Things you don't want to hear healing PuGs 3

85 Goblin Priest
I had this said in LK. (does not apply now)

"MY DPS is going to be low, i'm leveling up my axe skill."

That's nothing. I had the TANK say that in wrath. Not even joking.
90 Human Priest
I notice on the first pull in Stonecore that the tank has a fishing hat on. I ask him to put on a real one. Answer? "it's in the bank, srry."
86 Human Priest
"I know what im doing"
said by the arms warrior stacking agility and bought the JP agility cape (viewless wings i think) and was doing 7k dps, died in fire
and it continues "agility increases my crit crit increaes my dps"

me: yes but did you ever stop to think why the warrior tier gear has strength on it and not one bit of agility

him: because im reinventing the warrior, i did the math and it checks out, i know what im doing

I realize its a lost cause, none of the other group members have a problem

2nd example,
Destro warlock has out her fel puppy for dps doing... 5k dps
Me: you dont want to hav your fel puppy, imp is much better,
her:: but my fel puppy gives me mana back
Me: no- its useless for destro, if you dont have it out, your improved soulfire will never proc. her guildie, im guessing bf then says oh i didnt think of that.

After a boss fight I see her top damage is immolate. so i advise her on the proper rotation
immolate conflage incinerate spam yadda yadda yadda,

the guild says that shes learning how to warlock.. ?? and that they are working on her gear, so i shurg and continue, it turn out that the warlock keeps doing this number : immolate x 4 casts, soulfire 4x and then a seed of corruption and then searing pain till mob is dead

i again try and help, but you cant help those that choose to be ignorant, and leave when i notice that im the top dps (im healing smite btw)
90 Human Paladin
I had this said in LK. (does not apply now)

"MY DPS is going to be low, i'm leveling up my axe skill."

That's nothing. I had the TANK say that in wrath. Not even joking.

I said that when I was leveling swords on my rogue, but I'd had leveled my sword skill halfway while farming for something. And I only equipped one sword, so my dps wasn't actually all that low. I was planning on re-equipping my daggers at the first boss, but my sword skill was practically maxed by then... As long as it's not a tank or during a boss, it's usually not that much of a hindrance. Tanks, on the other hand... ouch.

I'm glad the only character I ever had to actually grind weapon skills on was my rogue. It went so fast.
89 Troll Priest
I was on my Mage when this happened, back at level 80 wotLK heroics, running ToTC...

Decided to do a whole guild run, with 2 of them being new guild initiates: Pally tank and her boyfriend who was the Priest healer.

The Priest was correctly geared and spec'd for Holy. All is looking well.

The girlfriend tank of his... mostly PvP gear, some healing gear... and some AGI rings...
I politely asked about it, considering stacking stats is something you learn at.. a very low level...
Her boyfriend answers for her saying she's just been PvP'ing as heals and prot and just started doing dungeons so she's low on gear.
-OK cool everyone needs to start somewhere, if anything we'll just carry her til she gets enough gear! (My guild and I are older players, that are just very chill and calm and usually nice as hell.) Not a problem, anything for a guildie.

We start it, and get through the Jousting super quickly.

Then it happens.

THE PUNCHING... literally, the pally tank is PUNCHING the mobs...
So I stop DPS'ing and type..."Why are you hitting the mobs with... your fists and not with your sword, and why aren't you using your Paladin tanking abilities?!"
Her boyfriend says... Her sword and shield are broken.

What the heck.

I say... scrap it, everyone just die, run back so pally can go repair. (The repair guy was just outside the instance...) The Pally says... "No, I'm okay, I'll just keep this up til you guys DPS everything down."
Priest runs out of mana.

The rest of our guildies are trying to be really polite about it... telling her it's not OK to come into a dungeon with broken weapons as a tank and just punching mobs and expect to keep aggro. Her boyfriend starts !@#$%ing at us telling us to calm the F down and that she's just a girl, and to show some respect in front of a lady. (WTF IM A GIRL TOO!)

I was cracking up at the punching thing, but started getting irritated at the whole idea that it's okay to give her a break cus she's a fricking girl. My whole chat screen was neon green with the guild fighting with both of them. (Mind you, at the time, my guild had more females than males, so the special treatment didn't go over so well with my other lady guildmates).

I politely apologised to her and her boyfriend and explained that the guild shouldn't and won't give special treatment to any player just because of their gender, and that I hoped that she learned more about her class before further progressing on it. Then I kicked them out of the guild.

I don't know if that was harsh of me, but the Pally wasn't even trying to apologise, kept saying "Give me a F'ing break it's just a game" while her boyfriend was cussing out any guildie that was trying to tell her what was right and what was wrong.

