Four Conversations in Pandaria

90 Tauren Warrior
16845
Chen Stormstout: To ask why we fight, is to ask why leaves fall. It is--
Breccia: It's because they're dead.
Chen: What did you say?
Breccia: When the weather turns cold, trees sacrifice their leaves and basically hibernate for the winter. It's easier than spending energy to keep them alive, so they let them die and grow new ones later.
Chen: You are uncharacteristically wise about the ways of trees for a metal-clad warrior blacksmith miner.
Breccia: Cultivation, racial bonus to herbalism. Also I didn't spend 4 years in college drinking my way through a philosphy degree.
Chen: I didn't actually attend--
Breccia: Figured. If you had, you would have come up with a better metaphor. You're comparing the Pandaren warriors to leaves of a tree, part of something larger that chooses to LET THEM DIE purely for the sake of CONVENIENCE and APATHY.
Chen: I don't--
Breccia: AND another thing! Why did you even come up with that metaphor? Look around. See those? Those are cherry blossoms. It's freaking OCTOBER. Do you know what will be growing there next month? Cherry blossoms! Do you see how far south you are on the globe? This entire continent should have either a giant six-month on/off switch like Australia, or be frozen solid like Antarctica. Unless you have some kind of Gulf Stream current that's hotter than boiling lead, or a magic ecosystem that buggers up your metaphor even worse. This is basic biology, chemistry, and geology. This is SCIENCE. You're a BREWER. Why don't YOU know this stuff?
Chen: Well, that was enlightening. Would you care for some of my beer?
Breccia: ...yeah ok sure.
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Forgemeistah: I'll get working on your PvP and raid gear over the next few weeks.
Pwnfacedk: Good, I can't wait to get back into battlegrounds and arenas and kill some damn Alliance. Especially gnomes. I like the way my sword cuts through their soft, almost childlike flesh--
Forgemeistah: My GOD you PvP types creep me the hell out. Anyhow, I just need more Spirits of Harmony.
Pwnfacedk: Get what now?
Forgemeistah: Spirits of Harmony. I need those to buy and create the best quality items. But don't worry, I have a plan.
Pwnfacedk: Um--
Forgemeistah: I can get them from farming. First I need to level to 87 and find the Halfhill market. Then I need to befriend a group known as the Tillers, who will let me start off a small farm. Over time, I will plant more crops, give more gifts, and cook more food for them, and they will allow me to grow these Spirits three per two days. It's all very Zen and peaceful. I like the idea.
Pwnfacedk: I have thirteen.
Forgemeistah: How did you get them?
Pwnfacedk: I wandered into a big herd of sweet, innocent animals and slaughtered them all as violently as possible. Then I ripped out their flesh and internal organs and traded them to goblins for gold and explosives.
Forgemeistah: Um...
Pwnfacedk: Then I attacked an Alliance camp, some sprites, and a flock of white elegant birds. Also I raised some from the dead and made their corpses explode.
Forgemeistah: And this got you Spirits of...Harmony...
Pwnfacedk: Yep. Lots.
Forgemeistah: I could make you epic-level weapons and armor if you gave me some.
Pwnfacedk: Pfft. Get your own, hippie.
-------------------------------------
Brann Bronzebeard: Oi! We're the Explorer's League, and I was told you were the one to talk to about these marvelous bits of history from the ancient ruins around the continent.
Loremaster Cho: Welcome! Sit a while, my friends, and enjoy this fine brew, as I tell you the stories of--
Brann: Wait, long-lost relics, ancient legends, and beer?
Cho: Um...yes?
Brann: WE'RE HOME, LADS!
-------------------------------------
Anduin Wrynn: Welcome to the Krasarang Wilds. Could you help us? We need the glands from a nasty kind of snake to brew an antidote for these suffering people. Or, I could help you kill some vile Sha and free the locals from the paralyzing fear they inflict.
Pwnfacedk: Killing stuff? No problem. I'll just THRALL'S BALLS you're Anduin freaking Wrynn!
Anduin: Well yes, but my status doesn't change what these people require--
Pwnfacedk: Dude, the Prince of Stormwind effectively unguarded? I'm going to tie your severed head to a marmot and put it into the center of Goldshire just ot hear the kids shrieking in terror. This is going to be AWESOME!
Anduin: No, wait, you can't do that. I'm under Sunwalker Dezco's protection.
Pwnfacedk: Pfft. Hear the screaming from that tent?
Leza Dawnchaser: WHY? WHY DO OUR CHILDREN HAVE HORNS STILL IN THE WOMB? CURSE YOU EARTH MOTHER!!!
Pwnfacedk: Any second now Dezco's wife is going to pop. If it's anything like when my wife gave birth, that means he's out of action for several hours. You have 170k hit points. I'm pretty sure I can kill you in five seconds.
Anduin: So, you have kids and I'm going to die? I think evolution owes us both an apology.
Pwnfacedk: Hey! MY kids are safely at home. Dezco intentionally brought his pregnant wife into a zone filled with poison demon snakes and whatever undead hellspawn the Sha are. Who's the better parent here? Think about that while I turn you into Anduin-on-a-stick.
Anduin: Wait! What about quest rewards and experience?
Pwnfacedk: Nice try. I'm already level 90, and I wouldn't wipe my !@# with the gear you're offering, especially because of the new reward system it'd all be DPS spiked plate mail and that'd hurt like hell. I'll give you ONE chance to come up with a reason to spare your life. And it better be a REALLY good one.
Anduin: Because Blizzard is totally setting me up to help with the raid where you kill and replace Garrosh Hellscream.
Pwnfacedk: ...ok, you win. Let's find us some snake heads.
Anduin: Whew.
Pwnfacedk: Hey, want to see pics of my kids? My oldest is seven. Here he is riding my Ebon Blade steed.
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90 Dwarf Warrior
14765
Yup.
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89 Blood Elf Death Knight
1640
Absolutely priceless. I'm saving this, I'll start laughing all over again years from now.
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85 Tauren Shaman
6230
10/05/2012 01:38 PMPosted by Breccia
CONVENIENCE and APATHY.


Sums up Blizz pretty well.
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85 Human Mage
4460
*Applauds*
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90 Human Warrior
7985
Quality
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Breccia, we love you.

Sincerely,

The Story Forum
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90 Orc Hunter
0
I especially liked the bit with brann.

"WE'RE HOME LADS!"
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90 Human Mage
16605
I thought the Anduin conversation would go more like this:

Anduin Wrynn: Welcome to the Krasarang Wilds. Could you help us? We need the glands from a nasty kind of snake to brew an antidote for these suffering people. Or, I could help you kill some vile Sha and free the locals from the paralyzing fear they inflict.
Pwnfacedk: Killing stuff? No problem. I'll just THRALL'S BALLS you're Anduin freaking Wrynn!
Anduin Wrynn: /target Pwnfacedk; /cast Mind Control
Anduin Wrynn: You are not here to capture the White Pawn.
Pwnfacedk: I am not here to capture the White Pawn.
Anduin Wrynn: The locals are in need of our aid.
Pwnfacedk: The locals are in need of our aid.
Anduin Wrynn: Let's fight some snakes and some Sha.
Pwnfacedk: Let's fight some snakes and some Sha!
Edited by Gibbons on 10/6/2012 8:09 PM PDT
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90 Orc Warrior
7450
lol this is great
Edited by Cougnut on 10/7/2012 10:28 AM PDT
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Is it me or does Pandaria look like Australia?
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That was hilarious and I loved the Brann one.
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90 Pandaren Monk
SoF
11250
what a necro.
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