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Also, for ease of listening: SoundCloud! http://soundcloud.com/askblammy

Hey there!

Blammy Boomblast here. I know that livin' in this crazy world can be a tough thing, and sometimes, ya just don't know what you should do in a given situation.

Who better to tell you how to live your life than me? I mean, really.

So, I'm starting an advice column. An advice column where I answer you vocally. That's right, with my very own voice filled with gobliny goodness.

So here's the deal: You ask a question in this thread, and if I deem it worthy or suitably pathetic, I'll answer it.

So... Ask away.

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Disclaimer: I do not guarantee that any of my advice will be useful in any way whatsoever. I am not responsible for any misfortune, injury, or permanent scarring that may result from said advice.

NO GNOMES.

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ANSWER ARCHIVE
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#1: Taedius: How can I make my voice deeper?
http://vocaroo.com/?media=v1AzzJEYjYKUxFXdc

#2: Oirk: I have a short beard, and I'm balding. My life sucks. HELP.
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vqEOI4Ju1x15pRn8t

#3: Ograthar: An elf woman said my tusk wasn't big enough. How can I fix this?
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vKKNeU8ClUbeliX5D

#4: McSars: Who should I target first? The alien invaders, the orcs, or their savage followers, the trolls?
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vr7F5ulZz63XmHJ48

#5: Hranu: I like a girl but she won't let me get close to her. :(
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vpoW7hbuTp1EhD29P

#6: Madelynne: People harrass me because I wear red. What shall I do?
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vuS328f2iKn4ocuu0

#7: Felthier: What's the best way to kill Night Elves?
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vJ1zR6IwIBJDpw9h6

#8: Mariyle: How can I be a less generic paladin?
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vQjxBomy7kjbjnslP

#9: Aenastin: Why are you doing this for free?
Vocal question: http://vocaroo.com/?media=vFuuOXdugUp4AWpX5
Answer: http://vocaroo.com/?media=vHCYzUeRctnYgm9yE

#10: Rahk'tal: How do I keep the elf women (and men) from trying to get into my pants so much?
Vocal question: http://vocaroo.com/?media=vpkBWELAl4X7J8kmf
Answer: http://vocaroo.com/?media=vCl8duW5zZTpb6iqw

#11: Kaemrys: How do we unite the Alliance and the Horde against the true evils of Azeroth?
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vyjbjux9cleRmqX2f

#12: Eirskald: What do I do when someone tries to murder me, but my friends say I shouldn't kill him because he used to be a friend?
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vpFDzDfmaNqZSui1r

#13: Aggrona: How do I get elf girls to notice me? Yelling "LOK'TAR OGAR!" doesn't work.
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vINVG2bdU3EIevuQr

#14: Edyrem: I killed a bunch of elves, and now they're mad. What do I do?
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vmSfdJXR0dVxsNnoG

#15: Taedius: How do I deal with a loud, ranting crusader at the Stormwind Cathedral? I can't attack, use bombs, etc.
Vocal question: http://vocaroo.com/?media=vZLqaTQlzujRNgEzI
Answer: http://vocaroo.com/?media=vv69bEGXa6UgUbDkt

#16: Sabien: Something about friends and murder and left and right.
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vKqYSn6Oryj44R0Of

#17: Kesi: I'm breeding a plant that eats gnomes. How do I make sure it doesn't think I'm a gnome and eat me?
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vucGjDG0NvWCUCfXX

#18: Garwix: I've seen something horrible, and nothing is helping to make the image go away. Help!
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vLQbSJyJs4Tom31FN

#19: Thalfrus: How do I find Goldshire ladies who don't have something extra?
http://vocaroo.com/?media=v3yOBGZQgRgdsOcl9

#20: Mordrom: I collect pointy ears. Goblin ears are hard to get, think I could pay a goblin for his ears?
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vnk1WjHSGtp3kAqK8

#21: Casylia: What sweets can I give my sweetie for our anniversary?
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vWcpBUfFb3js8GRxq

#22: Tanarious: A blood elf threw bombs at me, and now I have shrapnel in my leg. What do I do?
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vQX9I0oTbHmZN9Xnk

#23: Riverfang: Why do they call it an XBox360?
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vELK19lc6sHKNwtJu

#24: Jinatae: Why do goblins hit on every race out there?
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vDkgRdL3V0NYY8LGN

#25: Gavian: How can my friend route the Forsaken out of Lordaeron?
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vLedFnnuQMEFxVvQf

#26: Finaj: I found a human who wants to route the Forsaken out of Lordaeron. How do I stop him?
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vP3brdyXjEfZaAGzi

#27: Björn: Are rusty fishhooks a good hemorrhoid remover? And how's the Don doing?
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vmFIVDlgLiODDraRM

