before Samantha readied her gun for another shot she realized Keith had something black in his other hand. She didn’t think anything of it until she raised the gun and pulled the trigger. The gun made a sound that made Samantha cringe. The sound of the hammer’s click against the slide. Samantha had a scowl on her face as she quickly examined the gun. Keith was still punching the elevator summoning button.

After a second of examining the gun Sam realized it had no magazine. But why did it fire the first time? Because there was one in the chamber! Samantha answered her own question as she scanned the ground for her magazine that had obviously dropped from her gun and she hadn’t noticed. Then she remembered the small black object in Keith’s hand. Without hesitation she scrambled in her clothes to get another magazine. Finally, the elevator doors opened and Keith dove in. Recovering from his dive he crawled to his hands and knees and punched the button with the picture of elevator doors closing. He then punched the button that had a giant “L” printed on it. Keith looked around and saw a man who had blood running down his face and multiple bruises. He then glanced at Samantha who had found another magazine. She slammed it into the gun and pulled the slide back. The gun racked a round in the chamber. But it was too late. The doors began closing with the ring of a bell.

“Oh hey, boss.” The man said. Keith was still on his hands and knees when he looked over at Thomas.
“Thomas!?” Keith said in astonishment after realizing that it was, in fact Thomas. He was hardly recognizable with his hair roughed up and his face bleeding. Scout had always thought of him as a couch commando. He never did like to get in down and dirty. Even with girls.
“Yeah?” He asked with eyes looking different directions and raised eyebrows. “How’ve you been?” Keith frowned in confusion at Thomas and shook his head. He then glanced back over at Samantha who was walking towards them with a leveled gun.

Without warning, the sound of bullets coming out of the barrel and into the air filled the elevator. Lt. Scout hit the floor and rolled to the front of the elevator. He watched as bullets cleared the elevator doors and made holes in the walls. He watched as they missed Thomas’ head by inches. After ten rounds, the elevator declined enough to where it was no longer in range.

“Oh, you know.” Keith said with a shrug. “The usual.” He said, shaking his head. “Get assassinated, go without lunch, get my butt kicked by a girl-“
“Like a boss.” Thomas said with a grin. Scout returned the grin.
“Man, I’ve had to go pee since I woke up this morning!” Keith said, grabbing his crotch with both hands. Thomas laughed.

“Well that redefined the term, ‘Hell hath seen no fury like a women scorned.’ Didn’t it?” Thomas asked loudly with a grin.

“Thomas?” Keith asked, looking at his throat.
“Yeah?” Thomas asked back with raised eyebrows, making eye contact with Scout.
“What happened to your throat?” Blood had begun to trickle down from the wound. Thomas looked down and tried to look at his throat. Obviously, to no avail.
“Hm? Nothing… Nothing happened to my throat.” He said nervously, rubbing it with his hand. Keith decided to let it go for now. Keith could see that Thomas wasn’t thinking right and it was even more obvious that he was disappointed about something. Scout leaned his head against the elevator door and finally gained control of his breathing.

---
Edited by MarkusDaWise on 12/17/2012 9:03 PM PST
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Hell HATH no fury like a women scornED


Fixed it for you.
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Thanks xD

You probably know the saying quite well, dontcha? Lol, jk jk
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I've said it more then had it happen to me. I know too many guys who use women for s.ex :p
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:P

Hahaha, alrighty then.
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The upside, it always backfires on the @ssholes.
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May the scum of the earth get what they deserve.
...ah, karma!
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What'd you think War? About the story, not Zark's friends.
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I've only read it in bits and pieces, but I've liked what I've seen so far. It's nice having it connect with the RP, it gives it a lot more depth and context.
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I'm glad someone benefits from it. I've found it as kind of a nuisance as the DM because it doesn't allow much flexability. I have to make everything not only RP worthy, but storyline worthy. I can't have the BP come and die :P It doesn't make for good story writing.
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---

Samantha swore as her gun’s slide locked back. She was out of ammo in this mag again. She punched the button to summon the elevator and searched her clothing for another mag. Nurses began pouring out of every room. She began to swear repetitively as she pulled her surgical mask over her face. Realizing that the elevator was a bad plan for escape, she turned around and ran for the emergency exit at the other side of the hall. Kicking the door open, she planted her feet on the ground and looked around. The cold air nipped at her skin and her breath was visible. Why was it so cold on a space station? Samantha dismissed the question and looked around. There was a ladder to her left. She looked around one more time to assess nobody was watching her from a window, then began her descend.

“Oxie-nurse, what is your status?” Dave’s deep, menacing voice came in through Samantha’s right ear piece.
“I am escaping via route 3, mission status code yellow, switch to plan C, mission abort.” Dave swore.

“Code yellow? Come on, Sam!”
“He went down the elevator, okay? There was nothing I could have done.” Dave sighed.
“Okay, Im on my way.” The sound of an engine revving was audible to Sam through her ear piece. She finally got to the bottom of the ramp and turned around to see two police officers looking at her. One had a baton and he was gently beating the palm of his hand with it, and the other had his hands clasped around a taser.

“If you would slowly put your hands behind your back for us we won’t tase you.” He said, not a hint of kindness or patience in his voice. The man with the baton was chubby. His bushy moustache complimented his job perfectly. The other was a medium sized man. It looked like he worked out, but didn’t hesitate to eat Momma’s cake. Samantha slowly raised her hands upward.

The man with a taser began to get worried. Samantha could sense the fear in his eyes.
“That’s not what I asked, I said-“ With a swift motion. Samantha slapped the taser to face the chubby officer. The weapon went off, sending the man shuddering and shivering in pain to the floor. Samantha kneed him in the gut, then grabbed his wrist, using it as leverage, she flung the man over her and while he was mid-air, she grabbed his gun which was falling out of it’s un-buckled holster. He slammed into his over-weight partner and quickly struggled to get up. Samantha shut him down by shoving the gun in his face. The poor officer was gasping for air and looking down the barrel of a gun.

“Stay.” She said simply, holding back a slight grin under her surgical mask. She then turned and ran at full speed down the alley, disassembling the gun and throwing away it’s pieces as she ran. She stripped out of her disguise as she ran and peeked around the corner when she reached it. Dave’s motorized quad could be heard a few hundred feet away. Seconds later, it stopped right in front of her. She hopped on the Quad and hung on tightly as it sped away. Shouts of confusion sounded behind her. The wind blew in her face as Dave drew recklessly through traffic. Sirens could be heard around every corner.

“Here!” Dave said, tapping the assault rifle on his back. The assault rifle was huge. Two inches thick and as a yard long all together. She carefully unstrapped it from his back and steadied its aim. Looking down the red dot sight she aimed it at a police speeder that had rounded the corner. Samantha pulled the slide back, then readied her aim. Pulling the trigger she almost got knocked off the quad. She wrapped her legs around Dave for more balance and continued firing. The speeder wobbled uncontrollably and soon crashed into a building.

The sound of bullets whizzing by Samantha almost made her drop the gun. She could see them ricocheting off the pavement with sparks. She looked up and there was a gunship keeping up with them. A man on a turret struggled to keep it in check and he was firing recklessly. Samantha leveled the gun with shaky arms due to it’s weight and pulled the trigger. The recoil almost knocked her off the quad, but she managed. Blood spirited across the gun ship as the gunner lifelessly fell out of it and onto the streets. It soon peeled off and out of the equation. Samantha took down several other aggressors before taking a moment to breath.

---

785 words.
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Bigger segment coming tomorrow.
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