Types of Guild Members

70 Draenei Paladin
12725
(This is a repost of a few posts I did back on another old wow forum. Some of this info was posted on the previous Maly realm forums, but not all. Here they are in their totality plus I'm continually adding to the list. This is designed as a fun and playful thread, not a Malycious one. (Yes I just coined that term.) If you have ideas for a type of Guild Member, please bring it to my attention in-game.)

TL;DR - Read it. It's funny.


The Loyalist - is a guild member who sticks with you thru thick and thin, and when things get ruff, he's there to help carry the weight and stick up for the leadership when they aren't around. Loyalists will stick up for their guild both privately and publicly at no personal gain to themselves. They do it because they feel it is honorable and the right thing to do, and if their guild's leadership is worthy of respect... well they're right!

Complainy Smurf - is a guild member who is only happy when he has something to complain about. The complaints are never serious, but they could easily be avoided, but then Complainy Smurf wouldn't have anything to complain about and therefor wouldn't be happy now would he? Nope! His complaints are always funny and minor, nothing serious, and usually just make you snicker and noogie the guildie. It's when he stops complaining you know something is actually wrong.


The Helper - is a normal ranked guild member who is always quick to help anyone in need, even performing temporary officer-like duties when asked by leadership. They are always eager to help anyone, but will become down if not thanked earnestly. As long as you continually show your appreciation to them for their efforts, they will continue to overzealously offer assistance whenever asked. Altho happy to help, the Helper typically shies away from positions of responsibility, and that's Ok!


Guild Mascot - is the member of the guild who doesn't raid with the main raiders, but continually promotes the guild, especially publicly, and continually engages in endeavors to promote the guild in a positive way. Guild Mascots usually have as strong a relationship with their own guild members as with raiders from other guilds because of how they usually raid with others. Their social nature often develops a social network which can be invaluable for recruitment officers - take note. LIke any good sports team, take care of your Guild Mascot, they're free positive publicity!
Edited by Deathpony on 11/23/2010 6:23 PM PST
Reply Quote
70 Draenei Paladin
12725
The Workhorse - is the dependable guild member you can always count on. They are there every raid on time ready to go. Usually slow to anger, they look at things with an analytical mind, weighting the good and the bad of any situation. If an officer, they pull the bulk of the work load, often being the one to setup and organize raids, and are always proactive in managing guild resources. When given responsibility, they don't half-ass it but instead do the best they can with it and keep on it until it is done. They'll even ask for tips/help/insight when working on something from others, as well as feedback. Workhorses are a rare breed that must be appreciated properly in order to allow the breed to multiply in one's stable.


The Loot Mooch - these can be spotted a mile away. Their first concern happens to be their ONLY concern... loot! Oh Em Gee! They want it and when they don't get it they are unhappy, and sadly, even when they DO get it they are only happy for a finite amount of time (like 10 minutes) until they see something else in atlas loot or on a 'friend' they have an equipment rivalry with. They are the ones always asking about loot policy particulars to make sure they know where they stand in the loot standings. This is so they can figure out roughly how long they have to wait before... they can get loot! Loot Mooches can be extremely talented players, but they make horrible guildies, because they eventually leave or stop playing once they get all the loot they currently want. You'll hear the plethora of excuses why they suddenly can't play for the next 3-4 months, but it's all BS, they are simply waiting for the next batch of content to come out that will have... yeah you guessed it.. MORE LOOT!


