Gnomish Recipes!

100 Draenei Death Knight
10145
*puts on a chef's hat*

Greetings, Azeroth! It is I, Gondorin Ragefang, here with yet another glorious presentation for the benefit of all discriminating gourmands in our war-torn world!

YOU THERE! *glares at the quivering gnome shackled to the floor, manning the camera* Keep that thing trained on me. Hold still, too; I still need an assistant for future episodes...

*ahem*

As I was saying, I'm here to help! We all know a properly-prepared gnome can be a delectable treat, but far too often, the culinary contributions offered from these most excellent people are... lacking. Improperly beaten, not properly drained, too stringy, any number of unfortunate gnomish presentations are offered for proper gnomish cooking.

This will not stand!

YOU THERE! *glares at yet another quivering gnome, surgically affixed to a food service cart* Bring me tea. That's a good snack, errr, gnome.

This show, "Worgen vs. Food", cannot succeed, however, without contributions from YOU,

You...

YOU THERE! *glares at a gnomish operative attempting to free the cart-gnome* You're doing it wrong. *watches as set security captures the operative, taking him off for "surgical reassignment"*

*ahem*

Contributions from YOU, our valued viewers!

Send in your gnomish recipes! How do *you* prepare your gnomes? Tell us! The best submissions will be rewarded with a proper gnome hunt in the future, so only the freshest supplies can be provided for the preparation of the winning dish!

Thank you, and...

For the Alliance.

Indeed. *sips something*
Reply Quote
Judiel blinks and shuts off her gnomovision.

"By all that is holy, something is not right with that man."
Reply Quote
85 Orc Warlock
10275
((Note - it should be clarified first and foremost that Rekkal Soulrender is not ICly an employee of the AAMS))

Dear Hairball,

Since arrival on this cursed world, I have been convinced of a complete lack of any culture worth retaining. Your words, however, have moved me to contemplate reconsideration of my stance.

This however is not why I write to you. Instead I offer you a tip from my very own culinary notes, the result of careful experimentation over many years.

One finds the Gnomish race somewhat delectable, except for one major concern - most examples captured from the wild can be up to 50% fat when cooked, making for a somewhat sickly and unhealthy dish. Farmed specimens are little better, as the confined spaces are not efficacious to exercise. The so-called "Free Range Gnome" experiment failed, resulting in the livestock simply choosing to flee. Therefore, I gift to you this technique.

Although expensive in terms of both space and equipment, the best results can be gained from a number of large treadmills, one gnome per, with a cupcake suspended on a string carefully measured to place said bait tantalizingly out of reach of the subject. Without fail, this results in forward momentum and exertion hitherto unseen by members of the species, and a far, far leaner cut of meat with a more traditional half-inch of fat.

Those wishing to utilize the otherwise wasted treadmill power can find it sufficient to drive such machinery as a flour mill, especially useful when Gnome en Crute is amongst your repertoire.

I only hope, from one connoisseur to another, that you have a chance to utilize this information and taste the improvement it yields before your entire Alliance is crushed and driven into the seas.

Sincerely,

Rekkal Soulrender
Reply Quote
90 Night Elf Hunter
5105
Tyr eyes the gnomovision a moment, then facepalms.

"....Gondorin, you're a bloody idiot..."

And back to channel flipping she goes.
Reply Quote
100 Gnome Priest
10930
((Note - it should be clarified first and foremost that Rekkal Soulrender is not ICly an employee of the AAMS))



((If he were, he wouldn't be anymore! *Gnomish glare* ))
Reply Quote
90 Night Elf Druid
13230
Aziriel sits, inches away from the gnomovision, drooling copiously.

"Az help. Az want watch is cook gnomes."

She pauses.

"Az hungry now."
Reply Quote
90 Blood Elf Warlock
7240
The flickering light of the gnomovision set in front of her showed some kind of wolfish beast talking about cooking gnomes. Vira looked with interest at the screen. She could not help but wonder why a wolfman would want to eat his fellow Alliance members?

The aroma of meat cooking wafted through the Keep as she waited for her goblin cook to finish her evening meal. "Hey Grizzy, you see this? I think we might have to see if we can find some recipes of yours to send this Wolfman. I wonder if he is paying anything for them?"

Grizzly popped his head in the door as he carried a tray of food, setting it down before her he gazed at the screen in wonder. "Yeah, I been meanin' ta make a book...I might make a fortune with me recipes! No one can prepare gnome barbeque quite like mine. It's the secret spices..and no I ain't tellin' ya...though I could send a bit of the barbeque to dis Wolf guy and see if he is interested...maybe he would buy it from me...the recipe has been handed down for many years. The sauce is made with Kaja cola in it. Kinda hard to get it now though."

Vira grinned at the goblin and nodded as she relished the barbequed gnome. Wiping her lips delicately she nodded. "By all means I think it is the sauce that makes the dish so special. Perhaps we can bottle it and sell it on the black market? If you can make some up I will send a sample to this wolfman by AAMS courier."