(And I realised after typing this novel, it doesn't pertain to what Healers don't want to hear during PuGs but ... I'm sure any healer wouldn't want their tank punching mobs o.x)
Edited by Debz on 9/12/2011 8:35 AM PDT
85 Tauren Paladin
Last week healing UK for the sixth time straight (random dungeon my fuzzy bovine butt), I finally tell the DK who was pulling before the tank with death grip to knock it off. This was because he pull a second group doing this before we'd finished the last one and they all rushed in behind the shaman, and got hit by his fire totem and they rearended him. Yay for Holy Word having no CD.

So he says to me 'But the tank didn't say anything.' Yes, that's because I'm telling you as a healer to knock it off. I told him the tank was doing his job, which means he doesn't have time to say 'Knock it off, dummy.' So the little twit continued to taunt me the whole dungeon until the final boss (which is the only time I healed him when he continued being a prat), then I told him to grow up and left.

This folks, is why I don't heal on weekends...
90 Human Paladin
zoned in to SFK today.

Tank (who i have more health than) pipes in "wow, never been here before".
Dps 1: "heh, same here"
Dps 2: "yea, here too lol"
Dps 3 is silent.

but fine... newbie group, i can handle that if they are semi decent.

They aren't :P

Tank tries to chain pull. Dps 1 is doing 6200 (with the 15% buff), dps 2: 6000, dps 3: 4200. Not sure what the tank is actually wearing but i'm bombing divine lights just to keep him alive, and in the process i somehow manage to get at least one add per pull chewing my face.

I'm at 8% mana by the pull before the first boss (tank isn't bothering to stop and let me drink) when one of the dps pipes in "wow, this group ROCKS, no deaths yet!"... at which point the tank (still with 2 mobs on him and me in fumes) grabs the first boss.

i simply said "sorry guys, can't carry this one any more" at around the point the tank died to me being oom and him having the boss and 2 mobs on him and bailed group.

I pity whoever they got to replace me :(

TL;DR: things i don't want to hear in a pug include all 4 other people in the party saying its their "first time there". Call me a douche but thats not a good recipe.
90 Goblin Shaman
My all time personal favorite happened in regular ToT on my priest. OK so we get to the room before the first boss, you know the one. You pretty much have to CC the healers. So we have this hunter in our group and we tell him to trap square.

We're sitting there waiting for like 30 seconds.

Still waiting....

"Hey gonna trap that?"

Hunter proceeds in dismissing his pet. Then goes charging INTO the group of mobs and also tries to run into the next pack (of course, he was dead before he even got close). Needless he got vote kicked (my original main is a hunter...this guy actually did ticked me off enough to go rage at him when I got out of the group).

His excuse:

"It was my little brother".
90 Goblin Shaman
I also have another good one that happened on my pally healer. In H ToT (what is it about this instance), think she was sitting at an average of ilvl 337. I'm pretty sure it might have been an in progress group because everything was dead on the bottom floor.

Again, same pull as my above statement (first one before the boss), the tank decides that instead of CC we are just going to heroic leap right in there.

2 seconds later, he got 2 shot.


"Well you got 2 shot. Not anything I can do about that."

"Well you're a baddie, your only ilvl 337."

So I inspect him. FUll crafted blue pvp gear.

"Well no wonder you got two shot, you're in full pvp gear. PvP gear is not tank gear."

Tank insists that he's geared for it and proceeds in running back up. The hunter is the only dps that stayed. He sends me a whisper to stay down below. Hunter MD the 'tank' and feigned death. Tank dies a horrible death- yet still insists he can tank it. Well when myself and the hunter refused to queue up, the tank just sat at the enterance...foaming at the mouth about what a horribad healer I am.

Finally I tell him, "Look myself and the hunter want to finish this with a competent tank. You have a choice, you either sit here like a 13 year old throwing a fit or I report you."

He dropped. Requeue with the hunter, get a full group within a minute and finish the instance with 0 problems.

I had a pretty good time in the second heroic I ever tried to heal on this druid.

It was Lost City, and this was pretty early on in the xpac, so no one was particularly well-geared. I queued with my Hunter friend just as some backup because I wasn't so confident in my ability.

We get a group that looks good from the outset and we easily make it past the first boss with no deaths at all. Then we reach the next little area with the cat-people and the pygmies. The tank decides to take the entire pack of cat-people and all of the pygmies at the same time. She can't hold aggro on all of them, so I am spamming heals on everyone and miraculously everyone but me survives the battle.

I said in party chat "Please don't pull more than you can hold aggro on. Also, could I please get a rez?" (she was a pally tank). She then proceeds to spam Flash of Light on herself and then says "OOM".

