@Philomene

85 Blood Elf Paladin
5615
I am bored. Entertain me, and I shall send you my stolen turkey recipe.
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85 Human Priest
7800
Oh, you silly man. I was elsewhere when you posted this, playing amongst wheels of cheese.

And why would I want to entertain you? Likely my turkey recipe is better. And... you're a ginger. You're supposed to entertain others with your soulless antics.
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85 Blood Elf Paladin
5615
Funny that you should mention ginger. There's candied ginger, as part of the aromatics for this bird.

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85 Goblin Rogue
2495
I was elsewhere when you posted this, playing amongst wheels of cheese.


I am not sure why, but that made me LOL.

Maybe it's your avatar and imagining Phillo rolling around in a roomful of cheddar wheels.

I'm easily amused.
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85 Human Priest
7800
Thass hao Ah dooooo.

/cripwalks with a wheel of gouda beneath each arm
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85 Blood Elf Paladin
5615
Mena's hat makes her look like some kind of eeeeevul bunny rabbit. Trufax.
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71 Night Elf Hunter
1315
Better an evil bunny rabbit... then an armor wearing fop? -Ducks-
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85 Blood Elf Paladin
5615
Your words, they do not hurt me. I cleverly set my talents last night, ho ho! BULLETS RICOCHET OFF MY TEETH DAWG
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85 Blood Elf Paladin
5615
Also: Qualiniel smells like wet dog and feet IC. Discuss!
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71 Night Elf Hunter
1315
Also: Qualiniel smells like wet dog and feet IC. Discuss!


You forgot that nasty musty scent of bear too... And feet? I BEG TO ARGUE! She washes her feet religiously! But.. I gotta admit...

When I play her, I do imagine a musky scent of worn leather, armor oil, sweat and yes. Wet dog fur. DANGIT AMA! Stop crowding meeeee!
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85 Human Priest
7800
Mena's hat makes her look like some kind of eeeeevul bunny rabbit. Trufax.


Dammit, I logged off in RP gear. Why did it not save?

;_;

In other news, not only should you render unto me (that's right, I pulled a Davvi) the list of aromatics for this bird, but you should also render unto me a portion of said bird, as you clearly have way more turkey than is appropriate for a single dude.

Entertain me, and I shall send you my stolen turkey recipe.


Also, does this recipe work for purchased turkeys in addition to stolen ones, or has it been specifically formulated to highlight the deliciousness inherent in pilfered poultry?
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85 Blood Elf Paladin
5615
Alas (haha, I channeled every English writer in history, hahaha!), I have already promised excess turkey to my roommate, friends, and the dog. But because I'm really a -totally- nice guy, I'll give you the aromatics portion of the recipe.

***

1 red apple (sliced)
1/2 onion (sliced)
1 cinnamon stick
4 sprigs of fresh rosemary
6 leaves of fresh sage
1 cup of water

Okay, so water's not a spice. TOO BAD I SAY. Stir the apple, onion, cinnamon stick and water together into a microwave-safe dish. Nuke on high for 5 minutes. Add this mixture to the turkey's cavity along with the rosemary and sage. If you're smart, you'll tuck the wings beneath the bird, and coat the skin liberally with canola oil.

***

Note that this is for a properly-brined, 14-16 pound turkey, using amazingly tasty ingredients during the brining process. If you want the rest of the recipe, you will deliver unto me 10 silver and a pound of pocket lint, wrapped in non-sequential, unmarked Servitor of Lothar bills. Or the evul fluffy-bunny hat gets it. With a fire hose.

Edit to add: Stolen turkeys are delicious. This one, however, was totally free. NOM NOM NOM.
Edited by Maelthas on 11/24/2010 1:34 PM PST
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85 Human Priest
7800
I have already promised excess turkey to my roommate, friends, and the dog.


I rank somewhere below the dog.

/evulbunnyears droop
/shuffles foot

But because I'm really a -totally- nice guy


Lies. Lies and calumny, sez I.

If you want the rest of the recipe, you will deliver unto me 10 silver and a pound of pocket lint, wrapped in non-sequential, unmarked Servitor of Lothar bills. Or the evul fluffy-bunny hat gets it. With a fire hose.


I'm busy now, so I'm just going to have Kelidan the Breaker respond for me on the topic of your sad little headgear threats:

Closer! Come closer... and burn!


Thanks for that, Keli. (We're friends so I can call him that.) Anyhow, you get near my evulbunny ears with that hose and I'mma smite ya. Just sayin'.
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85 Human Priest
7800
Better an evil bunny rabbit... then an armor wearing fop? -Ducks-


Doublepost to say El gets five interwebs for using the word 'fop'.

But then I had to take them away because it's not an insult when you call a belf that. It's just trooooooooooooooooooooooof.
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85 Blood Elf Paladin
5615
Now why you gotta be that way. Kelidan and I go way back. I remember when we were both kids, chillin' in the slums of Hellfire Citadel, dreaming of the day when we and our crew would roll over the Temple of Karabor in our choppers.