Grizz nodded as he ran off to the kitchen. "Coming right up, Boss lady! My special sauce is good on anything! It even makes humans palatable!" The crash of pots and pans echoed as he got to work. Soon he ran back and handed Vira a special sealed bottle labeled Grizzy's Special Sauce.

Vira looked at the bottle and nodded. Setting up a call to the local AAMS she offered a nice tip for the delivery of said sauce to the first courier to find her Keep in Redridge. If this worked out, she would have some use for the rune of Greed now in her possession.
Reply Quote
90 Gnome Mage
13635
*Sighs and turns off the Gnomovision*
Some people are such savages... I have work I need to get back to.
Reply Quote
85 Human Priest
8705
((And this is why Ragefang was banned from the Azeroth TV headquarters and associated stations. I thought we got rid of his pirate stations, dagnabbit.))
Reply Quote
100 Draenei Shaman
17675
I gave him a new one Nynra...he just asked SOOOO nicely and he said it was in "benefit" to the gnomes and how could i say no to such a noble cause?
Reply Quote
((I find it really ICly/OOCly gross that accepted members of the Alliance are allowed to make jokes or literally cook their fellow races. As someone who plays a gnome, it's really off-putting that people joke or pretend that they do this on a regular basis.))
Reply Quote
90 Gnome Mage
13635
((I know, it gets pretty annoying also. ICly I don't understand why it is allowed in the first place.))
Reply Quote
90 Human Paladin
8195
((This again? How many times is this joke going to be put about?

((And especially after the cannibalism incidents we've been having lately IRL, it's not very funny. It's just kind of...in poor taste, if you'll excuse the unintentional pun.))
Reply Quote
100 Draenei Shaman
17675
((You people CHOSE to come into this thread, what did you THINK it was going to be about? some of us dont take this game as serious and like to have fun, if you don't like it, don't participate and don't come into a thread that you know you will find offense to, by doing that you come her INTENTIONALLY to cause drama and thats all you are doing))
Reply Quote
((The title is actually rather ambiguous but I should assume by now that even Alliance RPers think it is really hilarious to have their pretendy fun-time games include joking about eating their peers who happen to be gnomes.

I definitely didn't come into this thread to intentionally cause drama and calling it drama rather than pretty reasonable criticism is in poor taste as well. ))
Reply Quote
86 Blood Elf Paladin
14775
09/04/2012 04:19 PMPosted by Aislinana
((The title is actually rather ambiguous but I should assume by now that even Alliance RPers think it is really hilarious to have their pretendy fun-time games include joking about eating their peers who happen to be gnomes.


Yes...the title may be. But when you add in the logical facts that it's A> Ragefang who is rather well known for this. B> the fact that you can hover over it to pull up a little blurb taken from the first few lines and C> the fact that one of those few lines has a quivering gnome ambiguity goes right out the window.

In the end...like it or not, folks chose to come into the thread even after the many things at their disposal to know what it's about. It's also /HUMOR/ to be taken with a grain of salt. If this actually went on in game I would expect there would be some in game flak. So far I have neither seen nor heard of it beyond the ooc joking and gags on the forums. So for the love of all that is holy...lighten up and use resources at your disposal before jumping into threads.

Just my two cents. Oh, and this is Kord/Nova...I was simply too lazy to bother changing the avatar thingy before someone goes complaining about this toon being on WRA.
Reply Quote
90 Human Paladin
8195
09/05/2012 04:59 AMPosted by Solendenus
Yes...the title may be. But when you add in the logical facts that it's A> Ragefang who is rather well known for this. B> the fact that you can hover over it to pull up a little blurb taken from the first few lines and C> the fact that one of those few lines has a quivering gnome ambiguity goes right out the window.


((So people who think, "Dude, not funny" aren't allowed a voice--just the people who applaud and say "Hey hey, right on!" I didn't realize these realm forums were an echo chamber rather than open for discussion.

((Furthermore, if I were to start a thread titled "Cannibalism is not funny", wherein I expounded upon the reasons why these jokes are inappropriate, I'm willing to wager dollars to donuts that you and many others like you would be all up in the thread telling me to get a sense of humor. (But unlike you, I wouldn't be complaining about it.) This is why your "don't like it don't read it" arguments cut no tofu with me. That which is public is up for public discussion.))

In the end...like it or not, folks chose to come into the thread even after the many things at their disposal to know what it's about.


((As is our right. Deal with the fact that not everyone is going to agree with you.))

If this actually went on in game I would expect there would be some in game flak. So far I have neither seen nor heard of it beyond the ooc joking and gags on the forums.


((You haven't been looking. I distinctly remember, back in the days of Ragefang's War Council, having to complain about people roleplaying cannibalism IC, and as far as I know, there were no consequences to them. Some of them are still doing it, and still without consequences. Some of them are deliberately targeting people and making them feel uncomfortable.

((Also, consider that this bleeds over into the OOC channel, where it becomes more difficult to separate contempt for a character (or race of characters) and the people who play them.))

So for the love of all that is holy...lighten up


((For the love of all that is holy: No. I'm not going to shut up so you can feel comfortable with your "harmless" giggles, nor should anyone who is made uncomfortable by folks on this server treating them like a perpetual joke and a non-person. Some people RP gnomes seriously, and would like to be taken seriously.

