StarCraft® II

Comrades of the Void

- Technical Support
In my absence, I was thinking about a cool story. So, here goes nothing. (Read ENTIRE thing, my best work yet.)
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Comrades of the Void

}static on com{
Corporal Reznov Sumph leaned back in his chair and pushed the record button on the logger.

“Day 3, earth standard, since the last communication with the UED fleet. They should have rendezvoused with us yesterday. All attempts to re-establish communication has failed. The men stationed here on Narrkata wander aimlessly without directive, everything was set to go 5 days ago. Commanding officer Briggs has enacted lead-foot protocol, nobody is to leave the base until further notice.”

Reznov turned on the long range sensor, and continued recording.

“Long range sensors show no UED signatures, the edges show minor Zerg activity. Our analysis shows that they are apparently not aware of our presence, yet, lets hope it stays that way. My personal analysis of the situation would suggest the worst, that the fleet was disband or destroyed by the Zerg force we're detecting the edges of. I presented my theory to Briggs, but he refuses to see it. I'm just doing my job, and it looks like we'll all die with them.”

}static on com{
The corporal looked over at com, and frowned. He stopped the recording with his thumb, and put his head in his hands. If bad came to worse, unrest would spread through the base. Eventually, Briggs would have to break lead-foot protocol, and search the vicinity for the fleet. If they had been destroyed, or abandoned Narrkata, then the ramifications would lead to the worse possible situation. Eventually, depletion of food would cause issues. The only logical option would be to load up the fastest battle cruiser with everything, and attempt a solo flight to earth.

The door to the comosat opened, and a well dressed private walked in.

“Corporal Reznov, Briggs would like to see you in his office, I can escort you there if you'd like?”

Reznov looked up, and scratched his head.

“Briggs wants to see me?”

“That's what he said.”

“I can make it there myself, thank you.”

The private nodded and walked away. Reznov walked out the comosat and looked at the sky. A storm was coming, as it often did on Narrkata. He walked to the supply depot, which had conveniently been transformed into a quaint office. He knocked on the door and it swung open after the first.

“Come in Reznov, shut the door behind you.”

Reznov slowly walked in, and shut the door. The single light was dim, and flickering. Light, tainted blue by the clouds leaked through the ceiling fan. Commander Briggs sat diagonally behind his oak desk with a bottle in his hand, the glass on the floor. Resnov was worried by the sight.

“Sir? Are you alright?”

Brigg's half open eyes widened, as if he had awoke from a trance. He looked at the wall where his prize revolver hung, and spoke slowly.

“You believe in Heaven Mr. Reznov?”

Reznov looked puzzled, and took a slight step back

“I believe in Hell Sir.”

“Either one would be better than this.”

“This? Our situation?”

“Our situation got a lot worse approximately a day and a half ago.”

“The fleet Sir?”

“Yes, the fleet. The fleet is gone.”

Reznov's heart sank, so he was right.

“How do you know this?”

“To keep things under control, I secretly sent a scouting party to look for the fleet. I got news of their complete demise 2 hours ago, the scouting part will not be coming back I'm afraid.”

Corporal Reznov looked at the communications console, on and blank.

“So you've been here the whole time, drinking?”

Briggs chuckled.

“Indeed I have Mr. Reznov. Indeed I have.”

“I take it we'll be attempting a solo flight back then?”

Briggs took his feet off the table, and faced Reznov as he leaned in.

“I'm afraid that the last UED supply ship took several of the stasis pods when it left. Only 32 people will be able to go back.”

A fire burned within Reznov, and it burst.

“WHAT! WHAT ABOUT THE MEN! WHO WOULD GO?!”

“Lower you voice! I'd expect that the officers and important personal would be going back, although I'll have no say in it.”

“What do you mean no say?”

Briggs wrote something on a packet of papers and slid them to the end of the desk. He then stood up and saluted Reznov. Reznov gave a short confused salute back, and scratched his head. What happened next could not be stopped. Briggs grabbed his revolver off the wall, cocked the trigger, and put it in his mouth. A short burst of sound was heard around the base, and Briggs fell dead behind his desk. Resnov's eye's were wide with shock. His gaze drifted to the packet of papers, and he picked it up to read it.