The iKnow - isn't a new gadget made by Apple. They're guildies made by Satan himself express mailed direct from Hell free of charge! These are the guildies who know everything and they love nothing better then to tell you... at.... every.... possible.... opportunity. In school they are/were the perpetual overzealous hand-raiser, always wanting to be first, not just to answer the question, but to be seen as knowing the answer first. The sad thing about iKnow's is.. they actually know very little. Their knowledge is typically limited to one source, which can be a website, a person, or their experience in one previous guild/raid situation - but to them, it's the holy gospel. iKnow's like dogs can be neutered so they become calmer and... less annoying... to everyone around them by the removal of voice chat - iKnow's don't like to type as much as talk since text can't convey their signature line "Ooo! Ooo! I know! I know!" sufficiently. They are also typically unaware that problems often have more then one solution, and leadership that can demonstrate its ability to bypass problems effectively with alternative solutions, can 'slow the roll' of an iKnow and earn their respect. Well... that is... become the iKnows new sole source of information on a particular topic.
Edited by Deathpony on 12/3/2010 6:52 PM PST
Reply Quote
70 Draenei Paladin
12725
The D.F.M - is the Divorced Female Mom guild member, who can give true meaning to the term 'b*tch'. These women have it hard in RL and won't put up with your stupid crap for a second. They'll be blunt and up front about things with no beating around behind the bush no matter who you are. On vent, they'll call you out by name and put you in your place like the misbehaving child you are. Caution: flirting with DFM's is an eventual death sentence once you become even slightly annoying to them, and you will eventually guys - its in male nature to be annoying and dumb. If you want to earn a DFM's respect, disregard gender and treat them as a gosh darn individual so their online experience is relatively male-stupidity free. And for the love of god guys, do not be more of a girl then they are - unless... you know... you're gay. If so then it's like completely OK (as homo's have a 99% success rate of calming an irate DFM by talking about shoes and clothing sales). It's great to have one DFM in every guild, and leadership is wise to cherish what they can bring (nothing beats a DFM enforcer), but keep them outa leadership - not cuz they aren't good at it or unstable or anything, but rather, they don't need all that extra stupid crap to worry about.


The Jim Jones - is the false prophet guildie who spends the majority of his time telling members how much better it is in the other guild/server he/she is in/on and how they should leave this one and join the other, only to find out the other guild disbands 2-3 weeks after you transfer into it or the server is one where everyone is transferring off. Jim Jones can also be an officer who convinces a strong majority of the guild to leave a guild and server transfer to greener pastures where 'everything will be better and different' only to find out how he is even more degraded and corrupt then your former GL. Following a Jim Jones guildie results in the same ending, you want to commit character suicide and just die.


The Decimator - is the guild member who hates people who are underperforming in raids and wants nothing more then to 'cut the fat' instead of working with these individuals to improve them and develop loyalty and friendship. Decimator's favorite thing to complain about to the point of gross exaggeration is the failings of others in raids, but surprisingly become mute when it is time to own up to their own mistakes. Many of them live in glass houses and cannot take any criticism without becoming an Emozilla and then quickly followed by a Jim Jones. While Decimators are quick to see members removed from the guild, they make atrocious recruiters, and run, not walk, away from the responsibility - even so far as being insulted to even imply bumping your recruitment thread - god forbid they try to help.


The Emozilla - vent was a quiet and peaceful land until Emozilla arose from the deeps. After receiving some criticism or feeling he was ninja'd, the oceans parted and all hell broke loose. The land was destroyed... never to recover. Giving pent up fire and venom to all from years of being a pathetic looser in real life, few survivors are left in the devastating wake of Emozilla. Even the mighty Mothrah, or DFM, falls before the mighty onslaught. Only by quickly engaging in executive order Achilles 82 (immediate Vent Ban + gkick + /ignore) can a GL hope to save as many as possible from the beasts wrath. Emozilla's never apologize, because you deserved their wrath for causing everything wrong that ever happened to them in their life.


The Paper General - is the GL or raid leader who berates everyone, even his own 'friends' which he finds out he doesn't actually have. He's always right. He's never wrong. Everyone else is weak and pathetic. Only he knows the right strat, shut up, you're wrong. Just shut up and do what I say or else. He will crush anyone in his path and sell himself out as a godsend. Unfortunately everything he presents himself as is only as good as the paper it's written on, which is toilet paper. He eventually creates so many enemies that they gang up on him, and publicly burn him at the stake. Like ashes in the wind from burnt used toilet paper, Paper General stinks up the air as he floats away to a new server under a new name, to begin his work all over again, not learning a damned thing.
Edited by Deathpony on 11/24/2010 9:39 AM PST
Reply Quote
70 Draenei Paladin
12725
The Maximus - is the profoundly honorable and fair raid or guild leader who is tormented by past mistakes, either in RL or in-game, which causes them to be hesitant in leading others. These individuals truly... truly... understand the importance and responsibility of leading others fairly and justly, but because of inner doubt from years of in-game belittlement, do their best to avoid doing so. These leaders either end up stepping away from the game never to return, or eventually climb out of their depressed hole to find new purpose and meaning. A Maximus who does so can go on to great accomplishments and rock the foundations of a community by inspiring others in their wake to rise up, as they are natural leaders. Lo to the corrupt who seek to use others for their own gain in the presence of a Maximus, for few things heatedly inspire them more, and your blood will be spilt to create red rivers in the sand from deep mortal wounds... leaving your corpse to rot... in the blowing wind... and the dust.


