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So, some strange things have been happening since the last patch. I wake up in the morning, leap out of bed ready to spend some conquest points and hit the arena with my partners. I rush to the pvp vender, tug his shirt and say "excuse me sir...excuse me....... Id like some PVP gear". I suddenly find myself staring eye to eye with a double barrel shot gun. The vender eyes stare daggers at me as he says "Boy ...... your kind (affliction locks) aint welcome here."
I walk out confused. What did we do? We are not a super mega OP class that can skip down the streets of stormwind destroying all in our path. We are just simple folk that enjoy throwing out a little of pain over time with our shadowy shadow magic. We arnt even that good at it I am told by preists that enjoy similar hobbies.
I walk out into org and suddenly the mobs are spitting on me, throwing fruit and ouch ... a rock ... who threw that freaken rock???? I quickly stumble out of org to escape the rawr of abuse and the pummelling of propelled objects of hate and pain from angry computerised mobs. This is strange I say to myself .. its almost as if ... as if blizzard hates me.
So I decide not to get it down, do a few BGs, that always puts a smile on my dial. I attempt to que up and BBBZZZZZT. Blizzard some how created a method to actually send an electriacal pulse down the line through my mouse emiting a large painful shock every time I press the que button on my BG list. BBBBZZZZT ...... BBBBZZZZT... BBBBZZZZZT .........BBBBZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTT .....BBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT (ok Im a slow learner)
Oh NOOOOOoooo ... what am I to do? Wait... I have mail..... my arena partners surely they will have something nice to say to cheer me up. "Sorry Zhing .... its not you ..... its your crap class .... your dots are explled to easily and with out mana drain you wont be able to kill healers. ..... we have moved on with a nice resto druid. .... he is a good man and treats us well. We hope you can move on as well" But how can I? My dots are easily expelled and I have no mana drain.
OH MY GOD ... they are right... I have no mana drain. Plus a bunch of other crap has been changed. I check the patch notes. UA weakened, devour magic weakend, CoE weakend, fel armour drastically weakend everyone who plays a warlocks wobby has been nerfed by 60% size reduction.(I look downstairs... MY GOD ITS TRUE... My wife is gonna be so upset) Why whyyyyyy? I dont understand... what did we do wrong?
I decide to go to outlands to take down some level 70s. But my dots are easily expelled and I have no mana drain to kill their healers and I dont have the survivablity anymore to propel their powerful lvl 70 attacks.
So I head to stranglethornvale to farm some mobs for my leatherworking. But my dots are easily expelled and i have no mana drain, so their level 30 healers make quick work of me.
Ive had enough. I log off wow.
By the end of the week my wife has left me for a new man in her life. Rodney Oboogaboo. A pygmy paupa new guinian 35 year old paper boy with a skin irritation that bleeds a smelly puss like substance. But he plays a frost mage and can pull more DPS then I can. But what can I do? my dots are easily expelled and I have no mana drain.
I ask my son if he wants to do some world PVP with his old man. He stares at his feet and says to me "dad .. I would but your dots are easily expelled and you have no mana drain for healers". Instead he goes to play with the kid next door Special Timmy. Special Timmy was born with out arms or legs and communicates via blowing bubbles and soiling himself, he enjoys moaning, drooling and playing his ret paladin which has a 2300 arena rating.
That night I hear some Blizzard employee's doing something to the front of my house. I know this is true because as they drove off laughing and giggling I see on their bumper bar stickers saying "I dont break for affliction locks" and "Healer onboard, honk if your horny". The next day I notice the words "AFFLICTION LOCK LIVES HERE" written along the outside of my house. As I clean it off neighbours gather around shaking their heads and mumbling to themselves. I wave to missus Johnson and her son who often comes over to play with my son, she puts her hand over his eyes and she walks on ignoring my existance. It seems even my neigbors hate me now, but what can I do? My dots are easily expelled and I have no mana drain.
Angry I call up Blizzard and ask why the massive nerf to warlocks. He goes on to tell me that among other things Affliction warlocks stockpiled weapons of mass destruction in Iraq and moved them via the use of their demonic circles when Hands Blixx came looking for them making that lovely G W Bush look foolish (like he needed our help), that we were responsible for he black death, @#*% Germanys conquest of the world, that it was affliction warlocks that piloted the planes into buildings during 9/11. That we nailed a certain guy with the initials JC to a cross a couple of thousand years ago (but how could we? he was a healer that could dispel our dots and we have no mana drain) that we, drown puppies and kittens and were responsible for the sighning of such people and bands as Brittney Spears, Justin Bieber and the Spice girls to major record lables. He also told me that that Dingo that took that baby in australia was actually an afflcition lock in disguise. When I told him all these things were impossible because our weak dots were easily expelled and we had no mana drain his answer was nothing but a long evil laugh.
