Get the Desktop App for Battle.net Now
- All your games in 1 place
- Log in once
- Automatic game updates
>You flip through the pages in horror
>The writing makes you visibly cringe
>It opens with a scene of you and Kageyama going at it doggie-style
>MangaMelbo: "K-kageyama-chan! We can't do it here in Attumen's room!"
>MangaKageyama: Shut up onee-chan! Today is our safe day, the room won't respawn for hours!
>You skip ahead
>You're standing over Anani, who's kneeling in some foliage with her eyes closed
>MangaAnani: "Give me your deathcoil Melbo-senpai!"
>MangaMelbo: "T-that was buffed this patch! The damage is huge!"
>You deathcoil all over her
>Loopus and two snipers pop out of the bushes
>MangaLoopus: "How about we turn this party into a RAID?"
>MangaMelbo and MangaAnani: "SUGOI!"
>You skip to the end
>You're sitting at a computer in your iconic felheart regalia
>There's rustling from under the table
>MangaShalfae: "I can't believe were doing it at a Blizzcon tournament!"
>MangaMelbo: "I'm gonna beat this whole wizardcleave team by myself!"
>MangaShalfae: "Let me give you my blessing of kings Melbo-dono <3"
>She sheaths your Azuresong Mageblade
>MangaMelbo: "MY HIPS ARE MOVING ON THEIR OWN"
>MangaShalfae: "Marry me in a grim frostbitten forest Melbo!"
>MangaMelbo: I've never been so sure of anything in my un-life!
>Fade to black
>There are levels of irony at play here you can't even comprehend
>Heigan is a true master
>They don't call him "The Unclean" for nothing
>All the tears in the universe wont wash you clean of this
>You look at the back cover
>There's a note from the author
>Special thanks to Shalfae, who commissioned this piece!
>You look at Shalfae
>She's looking around with her hands behind her back and whistling innocently
>You scream and wave your arms around in exasperation
"THIS IS WORSE THEN TEN HOLOCAUSTS! LOVE IS OVER!"
>Heigan booms out in mirth
>"I've already sent forth the undead legions of the scourge to distribute my fanwork, Melbogathra-kun! All hope is in eclipse!"
"STOP USING HONORIFICS"
"JAPAN DOESN'T EVEN EXIST IN AZEROTH"
>"My dark magic has re-wrote the canon! Not even Ghostcrawler can save you now!"
>You focus on the hatred and rage blistering in your black heart and raise your hands in spellcraft
"YOU GOD-DAMNED WEEABOO! FEEL MY WRATH! CURSE OF IMPENDING DOOM!
>Heigan flinches from the blow of your spell
>"Fool! If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than ever before, through fanmade one-shots!
>He raises his arms
>The ground erupts in familiar green fire, and the mountain of erotic literature is swept away and blown throughout the citadel
>You snatch hopelessly at the pages
>You catch one at random
>You recognize Tamlin, who's naked and spread-eagle in the grass outside Warsong Gulch
>Shes covered in black marker graffiti, with sayings like "0-3" and "Flag-holder".
>In a half circle around her are Nightside, Avatum, Boro, and Magno.
>Theyre each holding a flag towards her
>Wait a minute, those arent flags
>You have a total whyboner
>"I also do some sidework for <Black Omen>. Running a ship like this is expensive. Or should I say, a "shipping" like this?
>He laughs at his own joke
>The timer below his portrait ticks below 10 seconds
>You laugh in triumph
"That's a nice one Heigan, too bad YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD!"
>Man, no wonder you're broke and homeless
>Heigan gasps his last breath
>His head explodes
>A doomguard appears from the ether and starts bisecting acolytes
>Amidst the screaming and chaos that follows you can't help but hang your head in defeat
>This was gonna be a tricky one to explain at the next guild meeting
>You walk through the Loatheb gauntlet muttering and picking pieces of Heigan's skull off
"Stupid Heigan and his stupid sexy fanfiction-
>Sauura speaks up in concern
"-Nail it to the church of the light's front door see how Tirion like's my undead-
"-I'm gonna make my OWN studio, with blackjack! And tentacles! And gu-
>You lose your temper
"WHAT! YOU LYING MENDACIOUS TWO FACED HARPY! WHAT!
>Sauura flinches from your verbal assault
>"...You're covered in bats."
>Sure enough, you have about 400 little bats and worms chewing on you
>You should pay closer attention
>Shalfae pulls out her fetish checklist
>"Is being covered in bats your fetish? I think we're on the verge of a breakthrough here!"
>You prepare a witty retort but it dies on your lips as you remember your predicament
>Instead, you flail around like an idiot and run down the hallway screaming
"ARGL BLARGLE BATSBATSBATS!"
>Shalfae puts her hooves on her hips
>"I'm pretty confident being covered in bats is his fetish."
>You run, blinded by a flurry of bats and vermin
>They tear at your hair and flesh as you lash out in every direction with your spellcraft
"HELLFIRE! HELLFIRE! BURN LIKE MY LOINS AFTER GOLDSHIRE!"
>The swarm of creatures recede from the waves of fire
>You crash headfirst into something soft and fall on your !@#
>You look up and wipe the ash and bat parts from your eyes
>A tangled mess of contagion and plant matter, the monster looks at you quizzically
"How about you? Did you write any doujins about me double teaming Anani?"
>Distracted by the circumstances, you fail to see the four bulbous spores floating towards you
>They hit you at the same time and explode in a puff of noxious pollen
>You hack and cough, inhaling the treacherous brew deeply
>Your vision is blurring. You hear music in the distance
"W..what? What manner of poison is this?
>Loatheb leans close to you, a kaleidoscopic swarming mass of nonsense
>He burbles contemptuously at you
>"That which walks besides the living. A death rattle in the throat. The whispers of dead men."
>He's inches away from you
>You can see the light glittering in his dead-star eyes like torches against the midnight sky
>The words hang in the air
>Literally, you see them form and hang in the air
Threats of violence. We take these seriously and will alert the proper authorities.
Posts containing personal information about other players. This includes physical addresses, e-mail addresses, phone numbers, and inappropriate photos and/or videos.
Harassing or discriminatory language. This will not be tolerated.