((Furthermore, the habit of treating something lightly eventually results in taking it lightly. Now, you might not mind innocent, terrified people being slaughtered and eaten for teh lulz, but I'm not thinking it's conducive to a society I or most civilized people would like to live in. The only thing that's accomplished by dragging something hideous out into the light is making it less repulsive. Some things need to stay repulsive, for the love of all that is holy.))

((TL;DR: Public forum threads are not echo chambers. Deal with being called out if someone thinks you're being inappropriate. Also, eating people is repulsive, and shouldn't be treated as funny.))
Reply Quote
100 Draenei Death Knight
10145
((I wasn't inclined to get involved in this discussion, but I suppose this once, I will.

First off, yes, it was intended 100% humorously, as has been every incidence of treating gnomes as bite-sized snacks that I've seen from a variety of players in my nearly 7 years of playing World of Warcraft.

With this said, yes, people need to lighten up. Comedy, by its nature, is going to be offensive to some people, and while they have every right to state that offense, attempting to do so in a manner that either by implication or outright effort limits the same freedom of others serves little purpose. In other words, being upset is fine; being upset in a manner that attempts to stop others from saying something isn't. For years now, comedians have been offending people. Within my own life time I can point to the glory days of Eddie Murphy with both his "Delirious" and "Raw" movies, to Andrew Dice Clay, who even went so far as to make a comedy album called "The Day The Laughter Died", to Sam Kinnison who made jokes about having "private time" with the dead (why it censored the clinical term for that I'll never know...), on into the modern era with comedians like Daniel Tosh, who was recently taken to task for making off-color jokes about "forced intimacy" (so we can avoid the language filter on the forums here).

To joke about something is not to legitimize it, but to strip it of its power. To joke about something that doesn't exist to begin with (i.e., any of the fantasy races we play in this game aside from humans) should be a significant non-issue. If some are offended, there isn't a lot to be done about that, but it won't be used on my part, at least, as a limiter for humor.

As has been pointed out, this proposed cannibalism of gnomes has yet to be practiced in-game, aside from a few of the more vicious members of the Horde, and it's accepted at that point as a defining factor of those players' characters.

"Gnomovision" doesn't exist in the game. While a chef's hat might, I don't see Gondorin Ragefang putting one on, much less broadcasting (a thing that doesn't exist in Azeroth) a cooking show. These realities alone ought to point to the surrealist nature of the presentation, and the rest is comedy. Accepting that some don't get comedy at times, the rest still stands for the absurdity it was intended as.

But if we're going to get upset about cannibalism, why aren't we writing to Blizzard to encourage them to remove the Forsaken racial ability of the same name, which even goes so far as to present actual in-game animation for the act, and an in-game benefit via a heal-over-time for the Forsaken committing it?

Why aren't we writing to Blizzard to remove the /silly emote for male worgen that amounts to "I like my meat living and struggling"?

Come to think of it, why aren't we writing to Blizzard to remove the female gnome /silly that amounts to "Please forgive me for my murderous rampage"?

In short, while I can't illegitimize the upset some might feel over this sort of humor, the reality remains that it is, in fact, humor. The offense doesn't bother me; it has to be taken as part and parcel of the presentation of humor to begin with.

What does bother me, however, is an attempt to stop the humor to begin with.))
Edited by Ragefang on 9/5/2012 7:43 AM PDT
Reply Quote
86 Blood Elf Paladin
14775
Ya know...at this point I've come to the conclusion you enjoy being offended. I was going to make some sort of actual response but really...I doubt you will listen beyond "I feel this way, you should all feel this way.". I never said you had to be okay with it, all I said was that you need to use what's been presented for you to avoid it if you so choose. This game, especially horde side, has Cannibalism all over. There's even a vendor at the darkmoon fair that sells people food. This game is not now nor will it ever be real life or a reflection of real life, to take it as such is a point where you might want to step away.

And as for the people at the war council, that has nothing to do with what I was talking about. I was specifically referring to Ragefang. But yes...lets do go with them. From what I saw mind you of that instance it was not that much, and from what my characters did he was denounced for it and got alot of flak. I saw others do the same. So no, he didn't get away with it.

I guess I did end up making a real reply but really? if you have a problem with Rage's original post and its brand of humor take it up with /HIM/ and not bring it out for some public spectacle on the boards. As for me...I'm done.

sat·ire [sat-ahyuhr] noun

1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
3. a literary genre comprising such compositions.
Reply Quote
90 Undead Priest
14695
Y'all should jus' up and join the Horde.

Some of us *love* eatin' folks.
Reply Quote

Please report any Code of Conduct violations, including:

Threats of violence. We take these seriously and will alert the proper authorities.

Posts containing personal information about other players. This includes physical addresses, e-mail addresses, phone numbers, and inappropriate photos and/or videos.

Harassing or discriminatory language. This will not be tolerated.

Forums Code of Conduct

Report Post # written by

Reason
Explain (256 characters max)
Submit Cancel

Reported!

[Close]