So I released, came back in and left immediately. My hunter friend tells me that the tank went into fits of hysterical laughter after I left until my friend left as well.

Apparently politely asking someone to do their job is too much of a low blow for some people. Needless to say that was enough to make me not heal again for a good few months after that.
90 Draenei Mage

Hunter proceeds in dismissing his pet. Then goes charging INTO the group of mobs and also tries to run into the next pack (of course, he was dead before he even got close).

Wow, thats worse than the one hunter I had when I was tanking HoO. When I asked for a trap, he went camo, and then walked up to the mob and hand-placed the trap. Which of course didn't work very well since camo isn't stealth.
85 Tauren Druid
Randomed into a ZG on Jindo. Tank has more than 200k health, so I think "this can't be too bad" though none of the dps outgear the place. We start the fight and everybody moves into the bubble shield when they should - yay - but phase one goes on and on. After at least 6 bubbles we finally push phase 2.

The good thing about the dps was that they were pretty good about killing the shades. The bad thing about the dps was ... everything else. The first jump is on the shaman, he is nowhere near a chain. The second jump is on the shaman again, he hasn't moved. Third jump is on me, pops a chain open, and then the chain lingers for a while before it is finally down. Tank gets another big add and we repeat, but this time the lock wastes two jumps before the add targets me and we pop another chain open, which also takes forever to die. Thankfully, the third add jumps on me first and we finish the place.

The tank was highest damage by a long shot. I whispered him that he must be incredibly patient to have carried these three dps through the whole instance. The dps were nice and appreciative, but still... augh!
Edited by Janicia on 9/12/2011 7:38 AM PDT
85 Tauren Druid
Another one: last night I was healing in a firelands pug. Somebody whispers me that I have the tank on ignore. "How odd" I think. "I wonder why I would have put him on ignore" so I take him off the list and whisper him "Sorry, I took you off ignore."

Tank: "are you a girl?"
Me: "No I'm a time lord."
Tank: "Huh? What is that?"
"Oh you're being tricksy."
"Tricksy tricksy little pixie"
Me: "0.o"

90 Goblin Shaman

Hunter proceeds in dismissing his pet. Then goes charging INTO the group of mobs and also tries to run into the next pack (of course, he was dead before he even got close).

Wow, thats worse than the one hunter I had when I was tanking HoO. When I asked for a trap, he went camo, and then walked up to the mob and hand-placed the trap. Which of course didn't work very well since camo isn't stealth.

Hehe but at least he used a trap.

I knew the second this guy dismissed his pet what he was going to do.
90 Goblin Shaman
me: hi, so does everyone know the fights?
them: a) no answer
b) yes
--wipe on boss and/or mobs due to lack of mechanics--

And this is terrible in H.TotT where you have the 2 healers at the end of the hall. Noone bothers to CC or interupt. Cyclone only goes so far there.

Yeah, I tend to use hex when I see a tank trying to facepull. But a lot of times it breaks early (people tend to forget that most healers have 0 hit). I hate it when there's a rogue, a hunter, and a mage in the group and I see: "Shammy hex that one."

(That's when I point out there are 3 other CC's in the group).

Of course it's always funny on the Cora fight when I'm the only one doing interrupts.
85 Draenei Priest
In ZA on dragonhawk boss with guildie pally tank with PuG Ret Pally, hunter, & mage. We ask the hunter if he can handle the hatching hawks. He assures us that he can so we start the pull.... boy does he handle the hawks, kills both of them. I didn't notice it, all I knew was my tank started saying no,no,no. this is going to be fubar. Of course he gets a huh from me right before I am swarmed with a couple of dozen hawks.(don't know how many, but it looked like that many).

Hunter does have mass rez so we all pop back up and tank asks what gives? you are only supposed to kill one, not both of them. hunter, goes oh my bad. we rebuff and try again. Hunter kills one bird, we handle the hawks and all is good until the next ones come out. Hunter doesn't kill any and once again the swarm finds me. No mass rez this go around so during our run back I ask him what happened? He says, ummm is that kill one only or only one during each time they come out? /facepalm

So you'd think it got better from here right? No, here is where the Ret pally comes in. It seemed like i was having to heal him quite a bit. With the hunter finally doing right, i'm running to and fro dodging the flame breath and healing like crazy, but instead of being focused on the tank, i find that i'm having to heal the ret pally the most. I run out of mana and we wipe.

The ret pally only moved when the boss did, even if the boss layed down a line of fire on top of him! I inspect the ret and see a full set of pvp gear. Yay! I know he is dpsing, but still some pve gear would help him survive during stupid. The mage is giving me a hard time, saying learn to heal, etc, doesn't matter that the mage never bothered to step out of the flames until he was done casting. I explain to both to avoid the fire and we try again.

