Veroicone's Cookie Birthday Cake - Healer OT

90 Tauren Paladin
13230
One more for the 5 90 chieve. Can't do priest and feel good about myself until they are fixed.

Think blood dk or hunter.

Also Swift White Hawkstrider for CTA bag. lulz.
90 Worgen Druid
9545
So, a history of me: Ever since I was in Kindergarten, I have just about always had a girl I felt "in love" with. The girl has always been my best friend at the time. A girl named Lauren from Kindergarten to 2nd grade. A girl named Sally from 3rd grade to 5th grade. A girl named Andelyn from 6th grade to 9th grade. When I got into 10th grade, for the first time since I started school, I didn't have a crush on anyone. This non-existent crush persisted until the middle of my 12 grade year. This is where I currently am, for those who don't know. I'm 17, turning 18 on February 21st.

More history of me: I have never felt any sort of attraction to any male. I would look at men and have no emotional response at all. I've never thought of a man as hot, cute, or sexy, etc. I have always looked at women and had these responses.

This is where the event happens: There is an exchange student that comes from the Czech Republic. His name is Petr. Me being the person I am, I befriend him. He then joins the varsity tennis team which I am also on. He is fitting in quite well with our tennis team, and some of us will occasionally go off campus to eat lunch. He always eats lunch with me, and whoever else I eat lunch with. Simply because we're good friends, in my opinion. I give him a ride home 2 or 3 times a week after tennis practice because he doesn't have a car or a ride. So we get about 15 minutes of chatting, and being alone.

I really don't know how to word this... but... I am having an "in love" feeling towards him. I'm extremely confused at the situation. He's funny, he likes the same music I do, and just a fun person to be around. For the first time in my life, I can look at this guy, and go "He's cute," but if I look at any other male, I still get the same emotionless response. What feels so weird about it, is that this is the strongest "in love" feeling I've ever had. I can't stop thinking about him.

This is the part that makes me sad. We've talked at lunch about girls, and he'll point out girls that he is interested in. I'll tell him if the girl "gets around," is taken, or anything he wants to know about them that I know. So he is straight... But I still continued to talk to him because he is my friend, but the feelings continually gets stronger. I've asked him before if he was looking for any real relationship with any girl here, and his response was no. I don't know why I added on the "girl" part of the question, but it just came out. One day, when I took him to his host's house, he stayed in the car and just talked with me for about 25 to 30 minutes. We just laughed, listened to music, and talked the whole time. So I can't tell is he is putting on an act about being straight, or what.

But what makes me sad is, the idea of never being able to have a chance at him, if he is in fact straight. To never be able to express my feelings towards him, without rejection. "Why don't you just tell him" you ask? I'm terrified of pain. I loathe awkwardness. I can't stand rejection. I hate feeling alone. If it turns out he is straight, I would have to endure 3 classes with him and feel awkward the whole time. He wouldn't want rides from me anymore after tennis, and I would lose a friend.

All that negative emotion on top of the other negative emotions I currently have due to crap in my life. It makes me depressed. I get extreme stomach pains that last several hours. I lose my appetite, and I feel like vomiting. But all these bad things go away when I'm with him one on one. When I'm with other people around him, the feelings comes back. I become afraid to look him in the eye due to just hinting at the fact I'm attracted to him. It is just extremely confusing. I'm scared, and I'm sure it sounds stupid to some, but dang... It sucks.
Edited by Malrius on 1/27/2013 3:04 PM PST
100 Undead Monk
16945
That is uh... a... really rough situation. I'm sorry. :<
100 Night Elf Priest
13405
Aww, Mal. :( That's hard stuff.

-hug-

I dunno what else to say other than hang in there! Do what you can to embrace all the good feelings and accept the bad, but don't let them take any sort of control in your life.

90 Blood Elf Priest
6910
Mal.... I had a similar situation in highschool. I had only ever looked at guys, and then ended up falling for another girl. We were together for two years before the lying cheating b*%@ ripped my heart out. I too had to deal with sitting next to her in choir and the fact that she was still part of the circle of people I hung out with, and seeing her WITH the girl she cheated on me with. I feel your feels *internet huge huggle snuggle*

My suggestion is to wait and be patient. Gauge the situation more closely, give yourself more time. Both to see how he feels about you, about the same gender in general, and also whether or not your own feelings continue. Perhaps after a deal of time you can bring up the subject without ruining a good friendship. It is possible I think, granted I am a bit older now in my early 20s but I do have people that would certainly want to date me in my circle of friends if for some reason I ever left my boyfriend, and sometimes it is a little bit of awkward in the back of my mind but mostly its just chill.

