Types of Guild Members

70 Draenei Paladin
The Praise Slave - is the nicest most helpful guild member in the whole wide world, because they are the most-est specialist-est person there is! It's true! These individuals have an evil seed inside them that grows when watered with praise, and so they gravitate towards environments that openly employ praise systems. They are like that kid in elementary school that had to have a trapper keeper with the most stickers from doing well on it. They strut around with their heads held high, filled with the hot air of imagined self importance from a lifetime of 'farmed' praise, believing the number of stickers they have dictates their superiority - which has to be acknowledged with increasing frequency as the size of their cranium reaches massive proportions. How dare you not invite them to a dungeon group, or a raid, or anything! Who cares if they are the most inept and worthless raider, they are so absurdly nice and helpful in everything else, they deserve to be the exception to the rule, fool! The Praise Slave literally lives on the praise of others, becoming depressed when ignored, but will eventually become so filled of hot air that their desires turn into arrogance and desired favoritism. It is here that they become angry and even passive aggressive towards their 'superiors' for not regularly acknowledging their "vast" and "important" ongoing contributions to the guild, which omg, should be putting them into an elite god-like status by everyone. Unfortunately like a weed that has now become your entire front lawn from 'watering' it, the Praise Slave will eventually need to be 'pulled out'. If allowed to reach epic proportions, they will often become an Emozilla, and then later an Orphan, and very rarely a Queen Bee-otch, for it is only a matter of time. Decimators and Jim Jones use Praise Slaves as common examples of the types of members that need to be cut. The Joxer and Big Baby are often their friends, and even sometimes the Low Roller.
Edited by Deathpony on 7/18/2011 3:25 PM PDT
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85 Troll Mage
The Kid - This one is the youngin' of the guild. Half of the guild has him/her on mute in vent, the other half will defend him to the end of time because he/she is "just a child." They routinely want achieve more complicated aspects of the game, but will never go as far as wowpedia to research it and will bug others to more or less carry them through their dreams and wishes. They never have any gold, not even enough for repairs, how this is possible is beyond comprehension. Atlasloot is their God. They constantly link items, they don't have. They will call out during trash, "If the Staff drops, can I have it?" Or, they will berate you with whispers asking you to give/sell them the loot they wanted that you just won. Shockingly in these moments, they have gold.
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85 Blood Elf Death Knight
This was pretty cool. I hope you can come up with more. =) The vampire one made me laugh and I've known a Slammer, just not in Wolf Pack.
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How about the guy that just never talks. You've never once heard him say a word. Some say they've heard him speak once, but most consider that a campfire story.

*cough* Solarist *cough*

Someone work with that
Edited by Gobs on 4/29/2011 6:49 AM PDT
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90 Blood Elf Paladin
11/22/2010 11:03 AMPosted by Deathpony
and when things get ruff

I believe that the word you are looking for is 'rough'.

I honestly have no idea why I felt the need to make this post. But I did it nonetheless.