The Mugsly - is the guild member who almost never talks but you always hear him on vent snickering. He or she usually smokes, or drinks, or is just older and has that weaselly snicker like that cartoon dog. It's never loud or obnoxious, just makes you laugh, and always diffuses any tense situation between you and someone else. Because once drama starts... there goes that Mugsly snickering away at you guys in the background, and dammet, it is funny when he does it. And well, he's right, it is funny watching/hearing others getting all upset over a video game. We deserve to be laughed at. Mugsly's are impervious to criticism, and only laugh harder and louder in the face of Emozilla. Because of this ability, they can keep the morale of a raid positive, and provide complete protection from Emozilla's flame breathe to your raid.


The Raspberry - Sir, it appears our raider has been.... Jammed! This is the guild member that will pay for your F'n repair bills if you'll just STFU! Be a silent obedient drone or suffer the wrath of the Raspberry, for he doesn't tolerate stupidity or insubordination towards the leadership (who's not him). He doesn't like to talk on vent, because it stops him from chain smoking, so he's cranky when he has to and it's never for something simple. The Raspberry is there to maintain order with an iron fist. He is the most worthless of enforcers because he just alienates everyone, kills the raid morale entirely, and causes other guildies to turn into Jim Jones and Decimators. The poor poor Raspberry will never learn that being a complete jerk to people for the sake of quieting vent or /raid does more harm then good.


The Voicebox - is the guild member on vent who always sounds like he's a garbled robot or talking from a voicebox. Almost no one ever really knows what he's saying, but his inflections let you know he's mad about something. He can be diffused easily by quickly responding to what he says with "Yes exactly!" and then immediately taking control of the conversation further by saying things like, "That's just like what I was saying about..." Take all caution to avoid him on Vent late friday or saturday nights if he's on it... cuz... he'll be drunk... and just...won't... shut... the eff... up. It'll just sound like his mic is stuck in his pc fan, or a hair dryer, for hours.
Edited by Deathpony on 12/3/2010 6:37 PM PST
Reply Quote
70 Draenei Paladin
12725
New Guild Member Types

The Slammer - is the raid leader who never yells or swears, but pounds the living hell out of his keyboard instead. On especially good nights, he'll even pick it up and use it as a baseball bat on the corner of his desk. He's been raid leading for a long time, over multiple MMO's, and can't figure out how people still can't avoid the god darn fire. I mean really, come on guys!? Which basically means, he's gone thru A LOT of keyboards now and can actually play Scrabble with keyboard keys. His local computer shop knows him on a first name basis, and frequently you can hearing him snapping keys back into place over Vent. The Slammer will use excessive politeness in getting people to pay attention, coach-like phrases such as "Run! Run! Run!", and "Heal! Heal! Heal!", but eventually at his whits end his voice will become a high pitch whine as he pleads to the raid to pay attention and do these simple in-game movements. It's really not that hard to hit your "E" key or your "W" key guys... I mean come on.. I'm doing it right now. See? *click click click cli-BLAM* Why are you guys all over there? *BLAM* You're supposed to be over here. *BLAM* Come on guys keep it togeth... *BLAM BLAM BLAM* He'll continue to lead the raid, despite how godawful it's going, until the breaking point (his keyboard breaking point). As his keyboard is destroyed from two frustrated fists, causing his in-game movements to be erratic the raid will be called for 24 hours - so he can go buy a new keyboard.



