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On thick, cream-colored parchment:
I have received your request for admission into the ICBPStGS (I Can't Believe Per Stooped to Goblindom Society) and am happy to report that I have an opening for the position of publicist. If you wish to accept, please respond forthwith so that I may update the flyers which I will be nailing up in Dalaran, Ramkahen, and other outposts throughout Azeroth.
High Priestess of the ICBPStGS
Edited by Philomene on 12/11/2010 10:39 AM PST
On skin-colored. leathery paper, written with the blood and souls of the innocents and squirrels.
It would be a pleasure for me to help denounce the crime -nay, the raw evil- of the goblinisation that recently hit our favorite troll and will gladly take that publicist post. Do however take note that my responsibilities goes first to the ABWA (Angry and Bitter Warlock Association) and that I will therefore only be able to fill said post if it does not interfere with my role of president.
President and founder of the ABWA
Adrianu's response, attached to a bulky package:
To My Dearest Publicist, Adrianu:
Enclosed you will find the uniform of the ICBPStGS: A magenta silk gown which you will find is perfectly set off by the also-lovely high society top hat. I have also sent on copies of our first official statement, a treatise lambasting all things tiny, green, big-nosed, and smelly. Unfortunately I had to add some wording denouncing all dwarves who stoop to fooling around with such personages, but I'm sure you can see your way to amending my harsh language, or possibly changing the mind of any dirty dwarves you meet who might fit that description.
Another neatly-penned letter, this time addressed to a certain goblin:
To the So-Called Attorney of Fabulous:
It has come to my attention that your title is incorrect. Your title should be 'attorney of drabulous', because everyone know goblins retain little to no fashion sense due to them being unable to see past their inexplicably large noses. Another title you could likely claim is 'master booger miner' if this is preferable.
But that is not the point of this letter. The point is to inform you that we are organizing against you (we being the ICBPStGS) and will soon possess the power to make you pay for your crimes, the largest of which being the mere insult of your existence.
Post Script - I'm always covered in ink, being a scribe. But the bleach was unforgivable. You have ruined my lavender frock coat and I expect full recompense in the form of your seeing the light (little priestess humor there) and reverting to your full trollish glory. I will also accept fingerless lace gloves, or possibly cucumber sandwiches.
I maintain that they have tusks to balance that out. They're also bigger than I am. So I'm loathe to mess with that.
Also, do take notice that trolls are just generally huge: huge nose, huge tusks, huge hands, huge toes, huge p- well, you know, generally huge. Goblins are all small, maybe 30 pounds for the heaviest of them, and 90% of that weight is the ugly mass that they call nose in the middle of their face.
Written in glittering black ink on robin's egg blue stationary:
What power is this, if I may be so bold? Do you intend to shower me with clashing fabrics and those awful styles from the 80's? If so, I assure you that those efforts would only be rewarded in a bonfire event and s'mores for those who aren't so inclined to not just ponder the existence of my nose.
Consider this a dismissal of your silly organization and its so-called "power". There is no power in floral patterns, remember.
I am pleased to inform you that my title is, of current, Attorney of Fabulous and Squanderer of Petty and Obtrusively Ridiculous Kibitzers (S.P.O.R.K.).
The bleach did that frock coat good. You looked like a g%@%# in it.
Your obediently fabulous servant,
Attorney of Fabulous, S.P.O.R.K.
Wyvern's Tail, Orgrimmar, Kalimdor
Oh snap! Girlfriend did not just diss your coat.
I miss Per too. But he's gonna be coming to visit me and Husband again soon which means shenanigans, and jazz hands. \:D/
And probably Del Taco. Double \:D/
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