Ask Blammy: Your Superior Advice Record-O-Pod

86 Goblin Hunter
Ask Blammy is now a DOT COM THINGIE! In need of formatting help.

Also, for ease of listening: SoundCloud!

Hey there!

Blammy Boomblast here. I know that livin' in this crazy world can be a tough thing, and sometimes, ya just don't know what you should do in a given situation.

Who better to tell you how to live your life than me? I mean, really.

So, I'm starting an advice column. An advice column where I answer you vocally. That's right, with my very own voice filled with gobliny goodness.

So here's the deal: You ask a question in this thread, and if I deem it worthy or suitably pathetic, I'll answer it.

So... Ask away.

Disclaimer: I do not guarantee that any of my advice will be useful in any way whatsoever. I am not responsible for any misfortune, injury, or permanent scarring that may result from said advice.




#1: Taedius: How can I make my voice deeper?

#2: Oirk: I have a short beard, and I'm balding. My life sucks. HELP.

#3: Ograthar: An elf woman said my tusk wasn't big enough. How can I fix this?

#4: McSars: Who should I target first? The alien invaders, the orcs, or their savage followers, the trolls?

#5: Hranu: I like a girl but she won't let me get close to her. :(

#6: Madelynne: People harrass me because I wear red. What shall I do?

#7: Felthier: What's the best way to kill Night Elves?

#8: Mariyle: How can I be a less generic paladin?

#9: Aenastin: Why are you doing this for free?
Vocal question:

#10: Rahk'tal: How do I keep the elf women (and men) from trying to get into my pants so much?
Vocal question:

#11: Kaemrys: How do we unite the Alliance and the Horde against the true evils of Azeroth?

#12: Eirskald: What do I do when someone tries to murder me, but my friends say I shouldn't kill him because he used to be a friend?

#13: Aggrona: How do I get elf girls to notice me? Yelling "LOK'TAR OGAR!" doesn't work.

#14: Edyrem: I killed a bunch of elves, and now they're mad. What do I do?

#15: Taedius: How do I deal with a loud, ranting crusader at the Stormwind Cathedral? I can't attack, use bombs, etc.
Vocal question:

#16: Sabien: Something about friends and murder and left and right.

#17: Kesi: I'm breeding a plant that eats gnomes. How do I make sure it doesn't think I'm a gnome and eat me?

#18: Garwix: I've seen something horrible, and nothing is helping to make the image go away. Help!

#19: Thalfrus: How do I find Goldshire ladies who don't have something extra?

#20: Mordrom: I collect pointy ears. Goblin ears are hard to get, think I could pay a goblin for his ears?

#21: Casylia: What sweets can I give my sweetie for our anniversary?

#22: Tanarious: A blood elf threw bombs at me, and now I have shrapnel in my leg. What do I do?

#23: Riverfang: Why do they call it an XBox360?

#24: Jinatae: Why do goblins hit on every race out there?

#25: Gavian: How can my friend route the Forsaken out of Lordaeron?
Edited by Blammy on 2/19/2012 10:25 PM PST
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86 Goblin Hunter
#26: Finaj: I found a human who wants to route the Forsaken out of Lordaeron. How do I stop him?

#27: Björn: Are rusty fishhooks a good hemorrhoid remover? And how's the Don doing?

#28: Athiina: If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it... How many orcs must I kill?

#29: Gelbitz: Night Elves stole the ledger for the lumber company I work for. They know our business plans, and are busting up our operations. What do I do?

#30: Kagrak: My ghoul won't behave. How do I discipline him?

#31: Blam: How did we end up with similar names? It's because we're both awesome, right?

#32: Grülp: Boss not let me smash things. What do?

#33: Athiina: I lost a clockwork bot and I need to find it. How do I do that before my unit leader finds out?

#34: Vjorlana: My felhound loves the taste of gnome, but gets an upset stomach. What should I do with these partially-digested gnome corpses? (Had to it because random characters included something smited by the word filter.)

#35: Burlix: Those freaky gnomes won't die by bombs or stabbing. What should I do?

#36: Tekina: My sister won't stop crusading for the Light. She's super annoying. What do you recommend I do?

#37: Anolyn: We recently acquired some flamethrowers from dead goblins. How do we keep the X42-B model from randomly exploding?

#38: Argunon: None of the warlocks in the Cathedral listen to the message of the Light! What do I do?

#39: Rikaado: The Night Elves who have moved closer to me are obviously suspicious of my activities. What is your advice?

#40: Barrithan: I lost my eyes, and I have no money for replacements. Can you help?

#41: Grusha: I'm having a hard time choosing: should I worship the Holy Light or the Forgotten Shadow?

#42: Gelbitz: Random X42-B flamethrowers keep appearing everywhere. What do I do?

#43: Madelynne: I have garnered unwanted attention from a bold gentleman. How should I handle this?

#44: Merriele: My lover seems to only love me for my hair. How do I know if she wants me, or my hair?

#45: Edrand: People don't fear my shiny robs. How can I be more intimidating?

#46: Razdrik: Where's my money? You're making profit out of this, right?

#47, 48 & 49: Verronia, Rathkurg, Hranu: Insomnia help, goblin jumper cables, and spy Tauren!

#50, 51 & 52: Anonymous, Kinika, Merriele: GET AWAY FROM ME

#53, 54 & 55: Kinria, Pearla, Thovex: Let sleeping gnomes lie; spa-velous; dere be a moron

#56: Baenhoof: Woah, mama.

#57: Hragli: Dead serious about goblins.

#58: Qazzle: Mixed Nuts

#59: Rhaijin: Incendiary Commentary

#60: Tasrak: Grin and Beer It
Edited by Blammy on 2/19/2012 10:19 PM PST
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80 Undead Priest
((Absolutely love this. =P Nicely done on the voice, too! I lol'd.))
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85 Dwarf Paladin
Hi. I have a short beard due to an incident with an orc some few months back, and my self-esteem is considerably weaker than what it once was. I don't know what to do anymore, Blammy! Help me, please. I need advice. Oh, I'm also balding. My life sucks. HELP.


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86 Goblin Hunter
Taedius and Oirk, yer answers are up. Ograthar, I got yers next.

EDIT: Og's is up too.
Edited by Blammy on 5/28/2011 7:29 AM PDT
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90 Pandaren Shaman
so blammy i like this girl right and i went 2 the movies right and i tried to grab her hand right and shes all like no and im all like :(

wat do?
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100 Blood Elf Death Knight
Dear Blammy what is the best way to kill Night Elves?
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83 Human Paladin
Dear Blammy,

I'm feeling kind of generic. What can I do to stand out from the Paladin crowd?
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86 Goblin Hunter
#9: Aenastin: Why are you doing this for free?


I know, I know. Blammy's a jerk. You couldn't tell by now?))
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82 Draenei Mage
Dear Blammy,

What do you do when a friend goes insane and tries to murder you and everyone you associate yourself with? I would probably kill him but people are claiming I have a 'loose moral compass' or something and I shouldn't kill him because of our 'previous friendship.'


((This is wonderful.))
Edited by Eirskald on 5/28/2011 8:47 AM PDT
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