The TooCool Fool - is the guild member who is just too cool to be bad. When things go wrong, it's never HIS fault. No that's impossible! He's too cool to wipe a raid. That's not blinding arrogance he's feeling, that's his 'confidence' he tells himself - that causes him to repeatedly fail... err others to fail... yeah yeah that's the ticket. His gaming can never be questioned. Don't question it! If he's a tank, he died cuz the heals were fail, not because he had a debuff and didn't pop a defensive cd, or pulled too much trash and failed on producing sufficient threat. I mean seriously, the TooCool Fool knows that cd's are for 'oh sht' purposes only, duh noobs. If he's dps and died in fire, it was the healers fault for not healing him enough. If he's a healer, oh wait, the TooCool Fool never plays healers because that might actually give him some legitimate perspective and liability and... well.. more importantly... no one to blame!
Edited by Deathpony on 1/3/2011 1:35 PM PST
Reply Quote
70 Draenei Paladin
12725
The Gey Barist - is the homosexual guild member that is actually very reserved with this gey-ness, but publicly will acknowledge to being so. Everyone knows he is, and even he won't deny it, but other then his voice, it's not an in-your-face kinda thing (even his lisp is hard to catch). Instead he's always a target of the flirtations of other still-in-the-closet guildies, who are just 'pretending' and are like 'totally straight, no seriously.' The Gey Barist almost always plays a feral druid tank, and the only thing that gives him more pleasure then putting a rocket pack on his butt and flying around instances, is the subtle innuendo from the 'bare/bear ass' jokes he's subjected to from the number of 'totally straight' guys in the guild. That's because he knows he'll just get them in the end (pun totally intented). The Gey Barist is great to have in your guild, as they make exceptionally capable, loyal, and friendly members. Nor do they shy away from responsibility (as long as it's not overburdening), and posses the anti-virus to settle any irate DFO's in your guild. Beware tho, any Gey Barists that are ridiculed in your guild, will be subjected to a fury from any guild DFO's the likes of which will even send a Raspberry hiding under the covers calling for mommy... and another pack of cigarettes.


The Lore Lord - is similar to an iKnow but reversed. Instead of knowing everything about every subject and having one source like the iKnow, the Lore Lord knows only about one thing (the lore behind the game) but has collected every fragment of information possible and catalogued it into their mental library. Remember that email a dev sent that made a lore reference to something incredibly vague in terms of a background element of a character you never heard of, or a doodle someone did online of some equally unknown character? No? Well the Lore Lord remembers. In fact, he has that doodle on his desktop! Anytime anyone has a question regarding the game lore, the Lore Lord is happy to respond, as this gives him reason for living... well... that and debating the hypothetical scenarios and possible future of said character story lines - or attending Blizzcon and correcting developers on lore points. Being immersed in a sustained 3D world based on their favorite topic you'd think they'd be happy 24/7, but they aren't. Instead Lore Lords are usually upset at game changes that are in direct contradiction to the lore behind the game - who cares about balance, the lore has to be right noob! Whatever you do, don't mention topics like Dwarf Shamans, or Tauren Paladins on Vent around a Lore Lord, it'll turn them into a Lore-based overly opinionated whiney ranting tyrant. When two opposing view point having Lore Lords get together, an aneurysm is sure to follow.

(OK I just coined the term 'Lore Lord' too.)
Edited by Deathpony on 11/23/2010 5:41 PM PST
Reply Quote
70 Draenei Paladin
12725
The Shadow Emperor - is the master manipulator who has everything proceeding as they have foreseen it. These are members with plans within plans to be the ultimate super power on the server by secretly controlling one of the better raid guilds on it, and manipulating a number of lesser ones like satellites around it. They are usually on Vent, or just guild chat, at odd hours talking and conspiring to overthrow the knightly leadership by eroding it away while simultaneously causing their star to rise on the shoulders of those they've duped. They never suggest that they should lead, but their tireless devotion to establishing a new order within the guild, coupled with the persona that they are reluctant to lead, they don't have to. When Shadow Emperor's assume control, the previous leadership has become mere puppets under his or her absolute control. Interesting enough, their actions can serve to the betterment of a guild to organize it and turn it around, much like the National Socialist party turned Germany around, but absolute power... as they say... corrupts absolutely. The key to keeping them from slipping into the darkness, is a honorable and morale companion to walk with them, not a blindingly loyal apprentice. The Shadow Emperor is hard to identify, because they work endlessly to present themselves as a die hard Loyalist, but they suffer from weakness common to those who desire ultimate power... megalomania, and sooner or later, they just gotta tell some random individual about their inglorious accomplishments.


