Post your MRPs! Get constructive feedback!

100 Blood Elf Warrior
13525
So unlike a particular website I would like to highlight what wonderful MRPs exist and give everyone a chance to share them with the world. Feel free to join in! I'll post mine to start.

Hardmode: Copy and paste with no edits

An echo of a class long past, the title of Spellbreaker is written in the Truefeather Heir's very being. With the top of his frame cresting six feet and six inches, he cuts a rather imposing figure on height alone. Broad shoulders bear the weight of heavy plate armor with the ease that comes from several years of practice, and his calloused hands hold both sword and shield as naturally as they would a woman or wine glass. Battle has its way of etching itself on him with scars, but it is the runic tattoos beneath his armor that speak of an ardorous past. Stubble is generally found along the hard line of his jaw, and his burnished blonde hair is tied haphazardly out of his field of vision. Nevertheless, he is not quite the image of the unfeeling, stoic Spellbreaker. One glance at his features suggests otherwise, with the glint of humor in his tainted fel-fire eyes, and an easy smile never far from his mouth.

Two stone pillars of legs support a heavy masted body of this Sin'dorei Spellbreaker. Massive hands and powerful digits hold on to weapons effortlessly. It was quite easy to see at first glance that this was a warrior crafted by battle. Small nicks and marks litter his arms and face. Hair is tied back to keep out of the eyes. His skin, a soothing shade of olive cast an easy tenderness to him.

Crafted out of whipcord like muscle, Telchis is a masterful warrior build for speed and accuracy. He is an emobdiment of Sin'dorei military prowess unique to his people. Careful and exact, his fighting stance is well suited for quick and powerful blows combined with parries and thrusts.

Like all Spellbreakers he is trained to fight and kill casters. Often enough a shield will be slung on his back for this very reason. While Telchis does not flaunt and ask for vilolence, he is no stranger to it. Thus, he is quick to react when threatened and unwilling to be intimidated.

Artwork:
http://tinyurl.com/6zh6d8r

http://tinypic.com/r/2vkchll/5

http://tinyurl.com/7xgbvh8

((Walk ups very welcome!))
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90 Worgen Rogue
10805
Hmmm... Better avoid my ERP section. SFW board you know.

In reply to OP, I like it, although it drags on a bit, it's proper. BUT I don't really think 6 foot 7 is all that big for an elf... Although I could be wrong.

Worgen:
Badger seems to be the run of the mill worgen, his fur is unkempt, his eyes a dark yellow, almost savage, doglike features being the only thing marking his face.

Various weapons are hidden his person, his gloves were plated with mithril, allowing him free use of them, and at the same time giving him a defense should he fight with his claws.

A pair of daggers rest against his waist, more of a threat than anything.

Should one see him without the armor, several marks could be seen in his fur, a druidic symbol on his left hand, and a shadow channel on his right. Two more shadow marks are placed on his shoulderblades, a matching set against his lower back.

His chest is marred with several scars where he was pierced with a blade, and a large scar runs down his face, just between the eye and the nose, running down into his lip and splitting it.

Otherwise:

Jarkere seems rather unassuming at first glance, a common theif or mercenary, clad in leathers, various pouches and hidden pockets holding nasty suprises. Two blades strapped over his back, runes marking the blades near the hilt.

Sharp features and slightly pointed ears denoting some form of elven lineage, although as of late he's hidden some of them with a well trimmed beard, more stubble than hair. His eyes are a light gold, the pupils resembling that of a dog, and his canine teeth are much larger than usual, even for an elf.

He is rather lean, though still held quite a good amount of muscle, not a swimmers body, but he isn't bludging. Several scars mark his chest where a blade has been so rudely introduced to flesh, and a large scar runs down his face, just between the eye and the nose, running down into his lip and splitting it.

