There it was, glimmering in a shaft of light that leaked in from a crack cave’s ceiling, just atop a pedestal that looked completely harmless. Who knew such treasures could be found in undiscovered caverns in Uldum? Of course, the moment I grabbed it was the moment every single booby trap imaginable let loose upon me! I ran, I dodged, I even jumped over a giant hole in the floor just as it opened up to try and swallow me. Can’t catch Payne!
Exiting the cave, I bolted through the forest adjacent to the river that ran along the Akhenet Fields. I could just make out the dual-prop idling in the water as I raced through the tall grass. Suddenly, behind me I could hear the cries of a million pygmies! “Ooga booga! Ooga booga!” they cried out. And as if that weren’t enough to send chills up your spine, I immediately began to feel the wind of their poisonous darts whiz by my head. I quickened my pace. “Start the engines!” I yelled. “Start the engines!!”
Whew! Once we got enough air, I could finally relish my discovery. But that elation, too, was short lived, as I could feel something slithering up my pant leg. “What the hell is that??”
“Ooooh, pretty!” Budd replied absentmindedly, and out of the cockpit and over the side he went, leaving me slightly confused . . . and alone with whatever it was. No matter! I was able to parachute to safety using my flowing cape of stupendousness. When I finally reached the ground, I discovered what was trying to hug my hamstrings: an Elder Python! Ewww! I hate snakes!
Need to vomit . . . Crithto, explain . . .
Crithto: Major Payne hates snakes, so your duty is to take your team of pets and find some Elder Pythons on the Isle of Thunder and kill them all. Well, not all. I’d love it you were able to tame one for yourself. Just don’t tell Payne I said this! Now, it should be known these are as mean as they are in stories. They can pack a punch with Slither or Burrow, or whittle you down with their agonizing venom-based abilities like Poison Fang, Huge Fang, or Sting. Careful—some are even known to spit!
I really, really hate snakes. Hate ’em! Just go, get out of my sight, and avenge my grief and the lunch I just lost. WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE SNAKES?!