The Assassination of Cairne Bloodhoof

85 Worgen Warrior
1930
The smell of delicious morsels hung in the air like a Horde Strike Force member afraid to land for fear of being camped. Pilgrim's Bounty had finally arrived in Azeroth. As always, The Scarlet March gathered together for an evening of debauchery and fine foods. Each member had brought a mouth-watering dish to share among his bretheren.

Once all of the food had been laid out, everyone grabbed a plate and prepared to dine on the bounty of the land. However, after loading up their plates with a smörgåsbord of options, it soon became evident that something was amiss.

"We only have side items" Thweebo said, before being told firmly to shut the hell up.

"Actually, he's right. Who was supposed to bring the turkey? Wasn't it Vaelith?" Royastrasz said, his concern growing.

Vaelith looked up sheepishly.

"I was gonna get some turkeys, but then I got high."

"What did we say about flying at that elevation? The thin air affects your memory!" Manari chastised him.

"No way there are any turkeys left now" Imizael said, her fist clenched in famished balls of rage.

Smaepdii twirled his robust mustache, an obelisk of masculine virtue, growing from underneath his chiseled nose.

"Turkey is overplayed." Smaepdii said, a devious smile growing across his face.

Most of the Horde did not expect the Scarlet March's arrival in Thunderbluff, least of all Cairne Bloodhoof. He was momentarily curious of their intentions, but any question as to their motivation soon evaporated when he noticed that they were all wearing bibs and equipped with steak knives. Cairne put up a small fight, hopeful that someone would come to rescue him from The Scarlet March's growling bellies. Unfortunately, when he saw that the Horde Strike Force was the only guild insane enough to stand between TSM and their holiday meal, he knew that all hope was lost. Destroying the last of the Horde Strike Force, the Scarlet March again turned their hunger pangs towards Cairne. Helpless against them, he laid himself down, and offered his carcass unto the March.

"You can really taste the attunement to nature" Moguna said as he tore from her bit of Cairne steak.

"Of course you can," Josheb smiled "It's extremely fresh."

"We really should have killed him before we began eating" Thweebo quipped, as he cut another strip steak from Cairne's still warm flesh.

Full on delicious sacred shaman meat, the Scarlet March collapsed in a giant snuggle pile, and drifted off to sleep.

TL;DR - We killed Cairne Bloodhoof. He will never respawn again, and now in Maelstrom lore, he has been eaten by the Scarlet March.
Edited by Josheb on 11/23/2010 12:01 AM PST
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80 Human Paladin
5055
SwaggaQuest 2010: A great success.

E: Man this @!!! is good
Edited by Sindele on 11/22/2010 11:56 PM PST
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90 Dwarf Warrior
5080
/toothpick
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85 Human Priest
6580
DELICIOUS
Edited by Manari on 11/23/2010 12:02 AM PST
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85 Human Warlock
6590
royastrasz steakhouse dynasty
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85 Night Elf Priest
5505
Pass the A1 please
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90 Dwarf Warrior
5080
Anyone have some woresterchhererrrhrreererrr sauce?
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85 Draenei Shaman
6625
our circlejerk thread can beat up your circlejerk thread
Edited by Naide on 11/23/2010 12:02 AM PST
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MEDIUM RARE BIOTCHSTEAK
Edited by Moguna on 11/23/2010 12:01 AM PST
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85 Night Elf Priest
7830
Clearly the Horde are going to come up with some stupid story like Cairne being killed by Garrosh to cover up.
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The esteemed mage Vanirin was there to witness Caine's death, and sample the canapes I whipped up from Baine, so I don't know how they could hide the truth.
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85 Night Elf Priest
5505
He was communicating with us on his Alliance alt. He wanted us to pass the mashed potatoes.
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85 Human Warlock
6590
Guys, I'm still hungry.
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85 Worgen Warrior
1930
That's the best part of post-Pilgrim's Bounty day! Cairne Sandwiches for DAYS afterwards!
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I thought I felt your silence upon me, evil wench! >:E


You were talking with your mouth full. I don't appreciate Orcish table manners.
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