If he's naked for whatever reason, you would notice several runes etched into his skin, two on his shoulder blades, another pair on his lower back, and one more on his right hand, allowing him some control over basic shadow diffusion magic, as well as a druidic symbol on his left hand. His arms would be decorated with various Night Elven symbols, which he is quite proud of and might take the time to show you.
Edited by Jarkere on 6/6/2012 9:09 AM PDT
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90 Night Elf Warrior
5420
>.>
<.< Would a non-wow related RP thing be okay?
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100 Blood Elf Priest
16690
When out and about in non-combat situations, this Blood Elf is usually dressed in the finest Gilnean attire.

If her arms are visible, you may notice a old scar running from wrist to elbow on her left arm. Other then that scar, she appears unblemished.

The only other item of note visible is a gold chain link choker around her neck.
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100 Blood Elf Rogue
16225
Telchis: Overall, I like it. I get a feel for your writing style, and the description makes it easy for me to picture without having to muddle through unnecessarily complicated phrasing. The only thing that sticks out to me is your sentence structure in the second paragraph. I think that maybe it might flow a little more easily if you switch some things around. For exampe: "Two stone pillars of legs support a heavy masted body of this Sin'dorei Spellbreaker. It was quite easy to see at first glance that this was a warrior crafted by battle, massive hands and powerful digits holding on to weapons with little effort. Small nicks and marks litter his arms and face. Hair is tied back to keep out of the eyes, and skin a soothing shade of olive casts an easy tenderness to him."
It might be nit-picky, but there it is.

Jarkere: The first section reminds me of bullet-points without being quite so arbitrary. However, I would leave out the source of his scars, the result of a blade, as such things can be inferred or implied by the presence of scars in the first place. As for the second section, I ran into a few things that you might want to consider tweaking. Mentioning the possibility of an elven lineage is fine, but doing so twice in the same paragraph comes off as a little redundant to me. I would simply say that his canine teeth are elongated and leave it at that. The third paragraph could use a small revision, avoiding repetition by listing his scars consecutively, and once again dropping the part about a blade being the cause. Something like this might work a little more to your favor: "Several scars riddle his chest, another larger mark stretching over his face, crossing over his nose to split his lip."

And now here is mine.

Slim, trim, and quick, this woman carries herself with dignity and grace. Her lips and cheeks remain unpampered and plain, fingernails short and unstained by conventional means of beauty. Instead of sporting evidence of care, her hands are calloused, rough to the touch and speak decades of experience.

Despite certain features that give her face a sharp appearance -- the hard definition of her jawline, the perpetual scowl -- she is still an elf and displays traits that are staples among her people. Femininity is easily presented in the form of thick eyelashes and a black mane of well-kept hair that sheens and even curls in some places.

Even in the trappings of light cloths and loose vests, her stature and stance is that of a soldier. From the habitual upward tilt to her chin to the sinewy nature of her body, it is apparent that she was made for battle.
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Shirexia- I really like your description. It's short and sweet and to the point, yet has enough details for me to get an image of her! I suppose the only thing that made my head tilt was describing the hair as a mane- seems like such an odd word to use for elvish hair to me, but that's just my opinion on it!

Now fo moine--
The young Draenei stands at an average height of 7'4" with a healthy weight and an average curvy build.

The woman's face has a youthful look to it, with striking sky blue skin surrounding her azure glowing eyes. Her small but shapely lips are naturally a few shades darker than her skin, and a petite nose finishes off the young design.

Long, rich brown hair is kept up in two ponytails. Her bangs frame her face, accentuating her cheeks and jawline nicely. Behind her bangs rest her rather small, sharp-tipped horns and short pointed ears, which behind those sprout her thin tendrils; two on each side, coming down and resting against her collarbone gently.

Overall she is an average looking young Draenei woman. The only difference that could be noticable is her long tail. Instead of reaching down to her knees in length, it instead stretches down to mid-calf. A long, golden clasp rests three-forths of the way down.

The Anchorite dresses herself in full-body robes. Rarely can she be found wearing something that reveals skin beyond her arms, neck, and face.
Edited by Dafe on 6/6/2012 10:04 AM PDT
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Rhoenya is jawsome.

