How do you deal with others negativity?

General Discussion
Hey all! So, I am new to games like these. I mean, I grew up playing Counter Strike as a 10 year old girl, but with bots. This is my first fps against other REAL players. Something that is new to me are people that are just so insulting. I know, everyone responds with "grow thick skin", or "don't be such a baby", or something along those lines. I really do try, but I also suffer from major low self esteem, and I do suffer from depression. That being said, I do have fun playing this game, and sometimes, proud of how well I have done. But all it takes is just 1 thing for someone to say to me, and it ruins the joy of it all. Just earlier I was in a qp match, so nothing serious. I played Zen (I main him, I am ready to be judged for the amount of hours I have played as him, lol) and was doing really well. I had 3 silvers and 1 gold, and as a support, I thought that was pretty darn decent. When it was over, before potg, a guy on my team said to me, "Damn, for a lvl 141 you really do suck." I was surprised, to be honest. I just said to him, "I got 3 silvers and 1 gold as a support... I don't think that's bad." To which he just said, "Ohh, what are you raging for?". Potg comes up, and it ends up being me. No one said anything, except for one other guy while the potg was going who said, "Those lack of heals tho..." and that's all anyone had to say. Maybe I am not the best at healing, I do try really hard, but zen isn't the best/fastest healer, and also I cannot instantly heal people that keep running into the fray as a sacrifice, or be expected to be 1v6 as support on objective and win it for the team. I get comments like this all the time. I know I am a decent player, but when people say things like this, it just sucks all the joy I had out of the match, and ruins the fun of the game for me. How do you deal with people like this? It makes me constantly second guess myself and lowers my quality of play.
I've turned winning, losing, and verbal abuse into a fetish so I always get at least something out of how a game turns out.

I get more annoyed at people getting upset at basic human emotion. In life you're going to have to deal with conflict. Your boss will get upset with you, your coworker will be a conniving jerk, people will cheat on you in relationships or you'll be tempted to cheat.

You have to learn how to handle social stress and dealing with Tilts, rage, and anger is a basic skill that you should learn.
If I were you I would consider disabling the chat and listening to a good radio with folks you like to listen to.
You only need to disable All and Party Chat, you can still read Formation, I mean, if Formation, those are supposed to be nice friends you chose to play with.

Seriously, if you don't want to take the risk of being insulted, disable those chats.
At best you may be missing some "Pick Request", but as long as you pick smartly, it shouldn't be a big problem.
Some people need a target for their venting and they will chose you not because it's warranted but because they can and have to. If they're making you enjoy the game less you can press P and mute them, team or match chat channels. Since you're in quick play you won't need chat anyway and it's pretty rare that it's being used for something productive to begin with. If you notice that it's a consistent problem get in the habit of turning off chat when your matches start.
07/02/2016 06:25 PMPosted by HereticalPie
I've turned winning, losing, and verbal abuse into a fetish so I always get at least something out of how a game turns out.

I get more annoyed at people getting upset at basic human emotion. In life you're going to have to deal with conflict. Your boss will get upset with you, your coworker will be a conniving jerk, people will cheat on you in relationships or you'll be tempted to cheat.

You have to learn how to handle social stress and dealing with Tilts, rage, and anger is a basic skill that you should learn.


You are right, and I definitely have been trying, although some days I just cant handle it, which is a shame. I wish I wasn't affected by anything people said. That'd be a blessing!
07/02/2016 06:25 PMPosted by HereticalPie
I've turned winning, losing, and verbal abuse into a fetish so I always get at least something out of how a game turns out.

I get more annoyed at people getting upset at basic human emotion. In life you're going to have to deal with conflict. Your boss will get upset with you, your coworker will be a conniving jerk, people will cheat on you in relationships or you'll be tempted to cheat.

You have to learn how to handle social stress and dealing with Tilts, rage, and anger is a basic skill that you should learn.


If anything it sounds like you are the one in need of learning some of those things. Seriously, you admit you've turned verbal abuse into a fetish and then make the claim that its others that lack basic social skills?
Just ignore it. Don't think of it as personal insults. Think of it as people who are cowards hiding behind their computer screen. Don't bring yourself down to their level.
I'll just make jokes. The guy will either calm down or going berserk lol. Win win situation.
Honestly just ignore them or point out faults in what they did the best way i feel to deal with things like this is to give them a bit of their own medicine and if you got 3 silver and a gold as support your obviously doing something good if your probably second in both eliminations damage and objective kills and first in healing and if they say your healing sucks tell them then you can play a healer if you dont like it why dont you fix the healing yourself by playing healer

*note I only do this to people who make comments about how bad i am to me*
Lately I've tried motivating the team. If we lose a round (and it wasn't a complete slaughter), I'll say something like "A little sloppy but we definitely can do this" and it seems like people focus more on the game than berating their teammates. Win-win.
If I were you I would consider disabling the chat and listening to a good radio with folks you like to listen to.
You only need to disable All and Party Chat, you can still read Formation, supposedly they're nice friend of you.


