When IC behavior gets creepy

The thread about attitudes toward female armor got me thinking, but sense that thread has gone on for 12 (I think) pages, I'm going to start a new topic.

I don't get too many creepy whispers or OOC actions on this server. Most of the time, when someone hits on me, it's IC and pretty harmless. However, there have been a few times when the other player (IMO) crossed the line and started to make me genuinely uncomfortable. Where do you think that line is drawn in terms of playing a flirtatious or even perverted character? Usually I just react ICly by making threats, telling them off, or ignoring them (depending on the character), but there's a point when OOC communication is probably necessary just to make sure the other player(s) is ok with your behavior. This goes for other types of RP, like having a particularly hateful or confrontational character.

I don't mind flirting, but when a character starts making excessively sexual comments or starts following me around, that gets a bit creepy.
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90 Night Elf Warrior
4630
Any time a character of mine might become attached to someone(no matter what way), I OoCly whisper the other person and ask if it's okay. If it isn't, then I consider my character ICly rebuffed and head along my way.
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90 Blood Elf Hunter
7980
I think that everybody has different boundaries, really but I think that anything that needs a trigger warning is...not okay. For example, someone tried to spike my drink once, at Club Trix and I just added the person to ignore and left and I haven't been at Trix since.

I'm pretty good at shrugging things on, usually but sometimes I just get really shifty and uncomfortable and being a bit of a shy creature when I get like that, I tend to clam up and either not say !@#$ or jump at their throats. Sexism isn't something I've ever...suffered from(?) ICly or OOCly but I can see why some people would get offended.

I tend to react ICly to...iffy %^-* and seeing as I have a leniency to roleplay characters that are either significantly aggressive and confrontational or that are too easy going to try and care, people tend to leave me alone eventually.

Long story short, if something needs a trigger warning, I probably want to see it beforehand, as we don't all have the same tolerances. Some people feel sickly with violent scenes and others get really uncomfortable with anything sexual and so forth.

I don't know. Some people can do something that I personally usually consider fine and just make it seem unbearably creepy and make me very uncomfortable and I don't have the will to tell them that. There was one instance where I asked a friend of mine to intervene in an RP so I could be all but forcefully dragged out of an RP because I was uncomfortable.
Edited by Arielen on 4/24/2013 12:37 PM PDT
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100 Blood Elf Paladin
13090
I don't know. Some people can do something that I personally usually consider fine and just make it seem unbearably creepy. There was one instance where I asked a friend of mine to intervene in an RP so I could be all but forcefully dragged out of an RP because I was uncomfortable.


I remember that. I think that is the importance of RPing with people they know and are comfortable with... random RP can be a little weird with some of the weirdos who exist on the internet. I also feel that it is the job of a friend to help run interception on the weirdos. Granted it never effected me because I see the internet as a "people zoo" where I can observe and giggle at the strangeness of people from the comfort and safety of my home.
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100 Worgen Priest
14500
In my opinion, at the very moment you feel uncomfortable, you need to stop and let the other person know OOCly. If they can't respect the fact that what they're saying/attempting to do isn't sitting well, then you should excuse yourself out of the RP.

Some just want to show off how "edgy" they are by diving into grey areas, while not realizing that some of these things can be triggers for some people. A good roleplayer is going to run ideas past you before trying to drag you down into such a place.
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100 Night Elf Rogue
14780
I don't even see a need to let them know OOCly. If I'm suitably irked or uncomfortable, I don't feel a need to interact with them.
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So far on WoW I've had only a few "awkward" RPs, the worst being on my paladin Rillumas. I was making a round of Silvermoon and stopped for a second for Rillumas to rest for a momen only to have another man come up to him and hit on him like a Mac truck to a plywood fence. After a few times telling him to stop ICly and OOCly, I decided to ICly threaten him (just how Rill is.) But he kept up. So Rillumas clocked him to which he ran off. After I got ICly ganged up on and OOC whispers insulting me personally. The whole experience left a sour taste in my mouth.

After that I put them all on ignore and everything was fine, good ol' black list.

Edit: damned typo demon.
Edited by Xiuan on 4/24/2013 1:25 PM PDT
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90 Blood Elf Priest
19180
Where is the line for excessively sexual comments? Honestly I think it's ever changing *even for yourself*. I know that I can tolerate quite a bit more flirty innuendos when I'm raiding then I can when I'm not, but sometimes it just takes *one* sentence phrased wrong and I'm done. Pissed off and want everyone to shut up. I wouldn't have been able to warn someone that THAT particular sentence would get me either, since I didn't realize it was a trigger until it happened (this happened in guild once). I've had people who are massively flirty and make quite a few graphic innuendos, get offended and leave because guild chat was flirty and full of innuendos. I've seen people be perfectly okay with flirting at someone who isn't interested in them, but turn around and be upset when someone else does it to them who they aren't interested in.

Not that those are bad people, but their tolerance is different from other's tolerance. For example, the person who doesn't want to be flirted with but flirts with someone else? The person they're flirting with is okay with it, so they're encouraged and keep doing it. But they don't like the person who's flirting with them and so they begin to get angry about it. It's the same actions, just their personal feelings about the other person often color if it's inappropriate or not to be flirting. It changes from person to person. Selynth can come up to me and LITERALLY say anything, and I won't get upset or offended. Chances are I'll be horribly flirty and drag her off or something weird. But if say... uh... Solzen came up to me and got super weirdly flirty at me, I have limits and lines and it won't have the same effect. (SORRY SOLZEN ILU MAN). Both are really good friends of mine, just my reaction to them is different.

