Curious concern.

85 Blood Elf Paladin
5735
What do you do when you keep having friends make jabs at a person behind their back, rather rude ones. I'm pretty sure the target doesn't know and at their base the jabs are rather true but they're rather cutting remarks still. Do I tell the target the people around them think they're a bit of joke? Or do I keep my mouth shut?

Opinions?
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2 Orc Warrior
0
Nothing wrong with being honest and straightforward, I wouldn't reckon. But if the friends continue, try sticking up for the person without getting the person involved in the first place. That way the kettle doesn't whistle and draw attention to the source of heat.
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90 Blood Elf Rogue
7720
I don't think it needs to go to the target, but you definitely need to tell your friends to cut that !@#$ out.
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88 Pandaren Shaman
10115
Agreeing with Keedorian. I'd try to find some diplomatic way of telling my friends that what they're doing isn't cool, or maybe start sticking up for the guy when they're going off on their commentary.

I really would be careful about telling the person that they're talking about. They may not take it well and it may do no good in actually making your friends stop. I'd be more subtle in resolution in these kinds of cases.
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90 Undead Death Knight
0
I'll offer my two cents, because I can:

Talking about someone behind that person's back is not wrong. I know. That might sound a bit callous and mean. But it's true. Having an opinion about another person, and then sharing that opinion with other people, likeminded or not, is not wrong. Lying, however, is almost always wrong. There should be nothing which you say about a person behind his or her back to other people that you are not willing to tell that person about.

Your having stated that the jabs are rather true suggests to me that you agree with the people making the jabs (which likely seems obvious). So feel free to share in that opinion. A human being should be able to discuss whatever he or she pleases with another human being, provided the other human being is consenting (can't force people to listen, after all).

HOWEVER.

The very -moment- there comes a time in which the person asks for an honest opinion about his or her self, one (in my opinion) must be prepared to deliver that honest opinion. If you think that the jabs are true, you must be prepared to convey that to the person in the form of polite, constructive criticism. If you do not, you are doing that person a disservice, and you are doing yourself a disservice.

The only situation which immediately comes to mind in which lying would perhaps be tolerable would be if the person in question was to ask about your friends' opinions. At that point, methinks the most wise option would be to play dumb, or if you can't bring yourself to lie, suggest he or she ask those people. Some words are spoken under the assumption of strictest confidence; to allow such an assumption continue, to operate under that assumption, and then to break that assumption would in itself be a form of lying (as you have, though not literally, informed those speaking in confidence that it was, in fact, in confidence.)

You've rather gotten yourself into a bit of a bind as it is in seeming to allow that aforementioned assumption of confidence with regards to the jabs, really; it's not a particularly big deal, in my opinion, but it's an unspoken agreement of sorts regardless. Can't be breaking those without potentially undermining the trust of friends.
Edited by Zachariah on 4/25/2012 10:04 AM PDT
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The question to ask yourself is this: why do people feel comfortable sharing their ugliest thoughts with me?

And then remind yourself that you're better than having to listen to that junk. Tell them to knock it off. If they won't, put them on ignore and find more interesting people to play with. There are hundreds of interesting people on this server. Don't settle.
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85 Human Warrior
2010
Whatever you do, don't try and talk out your problems to reach a peaceful resolution.

Just let the resentment build between the parties until it explodes into a vitriolic tornado of hate and drama.
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85 Undead Warrior
9320
I prefer the simple "hey, talk about yourselves or !@#$! I don't near to hear you %^-*! about other people!"Thats what it is afterall, people @#$%^ing about people they don't like, and you not liking them -*!@#.
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90 Blood Elf Death Knight
9025
Go to the target of the venom and talk junk with them about the spreaders behind their backs, thus maintaining the balance of the universe.
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90 Blood Elf Priest
18325
I'm not a big fan of making fun of someone behind their back. There's a difference between having an opinion and simply being cruel after all. In general if it's making fun of someone I tell my friends that I'm really not comfortable with this conversation and ask that it be dropped. If it's actually voicing an opinion about a problem, I try to talk it out with them and then see if we can come up with a solution to make things less frustrating for all involved. I'm not going to run to friend A and say 'omg friend B doesn't like you!' but I am going to try to avoid putting friend a and b in a position where they have to interact because of me. If that makes sense?
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90 Goblin Warlock
7275
04/25/2012 09:02 AMPosted by Shaysinn
Just tell me. I put on my big girl undies today, so I can take it.


You and Layam seem to be having an inordinate amount of drama between yourselves this month.
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85 Blood Elf Paladin
5735
Just tell me. I put on my big girl undies today, so I can take it.


You and Layam seem to be having an inordinate amount of drama between yourselves this month.

1.) She's being coy
2.) When you assume, you make an "!@#" out of "u" and "me".

Edit:

Anyway, I've decided not to interfere mostly because they(the target) brought it on themselves.
Edited by Layam on 4/25/2012 1:38 PM PDT
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85 Blood Elf Paladin
5735
04/25/2012 01:46 PMPosted by Enekie
26 more pages!

Of what the original concern is resolved.
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