She looks pretty dead.

Faint marks of some work appears to crease across her face and neck. Skin, not quite as rotten as the rest of her, covers a majority of her face, save for her mouth and nose, where small neat stitches have locked down the skin to the bone there. Her hair appears to have been cleaned and touched up recently, bringing out what was once a natural golden color, though it still falls limp and lifeless around her face. Pale yellow lights up her once empty eye sockets, perhaps somehow a side effect of her recent work.

Rhoenya's frame is rather small, slender and graced with humble curves which suggest she was likely still a young woman when she died. A considerable deal of rot and reconstruction proves she was also dead for some time. She still appears as lithe as she may have been in life, with grace infused in every step and movement she produces. Her fingers seem to twitch near constantly, suggesting she has considerable energy bubbling up in herself just waiting to come out in some way.

Her clothing appears to be stock Deathguard armor with not much in the way of anything unique about it. There are a few scuffs and stains that indicate it's seen some action, but overall still quite new. A small badge indicating her current position of 'Private' hangs on her belt. it seems to migrate now and again to different parts of her, but at this moment rests there. Two long, slender daggers caked in grime and other types of old grossness danger from her belt, waiting to be embedded into whoever Rhoenya desires to be 'knifed'. Around her neck, a particularly new and shiny looking ring dangles from a chain. Finally, a few small bags that sound of clinking glass as she walks hang from leather string on her belt. Likely her bag of tricks, which every person of her.... line of work... would probably have.

Despite the... eccentricities that may come with her undeath, Rhoenya has a very sweet temperament. She is eager to please her friends and strangers alike. It's not uncommon for her to approach others with comments about something they wear, or something they've said. Usually with disastrous results.
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85 Blood Elf Hunter
6850
@Rhoenya: Very much enjoy it; a bit stereotypical, but also with flare. Sha-bam.

I am Painting.

Blood; spilt in honour of those who are decendant to us, or the forefathers that reign the heavens above. Brought forth from the skin that is split by savage combat and unjustified recklessness. His body is tribute to the contradiction of it; a poster-child for a battle without end.

Pillars in-place of extremities, each shrouded by habiliments of he whom shares kin with that around him; pauldrons that go above his head - but, without scrutiny needed, there is his countenance. No sign of a visage entirely; horns forever stained with cracks and visible 'tears' in the hardened bone. Prominent and without dull through the years' trials, they protrude from his mask. A beak that shrouds the surface of his this Shu'halo's snout, previoulsy accompanied by the subtle ridges and elevations, holes and things that provide a proper piece. His helmet's jaw is connected, as well: the sable spikes that come from the surface holding - by pyrium chain - to the 'beak' of his entire maw. At the deepest recesses of the mask's inclines and declines, there is visible - under only very close inspection - a small, cruely engraved heart.

A mass of weight; broad, barrel-chested and without end (seemingly, considering his armour's intricate working), he is left with skin of mail, in a figurative sense.

His right arm is a peculiar sight: the wrist severed, stitches lining the sable fur as the rotted muscle continues to attempt to conform to what is in place of a hand. A pommel-like structure that thence transforms to a grusome blade, the cutting of the metal done hastily and without care, creating a jagged end.
Edited by Painting on 6/6/2012 11:24 AM PDT
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90 Goblin Shaman
0
I'm not so good with critiques.

Dafe - You seem to use the word "young" or some variation of "youth" a lot in your description. Otherwise, I liked it. She sounds very cute.

Rhoenya - It was a lot to read through, and ordinarily, I'd stop after the first paragraph, but holy cow! I like it. It's refreshing to see an undead that actually looks, ya know, like he/she's been dead. You might want to fix this sentence though.
"Two long, slender daggers caked in grime and other types of old grossness danger from her belt"

I save all my profiles to Word (just in case my MRP gets wiped), but MRP has all those little tags on there for race and age and height. I left out all the little fields and just copied and pasted her description. I tend to the subscribe to the short & sweet philosophy of descriptions. Anything over 2 or 3 short paragraphs is not something I want to read.