Both fail to move and I blow my mana trying to keep them up. Healer = epic fail comes across chat. At this point my guildie was asking me if I was sure I could heal this, I assure him I can once i deal with stupid. I check out the dps meters, hunter and tank are on top, so I know what my next plan of action is.

The next pull PoM is all the ret pally gets and renew is all the mage gets. They bite it within a minute i think. Tank, hunter, and I finish the fight. The hunter was all woot! awesome!, the mage said, what are you talking about? the healer couldn't keep the whole group up! Epic Fail!.

Of course I say I can't heal through stupid and promptly link the before and after healing meters.

16k hps while healing mage and ret
9k hps while three manning the boss

and I say, "so who is fail?"

those two promptly left with the usually rhetoric of those that refuse to learn and we get a dk and lock that make ZA a breeze.
90 Undead Priest
3rd boss on Heroic Grim Batol.

I ask everyone if they know fight just to be safe. No one answers...

First fire add comes out, warlock runs directly towards it, blows up himself and two other people. The second fire add blows up as well and we wipe.

Running back to our corpses I explain that you have to kite the fire add if you get targetted, and everyone else has to focus it down.

Fire add comes out, warlock runs towards it again. /facepalm.

He drops group after we wipe and we get a hunter. He gets blown up by the fire add, at which point he decides to point out "btw this is my first heroic".

We ended up skipping him after a few more wipes. Seriously, stupid people make this fight an absolute nightmare by tunneling and not paying the slightest attention to mechanics...
8 Orc Shaman
This was so hilariously bad, I had to screenshot it all. I just took my baby disc priest into Utgarde Keep. You know the room at the beginning with all the proto-drakes and their handlers? Well, the tank decided to pull literally the ENTIRE ROOM. I was spamming heals like mad but couldn't keep him up. I even blew PW:B on the pull, it was just ridiculous.

This is what occurred afterwards:

Yes, you read that right. "spam flash heal and we will be fine". lol.. for the whole dungeon? I don't think so, unless you want me drinking after every single pull and just plain going oom.
85 Undead Priest
Now, I havn't really had many bad PuGs, and none of them worthy of this page... until today.

Oh god.

Decide to get some VP on this guy, thinking how hard can it be?

Zone into ZA, inspect the tank.. half a dozen 358 PVP ret prieces... 333 tank pieces. Ok, this is going to be fun. So i whisper him and say that i like a challenge but for future healers, please dont ever Q again in that gear, and at least gem the stuff you can.

Turns out his guy is pretty good, holds aggro like a champ, uses CDs, and combined with liberal Pain Supp and Barrier we get through the first boss.

I check the recount. He's top dps on 9k. Followed by a shaman and warrior doing roughly the same, and a Lock that topped the charts at 3.8k. I did double the locks dps with smite.

Ok, i think, this is going to be slow but the tank is good. Attempting to skip the two patting guys afterwards, the lock facepulls. Tank and i try galantly to save the group. We wipe.

The tank then absolutly flips his lid, spouting profanities and yelling at the group for being !@#$ and failing at the bear run. He leaves. I leave. CBF.

At this point I'm still willing to try.

Zone into my next dungeon with a guildie hunter. Warrior tank, gemmed, enchanted, in decent pve gear. I think awsome!

The run through to the bear boss is fine. however we are doing it with out the lock who went AFK at the start. CBF doing another boss one dps down so VTK, cant.

Loot role stopping us kicking. I say pull, we'll be fine, lets go for the bear. Tank stands still. I say, we have the dps (hunter and dk pulling 24k+ and me on 8-10 with smites). Tank stands still.

I decide %^-* it, Smite pull. DK picks it up in frost spec and gear, goes blood presence and I have a grand ole time healing it. We three manned the bear boss, only to have the Lock finally get kicked.

Then, the Warrior "Tank" rages at us for being !@#$ and not waiting for the VTK to go through and how we will never get the bear. He then proceeds to wait for the timer to run out (all 13mins) while the hunter, DK, new boomy and I proceed to finish the dungeon.

We reach the mob just before the Dragonhawk boss only to have the tank leave and be replaced by one in full vicious who then nitro boots through the pack and pulls the boss then leaves.

We wiped. He got replaced by a bear in full 346. I'm nearly crying at this point... i cant believe my morning. But, the bear does great and we finish the run.

90 Blood Elf Paladin
"Sorry guys, im drunk/high/ect".

Nobody cares if you are, your still bad.
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