Basically, don't jump the gun on that kind of conversation. Delicate things like this need time and finesse, and I am betting even the idea of bringing it up makes you hyperventilate or something. Be as ready as possible and as sure as possible that it won't end up a sad ending before confronting in the open. Also, if he has made other friends, use them in your calculations of the situation, as more people to read from on his feelings and attitudes.

I hope things work out well for you, I really do.
90 Blood Elf Mage
17070
01/27/2013 09:32 AMPosted by Malrius
But what makes me sad is, the idea of never being able to have a chance at him, if he is in fact straight. To never be able to express my feelings towards him, without rejection. "Why don't you just tell him" you ask? I'm terrified of pain. I loathe awkwardness. I can't stand rejection. I hate feeling alone. If it turns out he is straight, I would have to endure 3 classes with him and feel awkward the whole time. He wouldn't want rides from me anymore after tennis, and I would lose a friend.


I'm sorry. :(

Your post resonates with me so much, I can't describe it. There are differences, namely that I always felt attraction toward guys, but your anxiety about telling your friend how you feel is how I spent most of high school feeling.

I'm not sure I have any good advice for you on this, given I personally think your worries are valid and may well weigh against broaching the topic with him. But I do want to let you know that, however this particular situation ends up, things will get better. You will find this same feeling with another person who will reciprocate.
90 Night Elf Druid
13170
/hug <3!

You could subtly mention girl/guy and just see what his reaction is?

It's always hard to confess your feelings for someone especially if you're unsure they'll return them or not and of course you never want to ruin a friendship. In that situation I probably wouldn't flat out tell him either, if it were me and I'm usually the one to blurt out to someone that I like them/have feelings for them.

Wish you the best though <3
90 Blood Elf Priest
6910
You will find this same feeling with another person who will reciprocate.[/quote]

And this. It may take a while, oh it very well may. But this is truth.
100 Blood Elf Priest
12030
@Malrius:

You've got two different things going on here.

1) (Possibly) unreciprocated attraction to a friend

This one's tricky, and it doesn't really matter whether the target is male or female; it's always tricky. You don't want to risk saying anything, but it's really, really hard to keep quiet.

My advice is this: Most people do not stay friends with their high school friends forever. Most people move, lose contact, drift apart. And this guy is an exchange student, so even if you stayed in the same town hanging out with the same people, he'd still be back in the Czech Republic.

So you might want to keep that in perspective as you consider whether you want to possibly risk the friendship. High school friends are good for experimenting on.

2) Being attracted to a guy for the first time

I know that the cool thing for gay/bi guys to say is that we were all gay/bi from birth. We all "always knew." I'm in the "always knew" camp myself. But I actually know a number of guys who were not - who took a while to sort things out. Bi guys in particular might take much longer to experience a strong attraction to a guy.

There are also a number of guys who end up deciding they're straight after having one or more strong crushes or even relationships with other boys in their teens/early 20s. (Similarly, there are a lot of guys who wind up identifying as gay after some serious love affairs with girls/women, up to and including marrying them. My boyfriend is one of those and my new roommate is another.)

So you're not alone, you're not weird, and while this may be confusing right now, you will figure it out. There's nothing wrong with being attracted to whomever you're attracted to - you don't have to check your feelings against some sort of label.
90 Blood Elf Priest
7430
01/27/2013 09:32 AMPosted by Malrius
I'm scared, and I'm sure it sounds stupid to some, but damn... It sucks.


Mal, there's nothing stupid about it. Human emotions are extremely complicated.

I fell in love with my best friend in High School and it was the most confusing time of my life. It's still unresolved and I doubt it ever will be (it's been 4-5 years).

You can really fool yourself into thinking they know how you feel or that they're making subtle hints towards you, but you gotta really assume that they're oblivious until told otherwise. My friend made it even more confusing for me, as he had kissed me multiple times, held me, cuddled with me, etc. The mixed messages were terrorizing my brain, he would act like it meant nothing to him (but it meant a lot to me). Eventually I just relented when I noticed he was attracted to a female friend of mine, but I've always regretted ignoring my feelings.

I would really like to not see you do the same. You're a senior in High School. Now might be the best time to address it. I never directly came out and told my friend how I felt, and it left me feeling tortured for a long time. It'd be a shame to see that repeated. Wait and see how you feel as the semester comes to an end and search for an opportunity.
Edited by Qùess on 1/27/2013 10:22 AM PST
OMG Mal. I feel you too. I had the same sort of perpetual crush thing going on when I was younger. Then I realized I was into girls and that completely paralyzed me for the same reasons you describe.

My advice would be to get okay with yourself first. The dude is not really your problem ... he's making you feel an emotion and you don't know what to do with it. The emotions are what's bothering you. And it sounds like you've got other emotional issues that are way bigger than this dude.