"What is that smell?"

Like most goblins, Merri is short and feisty. Her eyes are the same bright turquoise blue as her hair, which she keeps pulled back into two small bundles on the back of her head and secured by a simple headband adorned with the skull of... only who knows what it could have been,

In spite of the smell of gunpowder and oil that always seems to follow her around, she keeps her bright green skin clean and takes care to always make herself presentable. Often, she can be seen with a little pocket mirror, checking out her eyeliner and reapplying her lipstick with a big smack and a pursing of her lips.

While she wears no jewelry in her ears, two small studs pierce her nose, one black and one purple. What the meaning behind those colors could be, only she seems to know.
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90 Pandaren Warrior
9075
Meribelle - love the short and sweet ones. The second paragraph was especially powerful for me, both the smells that follow her and the occasional pausing to reapply her makeup speaks a lot of her personality without her even speaking. Great job.

Even in her armor, Talaweha's heavyset stature lends her otherwise warrior-esque physique a soft, pear-shaped appearance. She appears an adult, if only just, standing a little under seven feet - a little short for her kind, but the cocky air she carries herself with denotes confidence, and perhaps a lack of tolerance for bull!@#$.

Her mane is a dusty chessnut, and often sits in wild, wind-whipped waves, blending evenly into an off-white coat that's splashed with rust-colored spots of varying sizes, with a large white spot around her right eye. Her face is round and her snout has some minor scarring, but overall her gear seems to have taken most of the beating.

Despite her tough-looking exterior, the bland green-grey of her eyes is usually brightened by a genuinely interested expression, and the broad grin she often offers to others might hint that she'd rather shoot-the-%^-* than fight. If fact, the majority of her mannerisms might appear contrary to the average Kalimdor-raised tauren.

http://garrus.deviantart.com/#/d3a9wui

http://garrus.deviantart.com/#/d3abl1b

http://tinyurl.com/MissingWhyllowWIP03
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100 Human Paladin
9815
Any and all tips will be appreciated.

One of Tyler's most precious items in the world. His Heart Necklace, was destroyed. A bullet shot to his neck caused it to shatter, forming a shield that saved his life. But the loss of it saddens him deeply.

He was Knighted by Mordred.

He now carries a shining Paladin Libram. All paladins are given one. This one is not his. It is the Libram of his former lover, which was given to him by her as a goodbye present before she left forever. He is very protective of it, and would rather die then see a scratch on it. It is attatched to a golden chain, that he hooked to his belt. Leaving the book in the open for all to see. The book was armored slightly, giving it some protection. He will NEVER be without it.

Tyler has been through too many trials for a man at the age of twenty six. He has lost more then he had every gained, He had done things he wish he never had to experience. He has forced himself to grow up, and is now stronger from it. He has honed his abilities to protect the few things he has left.
Evil had better watch itself, because Tyler Vindell is serious business.

This man has truly become one with his abilities. His constant battles due to the threats on his life have forced him into alot of serious physical and mental training. His mind and body become one with the weapon he chooses to battle his foes. His strength is impeccable, and his might is something to fear and respect. Can any evil bring down this hero? Only the battle field will tell.

When you first look at this man, you may notice an overly large blonde ponytail that shined as if it were made out of the light itself. His eyes were a deep blue like the ocean, and could be stared at all day long. His face was well featured, and quite handsome for a man on the front lines.

His mid section was something special, He adorned muscles on his torso, making him much more attractive. This was a direct result of his constant training in the arts of his profession. He was indeed very well in shape.
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90 Night Elf Warrior
5420
Eh screw it, no one wanted to answer my question. I was serious about it by the way, I have a handful of descriptions to share, some of which might appear in wow eventually.
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Hardmode Challenge Accepted

Description:
The first nonmagical thing one would notice about this figure, is his masterfully crafted armor, embellished with what appears to be flawless obsidian. His runed shield and sword appear to have been made with an unidentifiable alloy, with the hilt of the sword unmistakably elven in nature.

