PSA: flirting with your support makes her uncomfortable

General Discussion
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Highly Rated
So I'm gonna say right off the bat that I don't intend to be one of those super sensitive feminists who insists that nobody should ever bring up my gender in a video game or whatever. That's dumb. I'm a girl, girls are less frequent in video game culture, it's going to crop up some memes or discussion and that's fine. It's even fun from time to time, I like a good meme as much as the next person.

But yesterday I had an encounter that reminded me that sometimes it can be hard for people to notice the fine line between a spicy meme and just making someone uncomfortable. I don't mind laughing with others about the stereotype of the gamer grill; I do mind being laughed at for being a girl gamer.

Long story short, the specific incident that happened yesterday is I was on quickplay and one of my random teammates happened to be on mic. I'll call him "Skelly" for the sake of the story but that wasn't his name or battletag.

I was feeling friendly so I joined the conversation, and for the most part he was pretty cool until he announced that his ult was up. Skelly then said to me (I was the only other person in the voice chat), "I'm ready for that pro Genji ult, but first I need four simple words." The four words, logically, were "Skelly is my daddy."

So here's the thing about being a Gamer Gril. I get that it's sort of a meme or rarity in some cases, and I get that people like to joke about it and as I said, I'm okay with that. I'm not going to sit there shouting "muh gamergate" and say that all males who pay attention to female gamers are misogynist pigs. They're not. You're allowed to say "is that a real gamer girl?" just like I'm allowed to say "let's get to it, boys".

But the reality is, we're aware that we're girls in a predominantly male subculture and we're aware that we stick out a little. And the sad truth is that we are harassed about it from time to time, by actual sexists or just immature people who "pretend" to be sexist because they think it's funny. As a result, I know I at least am really aware of that possibility every time I join a voice chat. I still try to assume the best, but when you start poking random flirts or requests at me because of my gender it just reinforces the feeling that I'm the odd one out, that I don't belong, and that I'm not seen as anything more than a pair of boobs by a lot of my fellow gamers. And I don't think anybody wants that.

I'm not saying you can't ever say anything positive to a woman, of course not. Like it's one thing if I fly to someone and heal him from 1hp as he's taking fire and barely save his life and he goes "holy crap Mercy marry me". That's perfectly fun. It makes sense in context and it's lighthearted. But "call me your daddy or I won't ult" - that's not fun, even if you are joking. Because the truth is that, joke or not, it makes me really, genuinely uncomfortable. It puts me in a place where I'm either forced to act like a sex object, or am forced to be confrontational and enforce the "women are killjoys" stereotype. You may not mean it that way, but the fact that it's just a joke doesn't change that it's genuinely demeaning for me. I'm not saying you're a bad person for it; I'm just saying it's something we should be aware of, as a community.

I ended up having to leave voice chat because my apparent new best friend Skelly couldn't seem to get the memo from me that I wasn't comfortable with his running gag of "say you want me", and he wouldn't stop. I don't think he was a bad person. I just think he didn't understand what it's like to have that kind of stuff thrown at you randomly, for no other reason than that you were born with different parts.

I see a lot of "it's just a joke" on videos or other places where guys will make jokes like that to girls. You're welcome to say that, but please understand that the "joke" status of it doesn't make it less uncomfortable for us to try and deal with. Especially when we know it's something that will more or less follow us through every game we play.

Edit: Wow! I really wasn't expecting this thread to be as big as it is. I was kind of scared that this post would just be seen as entitled whining or special snowflake syndrome. All this support means a ton to me, and I'm really glad people are willing to honestly discuss this issue. Thanks so much, everybody.
Highly Rated
10/10/2017 10:29 AMPosted by Ranger51
So I'm gonna say right off the bat that I don't intend to be one of those super sensitive feminists who insists that nobody should ever bring up my gender in a video game or whatever. That's dumb. I'm a girl, girls are less frequent in video game culture, it's going to crop up some memes or discussion and that's fine. It's even fun from time to time, I like a good meme as much as the next person.

But yesterday I had an encounter that reminded me that sometimes it can be hard for people to notice the fine line between a spicy meme and just making someone uncomfortable. I don't mind laughing with others about the stereotype of the gamer grill; I do mind being laughed at for being a girl gamer.

Long story short, the specific incident that happened yesterday is I was on quickplay and one of my random teammates happened to be on mic. I'll call him "Skelly" for the sake of the story but that wasn't his name or battletag.

I was feeling friendly so I joined the conversation, and for the most part he was pretty cool until he announced that his ult was up. Skelly then said to me (I was the only other person in the voice chat), "I'm ready for that pro Genji ult, but first I need four simple words." The four words, logically, were "Skelly is my daddy."

So here's the thing about being a Gamer Gril. I get that it's sort of a meme or rarity in some cases, and I get that people like to joke about it and as I said, I'm okay with that. I'm not going to sit there shouting "muh gamergate" and say that all males who pay attention to female gamers are misogynist pigs. They're not. You're allowed to say "is that a real gamer girl?" just like I'm allowed to say "let's get to it, boys".

But the reality is, we're aware that we're girls in a predominantly male subculture and we're aware that we stick out a little. And the sad truth is that we are harassed about it from time to time, by actual sexists or just immature people who "pretend" to be sexist because they think it's funny. As a result, I know I at least am really aware of that possibility every time I join a voice chat. I still try to assume the best, but when you start poking random flirts or requests at me because of my gender it just reinforces the feeling that I'm the odd one out, that I don't belong, and that I'm not seen as anything more than a pair of boobs by a lot of my fellow gamers. And I don't think anybody wants that.