The Joxer - is the guild member who got in because he's a cousin or friend of a more established and respected member, but honestly doesn't belong. This is the guild member who is grossly incompetent but so damned nice and sincere you just can't find being a jerk to him, and even the leadership will still bring him to raids despite his lack of contribution. There's almost no way to get them to improve, as most of them have mental conditions that prevent it, either natural or accident related. If the Joxer is a tank, he never tanks bosses in main raids and will be put on add tank duty. When running Alt Raids, guildies will forget how atrocious he is as a tank and invite him, then quickly regretting it. If Joxer is a dps, he'll usually blow up the healers as a bomb, and because of this the raid often gives a sigh of relief when he dies within the first 30 seconds of an encounter. Because he is the perpetually carried member, the Joxer always has least priority on loot and is never battle ressed, but he doesn't care, he's just glad he could come to the raid.

Edited by Deathpony on 11/24/2010 10:28 AM PST
Reply Quote
70 Draenei Paladin
12725
The Old Timer - is the guild member who played back when you didn't get an epic mount until maximum level 60, and just having movement speed on your boots was a rarity... and HE LIKED IT! All these new fangled enhancements to the game has done nothing but make you youngsters soft! Heirlooms are for spoiled brats who never had to grind a REAL level a day in their life. He used to take 2 hours to get a group, then take 3 hours to get there, for 3 more hours of nightmarish spanking fun - just to get thru a 5 man dungeon and get a whopping 3% of a level. That was real WoW'n, not this nancy pancy whipped faceroll content we have now. 25 man hardmodes are nothing when you have extended dynamic raid ID's. He raided when to down the boss you needed 40 people that all spammed one ability over and over again. He was ready to raid like that for the next 25 years. Who cares if it worked!? The Old Timer will never spare a moment to remind everyone just how hard it was back in Classic WoW to anyone that will, or won't, listen. He's so old that they actually killed dinosaurs when he was young.... they were out in Un'Goro.



The Big Baby - is the regular guild member who thinks nothing is ever fair if the universe doesn't bow to cater to him specifically. Yes that's right, things are only fair in Big Baby's view if they receive more compensation then anyone else. He's special, because his mommy told him so, so he deserves extra special treatment in order for things to be 'fair'. If he's late to the raid, he should still get his on-time bonus because he had 'special circumstances' us normal people wouldn't understand. We should always make exceptions for Big Baby, because gosh golly, he's nice enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it people like... who am I kidding? He's a royal pain in the ass that drives everyone nuts. That's why he never is able to ascend to leadership ranks in respectable guilds, and has the highest % chance of all guild personalities to be told to just "STFU!"


Edited by Deathpony on 1/3/2011 1:32 PM PST
Reply Quote
85 Gnome Warrior
ETF
8250
Not going to lie, this is a rather amusing thread. Thanks pony.

I'll delete this in a couple day to keep the clutter down.
Reply Quote
70 Draenei Paladin
12725
The Obamination - is the guildie who simply cannot live without Vent. Nothing makes them happier then the sound of their own voice, and talk talk talk they shall. The Obamination is the absolute worst kind of raid leader, or strat explainer, as they will take an hour to explain a 5 minute fight. They are never organized, because why should they be, the public loves to hear the sound of their voice. So it doesn't matter if the material is all out of order or the actual important points completely missed... well in THEIR mind anyways. The Obamination is a deeply religious individual in the church of Voice Chat, and the thought, the very concept of raiding without it is heresy punishable by death - death by voicechat - until your ears bleed from their circular fact-less illogical arguments and emotion based points - that take 25 minutes to explain each one.