Physical features include obsidian-black hair, also having no scars or identifying marks anywhere on his only-slightly tanned body, and he appears to be well-maintained, a hair rarely out of place. His face usually has a stern look about it, though he's been known to be quite expressive at times.

As far as magical things go, unless this man is -seen- using dark magic, not a thing can be sensed from him so long as his runed sword and shield are on his person. In combat, those unfortunate enough to be struck by this individual's blade will feel searing fire magic, despite his spells appearing to be of holy origin.

The magical runes on Stax's armor and weaponry can be interpreted by those with adequate knowledge of runic magic; and are long enchantments woven with emphasis on 'suppression' and 'restraint'.

--------------------Backpack--------------------

Stax at all times has some sort of a backpack nestled between his cloak and his shield (If the shield is put away). Posessions within include:

-"Titanium Staff" A 2-foot metal rod that extends upon mental command into a 4-foot silver pole with a deep blue multifaceted gem on one end. Inscribed on the shaft is the single word "Thyre".

-"Black Hat" A nice wide-brimmed hat. Incredibly Stylish

-"Silver Flasks" A few shiny silver boot flasks are stacked within this individual's bag. While the flasks themselves are nothing special, the liquid within them is very potent alcohol that's been enchanted to ressemble the taste and smell of the imbiber's favorite fruit. If the drinker dislikes all fruit, the drink will be odorless.

-"Recorder" A simple wooden recorder instrument. Usually not seen unless Stax himself reaches into his pack to find it.


History:
<<Rumors about 'Stax'>>

-Frequently seen around a location with books, or travelling to one.

-Thoroughly enjoys observing and learning new ways to use magic.

-Openly despises the Twilight's Hammer.

-Openly despises the Black Dragonflight.

-Loves physical challenges, especially duels.

-Occasionally seen with small violet phoenixes.

-Appears to love winter, and especially snow

-Recognizable from the Hour of Twilight. Mysteriously appeared after the 'siege' had failed, actively worked against Deathwing's forces.

-Was once banned from Darnassus; ban has been lifted.

-Seems to be easily identified by his helmet.

-Rarely followed by a curious azure whelp.

-Seems to demontstrate an expert (albeit not masterful) use of recorders.

-(List will grow over time.)

<Appears to have no history 'on file', so all too little is known about this figure.>
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90 Human Priest
0
The new-fallen snow is tanned in comparison to the refined purity of white which makes up her complexion. Youth has gathered the carnations of her cheeks, planted there so vibrantly that the eye might shrink at the brightness of their mingled lustre. Her mouth, both in shape and in color, shames all imitators.

All the features of her face came so close to fulfilling the impossible demands of both proportion and symmetry that the masters of art might have happily died endeavoring to copy but one of her inestimable beauties. The silhouette of her face established the extremes of an imperfect circle, and almost a perfect oval.

This aggregation of the most wonderful marvels that Azeroth had ever beheld was tapered by a pair of the brightest stars contrived by nature. Their color matched that of the heavens at midday, not cloudless but intricate in their character and mingled with a vivacity so penetrating that not even the staunchest soul could arm itself with a resistance against her allures.

Her head was crowned with a modest length of bright white hair which was suited to her eyes and which played upon her fair forehead, set off by a subtle contrast with the whiteness of the skin it partly hid. To these aesthetic marvels was added her shape, as perfect as any shape could possibly be, with all its beauties discovered by her habit and the inexpressible, effortless grace with which she executed each movement.


"You're godmoding me!"

"That's subjective, you can't say that!"
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90 Worgen Druid
10460
Here's mine. I'd offer some feedback/advice on other people's MRP's, but I don't really think I'm entitled to do so for fairly obvious reasons.

