>>> [OMG NERF PATCH NOTES] Jay Wilson Meeting

General Discussion
ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS THREAD EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE ARE ENTIRELY FICTIONAL. THE FOLLOWING THREAD IS WORKING AS INTENDED AND DUE TO ITS CONTENT IT SHOULD NOT BE VIEWED BY ANYONE.

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Mike Morhaime, Frank Pearce, Rob Pardo, and Chris Metzen are all sitting inside a gargantuan conference room with plush leather seats.

Morhaime: Well, Gentlemen, we've done it yet again. Executed a perfectly good game that has broken record sales.

Pearce: Mike, we've gotten reports that our fans love the new game designs and incredibly crafted story line.

Metzen: It's true, the story is one of the most important parts of the Blizzard pillars and our fans have recognized how much effort and thought was utilized to create such a masterpiece.

Pardo: Let's toast to a bottle of champagne, shall we?

Morhaime: After the meeting with Jay Wilson. He's going to update us on the current development.

Pearce claps his hands and from beneath the floor, a hydraulic chair slowly emerges carrying Jay Wilson.

Jay Wilson: Good evening gentlemen.


Metzen looks at Jay Wilson and rubs at his mouth.

Jay Wilson: I have good news to report that we have just released another successful patch.


Metzen coughs and hints to Jay that he has something on his mouth, yet he is completely oblivious. The other executives stare at Jay's food covered face and shirt with ketchup stains.

Jay Wilson: After discussing the issue with myself, I have made a couple small design tweeks. The latest patch brings home what I feel is fun.


Metzen: You didn't change the story did you?

Jay Wilson: Of course not, reports show that ages 3 to 4 love the story and will help usher in a new generation of computer gamers.


Morhaime: Perfect. So you have been listening to our stock investor meetings Jay?

Jay Wilson: I'll listen to anything if food is there. Anyway, the clients have shown that they are able to find areas which are suitable for finding gear and this goes against my design philosophy. This is unacceptable and I have removed any high quality item from these regions.


Pardo: So people don't farm any of the bosses correct?

Jay Wilson: Not only will people not farm any of the bosses, but the entire game will drop mostly vendor trash.


Pardo: Wouldn't that cause gold to go up and prices to inflate?

Jay Wilson: Way ahead of you Rob. I've increased the gold repairs by the number of cheese burgers I like to eat in one setting.


Metzen: I knew you were a genius when we hired you.

Jay Wilson: Also, I've noticed that people are only creating ranged characters to farm. This is unacceptable and the increased attack speed has been reduced to the usefulness of percent on health with weapons. This will make it so people cannot progress in the game.


Morhaime: What about botters? Have you been able to track their movements.

Jay Wilson: Negative. I had a dream that when I opened jars of cookies, and none were to be found, I would put those negative thoughts into the game. People think that when you open a cookie jar, there will be cookies, but when there are none, you get mad.


Pardo: It's true, people like cookies.

Jay Wilson. Exactly, especially botters which is why I decided that anyone opening a jar or anything that might house something delicious will be unsatisfied like I was in my dream.


Metzen: I think we need to open that bottle of champagne gentlemen!

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