It also sounds like being with this dude makes you feel better about everything else in your life. Which makes him sound like a good friend. Maybe you could talk to him about some other issues? You definitely need to talk to someone. Maybe not about the gay stuff (I can understand if you don't trust anyone enough to talk about that) but everything else.

On the emotional front, some things to consider that may help:
a) Maybe you're bi. Maybe you're mostly straight but attracted to this guy. Maybe you're not straight! None of those make you a bad person. As Kaels said, people are attracted to people ... gay, straight, bi are just ways to describe people being attracted to people. Don't fuss too much about words. Figure out a way to be okay with yourself no matter who you're attracted to.

b) You don't have to act on your feelings.

c) When your head is clear, think for a second about how this guy feels. He's coming from a very different country which may (or may not) have a homophobic culture. He may be afraid of the homophobia he's heard of in the US. If he's gay, I can guarantee you he'd be hiding it. And whether he is or not, he needs friends while he's here. Maybe your friendship is more important (to both of you) than the maybe-sexual feelings you're having.

If you want some answers, start chatting about your gay friends or politics or something. Ask him what it's like in the Czech Republic. That'll give you some clues as to where he's coming from.

d) Talking only about me now .... one thing I know I do is it's hard for me to interpret feelings non-sexually. When someone is being friendly or anything, I immediately jump to interpreting it sexually. Maybe your head is doing something similar. I have no idea.

e) You need to talk to a therapist if you're having anxiety so bad it's making you nauseous. Just sayin. Meditation may also help.

Good luck, hon .... and keep talking.
Edited by Heartsings on 1/27/2013 10:33 AM PST
01/27/2013 10:04 AMPosted by Kaels
So you might want to keep that in perspective as you consider whether you want to possibly risk the friendship. High school friends are good for experimenting on.


I'd agree with this except for the anxiety attacks Mal is describing. High school is not the safest place to be experimenting.

Sex comes and goes ... a good friendship that makes you feel better yourself is far more valuable, especially in high school.
Edited by Heartsings on 1/27/2013 10:27 AM PST
90 Worgen Druid
9545
Another thing that bothers me, is that even if it does work out, and we get together, he is moving back to the Czech Republic in a few months. So it is like I won't get a happy ending, regardless of what happens.

Why can't these sort of things have an off switch?

01/27/2013 09:50 AMPosted by Aestyr
I am betting even the idea of bringing it up makes you hyperventilate or something.


I'm not the one to hyperventilate or anything... Its when I feel a sense of rejection from him, or when I feel confident that he's straight when I get the stomach pains.

Example:
There are two foreign exchange students in the house, and then one man who hosts them. I knew the other exchange student from last year. He is from Bangladesh. We had became friends, but I never felt anything towards him. (This will make more sense later)

So he and I like watching tennis. He wanted to watch the Federer vs Murray match with me on 1/25 (Friday) at 2:30 am our time. I worked that Thursday after school, and then right after work I raided. I finished raiding a little bit after 12, and I was exhausted. So, I went to bed. When I woke up the next morning, I saw I had a text from him at 3:21 am saying, "Get up! Watch tennis!."

So this morning, at 2:30 am, there was a match between Djokovic and Murray. I told him I would watch this one with him (not literally, just talk with him throughout it while watching it someplace else), since I didn't have anything going on Sunday. But I worked on Saturday, from 2 pm to 11:30... I knew I could watch it on ESPN3, but I found out once I got home we don't have that channel. So I sent him a text saying, "I'm going to assume you're asleep right now, but just so you know, I'm not able to watch the match tonight. I thought we had ESPN3 but we dont, and my dad doesnt want to pay for it so.... Guess no game for me tonight. :/" (He was going to go to bed at 6:30 in order to not be tired, for the match, plus he set his alarm to 2:30) But I wanted to watch it with him. I heard from a friend that it would probably be on one of the main sport channels. So with my new hope of watching it, I set my alarm to 2:30, and went to bed at around 12:30.

I woke up from my nap, turned on the TV, and there it was. So I sent him another text at 2:40, "Nvm, apparently just plain ESPN is showing the game, even though it said nowhere that is was.... :D" No response. Of course I'm tired, but I stay up and watch it. I get onto Facebook at around 3:20 to keep me somewhat awake. I notice the other foreign exchange student that lives with him is online. I talk with him for a while because he also likes tennis (He wasn't very good at playing) I asked him if he was watching the Australian Open, he said, "No but Petr is." So at around 4, I text him about the match saying, "Their reaction times amaze me." Still no response.

Around 4:45, I'm exhausted, and go to bed, having given up on getting a response. I'm just thinking, if you wanted to watch the match with me... You could of at least responded to a text message. When I went to bed I had the stomach pain, and when I woke up I had it. For whatever reason, I don't have the pain now.... but ya. Meh.
90 Blood Elf Priest
7430
I'd agree with this except for the anxiety attacks Mal is describing. High school is not the safest place to be experimenting.