-Promotion order for Corporal Reznov Sumph. Promotion to Captain.......-
at the bottom, in Brigg's handwriting was a message.

You can have my seat.
Edited by Duke on 1/26/2013 3:39 PM PST
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- Technical Support
Leave your thoughts and feedback.
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Nice...

I like the dark gritty realism to it.

post more.
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- Technical Support
Will do, I'll put another part on tonight.
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Very nice! I like the suspense that no other stories seem to have. I can also feel the dark realism that War mentioned. I need to capture that in some of my own stories!

I'm not sure why you're so attracted to the UED right about this time period. In my opinion, this is the first time it's worked out for you. :)

As for criticism, I have a few points.

On grammar: You put a lot of unnecessary commas.

01/25/2013 07:21 PMPosted by Duke
The private nodded, and walked away.

No comma needed here.
01/25/2013 07:21 PMPosted by Duke
Reznov walked out the comosat, and looked at the sky.

No comma needed here.
01/25/2013 07:21 PMPosted by Duke
A storm was coming, as it often did on Narrkata.

A comma isn't needed here but I don't think it's necessary an error.
01/25/2013 07:21 PMPosted by Duke
He knocked on the door, and it swung open after the first.

No comma needed here. This was kind of an awkward sentence for me. Maybe, "Resnov rapped on the door and it swung open on the first knock." Not that much of a difference, but it makes it a little easier to read imo... idk, maybe I'm just being nit-picky now.
01/25/2013 07:21 PMPosted by Duke
Light, dimmed, and tainted blue by the clouds leaked through the ceiling fan.
This sentence took me a long time to understand. What would be correct grammar, and easier to read, would be: "Light, dimmed and tainted blue by the clouds, leaked through the ceiling fan."

01/25/2013 07:21 PMPosted by Duke
Commander Briggs sat diagonaly behind his oak desk, with a bottle in his hand
No comma needed here.

I know all this because I have the same trouble. When I write, I always have to go back through and delete at least ten commas that just plain don't need to be there.

Post the next segment! :DDDD
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- Technical Support
Thanks for the help, I'm obsessive about commas. Next part comes out soon (tonight)
Yeah, I took special time, trying to make it realistic and suspenseful. I'll finish typing part 2.
Edited by Duke on 1/26/2013 3:33 PM PST
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- Technical Support
Part 2

Reznov was petrified with the gravity of the situation. It was not long before footsteps could be heard, someone was coming. Reznov slowly slipped the papers into his trenchcoat. A private soon came inside the supply depot, and saw the blood on the roof, it was not long before his gaze reached former commanding officer Briggs.

“What have you done! What is this!”

Reznov stood still, his flesh was white, and his eyes a ice cold.

“Well!”

The private turned to go get someone, but Reznov gathered himself, he shut the door and swooped around. Then he grabbed the private by the collar, and put him to the wall.

“The commander has shot himself! You mustn't mutter a word of this to anyone! If you do, I'll see to it with the permission of whatever remaining officers, you'll be shot! You understand!?

The private gave a muffled yes and Reznov loosened his grip a little.

“I need you to gather all the high ranking officers together in the briefing room. You stay there with them, and wait for me. Don't say anything to them until I get there! I'll take care of this mess. Now GO!”

Reznov shoved the private near the door, and he ran out. Rain began to poor as Reznov walked out. He opened the console for the depot, and pushed a button. The supply-depot lowered into the ground, and Reznov briskly walked to the nearest barracks. He slammed the door open and headed to his bunk, ignoring the brief greetings. Soon, he entered his dorm and entered his small bathroom. Reznov splashed his pale face and beard with hot water. It would be impossible to keep things under control now. A swift solution was needed.

At the command center, the last of the 13 high ranking officers entered the briefing room. The poor private was getting barraged with questions he didn't have the answers to. The ciaos didn't last for long, Reznov entered the room and took his rain coat off, his face still wet. The room was silent. Lightning crashed lighting up the briefing room. Reznov looked out the large window in a trance like way.

“Our commander is dead. He put a bullet through his brains. A scout party he sent discovered the demise of the fleet. They will not be coming back.”

Reznov turned his head to the officers.

“We've only got 32 stasis pods. A solo flight back, if any, is likely only contain the fittest 32 among the base. But I have a single alternative. We must steal what we need from the Dominion to get as many of us home as possible.”