But then Illidan showed up and crashed our party. The jerk.

Anyway! Deliver unto me a peace offering of the name of an affordable, excellent cheese to try, and I will give you the rest of the recipe.
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85 Blood Elf Paladin
5615

Doublepost to say El gets five interwebs for using the word 'fop'.

But then I had to take them away because it's not an insult when you call a belf that. It's just trooooooooooooooooooooooof.


But... you're married to Edgthorn. OSNAP!
Edited by Maelthas on 11/24/2010 2:15 PM PST
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85 Human Priest
7800
But... you're married to Edgthorn. OSNAP!


Don't say that name. It's like kryptonite.

SHHHHH.

It's like how people say 'IRONSKULLIRONSKULLIRONSKULL' three times fast, then spin in a circle and hit refresh and he appears. Except with Edgthorn you have to wave a nekkid lady over your head before hitting refresh. Good thing I'm out of nekkid ladies.

Or am I?

I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. Where's Peredhel? This thread needs moar troll. And my evulbunnyears need Bedazzlin'.

On the topic of cheese: if you have never had Valençay, I highly recommend. Not only is it seasonally appropriate (I like goat cheese with cranberries) but it has a great texture and the ashed rind is quite toothsome as well.
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85 Blood Elf Paladin
5615
I am pleased by your offering, Evulbunnyearz. When I return to my totally awesome bachelor pad, you will receive your just reward.

You're correct, this thread needs moar troll. If Peredhel is unavailable, I nominate Yunjin, cus he has the best mohawk evah.

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85 Blood Elf Paladin
5615
Stolen Roast Turkey Recipe

Ingredients:
One 14 to 16 pound frozen turkey
Canola Oil

For the brine:
* 1 cup kosher salt
* 1/2 cup light brown sugar
* 1 gallon vegetable stock
* 1 tablespoon black peppercorns
* 1 1/2 teaspoons allspice berries
* 1 1/2 teaspoons chopped candied ginger
* 1 gallon heavily iced water

For the aromatics:
* 1 red apple, sliced
* 1/2 onion, sliced
* 1 cinnamon stick
* 1 cup water
* 4 sprigs of fresh rosemary
* 6 leaves of fresh sage


2 to 3 days before roasting:

Defrost the Turkey
Begin thawing the turkey in the refrigerator. You want this bad boy completely defrosted. Don't be a newb and defrost it in the sink. You're just asking for food poisoning that way.

Prepare Brine
Combine the vegetable stock, salt, brown sugar, peppercorns, allspice berries, and candied ginger in a large stockpot over medium-high heat. Stir occasionally to dissolve solids, bring to a boil. Remove brine from heat, cool to room temperature, then refrigerate.

Night before Turkey Time:

Combine the brine, water and ice in a large container. I like to use an ice chest for this purpose, but use whatever will fit in your fridge that you can cover. If your ice chest is too big to fight, store it in a cool place, and pack it with zip-lock bags full of ice. Whatever you do, you want the temperature to remain around 38 degrees F. Place the thawed turkey (get rid of the innards first, they're pretty gross) breast-side down in brine. Make sure the turkey's fully immersed in the brine: you can weight it down if you have to. Cover and refrigerate (or set in cool area if you're using an ice chest) for 8 to 16 hours, turning the bird once half way through brining.

Turkey Day:

Preheat Oven and Prep Bird
Preheat the oven to 500 degrees F. Yes, you're reading this right, so calm the heck down. Remove turkey from brine and rinse inside and out with cold water. Discard the brine, you newb. Place the bird on roasting rack inside whatever you plan on roasting in. Pat dry with paper towels.

Combine Aromatics and Fill Bird
Okay, so water's not a spice. TOO BAD I SAY. Stir the apple, onion, cinnamon stick and water together into a microwave-safe dish. Nuke on high for 5 minutes. Add this mixture to the turkey's cavity along with the rosemary and sage. If you're smart, you'll tuck the wings beneath the bird, and coat the skin liberally with canola oil.

Cook Dis Overgrown Squab!
Roast the turkey on lowest level of the oven at 500 degrees F for 30 minutes. 30 MINUTES, YOU SHORTATTENTION SPANNED FREAKS! Insert a probe thermometer into thickest part of the breast and reduce the oven temperature to 350 degrees F. Set the thermometer alarm (if available) to 161 degrees F. A 14 to 16 pound bird takes about 2 to 2 1/2 hours to roast when it's been brined like this. Remove turkey from oven when it's done.

Serving
Let the turkey rest, loosely covered with foil, for 15 minutes before carving. Carve and enjoy. Worship the turkey gods later. Chase with a slice of pumpkin pie.
Edited by Maelthas on 11/24/2010 5:20 PM PST
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85 Human Priest
7800
I shall be going to the grocery store on Black Friday to pick up a discounted kosher turkey. We shall see how good your recipe is then, mister.
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