So affliction warlocks. Its true. Blizzard does hate us. We are as popular to them as the guy with herpies is at the swingers party. For some reason we will never know, but what can we do about it? our dots are easily expelled and we have no mana drain.
That's classic. Do you think they (Blizzard) is going to wake us in the middle of the night with guns in our faces and put us on trains to Auswitsz? Seriously I'm really scared right now.
It was fun while it lasted, I'll always love my lock.
Edited by Eliaxar on 2/14/2011 10:56 AM PST
I played Affliction for PvE in WotLK, I played in PvP. Playing an affliction Lock was one of the most fun things I have ever played. (And I have an 85 Druid and an 80 DK!) Now I look at my talent tree and it's Destro. Destro?! And I am considering changing my offspec to Demo just because...you said it...
My dots are easily dispelled and I have no mana drain!
Then why post? I don't understand your kind.
10/10 Made my day.
On topic: I play warlocks because I love the class. I been playin this toon since pre-BC and have endured many diffferent changes to the class. I'm not even going to throw my hat into the ring for this latest implementation of "changes".
I will be playing this toon still, regardless of what happens to it, no matter what math shows, or what people say. I'm the weakest class in pvp? Well son, u just got roflstomped by the weakest link. Know what that makes you? I dunno, lets go over to elitestjerks and find out, they have a way with numbers.
I played affliction while lving to 70, then went destro and havent looked back. Ever. 2 shotting people buring BC was awesome (0.5 sec casttime Shadowfury anyone?) as much as it was during Wrath.
What I'm sayin is I am of the breed that will continue to play this class because I love it, not beause of some stupid math that says I'm not as good as that Spriest (I AM THE DOT MASTER! NOT YOU! Also same with burst. But you tell Blizz that, they can't hear warlock cries, but have jars full of our tears. Makes ballin salsa.). So Blizz, do what you will. It sucks, yes. We will be gimped yes. But it will make my facemelting victories that much sweeter. Ever been outrun by a guy in crutches while driving in your Camaro? Prepare to be.
Why am still goin to keep trucking through all these changes? Because my dots are easily dispelled and I have no mana drain!
Also I am very surprised Rhetoric hasnt dropped his 2 cents in this thread yet. Days not over, I guess.
Edited by Mashter on 2/14/2011 11:43 AM PST
I'm voting sticky too!
WoW is broken, I don't know if they hired new devs or GC's girlfriend left him for a guy who plays a Warlock.
Blizzard can't control balance in this game, there is a mayor problem than Warlocks, devs are making every class equal instead of thinking new ways to balance stuff, they just give every class the same, after 6 years and 3 expansions we don't need a spriest with a pet, a feral with dots, a warrior with self healing, what we need as customer is innovation, new abilities that introduce new mechanics to the game, every spell in this expansion is a rework, a needed skill to match other class DPS or survivability.
As a Warlock customer, I’m very sad now, I’ve played this game since vanilla, this is a new account a fresh start, I leveled a druid but didn’t like it anymore, so I move to this warlock and I playing affliction and I think it is the best of wow so far (for my play style), now it feels broken… I can’t understand why a mage can instant hit me for 67k Iceland and my Dots deals so weak dmg over 18 secs and are dispelable, don’t take it as a troll for mages, it is ok if a mage can burst very hard, in every rpg game I’ve played mages are burst kings, my point here is that we need the tools to make warlocks fun, in this dark times we really need a buff and something that makes us unique.
The only thing that makes us unique is Ritual of Summoning, but… for so long?
Also we need a blue post clarifying if there is a work in progress to make this class less frustrating.
I’m still learning the class but since patch I’m the easy target in bgs, can’t get away from melee and if there is a healer = turn the fun off because it is impossible to counter a healer.
Blizzards change to warlocks broke me free of the bonds of wow finally. I no longer feel like playing my travesty of a class and instead have been spending my free time rekindling my love with artwork.
You obviously have a knack for writing. I say forget wow and get on that hobby, because this post was hilarious and is the most fun thing Ive had involving warlocks since the latest patch.
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