The officers were pale and looked down. Officer Harrison spoke up.

“If your story is indeed valid, then there is little hope. It took nothing short of the entire fleet to only take half the planet of Korhal. After recent events, the Dominions security will be tight. Your best shot is a supply station. If we agree to send you on this mission, know that many of the group, including yourself may very likely not come back. A time limit must be set for such a mission. I see to it that a crew be assembled.”

Many of the officers gave unanimous agreements and nods. Another officer spoke.

“We must keep this from the men. They can't know, or everything goes to pot. What if the mission fails! We'd not be able to keep a cap on things. 32 would leave, damning everyone else by alerting the Zerg all over this sector of out presence here. Or nobody would manage to escape.”

Harrison spoke.

“It's our only option, a small craft should be able to make it out of here undetected.”

Reznov made his way to a large luxurious char that used to be Brigg's, and sunk into the leather.

“Give it 10 days. Lie to the men. After that, we'll see what happens.”

“I'll find someone to lead the mission.”

Reznov stood up, pulled the promotion papers out, and slid them to officer Harrison .

“That won't be necessary, I'll lead it.”
Edited by Duke on 1/27/2013 6:09 AM PST
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Other than this;
You stay their with them,

it looks good, keep it up!
Edited by Warhawk on 1/26/2013 5:01 PM PST
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- Technical Support
Thanks, I've just been correcting minor errors with it.
This part was a bit harder to write, because it contained more complex dialog.
Edited by Duke on 1/26/2013 5:05 PM PST
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01/26/2013 04:55 PMPosted by Duke
You stay there with them, and wait for me.

01/26/2013 04:55 PMPosted by Duke
Reznov shoved the private near the door, and he ran out.

01/26/2013 04:55 PMPosted by Duke
Reznov entered the room, and took his rain coat off

01/26/2013 04:55 PMPosted by Duke
Lightning crashed, lighting up the briefing room.

01/26/2013 04:55 PMPosted by Duke
The officers looked pale, and looked down.


More unneeded comma quotes. There are other various typo's, but nothing big.

I feel this section lacked something. It was just a tad rushed too.

Overall really good though, keep going!
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- Technical Support
This part was more story building, there was not to much I could do with this part.
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- Technical Support
Part 3 (this is going to get interesting.)

Jackson lifted his sniper to shoot, but Vince shoved it down.

“Are you crazy! We can't shoot a Zerg out here! More would come and they’d realize there are people on Narrkata!

“But there's a zergling right there! Whose to say they don't already know! If they don't it's only a matter of time.”

“This one's just a scout, leave it be. If they get to close to base, then we'll try to stray it. But we can't kill it.”

Jackson and Vince laid behind the rock, waiting for the zergling to pass. Rain was profuse and not letting up. It would cover what little noise they made. The Zergling was getting closer. It's footsteps made a faint but an ever increasing sound of slapping mud. Vince whispered.

“Down in the grass, our gillie suites should keep it from noticing us.”

The the sound of muddy footsteps grew louder, but then slowly began to fade. The zerg was walking away. Vince slowly looked up.

“It's not headed to base. Come on.”

Vince and Jackson crouched as they walked. 1 zergling always meant more somewhere. They were in trouble, being in a big valley like this. If they went prone it would take forever to reach the abandoned starport and crouching would make them easier to see. Jackson pulled out a radio.

“We've run into a Zerg scout. Have the bases radar extended to maximum range. Do you see anything?”

There was a pause, and only static could be heard. Vince turned his head around.

“Don't bother, the magnetic interference from the storm is blocking communications. Put your gun away, I see another one coming right at us.

“Put my gun away?!”

“Shh, get down. We'd alert any others in the area if we use guns. Got your knife with you?

“Yeah”

“It's coming this way, stay low in the grass. When it comes by we'll jump it. I'll go for the brain, you go for the heart.”

Jackson gave a nod, then crouched low in the tall grass. The zergling was moving a bit fast down the hill, making heavy plops in the mud. Vince drew his large standard issue knife out of it's sheath and began to count.

“One, two.....”