The Pony - is the guild member that is very much like the Workhorse but receives significantly less guild recognition despite carrying an equal, if not more difficult, load on behalf of the overall betterment of the guild. While horses are always in a race to get to the finish line, a Pony will take the sure and steady way to get there. This is because they understand that the 'finish line' is well beyond that flimsy ribbon and where the road ultimately ends. As such they put in as much time with the guild at the start of an expansion, as they do at the end of one. They are typically passed over guild members that continue to do what is right for (and by) the guild despite the lack of recognition. Their seemingly tireless devotion to 'the cause', and because they are incredibly fun to ride, a Pony slowly makes steadfast friendships of an honorable nature with fellow guildies and even many non-guildies. These friendships can range from the most respected to the most reviled individuals on a server, as their harmless nature opens many mouths to feed their long soft ears. When at work the Pony's shorter legs causes them to be brief and too the point, but when it comes to fun and play, they are overzealous and overwhelmingly playful to the point of being contagious!
Edited by Deathpony on 1/3/2011 1:34 PM PST
Reply Quote
70 Draenei Paladin
12725
The Low Roller - is the guild member who thinks he's cursed because he always rolls the absolute worst roll possible when dicing on loot. It isn't that he's cursed or jinxed, or that it's destiny, it's just that the RNG actually hates him. It hates him with a passion for loosing that favorite 1d20 when he was 9 years old while playing Dungeons and Dragons, and has held it against him ever since. This is the guy who always rolls single digits, and if you reverse the rolls so that lowest roll wins, he'll roll a 98-100. The Low Roller isn't a guy that occasionally rolls low, he always rolls low to the point that everyone else will notice the pattern. Other then this his behavior is typically that of a Loyalist with solid attendance and performance. Because of this, leadership will occasional bend the rules or go out of their way to help ensure the Low Roller finally wins that one item they just can't seem to win - at a cost to themselves. Take note: This is good because it promotes loyalty, dedication, and shows leadership cares enough to help their members out even at a deficit to themselves. The Low Roller will become the most dedicated and loyal of guild members to leaderships who do so, as well as help the breed multiply within said guild.



