StarCraft® II

The Battle of Augustgrad: P1 A Viking Account

Posts: 76
Hey guys I'm pretty new here but I enjoy doing this kind of stuff. I consider myself an Amateur writer and I like to get feedback and tips on things I could do better. So read enjoy and tell me your thoughts.

Five hours before the battle of Augustgrad
"All wings listen up pre fight briefing begins now" Odin’s voice blasted over the intercom like a clap of thunder making me jump slightly.
Freya my wingman smiled at me mockingly "What’s wrong cherry, Odin scare you?"
I cringed at the novice Viking title, thankfully Odin stepped in "The plan is not complicated; The Hyperion is going to land off the right flank of the Dominions forces. From there troops will be launched to attack the Palace fortifications" a bout of static ripped through the comm suddenly but then died away. likely a product of war torn nature of the Hyperion.
"Our job begins much earlier. The Commander has ordered that the Vikings will spearhead the Incursion into Augustgrad while the wraiths stay back to support the ship"
A roar of approval went up from the flight deck "LETS RAID" came the battle cry of the Vikings.
Pre Battle Flight
"Our orders are to clear the LZ, we have latitude to allow ground transformations on this mission" Odin paused "In short my brothers and sisters we got ourselves a good old fashioned raid"
"LET’S RAID"
"You still with me Cherry?" Freya said over the com mockingly.
"Loud and clear Freya" I responded. Looking out of my cockpit I saw Freya in her Viking, she flew without a helmet. It gave her no advantage in fact most believed that it was a disadvantage to fly without the helmet, but I'd come to realize it was just an expression of her veteran status.
"When can we get this party started" I said in the general comm channel.
"Getting anxious cherry?" Heimdal said with the rooky nickname. I hated that nickname; it was a name for a Viking who had not yet completed the dangerous Viking transformation to Assault mode.
"I'm a Viking I need to Raid" I responded curtly.
"Aye it's in our blood" Odin interrupted "Unfortunately patience is a virtue we must observe"
"Aye Odin" I responded to my senior.
"What name were your christened under Viking?" Odin inquired.
"Tyr sir"
"Tyr, that's an old and venerable name, do it honor Viking" Odin said with solemnity.
I gazed down at Korhals surface sighting the Metropolis of Augustgrad.
I zoomed in with my imaging sensors on the area of Augustgrad. Looking at the enhanced image I saw the Zerg in combat with the Dominion forces. At that moment I couldn't tell you who I hated more, the Dominion or the Zerg.
I set the controls of the Viking to autopilot and sat back in the seat. Swann had spared no expense in his Viking design. Compared to other Vikings I was riding in Davidi speeder with all the bells and whistles. One thing it didn't have was a bathroom though, I stroked my chin thoughtfully remembering a rumor I had heard a while ago about the Odin having a bathroom it in. I'd have to ask Swann about that when I got back.
Besides that my vehicle was without flaw, the Viking was naturally a large and ungraceful machine compared to other flying vehicles but that didn't deter our master mechanic. Swann had merely upgraded the systems added boosters and made things more efficient. The man truly was a genius.
I lay back in my seat reading through my comics when Odin finally came on the comm line again "All Vikings look alive we have clearance to begin, Vikings steal yourselves the hour of Wrath is upon us".
I heard Heimdal gravely laugh "We have but an hour before the land lubbers touch ground, Vikings let that be our red hour"
The next moment was sundered as hundreds of Vikings roared their battle cry over the com "LETS RAID"
Edited by Hyperion on 3/23/2013 1:42 PM PDT
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Posts: 4,071
Pretty good so far. Paragraphs and punctuation need a bit of work though.
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Posts: 7,616
Agreed. Quality of strands effective. Well known lore used in creative ways. Punctuation, capitalization main flaws. Could improve. More widely spaced paragraphs possibly needed. Additional content needed for study.
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Posts: 76
Thanks for the feedback guys. I got the next thread up same name just P2 in the titles. Very good feedback I really appreciate it.
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Posts: 6,273
Why not just post it in this thread rather than make a separate one if its a continuation?
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Posts: 7,616
Agreed. Saves space. Surprised at own failure to think of this improvement.
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