The zergling was almost on top of them, Vice sprung up and stabbed the zergling in the head, pinning it down to the ground. It’s squealing stopped soon after Jackson drove his knife deep into the beast chest. They took their knives out and quickly cleaned them. Then they picked up the Zerg, and dumped it in a near by large mud puddle. Jackson wiped some blood off his face and said.

“What about the rest of the Zerg, this one ain't going to show up.”

“Hopefully they'll overlook just 1 Zerg. Come on, the starports just over the next hill.”

Vince and Jackson continued on in crouch position. Jackson took his sniper, and scoped out over the hill.

“Nothing here.”

Jackson lowered his scope and looked at Vince.

“They tell you anything about this starport? What's in the case they want us to retrieve.”

Vince began to walk down the hill.

“The case is classified, we've been strictly told not to open it. But the about the starport, do you know why the UED came to Narrkata?”

“No. I just know it's not our starport, is it Dominion?

“The Dominion never came to this planet. The starport is the only standing structure of what used to be a base that our forces found early in the campaign. Who the base belonged to is a mystery, all I can tell you is that there was some strange experimenting going on here. Once we get the case, I'll show you.”

“You'll show me? What do you mean?”

“I was here when they blew the base. There's a reason why I was the only eligible mission leader.”

They made there way over the next hill and looked down on the base. As they got closer, Jackson scratched his head.

“No tank blasts? No war machines?

“Exactly, come on.”

They entered the base by the side of a muddy dirt road. The rain had turned into a sprinkle and it was fogy. Jackson bent down to examine a dead marine.

“No insignia, no bullet holes? These suites haven’t even scratched. This was not the work of Terran, Zerg or Protoss. What did you mean by, blew the base?”

Vince stopped to looked around.

“When we came here it was like this. All we did was torch the place after taking anything we thought important. The men that were autopsied had their brains literally boiled, some of them were steaming when they were opened up.”

“What did this?”

“We called it a hybrid. A mixture of Zerg and Protoss, a being of immense psionic power. We found it's dead body here. What we didn't cut out for tests we burned. We also found and burned over 100 Zerg and Protoss specimens.

“What's in the case Vince?”

Vince turned around.

“My best guess would be a psi emitter.”

Jackson stood up, and shouldered his gun.

"How come they didn't take it in the first place?"

Vince began to walk to the starport.

"It gives off a faint psi signal in storage. At first it was shadowed by the hybrid. Recent re-calibration of the sensors detected a very faint psi signal from here. There's a psi case around this dump somewhere and we've got to retrieve it. Be cautious. There's bound to be more than 1 Zerg that wandered here. Its directive being cloaked by the psi signal.
Edited by Duke on 1/28/2013 6:30 AM PST
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01/26/2013 10:01 PMPosted by MarkusDaWise
You stay there with them, and wait for me.

Reznov shoved the private near the door, and he ran out.

Reznov entered the room, and took his rain coat off

Lightning crashed, lighting up the briefing room.

The officers looked pale, and looked down.


More unneeded comma quotes. There are other various typo's, but nothing big.

I feel this section lacked something. It was just a tad rushed too.

Overall really good though, keep going!


Not the last one, but the one before it, the lightening one, required commas. And the and ones, those are always exceptions. Don't have to, but can.
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- Technical Support
Yeah, I'm comma obsessive :)

The third part, I might have a couple but much less than part 2.
I rushed part 2 a bit, but I think part 3 is a good.
Edited by Duke on 1/27/2013 12:13 PM PST
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I swear Duke, once I'm done reading that 72 chapter monstrosity of awesome that ragnarok has, I'll take some time and read this.
Edited by Zarkun on 1/27/2013 12:13 PM PST
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- Technical Support
Lol, thanks, I'm doing 1 part per day.
I think I'm written some strong material, but it could use an editors touch here and there.
Edited by Duke on 1/27/2013 12:24 PM PST
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And the plot thickens....

I wonder what's next...
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- Technical Support
I'm doing part 4 today.
After this is all done, I'll go through it, editing, and post the complete final version, so if you want to read this, but haven't done so yet, you might just want to read the final version. Or, you can read through with me, and help me edit it. I'll do editing today on parts 1-3, and I'll try to to most of the editing before I publish it.
Edited by Duke on 1/28/2013 6:31 AM PST
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