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Let's face it, IOOM is pretty much Runetotem's premier alliance guild for people of taste and mild to moderate body odor. It isn't easy to get in. It isn't easy to find us. Please allow me, Setsugai, to help.
I am now accepting various forms of under the table payment for entry into this most amazing of guilds. You are receiving this special, secret message because I feel you have what it takes to make it as someone who has run out of mana. You wouldn't be seeing this otherwise.
IOOM stands for honor, courage, loyalty and a tendency to run around screaming 4.23 seconds after nearly every boss pull. Our goal is to see every boss encounter in the game. Eventually. Possibly from floor level. Partially obscured by bits of bear and paladin. Moving on...
Some of the forms of payment I will be accepting for a chance to gain entry:
- Devotion to playing the game because it is fun to join other people in accepting the challenge, not because you might upgrade your Stinkonium Crotchplate by 2 ilevels.
- A love of achievements, exploration, transmogs and other things that you don't usually see on Vodka's homepage.
- An undying need to hug and squeeze Wildragon until her little Panda eyes nearly pop right out of her head, just cuz she's so darned cute! (Lookin at Han here...)
- A playstyle that focuses on helping others, potentially at great cost in armor repair for yourself.
- Humor that adults can appreciate without it being adult humor. If you don't understand that... well, think dinner party with family rather than being in the back of a limo with Wiz Kalifa. (wait... WHO?!?)
If you think you've got what it takes, if you think you've got the pears & oranges to step into our world and say "Guys... running Terrace of Endless Spring naked is contraindicated by your user manual", then go to http://ioom.enjin.com, put in an app, and get ready. Once you're ready, let me know because I'm still drying my hair and putting on make-up. If I'm gonna litter a dungeon floor, I'm making sure my corpse looks GOOD in the screenshot. BOOM!
In terms of classes, we're pretty full on Paladins. I mean, if you're like AMAZING, sign up for sure. But we're sort of lousy with the damn pink dots. They're like tribbles! Freaking everywhere. Oi and the noises they make when you step on them. Holy this, by the light that. Sheesh. You'd think they weren't wearing plate. What I'm saying is that if all of your character slots are filled with Pallies, we might have trouble fitting you in. On the other hand, bacon.
So after a most amazing recruitment post the buzz all over trade in Stormwind has turned up some very interesting "facts". So I am here to play mythbuster's advocate on a few of them.
1. Yes. If your skeleton on the floor has his/her back to the boss and you are within 10 yards from the door AND it is pointing to the door you will earn extra rep within IOOM. (the key word here is the "and").
2. No. 4.23 seconds is not the average time of a IOOM boss kill. It is the average time however of how long it takes Caterpillar to start healing the tank after clicking the "I'm Ready" button. Turns out they are amazingly squishy in those 4.23 seconds. Who would have guessed?
3. Yes. Stinkonium Crotchplate does have a reserve on it. Much like a fine wine this little word actually adds to the value of the piece. To truly appreciate the odoriferous quality of this piece however, it is best to wear it while stuffing a small piece of cheese from the island of Fromunda inside it.
4. No. Contrary to the rumors you have been hearing the guy up on the 4th floor of our Guild Halls wearing the tight fitting chef hat and the very pretty IOOM Cooking Apron (it does add +15 to the cooking skill) is NOT Arthas. Although I will say he does have a striking resemblance to him. I will leave you though with two words on this.....ELVIS LIVES!!
5. Yes. I said Guild Halls. IOOM was the 2010 winner of this most awesome piece of real estate by entering and pwning the essay competition featured in "Better Castles and Moats" the most popular magazine among WOW raiders. Our winning selection was titled "Bacon and You" Please feel free to read it yourselves at http://www.bcm.com/contests/essaywinner/ioomrunetotem.com.
I am Eventiine of IOOM and I approve this message.
4.23 seconds is the amount of time it takes for me to realize that I've accidentally started the boss fight with a careless Holy Nova spell. Some might call a 4.23 second reaction time "sluggish", or even "potato". To which I would respond: my fail has both mass and velocity, and cannot stop on a dime.
Fortunately for all of you, Holy Nova has been taken away from erstwhile Disc priests and left in the hands of those who roll Holy. :) While I can still wipe a raid like I'm spreading mayo on a slice of stale pizza, the majority of my wreak is now wrought by "didn't" rather than "did".
I should point out that IOOM does employ a raid "wishlist", wherein you can sign up for an uncontested shot at the Stinkonium Crotchplate should you desire to wear it. I've always thought that plate collecting was a little odd, but hey! Takes all types, and IOOM's got one big set of boxers for y'all to congregate under. (I do draw the line at spoon collectors, however.)
Gotta run - Elvis the Patient has started in on his acoustic blues-harp version of "Teddy Bear".
Edited by Caterpillar on 11/24/2012 4:57 PM PST
Just run a Q-tip under there from time to time, Setsugai - an ounce of prevention and all that.
We have determined that we should bring in a couple of additional healers, who would be expected to work closely with Ysulde and myself as we systematically erode the aspirations and dreams of the entire raid team.
Also - whackers. We need a couple of whackers, for whacking things.
If Andolen shows up with a duck joke in response to that last sentence, I'm going to start feeling really 'down' about this whole recruitment drive...
Edited by Caterpillar on 11/28/2012 8:56 PM PST
Much as bees waggle their little striped behinds to direct other bees to nectar, Wilddragon provides detailed directions to our website (and guild application) via her sexy dance. Or maybe those are directions to the IOOM Bacon Quartermaster. I don't speak bee bottom.
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