<The Deepwater Pirates> are better than you

90 Pandaren Monk
11305
>You flip through the pages in horror
>The writing makes you visibly cringe
>It opens with a scene of you and Kageyama going at it doggie-style
>MangaMelbo: "K-kageyama-chan! We can't do it here in Attumen's room!"
>MangaKageyama: Shut up onee-chan! Today is our safe day, the room won't respawn for hours!
>You skip ahead
>You're standing over Anani, who's kneeling in some foliage with her eyes closed
>MangaAnani: "Give me your deathcoil Melbo-senpai!"
>MangaMelbo: "T-that was buffed this patch! The damage is huge!"
>You deathcoil all over her
>Loopus and two snipers pop out of the bushes
>MangaLoopus: "How about we turn this party into a RAID?"
>MangaMelbo and MangaAnani: "SUGOI!"
>You skip to the end
>You're sitting at a computer in your iconic felheart regalia
>There's rustling from under the table
>It's Shalfae
>MangaShalfae: "I can't believe were doing it at a Blizzcon tournament!"
>MangaMelbo: "I'm gonna beat this whole wizardcleave team by myself!"
>MangaShalfae: "Let me give you my blessing of kings Melbo-dono <3"
>She sheaths your Azuresong Mageblade
>MangaMelbo: "MY HIPS ARE MOVING ON THEIR OWN"
>MangaShalfae: "Marry me in a grim frostbitten forest Melbo!"
>MangaMelbo: I've never been so sure of anything in my un-life!
>Fade to black

>You're speechless
>There are levels of irony at play here you can't even comprehend
>Heigan is a true master
>They don't call him "The Unclean" for nothing
>All the tears in the universe wont wash you clean of this
>You look at the back cover
>There's a note from the author
>Special thanks to Shalfae, who commissioned this piece!
>You look at Shalfae
>She's looking around with her hands behind her back and whistling innocently
>!@#$ing Shalfae

>You scream and wave your arms around in exasperation
"THIS IS WORSE THEN TEN HOLOCAUSTS! LOVE IS OVER!"
>Heigan booms out in mirth
>"I've already sent forth the undead legions of the scourge to distribute my fanwork, Melbogathra-kun! All hope is in eclipse!"
"STOP USING HONORIFICS"
"JAPAN DOESN'T EVEN EXIST IN AZEROTH"
>"My dark magic has re-wrote the canon! Not even Ghostcrawler can save you now!"
>You focus on the hatred and rage blistering in your black heart and raise your hands in spellcraft
"YOU GOD-DAMNED WEEABOO! FEEL MY WRATH! CURSE OF IMPENDING DOOM!
>Heigan flinches from the blow of your spell
>"Fool! If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than ever before, through fanmade one-shots!
>He raises his arms
>The ground erupts in familiar green fire, and the mountain of erotic literature is swept away and blown throughout the citadel
>You snatch hopelessly at the pages
>You catch one at random

>You recognize Tamlin, who's naked and spread-eagle in the grass outside Warsong Gulch
>Shes covered in black marker graffiti, with sayings like "0-3" and "Flag-holder".
>In a half circle around her are Nightside, Avatum, Boro, and Magno.
>Theyre each holding a flag towards her
>Wait a minute, those arent flags
>You have a total whyboner

>Heigan shrugs
>"I also do some sidework for <Black Omen>. Running a ship like this is expensive. Or should I say, a "shipping" like this?
>He laughs at his own joke
>The timer below his portrait ticks below 10 seconds
>You laugh in triumph
"That's a nice one Heigan, too bad YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD!"
"...UNDEAD!"
"...or something"
>Man, no wonder you're broke and homeless
>Heigan gasps his last breath
>His head explodes
>A doomguard appears from the ether and starts bisecting acolytes
>Amidst the screaming and chaos that follows you can't help but hang your head in defeat
>This was gonna be a tricky one to explain at the next guild meeting
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90 Blood Elf Paladin
6475
Never joinin' a guild with these people.

Ever.
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90 Pandaren Monk
11305
>You walk through the Loatheb gauntlet muttering and picking pieces of Heigan's skull off
"Stupid Heigan and his stupid sexy fanfiction-
>Sauura speaks up in concern
>"Um, Melbo?
"-Nail it to the church of the light's front door see how Tirion like's my undead-
>Melbo?
"-I'm gonna make my OWN studio, with blackjack! And tentacles! And gu-
>"MELBO!"
>You lose your temper
"WHAT! YOU LYING MENDACIOUS TWO FACED HARPY! WHAT!
>Sauura flinches from your verbal assault
>"...You're covered in bats."
>Sure enough, you have about 400 little bats and worms chewing on you
>You should pay closer attention
>Shalfae pulls out her fetish checklist
>"Is being covered in bats your fetish? I think we're on the verge of a breakthrough here!"
>You prepare a witty retort but it dies on your lips as you remember your predicament
>Instead, you flail around like an idiot and run down the hallway screaming
"ARGL BLARGLE BATSBATSBATS!"
>Shalfae puts her hooves on her hips
>"I'm pretty confident being covered in bats is his fetish."

>You run, blinded by a flurry of bats and vermin
>They tear at your hair and flesh as you lash out in every direction with your spellcraft
"HELLFIRE! HELLFIRE! BURN LIKE MY LOINS AFTER GOLDSHIRE!"
>The swarm of creatures recede from the waves of fire
>You crash headfirst into something soft and fall on your !@#
>You look up and wipe the ash and bat parts from your eyes
>It's Loatheb
>A tangled mess of contagion and plant matter, the monster looks at you quizzically
>You blink
"How about you? Did you write any doujins about me double teaming Anani?"
>Distracted by the circumstances, you fail to see the four bulbous spores floating towards you
>They hit you at the same time and explode in a puff of noxious pollen
>You hack and cough, inhaling the treacherous brew deeply
>Your vision is blurring. You hear music in the distance
"W..what? What manner of poison is this?
>Loatheb leans close to you, a kaleidoscopic swarming mass of nonsense
>He burbles contemptuously at you
>"That which walks besides the living. A death rattle in the throat. The whispers of dead men."
>He's inches away from you
>You can see the light glittering in his dead-star eyes like torches against the midnight sky
>The words hang in the air
>Literally, you see them form and hang in the air
>"The chronic."
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Loving this.
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wtf
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90 Troll Druid
10910
^
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90 Orc Shaman
20405
Why you necro this !@#$?!?
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90 Blood Elf Paladin
14460
<3
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This is the best ever.
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86 Human Warrior
6920
:O rp on a rp server
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What on earth is going on here?!
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This guild is awful. Downvote
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