Also, this thread was well done, Pony-person.
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70 Draenei Paladin
The Meterbater - is obsessed with Recount (or Skada) performances. This personality is always a boy, girls just don't do this, and he goes completely bananas about his standing and performance reflected in meters. And he'll take every chance he can get, even after every single pull to link meters, and hoot and holler about it. The Meterbater derives orgasmic bliss from this endeavor, BECAUSE OH MY GAWD DID YOU JUST SEE HOW MUCH DPS I JUST DID!? DUDE I just did like THREE TIMES the rest of this group! And in their minds, that makes them 3 times better than anyone else, because their meter standing is a reflection of their social standing. It doesn't matter that it was a trash pull and they pop'd every single cd they had, and at the end of the instance they'll have less damage and less average dps then everyone else, even the tank, from being dead 50% of the time. They don't care! They care about the now! The here and now, FOOL! The last parse that's still in recount showing them at the top IS ALL THAT MATTERS DUMMY! These 'Recounters' quickly become increasingly annoying to other guild members, and leadership will inevitably have to convey the strong message of "STFU with the meters already!" Course, as much as the Meterbater loves Recount, he is deathly afraid of the other parsed information, and this is his achilles heel, particularly the Total Deaths meter. In fact, the one addon that gives these individuals nightmares is... den den daaaa... Ensidia Fails! Usage of this addon will normally preemptively neuter a Meterbater.
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70 Draenei Paladin
The Dinger - "Ding!" Hey check it out, the Dinger just leveled... again... for the 30th time tonight. Did you know? Quick! Tell them congratulations! Getting lower levels while wearing BoA gear and being run through dungeons with a 60+ player, is extremely hard to come by. Looting all those piles of bodies is hard work! That was a lot of effort there to get 10 levels an hour, standing by the instance portal, waiting for the high level to come back with 50 mobs on him he then 1 shots. Show them some respect you cynical grump. Sure you know it was hard back when YOU played during Vanilla, and it took you 3-4 hours to get to the instance, 5 hours to do it, and maybe in a week you could get one level with rest experience, BUT SOME HOW THE GAME GOT HARDER OVER THE YEARS (but not really) and that's a genuine accomplishment. Sure it is! They obviously deserve a reward. Here, give them a cookie, pat them on the head with a nice 'Grats', and tell them how great they are doing. I mean what's next? They going to remove actual failing marks and letter grades from elementary schools and just give people smiley stickers instead?............ What? OH CRAP! Isn't this how you breed psychopaths and narcissists? What the *bleeeeeeeeeep* do we *bleeeeeeeep* think we are *bleeeeeep* doing with this *bleeeeeep*?! Do we really want our future to be accurately reflected in the movie Demolition Man? If I want a burger in the future, will it be made outa rats that I purchased in a "DING!"..... hey grats.
Edited by Deathpony on 6/9/2011 5:22 PM PDT
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70 Draenei Paladin
The Lead Head - is the guild's resident narcissist. No has ever done anything better or more extreme than the Lead Head. If you're proud about something, he'll discourage it by making you feel your accomplishment was trivial and worthless compared to his awesome leet-ness. You dumb noob, just bow down and grovel at their awesome levels of totally awesomeness! The Lead Head has an ego so massive, their head has swelled like a hot air balloon, but they are so oblivious to people's feelings around them, so dense, that their head has solidified into a massive chunk of granite that even the Man of Steel cannot penetrate. It doesn't matter what you did or how you did it, because when they were your level, or lower, and in worse gear, hey did it better so you didn't actually accomplish anything. The benefit to their weighty cranium is it drags a long behind them like a ball and chain, slowing them down, and making it oh so easy to walk away from them. Which is what you should do, or simply dismiss their arrogance with statements like, "Shutup, no one likes you anyways." Such remarks will deal crushing blows to the Lead Head's narcissistic mental bubble he lives in, crippling him. He'll probably cry... and then begin the long process of plotting the elaborate revenge of your downfall. Complete with theme music!
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90 Worgen Warrior
how about "The Invisible GM"

The guild leader that will put more time into running the guild website that no one goes to, than actually spending time online in the guild.

A leader that will run away at the first sign of trouble or dissent, often for days at a time, then come back and guild kick the complainer and ignore the issues that were raised (even the legitimate ones).

The Invisible GM will happily delegate responsibilities to officers in the guild so they can take a "lifestyle" break, but should the officers be a bit too successful in running the guild in their absence, the Invisible GM will immediately rush back and make some bizarre sweeping changes to the guild that were completely unnecessary, just to show that they are still needed. They then disappear again, leaving behind bemused and alienated officers in their wake.

If any more proof of their worth is needed, the Invisible GM will disappear just as something mysteriously goes wrong, like vent doesn't work, and come back a couple of days later and magically fix the crisis just as the raid is about to start. Huzzah!

During their absences the Invisible GM will be sure to have a lackey or two that will monitor all guild communications and report back any suspect behaviour by guild members, even providing screenshots of guild chats and whispers, or recordings of vent conversations.

Invisible GMs hate being bothered by guildies while they're online but not in guild, so they might suddenly "discover" that all their Real ID friends have been wiped by a bug, so guildies can no longer contact them while they're playing toons on another realm. That leaves Guildies wondering why the Real ID "bug" didn't affect anyone else and why the GM made no attempt to re-add the Real ID friends they "lost", but it's hard to question someone who isn't there..

