Help a Stranded Pilot!

Joeyray's Bar
I was escorting a Warp Prism just outside this sector, when one of the zealots in the cargo hold saw an old forge with some abandoned Khalai caste workers fixing up a dragoon. The guys in our warp pulled over to power them up, and I took the time to land in front of old Joeyray's bar. I know Protoss can't really consume alcohol, but I took my sweet time chatting up some of the locals.

An old hydralisk defect from the swarm was showing up some marauders in a "friendly" game of darts, and I decided to turn the tides a bit. A lot actually, since a pinch of psionics can really help you aim... Thing is, Zerg aren't too keen on losing bets, especially to cheaters. I mean, bending those darts mid-air isn't looked down on back at the gateway, and he's a HYDRALISK! Those Terran were getting their pockets emptied by a creature who shoots darts for a living! I had to do something...

Bam, next thing I know, the bartender's got a C-14 Gauss Rifle aimed at my head, his wife's crying over broken glasses, and I've got literal "pins and needles" from that stupid porcupine. I'm sitting alone at the curb, waiting for my pheonix to power up, watching the SCVs across the street calling me names. Then, next thing you know, a DT warps in behind me. You will never guess what he is holding.

A pair of tendrils. "Zerg?", I ask him, but he nods for me to look closer and I get a good look at the khaydarin around the base. Not zerg, these tendrils are from a zealot. And I recognize where they came from.

I speed over to the forge, and the dragoon blast knocks me down midair. Outside the cockpit, I'm greeted by a stalker, another zealot, and a whole lot of angry toss. They drop the corpse in front of me and I am greeted by the horrifying sight of a headless zealot. Then, one of the elders grabs my arm. He can feel the psionic taint from those severed tendrils. I told them to ask the observer before they did anything rash, but even it accused me! In a fit of rage, I shot the poor thing down, and they whisked me away to death's row. My people were all about tradition, and murdering each other was not exactly honourable.

Thing is, as I sit in stasis, I remember that observer. He smelled like protoss, creep, and molten steel. The protoss is understandable, but I don't think I've ever seen an observer made of "primitive" metals, and much less creep. I'm dying here, literally. Can you guys help me out?
i am comin to help yup me tassadar plz include me in story
Alright, I'm sitting in my cell calling to the heart of the Khala for anyone to help me.
"Tassadar, give me strength!", I call out, and bam he shows up. The thing is, Tassadar happens to be a Probe. I send him out for help and he brings me back a coke. Sadly, my people cannot consume coke. But this coke... Its psi essence tastes like Dark Templar. (Don't ask, I was involved in some stuff back at the twilight council...) Anyone else? A few more cycles of the hour and I've got a particle disruptor pointed at my skull.
make me cannon rush the enemy from behind
I have a rifle.'re on your own.
So I get Tassadar and bam, ten cannons in all around the enemy forge. They focus fire and kill the dragoon, only to be stopped by an invisible sniper. An invisible Protoss sniper, who took down the pylon with a well placed blow. Someone must have given a rifle (cough cough) to a Dark Templar. Unfortunately, I was recaptured and Tassadar died. The Judicators do not look well upon the death of ancient dying warriors via cheese, another food which my people cannot consume.

Fortunately, Tassadar is reborn in a new state! He is now a Colossus, and his beepy Probe whirrs have been replaced with the voice of colossaly louder whirrs and beeps.
The probe then says his name is TX-382 but his friends call him Chesty McChesterton. He helps you out of the cell
Don't worry.

You are free, I happened to have accidentally 6raxed the execution area.
Okay, so now I am freed from my cell by a second Probe and the execution area has been swarmed by Marines. The sad thing is that Tassadar is now a Colossus, and his instinctive fear of MMM caused him to burn all of the Terran. I grabbed Chesty and rode on Tassadar away from Joeyray's to avoid another trial for mass murdering the humans, but then Chesty started crying. I checked and it was not actually tears, (since probes cannot cry), but creep!

Terran Commander Nuparu showed up in a Viking to shoot poor Tassadar, but the Dark Templar showed up and sniped him with wfawwer's rifle. The Protoss Sniper tells me that the Hydralisk's underground (they researched burrow) connections are hostaging the real Chesty in exchange for 2000 vespene and access to the golden third base. Now what? Should I rob Joeyray's, avenge Chesty by picking up a queen (like, in the actual way with gravitron, and also in the other way, since some of these queens are pretty cute), or use the fake Chesty to fast expand with both geysers...
Um...would this be a bad time to mention the siege tank that i gave the protoss?
No need to mention that. My base was being shelled by 13 range Stalkers in siege mode, but I hard countered them with the 250mm Strike Cannons on my Immortal. Foolish Terran mercenaries, always selling out to the highest bidder.
I have an unneeded X at the end of my name... so i can help if you have any AoL chatrooms nearby...
Alright, new buddy. Thing is, AOL stands for America Online. America's back on Earth, and I'm camping out in an abandoned nexus on Mar Sara. No worries DoomerX, I've contacted the UED and am summoning a fleet of communications sattelites which should reach the good ol' US of A, or if not, maybe Canada. I'll just hand over some golden mins and buy my way into their network. Those UED guys are nice guys right? Right? Right...?
Ummmm riiiiiight...
Alright, so I managed to contact America! Well, sort of. I'm talking to some Marines south of the border, so it's still in "North America", just with a little more nachos. There's a queen knocking through the nexus' warp in feature (not sure how this is physically possible) and she's been asking for my "donation to the swarm". I told her the vespene could take a few more hours and promised her some bean burritos from Mexico. Took some time negotiating, but when I gave her the idea of flatulent acid powered "Beanlings", she took the bait. Now what? The queen's still hanging out my window, and it's the first time in ages since I've been stalked by a woman, (not including actual Stalkers, although I've gotten with a few of those too back at the Twilight Council, long story...) Should I make the move? Surviving the Zerg is a lot easier when you aren't alone!
But, you then realise that the zerg hostaging the real Chesty are burnt to a crisp by a overglorious stuck up Firebat in a T 2 suit.

Please forgive me Firebat, my companion is xenophobic. He dislikes other races. Please give me advice overnight, a rested Protoss is a happy Protoss.
"Okay Dokay." He picks up the real chesty in his gauntlets, and slowly walks him over to the Nexus. "But what do we do with the old fake Chesty?"
Hang him!
Alright. Now we must forge an expedition to Aiur where, among the debris of half-dead Zealots killing half-dead Zerg, we shall find the first Nexus! In that first Nexus, we will find the coordinates to the preserver who was overseeing its construction. Once we find the preserver, we will bring him offerings in exchange for the instructions of how to hang a robot with no neck, ie. FAKE CHESTY.

So, I bought Yamato Cannon from wfawwer and attatched it to each of the interceptors of my Carrier, which I "borrowed" from those dead Protoss. My crew shall consist of DoomerX, whose face is showing up all the way from Earth on the webcam of my khaydarin laptop, Firebat, the crew's chef (who is kind of useless to us Protoss, since we cannot consume most foods, but we did drag the dead body of Nuparu on board, and he's human), Chesty, who is not fake but still smells like creep (dun, dun, dun...), and Tassadar, the xenophobic colossus. We also have a random Dark Templar with a sniper rifle, and a Zerg queen. Her name is Sally Ann, she likes pink neosteel cookies, and next Friday I'm taking her to the Aiur shrine I used to hang out in near my hometribe.

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