It is a way to 'handle' it but I dont think it's healthy. Having team chat on is insturmental to getting an idea of how people play, for communicating as a team. I think a person learning to mentally block out tilting or that sometimes people will rage uselessly against their own inadequacies is important.

Yea, the guy who's screaming into his mic needs to be muted, gotta protect those ears. But knowing it exists, that stress can be there, that stuff like this can be handled is a huge life skill.

You are right, and I definitely have been trying, although some days I just cant handle it, which is a shame. I wish I wasn't affected by anything people said. That'd be a blessing!


It will always get to you and make you question yourself, it's just life. If you start to feel a bit salty and down just step away for a while. Grab a beverage, go for a quick walk around the block, get a set of weights and lift for a bit, pet your pets they miss you.

It's a bad sign when you think what other people says has no meaning, it's just figuring out what's useful and what's not about what people say and to learn to turn off people who are full on rage tilted.

I do disagree with people in here saying "Reply to it in X way" dont. You dont win by replying to people on full rage tilt. You dont win by feeding the argument. If you want them to stop raging you're going to have to 'lose' the argument and let them have the last word making them feel self important or it will simply get worse. It's better to just never challenge the rage so it's impotent with no target.
If it's coming from your own team, just find some people to group up with.
Well normally I just say "just ignore them and deal with it" but you seemed to put a bit of effort into this question so I'll be more serious.

First of all, nobody is insulting you because of anything personal. Many people insult anyone for anything that is sticking out. Highest level in the match? People will insult you. Is it because you're a girl, or because of your name, or gameplay, or anything? No, it's because there is a distinguishing feature that can be made fun of, so they will make fun of it. Some people are just toxic and take everything out immediately on the easiest target. Playing Zenyatta, an off-meta pick? Easy target.

Don't think that they are insulting you, personally, though. Nobody cares who you actually are or how you perform, they just want to give someone !@#$. I've played a lot of games, and been very highly rated in every one. I have an irl friend who's top 100 leaderboards in DotA, I used to be top 50 in HoN, I have a Masters friend in League, I'm Diamond 3, these are all top 0.1% players, and we all still get flamed and called garbage and trash at the game. If you point out "I have 7000 mmr, you're 5k, I don't think you're in a position to call me trash" they'll just say you bought your account or something. Nobody cares what the truth is, they will insult everybody they can for no reason at all. This is a very important thing to keep in mind, because it will allow you to say "just another anon, move along." If you view an attack as personal, as something that YOU caused, it is very difficult to move past it, even if you know it is irrational. Keep in mind what I said and it will be much easier. Also, just don't argue. Like I said, it isn't about you, so you arguing is pointless. As you said, the response will be "lol umad bro?" Or something retarded. They're just trying to make you mad. Don't let them.

Receiving criticism from friends, relatives, coworkers, etc. is something important that you should pay attention to and consider. Receiving criticism from random anons on the internet, however, especially in the form of in-the-moment raging, is just BS, white noise. If it helps, imagine everyone as that gross stereotype of the fat man on the couch surrounded by Cheetos and soda cans and you'll find it easier to write them off as a meaningless troll.

Of course, listen to reason though. If someone calls you out for having a 23% winrate on Zenyatta over 50 games, maaaaaybe he has a point. . . but if something is stupid and you know it's stupid. Don't argue back, just write it off as white noise from a sad, angry person and move on.

I don't want this to sound demeaning or insulting, but I've found that the more special and important peeople view themselves, the more likely they are to be depressed and react badly to trolls/insults/whatever. If you think anybody on the internet actually gives a single !@#$ about who you are or what you do, that is your main problem. Nobody cares. That person raging at you is going to forget you 5 seconds after the game is over. It isn't personal. It's what they do to everybody. Don't focus on "this guy insulted ME, specifically." Think of it as "This guy has insulted 100 people this week on the internet, and I'm just one of them, randomly."

/wall of text
Of course, listen to reason though. If someone calls you out for having a 23% winrate on Zenyatta over 50 games, maaaaaybe he has a point. . . but if something is stupid and you know it's stupid. Don't argue back, just write it off as white noise from a sad, angry person and move on.


I mean..it is Zenyatta... it's known he has major HP issues and an Ult that requires his allies to know exactly what it does and do the opposite of what they normally do on hearing an ult yell.
People get angry when they lose. Some people only get angry when they lose badly. Some people get angry when they see team members not performing up to whatever standard they feel they should be capable of (this usually pairs up with losing badly.) When it comes to support, they're extra harsh because the team lost due to crappy heals, not because the team was too inept to kill anything.

Me, I get frustrated when the loss is a clear stomp, angry when it happens several times in a row. When my patience is tested after several sequential games of being dropped into a smoldering crater of allies pitted against a mountain of an enemy team, I pretty much start losing it. Partially at my team mates being garbage, partly at myself for being unable to do jack $#!%, and I have all sorts of colorful words and dark fantasies towards the Blizzard coders that created the matchmaking system in the cruel joke state it's in now. Today was the first time I actually made that apparent in chat and I logged in disgust of myself and the game itself. Plus I wasn't even performing to 5% of what I'm capable of, nor having any fun (clearly, I'm getting hopelessly stomped.)