The Mother Faker - is here to support the guild and be a loyal and helpful member until the end... the end of their enjoyment with the guild. Which unfortunately happened some time ago and they have been projecting a false pro-guild image ever since. In fact, experts aren't even sure if they were happy at all in the last 6 months with the guild, because they fake it, and fake it oh so good they do. Much like a restless unsatisfied female companion, the Mother Faker isn't actually happy with the current situation, but they'll never tell you this. Oh, because that might hurt your feelings. Awww how nice of them. Not nearly as nice as say leading on your entire guild to believe they're gearing up the new spec, or toon (especially right after an expansion) to be the new forefront Tank or Healer for the guild.. and then just ditch out once they've gotten geared... is it? Yes friends, much like that previous ex who suddenly had a new boy/girl friend less then a week after breaking up with you, the Mother Faker has already been entertaining other guild memberships for months. Months! They've just been casually stiring you while they warm the stuff on the backburner. But don't worry, they usually come crawling back once they've learned it's better to rule in Hell then serve in Heaven as a worthless peon. Just make sure to give those Mother Fakers a new job that better suits their current qualifications - like Mail Boy. Or better yet! Toilet Scrubber - armed justly thus with a toothbrush and a mouthfull of spit.
Edited by Deathpony on 1/3/2011 1:34 PM PST
Reply Quote
70 Draenei Paladin
12725
The Castaway - has been abandoned by all his friends here on Guildless-Again's Isle. This usually leaves him sitting in a now defunct guild by him/herself or just simply guild-less. According to the Castaway, he was betrayed by the Skipper and the Professor (Mary Ann and Ginger were totally jock'n him) and they only pretended to be his friend because they ditched him the second better opportunities came up. Those former rotten friends and guildies deserve our animosity and to be loathed for what they did to him/her, well... that is... according to the Castaway. He obvious did nothing wrong. He was a good guildie that works hard (at helping himself, ya know, when it suits him). The sad reality is the Castaway is an a-hole. He or she just doesn't know it yet, and most likely wouldn't believe anyone who told him. Everyone that comes into contact with him eventually gets tired of dealing with his self-centered nature and moves on. The defining behaviors of an Castaway are his/her strong belief in unwarranted persecution, and the complete absence of altruistic behavior. It takes an epiphany of self for them to turn themselves around in a positive way, because the other 99.999999% of the time they just morph into another negative personality type, and continue their walk down Jackhole Lane.
Edited by Deathpony on 1/3/2011 2:33 PM PST
Reply Quote
70 Draenei Paladin
12725
The Vampire - is one of the most serious and active members of a raid guild and always 'vonts to vaid'. They don't just give 100% towards the raid platform, they give 200-300%. They are tireless and their contributions are endless while they are on, usually all night. The Vampire is like the Loot Mooch in the sense that they play vigorously and then suddenly disappear, but unlike the Loot Mooch, the Vampire disappears simply because they become bored with the current times (aka content) or gorged from the killing. Their nature causes them to rise to drink heavily for the pure enjoyment of their thirst for it, but eventually they need to 'return to the earth' to rest and recover their strength (or just to play the latest expansion of Grand Theft Auto obviously). And so they fall off the active radar, becoming mere legends in the guild's oral history until the population swells again.. and beckons them to once again arise from the grave.... and pave the instance server with roads of carnage... and of blood.. AH! Ah! Ahhhhh!!
Edited by Deathpony on 1/3/2011 2:50 PM PST
Reply Quote
70 Draenei Paladin
12725
The Orphan - is the poor guild member that found himself without a guild after being gone temporarily. He's homeless now, wandering the streets, trying to find a good guild to take him in, but this rarely happens. Instead he makes friends with genuinely nice people, who are sadly little more then glorified homeless people themselves, living in painted cardboard box guilds, lighted with broken Xmas lights, powered by chained duct taped orange extension cords. Because the people he actually had on Real ID have retired, he's lost contact with his old friends and guildies, that have moved off server or faction transferred and most likely renamed. The Orphan will eventually find a new home, but he or she will always miss the old one. Sometimes their journey will be short, and other times it could take an expansion or two. If they are found by a wealthy or influential individual of a prominent family and recognized accordingly, they usually end up being adopted. A polite demeanor and big smile goes a long way towards this, as well as a pleasant singing voice (or lovable cat or dog). After all, tomorrow's only a day away.
Edited by Deathpony on 1/3/2011 3:06 PM PST
Reply Quote
70 Draenei Paladin
12725
The Philanthropist - is the absolute rarest of guild member types to the point of being unique. These individuals aren't just rare to guilds, or factions, or servers, they are rare to the game itself. They have a selfless concern for player welfare and advancement rooted in a tireless dedication to the pursuit of the 'greater good'. Sometimes when faced with severe adversity their actions can appear to be insane. Their actions can often, but not always, be both seen and felt on servers they participate on - and if so eventually garnish hard earned respect from all personality types. Their goals are long term in nature often taking years to yield fruit, but they are also wide in view with their influence encompassing not just a singular guild, or faction, or server, but the game itself. They do not seek to lead to control others, but instead they look to inspire others by leading by example so that each person may rise up and reach their full potential. By looking closely enough, one can sometimes ascertain how even their small actions fit into their goals. The Philanthropist's contributions to the betterment of all are seemingly endless, as they are persistent workers as much as they are steadfast in their devotion to the holy church of altruism. Websites, guides, and hosted events at no benefit to themselves (often under unknown aliases) are some of their signature methods. One of their defining behaviors is their desire to be respected for their positive contributions to the community, not be defined, vilified, nor glorified by their actions. When you find those who would never defend another doing so, you'll find they are defending a Philanthropist.
Edited by Deathpony on 1/3/2011 4:22 PM PST
Reply Quote
