Ask Kerrigan: Advice from the Queen of Blades

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Dear Kerrigan,


Where the hell did corruptors come from?



From, That guy who reaper rushes

P.S. This thread=win


Sometimes, a mommy C'thulu and a daddy C'thulu love each other very much, and when that happens...
We soooooo need a blue to come post in here :)
Dear Kerrigan,

Forgive the strange grammatical errors of this letter, I've been forced to submit this strange and, energy drink addicted human in order to write this letter. All previous attempts at this have resulted in temporary blindness and stagnation in my slime trails. Very unpleasant, but I digress.

I, like many others in my line of work for the swarm, am a proud and stout Infestor. While I do enjoy surprising your foes with an explosion of eggs bursting from beneath the earth, ensnaring marines and zealots in a cloud of fungally goodness. And of course the true and utter joy of probing a Thor's head and, how do those wacky terrans say it? "Bring the thunder" on their heads? However, despite these wonderful benefits I and my coworkers of the Infestor's Probing Legion#1357 have a very minor complaint.

We wish to request a name change. Something more appropriate. So far, We've come up with a small list of names that we deemed to be more fitting than simply Infestor. They are as follows.

Slimers.
Probulators. (That's from me.)
Funguys. (That was Bob, he's kinda new.)
Fungatrons.
And finally, Infestinados.

We hope you will consider one of these changes when it you are finished with that nasty Z.E.R.G.L.A.N.G buisness. Gotta go, I think I heard a Raven.

-Ardailec
Dear Kerrigan,

is the Swarm going to end Earth in 2012?

-Elitenoname-
Dear Kerrigan:

I work for a merchandising company on Korhal and was wondering if you would be interested in working with us in developing a line of products based around you? We already have 1 000 000 pre-orders for our 'Queen of Dreads' wigs, but would also like to look into Kerrigan lunchboxes, action figures, 'Kerrigan-O's' and even a tv sitcom!

Please let us know if this is an opportunity you would be interested in.

Yours Truly, Alien Protypical Production and Live Entertainment

PS: I have included a 'Queen of Dreads' wig for you to approve at your convenience.
Dear Kerrigan :

Being a Spectre is hard work, what with my strange urge to practice voo-doo and being hunted down by a Ghost that was supposed to have her own sim-game as propaganda for Dominion Psy-Ops but was then canceled when the ever beneveloent Emperor Mengsk said that women "Lack Gumption." and "Were meant to be lettin the proper gender do the fightin.".

Needless to say, his speech-writer was found dead in some gutter in Korhal within the week. I was one of the Dominion's new and improved assassins assigned the task of hunting her down like the dog she is.

Do you have any recommendations on how to hunt down Ghosts of the fairer sex? Perhaps an elaborate trap where I abandon her to the fate of vicious monsters after she's been duped into succeeding in her self destructive task?

Your's Truely,

Sergeant Yeager of the 13th Spectre Unit "Reapers of Angels"
Dear Kerrigan,

is the Swarm going to end Earth in 2012?

-Elitenoname-


Yes. Spend all your money on frivolous pleasures while you still can.

Seriously, I hope not. My book comes out in 2012.
Dear Kerrigan,

Have you ever flew with your bone wings, or played the game The Lost Viking? BTW, How was the Ghost Academy, and what ever happened to StarCraft Ghost, I mean, did you know The girl that was in it?

Your friend,
Marex
Dear Kerrigan:

Why battle.net 2 is soo limited? I mean only 20mb storage space? and I may load only 5 maps? I dunno. I don't feel like that's gonna work for me. I don't play much in multiplayer and I more like a map maker geek.

That's all for now, good luck with your universe genocide-assimilation project.

PS: if you are going to invade earth, please deal with those of the battle.net 2 team first and let us know. :)
10/10 good one :)
Dear Kerrigan,

Have you ever flew with your bone wings, or played the game The Lost Viking? BTW, How was the Ghost Academy, and what ever happened to StarCraft Ghost, I mean, did you know The girl that was in it?

Your friend,
Marex


Isn't she a character in the campaign? I am playing through SC/Brood War before I do WOL because I haven't played them in like ten years.
She is, she appears in the mission at the end of the Covert Missions branch.
HAHAHA this is full of win! Love this stuff.
-bumps this over the complaint threads-
Dear Kerrigan:

After a faulty hearthstone sent me to this bizarre universe, I was found by an anti-Dominion rebel group and have used my talents to became a captain in a banshee fighter group. The other night, I decided to browse through the archives in my room, (Praise Elune that I studied computer science in Gnomeregon!) I discovered the simulations of the events of the Brood Wars as well as your most recent invasion of the Korprolu Sector. My question is, did your voice change over the past four years? The sims also make you out to be a lot more powerful now than you were four years ago. Do you still routinely eat other Zerg to recharge your psionic powers? Or have you been practicing the past four years? Inquiring minds want to know!

Signed, a culture shocked night elf.

P.S. Can you you get your hair to look like that? It might contrast as well with purple skin as it does with your green skin.

P.P.S. Looking forward to seeing you in a starring role in Heart of the Swarm!
Unforgettably hilarious. :D


Dear Queen of Blades:

I am commander of a small lunar Terran force in the Kalathi Sierra area, and lately we have been re tasked to move out towards a group of rampaging Protoss who want to "purify" us. More like kill every thing that doesn't have glowing eyes and some wierd attachment to their face. Though we both win and lose, I find my biggest trouble of this Tribe is their reliance on Void Rays. Void Rays just cause everything in their path to turn into a melting gloop. I have tried many tactics, nukes, Thors, Vikings, EMPs, just everything. It takes a hellva lot of luck, and sometimes I even have help from your erm... servants? Well indirectly of course, and then we did assault their hive cluster, but... yeah you can overlook that can't you? Well back to the reason of me writing this letter to you. What to do about these Void Rays? Thank you for reading my not so beloved Queen of Blades.

Sincerely,

Commander of the KS-21;Gamma Squad
Dear Karrigan,

I hear it is very lonely at the top. Is this true for you too also? Or is there a special someone in your life?

Perhaps you have your eyes set on someone special and becuase you are "the old fashion type" you haven't tried to assimilate him? Are you waiting for him to pursue you?

Since we're talking about love and stuff; my girlfriend has been getting on my case about how much time I'm spending defending this sector from your Roach Rushes.

Are the girls in the swarm more understanding of long deployments? I'm seriously considering switching sides (you know if the gals in the swarm are more understanding).

Sincerely
CPL Huracan (Hura)
1st Marine Division
oh god this is so F*cking funny you all are just to good thanks for the luaghs

redhot
aka
NEW king to the entire race of starcraft.
hugs and kisses

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