I'm not saying you can't ever say anything positive to a woman, of course not. Like it's one thing if I fly to someone and heal him from 1hp as he's taking fire and barely save his life and he goes "holy crap Mercy marry me". That's perfectly fun. It makes sense in context and it's lighthearted. But "call me your daddy or I won't ult" - that's not fun, even if you are joking. Because the truth is that, joke or not, it makes me really, genuinely uncomfortable. It puts me in a place where I'm either forced to act like a sex object, or am forced to be confrontational and enforce the "women are killjoys" stereotype. You may not mean it that way, but the fact that it's just a joke doesn't change that it's genuinely demeaning for me. I'm not saying you're a bad person for it; I'm just saying it's something we should be aware of, as a community.

I ended up having to leave voice chat because my apparent new best friend Skelly couldn't seem to get the memo from me that I wasn't comfortable with his running gag of "say you want me", and he wouldn't stop. I don't think he was a bad person. I just think he didn't understand what it's like to have that kind of stuff thrown at you randomly, for no other reason than that you were born with different parts.

I see a lot of "it's just a joke" on videos or other places where guys will make jokes like that to girls. You're welcome to say that, but please understand that the "joke" status of it doesn't make it less uncomfortable for us to try and deal with. Especially when we know it's something that will more or less follow us through every game we play.
Flirting with anyone in a competitive environment tends to make them uncomfortable,yeah.
Highly Rated
Tell them Overwatch is not a dating service, despite what the box-art might suggest.
If you are feeling unconfortable just leave voice chat and move on.
Btw i have had plenty of girls on my games and its just normal but because we are eating a burger we cant act like world hunger doesn't exist
Highly Rated
Have had moments like this as a guy - and it's just as uncomfortable tbqh. Was playing Reinhardt way back when, and this Mercy was pocketing me - was really surprised by it, used to just being left to my own devices. Then get a message from the Mercy of 'I'm with you, Daddy!' and... I was -really- uncomfortable after that.

Like, in my case I get it could have been just a joke (I'm playing Rein, and Rein gets called a daddy, etc. by fans) but... yeah. I wanted to finish the game asap after that and gtfo.
Highly Rated
Flirt with the tank instead, we love attention
Highly Rated
Yeesh, that's just creepy.
Highly Rated
There's confidence and then there's conceitedness. This guy showed more of the latter in this case. So sorry you had to put up with this, friend.
I flirt with Widow/Hanzo mains, we have a weird love-hate and abusive relationship.
I've been flat out harassed for being a gamer grill but Jerks do that, Cringe lords, neckbeards & fedorables are out there. But it's not like I respond to that stuff, I just go silent or block/mute. Just say the casual "ew. no." or make it awks for them too and go "weeeeeirrdoo alert!." Regardless, anyone who says anything cringe-worthy can make the mood change and it's awks for everyone that gets flirted with. What ijones72 said.
And I would have laughed my !@# off at that "Skelly is my daddy" thing.
Highly Rated
I've gotten things like that too. I normally don't play with a mic on unless I'm in a group with trusted friends/family.

I once did a little experiment(not just in OW... online games in general), to see how many creeps and rude people I encountered just because I was on the mic. I had over 20 people ask for my facebook, phone number and Instagram.This group either dropped the subject or started calling me names. Also threw insults.

Around another I think 15ish got mad because I wanted to play the game not mess with them. And quite a few more who were just rude or didn't know how to act.

Alot of these people also sent vulgar and nasty private messages as if I was going to send them colorful pics, vids and messages to them.

That was only 4 hours worth of gaming.

It's pathetic really.
Highly Rated
Ouch. This is why I'm afraid to join voice chat. Sorry you had to go through that, OP.

10/10/2017 10:36 AMPosted by Millirious
If you are feeling unconfortable just leave voice chat and move on.
Btw i have had plenty of girls on my games and its just normal but because we are eating a burger we cant act like world hunger doesn't exist

Being able to leave voice chat doesn't justify what some people do, though. It's like saying throwing is fine because you can always report them. The damage is still done.

Plus, why should someone have to leave voice chat and possibly put their team at a disadvantage just because of one person being dumb?
10/10/2017 10:40 AMPosted by Delorean
you see, the difference between men and women is that men say mean things to each other and don't really mean it. but women say nice things to each other and don't really mean it.

embrace this fact and you'll learn how to make situations like this less awkward with some friendly ribbing.

Very wise internet knowledge but this is a case of a man talking to a woman which is entirely different
Well said Ranger! It is down right creepy to be flirted with that much and there is definitely a line that gets crossed too often.

Boy or Girl gamer.. it does start to become harassment the moment its unwanted.
10/10/2017 10:42 AMPosted by Huntress
I've gotten things like that too. I normally don't play with a mic on unless I'm in a group with trusted friends/family.

I once did a little experiment(not just in OW... online games in general), to see how many creeps and rude people I encountered just because I was on the mic. I had over 20 people ask for my facebook, phone number and Instagram.This grouo either dropped the subject or started calling me names.

Around another I think 15ish got mad because I wanted to play the game not mess with them. And quite a few more who were just rude or didn't know how to act.

That was only 4 hours worth of gaming.

It's pathetic really.


I mean, you're a girl and you play videogames, so that obviously must mean you're into me, right?

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