70 Draenei Paladin
12725
The Clown - is the guild's comedian, always cracking jokes here and there. They like one liners and robust jokes as much as someone farting on their mic on Vent. Old jokes, young jokes, blonde jokes, fat jokes, yo momma jokes, racist jokes, Chuck Norris jokes, Gnome jokes, gamer jokes you name it they got it or wanna hear it. These guys, and they are almost always guys, loooooove to be on Vent, but we don't mind. Sure they float most conversations with their 'stories', or their commentary during someone else's story, but they have a great sense of humor. They are usually very popular in a guild because of their amusing and light hearted nature. Everyone loves it when they die in a raid tho, even during the most stressful of progression, because they always have some funny excuse that makes you laugh. Which is good, it keeps Slammer from going offline and even the Raspberry from having to put down his cigarette.
Reply Quote
22 Night Elf Hunter
0
Thanks Pony. Even better than I expected.
Edited by Carlyle on 1/4/2011 11:01 PM PST
Reply Quote
70 Draenei Paladin
12725
The Queen Bee-otch - All rise in the presence of Queen Bee-otch! And in the case of female members of the guild, turn and run for you very lives! Your doom is at hand! This guild member is the female overlord of any guild she resides in, and any trespassing fellow female gamers who enter her domain are shot on sight, ripped to shreds, and devoured in her massive gaping pie hole. Like a rabid hippopotamus she marks her territory and defends it vigorously. The Queen Bee-otch not only wants, but needs, to be the one and only female guild member, because her abysmal self esteem from being one of the uggliest 'things' you'll ever see, lives on the attention of male players (as well as a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and Ben and Jerry's). Any female players who are not already friends with this personality entering her domain, would be wise to remain incognito. Pssst! Pretend yer a guy and stay the F off vent if you value your life! The Queen Bee-otch will normally have the majority of the unmarried male players in the guild wrapped around her finger, but the poor bastards don't know she's over 300 lbs, with 5 chins, coke bottle glasses, and if you gave her a ride in your car would completely depress the struts on the right side. The only way for guilds to avoid the potential problems of or development of a Queen Bee-otch, is to remain Vent-less. This is because guys won't ever fully believe someone is a woman until they hear them on Vent, and much like a phone sex operator, this fugly 50 year old trailer park skank will be able to dupe them with a false picture and pretend voice... to control them thru their crotch til the end of eternityyyyyyy... or you know... until they go to their first keg party at college and talk to a real woman without having to give their credit card number... or a raid slot.
Edited by Deathpony on 1/5/2011 3:42 PM PST
Reply Quote
70 Draenei Paladin
12725
The Bubble Leech - is the relatively new female guild member that tries to empower her standing within the guild by being the biggest flirt with the male members of the guild. She is constantly giggling and participating in, if not initiating, sexual conversations. She verbally pokes and teases male members, most notably the senior and leadership members (especially the GM who is her primary target), and persistently tries to get them infatuated with her. The Bubble Leech is not a particularly skilled player, and constantly needs help, but she works herself into raid line-ups like a weed in a sidewalk by working her social mojo endlessly. If she fails at something, shows up late, or is just being useless, she'll just flutter those eyelashes to get out of it, or give a big pout. The goal of the Bubble Leech is to attach herself to the scalp of the GM, and slowly at first but then rapidly later, suck his brains out - leaving him with various mental problems but an undying loyalty (to the point of zealousness) towards her. It is important to note that the Bubble Leech is the immortal enemy of the Queen Bee-otch. These two are the most heated of rivals, and drama wars that result in these two's feuding often destroy guilds with their Godzilla vs King Kong-like carnage. Bubble Leeches, like Queen Bee-otches, suffer from low self esteem, which results in them either being jumbo sized or anorexic social misfits in the real. Altho their light hearted, and sometimes refreshing personality, can be seen as a positive thing early on; these individuals are cancerous to all guilds because they corrupt leadership with their ceaseless siphoning, which causes her victims to eventually turn against each other in real or imagined jealousy.
Reply Quote
70 Draenei Paladin
12725
The Foreigner - isn't an 80's hair band, well actually there is one but that's not what I'm talking about, is the guild member that speaks with a strong foreign accent. You'll find this personality most common on American servers speaking with a British accent, but not always. Foreigners are a rare breed on European servers because of their already diverse cultural nature, and their more popular tendency to raid Vent-less. Thus preventing accents from becoming an issue by not being heard at all, or drown in a sea of equal dialogues. To be a true Foreigner, the individuals accent has to noticeably stand out from the majority. When they talk, especially when mad, they have to make you giggle cuz of the way they pronounce their words - and in the case of opposite sexes, arouse them. Unfortunately asians cannot be Foreigners, because of their choppy handling of Engrish, err English. We don't know what it is, but there is something about them that makes them pleasant to hear on Vent, and give pause to what we are doing and pay attention. If Foreigners speak with an accent that isn't similar to an known internet meme, they can find great success in leadership positions, while those that do will continually battle with being taken seriously amidst interjected comments such as "THAT'S A 50 DKP MINUS!" Strong confident female Foreigners with a mind to lead, with a little D.F.O. in them, can find substantial success in such pursuits. While males should avoid leadership positions on American servers. Instead they will find more accomplishment in positions of representation of the raid body to guild leadership - cuz there's nothing like a Brit with his accent politely telling your GM how F'n wrong he is.
Edited by Deathpony on 1/5/2011 4:18 PM PST
Reply Quote

Please report any Code of Conduct violations, including:

Threats of violence. We take these seriously and will alert the proper authorities.

Posts containing personal information about other players. This includes physical addresses, e-mail addresses, phone numbers, and inappropriate photos and/or videos.

Harassing or discriminatory language. This will not be tolerated.

Forums Code of Conduct

Report Post # written by

Reason
Explain (256 characters max)

Reported!

[Close]