________

OOC NOTES.

-Don't feel compelled to read this entire description if you wish to RP with me. I will describe my character's most important features through emotes.

-I am -more- then willing to help any new role-players with questions, whether they are regarding Wow Lore, character development, or Moon Guard!
-----------------------------------------------------------------

Character art:

tinyurl.com/ferenoldpicture1

tinyurl.com/ferenoldpic4 (Phalo)

Tinyurl.com/ferenoldpic (Nikolai)

http://tinyurl.com/ferenoldpic2

http://tinyurl.com/ferenoldworgen (Grijimojak)

tinyurl.com/ferryinked

tinyurl.com/ferrysketch

tinyurl.com/ferrysketch2

Standing at the height of five feet and ten inches, Ferenold is a well-toned, confident young man. His cheekbones are high and pristine, his face possessing a kind, warm quality to it. His eyes are deep set and of a pale brown coloration, while his brows overshadow the arrangement. It was a noble's brow, one that spoke of symmetry.

On closer inspection, it's clear he doesn't carry himself with a noble's gravity. His face is often caked with grime and dust, lending it a rugged quality. Ferenold's matted hair matched the color of his eyes, unkempt strands resting at the corners of his forehead. It did little to hide the small gash in his right ear. A sharper look shows that his facial hair was darker than the rest of his unsightly mess.

Perhaps the most remarkable quality is a rather mystical marking on his forehead, a simple circle which gleamed with an ethereal yellow light. It seems to beam half a foot outward from the man's forehead before forming into the symbol of a crescent moon. On closer inspection, the following words can be read:

"The wonder of the stars is eternal, the balance of the cosmos is forever."

----------------------------------------------------------------

The following only applies if I am wearing a certain set of gear- Either the Ulduar set, or the re-colored Stormrage set.

Ferenold's attire does little to detract from the lunar marking's eccentric nature. His pauldrons appeared to be made from a selection of cheap leathers strung together by an expert hand. Yellow spheres protrude from them, similar to the one upon his forehead. Each were secured to the man's shoulders by a simple blue string tied under the armpit.

His robe bears hallmarks of Elvish craftsmanship. The robe is festooned with embroidered symbols that glow eerily in the light. Although most are images of Stars and Moons, the occasional sigil of wind and tide, raging fires and destructive earthquakes make an appearance as if by the will of chaos itself. He also wears a yellow sash that bears the same hallmarks as his robe. His gloves are suited for cooler weather and look to have a Gilnean cut, though clearly tailored with the wearer's fit in mind.


Voice: 'Normal Gilnean Man voice in /emotes. (Aren't I boring? I FOR ONE, think the voice is pretty epic)
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85 Troll Warlock
9405
06/06/2012 03:25 PMPosted by Qerrathien
Eh screw it, no one wanted to answer my question. I was serious about it by the way, I have a handful of descriptions to share, some of which might appear in wow eventually.


>.>
<.< Would a non-wow related RP thing be okay?


A non-WoW RP description kinda defeats the purpose of making this thread on a WoW forum. My constructive feedback for whatever you post?

Make it related to WoW.
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80 Human Paladin
12355
A being of great power stands before you. Its shape is human, all distinction smothered by the great and glowing Light that seeps from every pore, submerging individuality within the all-encompassing glory of the Holy Light. Vast, golden wings emerge from broad shoulders, formed by shimmering tendrils, thousands in number, that take the shape of feathers.

Countless miniature suns form a perfect mosaic of once-human features, glistening in different degrees of radiance. You look upon Eldanesh Kurnous. Born the son of a blacksmith in Corin's Crossing; a peasant boy who would grow to become one of Lordaeron's greatest champions; the man who ripped Naxxramas from the sky and passed into the afterlife known to be called Saint Eldanesh the Conqueror.

In death, he has become more powerful than you can ever imagine.
Edited by Eldanesh on 6/6/2012 6:10 PM PDT
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