As we grieve for the departed, we must remember to reminisce in the times that we all spent so leisurely. With that being said, I will now elucidate the period that will now be known as “The Chronicles of Kelnig”
This is a story of archaic beauty, an endowment of mischievous benevolence, whether you took it to heart or not. The story of the man we all know begins in late BC on a server called Anvilmar. A young and pretentious Asian boy who went by the name of Wh – now Kelnig’s alt – strutted around Goldshire in his level 30’s. With no real purpose at hand. He waltzed up and down the streets until he came across a handsome young fellow, whose name at the time was Krf. This Wh(Kelnig) and Krf(Hoodcity/Thugmode), began to chat about intelligent matters, such as “Getting Money”, and “Fineass White girls”. From that point on, a diabolical acquaintanceship was formed, that would forever shape and form the society of Anvilmar.
This duo began to partake in some activities while leveling - such as dungeons, and jumping off the tree of darnassus. Sometime after this majestic journey, Kelnig took a short leave from the game for about a year or so. In this time, Krf went through a stage of evolution, both philosophically and physically. Kelnig returned from his absence at the start of WOTLK, only to find that Krf was now a level 80 warrior, and that he now called himself “Dingo Cakmister”. This Dingo Cakmister was different from the mortal he once knew. “Dingo” now responded to simple questions with racial slurs, instead of a simple yes or no. “Dingo” now typed in full caps and spammed trade with phrases such as “Diarrhea Waterfall” or “ButtholeGonzalez”. This flamboyant and salacious new Dingo Cakmister inspired Kelnig on numerous levels. Kelnig, who was in his early highschool years at the time, took this Dingo Cakmister’s wisdom into his own mentality, and thus… emerged an experiment gone wrong…so wrong it was right.
With this new infinite knowledge, Kelnig created his deathknight,*which at that time was named Kelthaas and leveled to 80.
Kelnig and Dingo began gearing for PVP, as they thought they could contribute their talent to the citizens. Once Dingo was full Deadly/Furious, out of the blue he transferred his warrior horde, and shortly after Kelthaas followed. This brief age of Kelnig and Dingo’s development was a time that knew no arenas, only running into Goldshire and killing 1 person, thereby justifying the situation as successful and “WE WON LETS LEAVE LOL”.
After Kelnig and Dingo were bored of try harding assaults upon low populated towns of the opposite faction, they then switched back to alliance, and this is where Kelthaas went to Kelnig. There were many events that occurred in this time, one of which being a turning point in the Kelnigs history – He got his 1800 weapon. This was the start of a long history in the business of competitive arenaing for Kelnig. Nearing the end of the WOTLK, Dingo came back from doing eternal situps - as he was afk for a month or two, and ran 2s with Kelnig for fun. They achieved 2k by the end of the Wrathful season and felt like noblemen among peasants in the world of anvilmar.Somewhere during this age of enlightenment, Kelnig and Dingo met an aspiring young fellow…This new apprentice could only be described as Crewman Number 5. This mans name is Ragefest.
As the story goes, Cataclysm was released and Kelnig, Dingo, and their newly acquired sidekick Ragefest were horde again for some unknown reason. Kelnig for a brief period of time was known as “Nigwitabrain” and then “Stinkmeaner” when he was forced to change his name. Eventful months passed as they wasted their days raiding goldshire, and lolling it up in the 2k bracket. At some point Kelnig and friends transferred back to alliance, where he and Dingo distinguished themselves from the rest of the server, obtaining Demigod statuses and having commoners chant their names in the streets. Kelnig went on to reach 2600 in 3s, with Dingo trailing behind at 2400, and Ragefest is still 2k or something L0L.
Kelnig leaves behind many fans and followers. He will be remembered as the savior of Anvilmar. The man who gave you everything you had.
"Continue the Legacy" - Kelnig
“A wiseman once said… You are the kelnig” – Kelnig
-“based” on a true story
Published by Dingo Cakmister