Invisible GMs have high expectations for their guild but absolutely no idea about how to achieve them, and they deal with this frustration by building up new guilds on other servers, so when their current guild implodes due to absent leadership, they can quickly jump ship and begin the cycle all over again...
Edited by Oeorpata on 6/9/2011 11:16 PM PDT
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70 Draenei Paladin
You fail to incorporate any of the negative types into a positive type.

Actually I did. Several times. I take some of the negative behaviors and point out the positive aspects they bring, if any. For example, Complainy Smurf, D.F.M., Shadow Emperor, and Low Roller were all negative behaviors that I pointed out their positive effect on a raid.

As for your submission, I like it. =^)
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70 Draenei Paladin
The Arrogantist - is angry, unhappy, and ALWAYS has an opinion on something. Ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley low for them to not complain about, because they hate everything, people especially. Arrogantists hate people so much because deep down inside they hate themselves. They view imperfection and mistakes as a curse, but value and respect players who own up to their own mistakes. In fact, the more open and blunt you are with your own criticism, the more they will respect you - which they do so with themselves and thereby lead by example with being more brutal on themselves than anyone else ever. Oh they might be harsh at times and call you out for being a complete retard, when you have been, but their observations on raid performance serve to help maintain awareness of it, and as a result, help contribute to continued improvement... or a lot of crying and drama depending on their audience. They love to soapbox. They love to grandstand. But the hardest things for them to ever do are, STFU, believe in others, genuinely delegate responsibility, or give up 'control'. Arrrogantists are tireless leaders often accused of elitism, but it is simply that their personality demands excellence, and nothing less. They will bond greatly with a D.F.M. for both share a common hatred of excuses and denial, aka bullsh*t. Other friends include the Old Timer, the Raspberry, the Slammer, and the Clown - who has a high tendency to crack jokes about the person the Arrogantist calls out. If the Too Cool Fool is a good friend, they'll get a long great, if a recruit... wear a fire suit for the incoming verbal napalm. Unfortunately, though they bring many positive aspects to the raid, and can serve to push hard progression, the Arrogantist suffers from a fatal character flaw - they can't balance their vinegar with sugar. As a result, their followers don't actually like them. They just use them for their own personal benefit and eventually move on. The Arrogantist doesn't care, they played like crap and were carried anyways.
Edited by Deathpony on 6/13/2011 3:35 PM PDT
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85 Troll Hunter
Highly entertaining... more please!
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85 Blood Elf Mage
Tehehe...that amused me so much~ Although reading thru I actually could say I'm very similar to Workhorse expect I don't talk much in vent unless I'm hyper or/and if I'm already familiar with my guildies then I'm an all out talker...XD
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90 Human Mage
Bumping just cause... well.... it's a good read and a I was in the mood for it.
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85 Tauren Warrior
I hate it when guildies have some smartass remark to make about anything you say. I usually just jokishly refute their statements while they obviously get angrier and more inclined to prove their point, when they have no idea about what I was talking about to begin with.
Edited by Rot on 11/8/2011 1:01 PM PST
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90 Tauren Druid
well this may be a old thread but loved it!
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85 Night Elf Rogue
I think you're missing a category.

The Shakespearean Depressive:

Not named for causing melodrama, this player is the main character of their own private tragedy play. Quiet and withdrawn, the Shakespearean Depressive is often pessimistic about yet another tier of poor progression. They can at times seem to be arrogant or aloof, which is an unfortunate byproduct of their poor social skills. It's possible for them to be in a guild for months without getting to know anyone.

Disillusioned with the lack of propensity of others to improve, the Shakespearean Depressive ignores everything except making his or her own play better. They've long since given up measuring themselves against their guildmates, and are often hesitant or modest to the point of defensiveness about their own performance, since they've researched enough to know that they should be able to do even better.

While the Shakespearean Depressive rarely talks, it's a sign of the apocalypse if they ever miss a raid. They're also known for being specialists in their spec/class/role, so if you've just rolled an alt of their class, they're the first person you ask for directions. Also known as the Runaway Puppy, it's not strange for them to guild hop or server transfer every few months, looking for a fabled place where they can feel at home.
Edited by Verelyse on 2/23/2012 7:07 AM PST
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