World of Warcraft®

I am Mustardo the Mighty, Lord of the Condiments, the greatest Fury Warrior that history has ever known. Due to some much-needed rightsizing, I have recently found myself extricated from my last raid team. In a fit of girly tears and the unbridled rage of a thousand demented badgers, I quit my guild, leaving me alone and heartbroken, with only my farrago of heroic epics to console me through the many cold, harsh nights to follow.

Here's the deal, folks. Check out my armory, look at my achievements, and try to tell me with a straight face that I am not freakin' awesome. You can't say it, because I am awesome... and now, you can have the chance to raid with me. Pretty sweet, huh? Just a couple off odd ends to clear up first, though.

First of all, 10-man only. If more than nine people try to raid with me, there's way too much of a crowd when everyone inevitably gathers around to stroke my beard. Secondly, I don't want none of you pansy normal-mode raiders. I'm not necessarily out for an established guild that's already stomping through Heroic Firelands, but I really only want to be part of a group that strives for the hardest of the hardcore (note the word strives; I mean, this is Azjol-Nerub we're talking about).

That's it. I'd write about my countless exploits in detail, but I am far too busy for that. I must whisper sweet nothings into the ears of all of Azeroth's beautiful lady-persons, sing soothing lullabies to calm the disgruntled orphan-children of all races, and then finally fly into outer space so that I can take a relaxing vacation on the secluded pleasure planet that was crafted by a legion of my most devoted and gorgeous intergalactic admirers.

You would deny a 25 man guild the opportunity to stroke your beard? How cruel.

Raided with you before for awhile. There are much better Fury warriors than you that don't rage about loot.