#28: Athiina: If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it... How many orcs must I kill?
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vrTxiE3hlykTpvYBc

#29: Gelbitz: Night Elves stole the ledger for the lumber company I work for. They know our business plans, and are busting up our operations. What do I do?
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vd8VPjyAsuQDhr2jo

#30: Kagrak: My ghoul won't behave. How do I discipline him?
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vAgJ9l7fHCQdrnSQP

#31: Blam: How did we end up with similar names? It's because we're both awesome, right?
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vnfwgrznvV64TEh6L

#32: Grülp: Boss not let me smash things. What do?
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vGROOSu59jOas2C2X

#33: Athiina: I lost a clockwork bot and I need to find it. How do I do that before my unit leader finds out?
http://vocaroo.com/?media=v7utEWfBdzGULmjne

#34: Vjorlana: My felhound loves the taste of gnome, but gets an upset stomach. What should I do with these partially-digested gnome corpses?
http://bit.ly/m6WwgU (Had to bit.ly it because random characters included something smited by the word filter.)

#35: Burlix: Those freaky gnomes won't die by bombs or stabbing. What should I do?
http://snd.sc/kqM0j9

#36: Tekina: My sister won't stop crusading for the Light. She's super annoying. What do you recommend I do?
http://snd.sc/mUwWuo

#37: Anolyn: We recently acquired some flamethrowers from dead goblins. How do we keep the X42-B model from randomly exploding?
http://snd.sc/isLei4

#38: Argunon: None of the warlocks in the Cathedral listen to the message of the Light! What do I do?
http://snd.sc/kWmpO9

#39: Rikaado: The Night Elves who have moved closer to me are obviously suspicious of my activities. What is your advice?
http://snd.sc/kGVzlh

#40: Barrithan: I lost my eyes, and I have no money for replacements. Can you help?
http://snd.sc/mGEaMS

#41: Grusha: I'm having a hard time choosing: should I worship the Holy Light or the Forgotten Shadow?
http://snd.sc/m4cM0Q

#42: Gelbitz: Random X42-B flamethrowers keep appearing everywhere. What do I do?
http://snd.sc/jZ7sTI

#43: Madelynne: I have garnered unwanted attention from a bold gentleman. How should I handle this?
http://snd.sc/m64avZ

#44: Merriele: My lover seems to only love me for my hair. How do I know if she wants me, or my hair?
http://snd.sc/lN0Hw4

#45: Edrand: People don't fear my shiny robs. How can I be more intimidating?
http://snd.sc/lBuWQQ

#46: Razdrik: Where's my money? You're making profit out of this, right?
http://snd.sc/ii9CIA

#47, 48 & 49: Verronia, Rathkurg, Hranu: Insomnia help, goblin jumper cables, and spy Tauren!
http://snd.sc/l6GlZt

#50, 51 & 52: Anonymous, Kinika, Merriele: GET AWAY FROM ME
http://snd.sc/oyopMI

#53, 54 & 55: Kinria, Pearla, Thovex: Let sleeping gnomes lie; spa-velous; dere be a moron
http://snd.sc/ovBZWP

#56: Baenhoof: Woah, mama.
http://snd.sc/nDYaIP

#57: Hragli: Dead serious about goblins.
http://snd.sc/nV1V9e

#58: Qazzle: Mixed Nuts
http://snd.sc/nReR7L

#59: Rhaijin: Incendiary Commentary
http://snd.sc/qXsoNd

#60: Tasrak: Grin and Beer It
http://tinyurl.com/tasrak

((Absolutely love this. =P Nicely done on the voice, too! I lol'd.))

Hi. I have a short beard due to an incident with an orc some few months back, and my self-esteem is considerably weaker than what it once was. I don't know what to do anymore, Blammy! Help me, please. I need advice. Oh, I'm also balding. My life sucks. HELP.

Oirk.

Taedius and Oirk, yer answers are up. Ograthar, I got yers next.

EDIT: Og's is up too.

so blammy i like this girl right and i went 2 the movies right and i tried to grab her hand right and shes all like no and im all like :(

wat do?

Dear Blammy what is the best way to kill Night Elves?

Dear Blammy,

I'm feeling kind of generic. What can I do to stand out from the Paladin crowd?

#9: Aenastin: Why are you doing this for free?
http://vocaroo.com/?media=vHCYzUeRctnYgm9yE

.-.))

I know, I know. Blammy's a jerk. You couldn't tell by now?))

Dear Blammy,

What do you do when a friend goes insane and tries to murder you and everyone you associate yourself with? I would probably kill him but people are claiming I have a 'loose moral compass' or something and I shouldn't kill him because of our 'previous friendship.'

Love,
Eirskald.

((This is wonderful.))