Mostly, people are going to get angry when $#!% keeps getting thrown their way and they can't do anything about it because systems, mechanics, and their own incapability won't let them, and I don't blame them for venting as a result. Bottling it up is even worse and I'm always willing to listen to someone just erupt without patronizing them because I know I feel better to just let it out.

Unfortunately, most people jump at the chance to say "U mad brah?" and other $#!% where I can only hope they're always stuck behind slow moving traffic and catching every red light for the rest of their lives, among a plethora of other irritating inconveniences.

It sucks that someone had to single you out though, OP. The entire team being insulted still hurts, but it's easy to brush it off and deflect onto the guy whining, but being singled out puts One on the defensive, and we live in a "guilty until proven innocent" society. No one should have to put up with that.

We all log in to have fun, but when it feels like the game is hell bent on otherwise - and let's be honest, it pretty much is some days - people are just going to get nasty. Game communities reflect the quality of systems put in place by the developers, and frankly, some of those systems are just utter $#!%. Rolling with the negativity is something of a requirement to enjoying Overwatch those times when it isn't out to ruin your day.
07/02/2016 06:45 PMPosted by HereticalPie
Of course, listen to reason though. If someone calls you out for having a 23% winrate on Zenyatta over 50 games, maaaaaybe he has a point. . . but if something is stupid and you know it's stupid. Don't argue back, just write it off as white noise from a sad, angry person and move on.


I mean..it is Zenyatta... it's known he has major HP issues and an Ult that requires his allies to know exactly what it does and do the opposite of what they normally do on hearing an ult yell.


Zenyatta caries me hard in Ranked. 65% win rate rank 59. Either I'm a god or he's not as catastrophically underpowered as Reddit makes him out to be.
I jumped into voice chat and text chat for the beginning of Competitive. Turns out I wasn't missing anything constructive, so now it's back off. :)
I disagree with those who say that you need to learn to deal with ragers in game because of conflicts in real life. Chances are you won't hear the garbage some of these ragers say in real life because they are cowards. They know if they said even a fragment of what they do in game to someone's face there would be consequences.

Since this is Quick Play and you are high enough level to understand how the maps/game works, I recommend just leaving voice and text chat. Play in peace and enjoy. If you do like the communication for times when it is friendly, just decide how you feel that day. If it is a bad day and you feel vulnerable, just leave the chats. If you feel that you can handle some rager, if it should happen, leave it on.

Keep in mind that just because someone says something it isn't necessarily true. You don't have to defend yourself. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks. Don't worry about what other players (teammates not making the comments) may think if you don't defend yourself. Once the game is over and they start playing a different one, they won't even remember what was said to whom. Sometimes it is best to not reply, especially if you don't feel particularly strong that day. Mute and block immediately after the comments. Tell yourself it isn't personal, even if it feels that way sometimes.

While easier said than done, I do encourage you to look for groups of friendly people. Someone posted a Discord group of friendly players, so you may want to search for that. I'm sure in time Blizzard will make a sub-forum for finding groups. If you surround yourself with friendly people it will take a lot of the stress away.
07/02/2016 06:45 PMPosted by HereticalPie
...

I mean..it is Zenyatta... it's known he has major HP issues and an Ult that requires his allies to know exactly what it does and do the opposite of what they normally do on hearing an ult yell.


Zenyatta caries me hard in Ranked. 65% win rate rank 59. Either I'm a god or he's not as catastrophically underpowered as Reddit makes him out to be.


Yes, I realize your personal anecdote about Zenyatta does totally 100% invalidate the experiences of the majority of players. How it instantly changes his % played number, his HP count, and the fact that his Ult isn't incredibly counter intuitive.

Is Zenyatta as bad as seeing a Hanzo on your team? No. Could he use some HP buffs? Yes. Could his Ult use a better battle cry to cause people to group on him? Yes, but it may be a side effect of how his lower HP makes him less played.

Not attempting to be a sack of genjis here, but we really need to have basic lessons in how useless personal anecdotes are in the face of statistics. It's not just you, it's a constant and even major CEO's pull poorly made choices based on personal anecdote instead of real data.
i just usually don't respond to it and just let them fester in their own juices. I have received the healing thing when playing Zen usually from people who think them missing 5 health while standing almost on top of a health pack is more important than a critical Reinheart or other front liner but as long as you are happy with your effort in the end it should be all that matters. I had a similar issue last night while trying to learn genji in a quick match the other team was a group and i got abused by someone on my team for not killing a turret when my team couldn't even push past the a choke point to get to where the turret was...stupidly I had killed it 4 times the torb who was building it was a better player than me so even though the turret went done I either had to retreat or I was killed by his team mates and he would rebuild, i did bite back with a "you mad bro" and he raged so hard at me it was hilarious.

Unfortunately you are going to get people who will seek to blame everyone but themselves for a loss when it could have been a huge number of things that caused it and if you are a higher level you will be at the top of the list because they expect to be carried. In quick play I still don't understand why people rage at others, its where a lot of people try new characters and practice.

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