Sex comes and goes ... a good friendship that makes you feel better yourself is far more valuable, especially in high school.


The anxiety definitely complicates it a lot, but the anxiety may not necessarily go away from completely ignoring it either. I know mine persists to this day if I think about the subject of my high school feelings too much >_>
90 Blood Elf Paladin
12410
Mal -

The bottom line is that he's going back to Europe, at some point. Consider that. No matter what his response, he's going back.

If you enjoy the dance, then the dance is enough, my friend. Good luck.

If you must know the answer though, then I'll tell you what I do to find out if a woman is romantically interested in me, or not - I set it up so that I can touch her, and not in any kind of overt sexual way. If he is not into guys, he won't be comfortable with you touching him more than briefly, and if you are watching, you'll get your answer. If you see that he's not into it, you can play it off as an accident, and hopefully avoid any awkwardess. If he is, he'll let you, and most likely respond.

Riôt
I like the way you think, Riot :3

About the married guy? Yeah, srs. There's more complicating factors than just "omgzers he's married don't touch." And I don't know what I'm doing. But I think if it stays just a fling, then we'll both be okay.

The dance is enough.
90 Night Elf Druid
13170
^ Not worth it IMO.

Way too many consequences with something like that, but to each their own.
90 Worgen Druid
9545
01/27/2013 10:32 AMPosted by Qùess
The anxiety definitely complicates it a lot, but the anxiety may not necessarily go away from completely ignoring it either. I know mine persists to this day if I think about the subject of my high school feelings too much >_>


I don't quite think my anxiety is coming from this situation alone. There are other things happening with my family life that are causing a lot of stress on me. Plus the whole Advanced Placement / International Baccalaureate / College classes causing stress. Plus work stress...

This situation is just the cherry on top.
100 Blood Elf Priest
12030
If you must know the answer though, then I'll tell you what I do to find out if a woman is romantically interested in me, or not - I set it up so that I can touch her, and not in any kind of overt sexual way. If he is not into guys, he won't be comfortable with you touching him more than briefly, and if you are watching, you'll get your answer. If you see that he's not into it, you can play it off as an accident, and hopefully avoid any awkwardess. If he is, he'll let you, and most likely respond.

This is excellent life advice.

01/27/2013 10:32 AMPosted by Malrius
Another thing that bothers me, is that even if it does work out, and we get together, he is moving back to the Czech Republic in a few months. So it is like I won't get a happy ending, regardless of what happens.

I know this sounds cynical, or mean, or something, but it's not actually intended that way: There is approximately a 99% chance that no romantic or sexual relationship you have between birth and age 20 will have a happy ending, even if you define "happy ending" as "lasting into adulthood and then having a relatively friendly break-up."

There's also about a 99.99999% chance that your first relationship with another guy will not have a happy ending. (Really, show me a guy who managed that and I'll show you a unicorn.)

The thing is, though, you kind of have to go through some of these - both the joy and the pain - to work out how to be in a relationship so that you can eventually have one with a happy ending. A short fling with someone from another country who has a defined departure date is actually almost a best-case scenario. I know it doesn't seem like it, but it's better that than the other ways your first few relationships are likely to end (see: Aestyr's story).

Keep perspective. You are "in love." You will be "in love" again. Probably multiple times. You might always look back wistfully at your first love, but when you do, you'll be in good company with pretty much the entire rest of the human race.

So what you do now is not about some sort of magical 'ever after'. It's about now. It's about what you want to do and who you want to be, right now, at this moment in your life. In this part of your story, do you want to be the guy that took a chance, or the one who played it safe?

Both are valid choices - I've been both at various times in my life, depending on how much I valued the possible reward vs. the risk. But remember: Both the reward and the risk are in the 'now,' not the 'forever.'
Edited by Kaels on 1/27/2013 10:59 AM PST
100 Undead Monk
16945
About the married guy? Yeah, srs. There's more complicating factors than just "omgzers he's married don't touch." And I don't know what I'm doing. But I think if it stays just a fling, then we'll both be okay.


There's no such thing as "being okay" when messing with a married person. You're gonna get burned. Hard. I can 100% promise you that. The kind of guy that would cheat on his wife is the kind of guy that would !@#$ you over at the drop of a hat.

He's not a nice guy, no matter what front he's putting on for you.

@Mal: The only advice I will give you is to relax and enjoy what you have now. Given his exchange-student whatnot, I personally wouldn't go for it be it a guy or a gal, just because the Czech Republic is a really, really far away place.

But yeah, what Riot said. It's good advice, even if it kills me to admit that it is. If you want to test the waters, do just that.
Edited by Mist on 1/27/2013 11:07 AM PST
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