I am writing this with heavy heart. After enjoying your sad sad tears and lovingly crafted, if painfully long, goodbye letters since the day after launch (it seems so long ago now), I have finally come to the end. These letters used to melt my tender emotions and I would often end up crying on the floor in the fetal position.
However, recently these letters just don't have the originality and raw vulnerability that I could sense in earlier renditions. Where once I could picture snotty, tear-filled kleenexes drifting to the floor as these letters were written, now I only visualize another attention-grubbing, greasy-mouthed basement troll copy-and-pasting their letter while yelling for mommy to bring him another cheeseburger.
As you are all unlikely to listen to my pleas and return to the once great writing I had so adored, I will be forced to go back to playing my new favorite game: Diablo III. I love it for many reasons that I won't go into here.
Farewell you farewelling farewell letter writers! You have had all my attention you will ever get.