Um.. I'm babbling a lot to say that there are other variables besides 'just the behaviour' in what's acceptable and not acceptable, and so there's no one defining line to be drawn?
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100 Tauren Paladin
14170
04/24/2013 12:29 PMPosted by Arielen
For example, someone tried to spike my drink once, at Club Trix and I just added the person to ignore and left and I haven't been at Trix since.


That's more than borderline creepy...

I think I've only had someone stalk my toon before, not really ICly. It's more annoyance than anything.

04/24/2013 01:40 PMPosted by Drove
Not that those are bad people, but their tolerance is different from other's tolerance. For example, the person who doesn't want to be flirted with but flirts with someone else?


Dawn flirts with everyone <3 share the love. It's when people misinterpret flirting that irks me.
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90 Goblin Mage
6150
All IC behaviour is creepy.

Also, nice set, Dawnsky! Very casual.
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100 Tauren Paladin
14170
Also, nice set, Dawnsky! Very casual.


Thank you :>
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100 Human Paladin
13200
When i was on my old pally on argent dawn i had a breif "ic relationship " that got abit too ooc. Granted i take things lightly but when you had some chick screaming at you through whispers because she over herd an ic discuton on how "strange she was acting " lemmi tell you i never laughed harder.

As for all these tales of icky ic goober snootches just do what feels col for you, sau your peice and onwith the show.

Also dont ask how one screams through whispers because i have no idea to this day.
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90 Pandaren Rogue
8455
I read the title of this thread in Chris Hansen's voice.
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90 Blood Elf Paladin
7160
As soon as someone makes it apparent they're only fishing for ERP, I'm done. I can tolerate hardcore flirting if it's part of the character (don't expect mind to reciprocate, though!) but you have to make it very clear that you are RPing substance and not just playing the game to get a virtual woo-hoo.

I'm not a judging lady. I don't care what peoples'/peoples' characters' kinks are, but if I feel like they're being forced onto my character I probably will have them leave and refrain from RPing with said person again.

I will not tolerate people trying to enslave my toons. I don't care if it's IC. There are boundaries I will not cross, and I find it creepy when people try to do that because I know what they're looking for, and it's not character development. The exception to this was when I first met my boyfriend way back when in RP, and his Warlock ended up hijacking my Paladin's mind for a little bit, but it was a quality story and didn't end up in the "big R". Most slave RP is not only illegal in canon the way it's portrayed, but it's also usually just an excuse for ERP and acting inappropriate in public. It's way worse in ToR, where it's actually canon, but I saw a really disgusting display of it in WoW the other night too.

Also, if my toon is in a relationship and I say I want to fade to black for certain scenes, you better adhere to that or it's going to end real quick. I've had people get WAY too attached to me through those things, and I'm not particularly interested in giving them things to fantasize over. Also, my boyfriend dislikes it, so there are RL boundaries people need to learn not to cross.

tl;dr - Don't fish for ERP with me. Doesn't work. Don't like it.
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90 Blood Elf Priest
19180
*whispers* I'm so glad you got something coherant out of my incoherant babble Dawn.
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I can't help but wonder if this post is inspired by a certain Human creeper who seems to come after Dwarves and Gnomes on a regular basis... He even tried to get into THIS character's pants and she's old enough to be his grandma's grandma! And yes, I was very uncomfortable with that.

I ended up telling him point blank in whispers that I wasn't interested in that kind of RP. He asked me to put him on ignore to avoid future confusion, and I did.

Saying something OOC is a good idea. I had some similar discomfort Horde-side with an Orc guy where I wish I had said something sooner because hints were not being taken. Hints don't work. You gotta put your foot down and let them know that's not okay.
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100 Worgen Priest
14500
04/24/2013 03:29 PMPosted by Strigine
I can't help but wonder if this post is inspired by a certain Human creeper who seems to come after Dwarves and Gnomes on a regular basis...


I knew of the draenei, but there's a human one, too?
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Maybe I'm weird, but I don't mind the creeps. They're easy to put on ignore.

Now those who've gotten into an IC relationship and want to go further... I draw the line.
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90 Human Paladin
5930
I have a pretty high tolerance for IC shenanigans, and as long as they don't bleed into OOC I'll probably humor it. As long as the flirting and innuendos are clearly RP that lead to character development and not just ERP I'm fine with it.

This character has had a couple love interests over the years, two of which have crossed the line into "creepy". To both of them a simple "sorry I'm not into online dating, we're just friends" put a stop to it. One of them wouldn't RP with me anymore, the other eventually wandered off to another server.

For me there's a huge difference between somebody whispering me and asking if I want to ERP (which I will politely decline and continue RPing if they are so inclined) and somebody creeping on me OOC. The creepiest person I ever dealt with was short-lived, whispering me on a new alt every time I blocked him. I finally unleashed all kinds of hell and never heard from him again. What made it so creepy is I don't remember ever so much as RPing with him, let alone having an IC relationship.

As harmless as these situations usually are, they do get creepy. They've also sapped what little patience I have for harassment and as a rule I don't RP romantic relationships anymore, no exceptions (unless I could get my husband to play wow, let alone RP).
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