Help a Stranded Pilot!

Joeyray's Bar
*De-cloaks Nearby*

A fairly off the wall story. I like.

Also, this Sniper Rifle and Psi-Scythe I have are pretty heavy, is there a weapon locker I can store my stuff in on this Carrier?
Can i come?
*On da interwebs*

heyooooooo Brb... hotpockets done...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lb4eokdzuBk&playnext=1&list=PL66073B244E8AA1E0 :d
DoomerX, you have now been promoted to officer of the ship's media network. Although I must ask, how did you consume that hotpocket? You portrait shows the face of a Protoss Stalker, and my people do not consume human foods. No worries my friend, I do not find that suspicious at all. In fact, I would like you to teach me this ability, since Sally Ann and I are going out for Muta-wings later on. Eating her own flesh and blood... I find that cute. Adds a little extra to the relationship.

Wfawwer, since you know a little more about Terran technologies than I do, and since we are also a bit lacking in space due to the fact that this Carrier is housing a full size Colossus, I have decided to kill two birds with one stone. Not literally, because the Khala states we should not take arms against lesser species, but figuratively. You shall take your place in the sky, hopping from one interceptor to the next to manually activate their Yamato Cannons!

And so, I now sit at the helm of my Carrier. Across from my seat is my old friend RubiksCube, the invisible sniper. I ask him, "Why is it, brother Templar, that with the rows of ion cannons, particle disruptors, and other energy weapons our forges work tirelessly to produce, you rely on nothing but a crude Terran firearm?"
The sniper says nothing, and I can hear the hum of the ships computers straining to synchronize the flight of countless (eight) interceptors. Breaking the sillence, I go on with my query.
"For a mighty warrior like yourself to wield a such a primitive tool, you must have a reason. Is it a matter of faith, such that you cannot trust the gifts of your brothers?"
I can remember my first battle with the Zerg, when the light from Aiur faded and with no energy to power my shields I killed a zergling with my fist.
"Is it a matter of humbleness, such that your business is done with the simplest of methods?"
I remember seeing my comrade falling to that same zergling. A creature with no guns nor blades could still claim the life of the Khala's children.
"Or maybe-"

I was interrupted. The invisible Protoss (protis?) sniper had interrupted my sentence, and I was forced to replace my words with a hyphen. But I did not die. I was simply shocked by his words. Turns out, many times this warrior had longed to drop his weapon, but he could not. He had a curse. And when I asked him what his troubles were, he replied with one word, "MEME".

So to Aiur we shall go, not just to hang fake Chesty, but to kill two birds with one stone! Not literally, because once again, the Khala states we should not take arms against lesser species, but figuratively in that we shall find this "MEME" and end its life! FOR AIUR, AND THE INVISIBLE SNIPER!
but then suddenly u reliezed tassadar has some how uploaded himself into the carriers systems and now controls every part of it
I am sorry Ytternal but my eating is strictly classified. If I told you that i would also be required to spill other AOL chatroom secrects, such as the location of the MEME an-... i've said too much...
So Tassadar has now merged with the Carrier, giving me the ultimate Protoss weapon, the Colocarrier! Each thermal lance spawns an interceptor when it deals damage, and each of those interceptors have Yamato cannon!

Also, I must ask for access to this fabled AOL. As commander of this vessel, I have four jobs. The first is to narrate all events that occur amongst my crew, the second is to spam hotkeys while Tassadar does the real piloting, the third is to ensure completion of all goals, and the fourth is to ensure completion of all my goals by the crewmembers! To keep your knowledge from me, DoomerX, is a direct violation of Ytternals' fourth job. Need I remind you that our voyage involves spontaneous execution of two different beings. If my men can hang a neckless robot Probe and an invisible MEME beast, we can certainly fit a third victim into our nooses.
All of a sudden, a creepful of zerg attacked us. (is that the plural form of zerg?)

I space AOL'd Ytternal with the following message "I've been further even more decided to use even go need to do look more as anyone can on the zerg. Can you really be far even as decided half as much to use go wish for that? My guess is that when one really been far even as decided once to use yamato cannons, it is then that he has really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like on the zerg. It’s just common sense."

I then prepared to jump from the bridge of the carrier onto one of the interceptors below.
and then ytteral's best buddy tassadar found out that carriers can make hallucinations that do damage and never die so now tassadar is a carrier and a hallucineted zealot that is aways at ytternal 's side

sry for the spelling its 2 am
Ok, fine, the MEME is... *drumroll* STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU!! RUN MAN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUUUUUUN!!!!!!! Or you could throw the hallu zealot in front of him... BUT DO SOMETHING!!!!
Well, by the time I am typing this message, it has been nine hours from the discovery of the MEME. With the power of Tassadar's mighty hallucinations, I have hallucinated ten sentries. Those ten sentries have each hallucinated ten Colocarriers (TM). The one hundred Colocarriers then each hallucinated ten more sentries, bringing me a total of one thousand hallucinated Protoss units.

Wfawwer, drunkenly confused from the overdose of space AOL, has now been sent to be transfused by Sally Ann, and has not been heard of since I wrote in my captain's log about the strange sounds I had heard. These sounds sounded like the strangely specific sound of a tiger-faced marine being ripped to shreds by a cute Zerg queen. I have no suspicions yet as to what has happened to him. From our lack of manpower to activate the Yamato cannons, our endless supply of free interceptors now only hold a fraction of their former invincibility. I'm afraid the Zerg, now headed by a new leader, will soon overrun us.

"Why Commander?", you might ask. Well the answer is plain and simple. No living man except for DoomerX and RubiksCube have ever seen the dreaded MEME. No living man, except for Jim Raynor and some other guys, have ever seen the Queen of Blades. Assuming that Jim Raynor has never met the MEME, we can assume that Kerrigan and the MEME have never been seen in the same place at the same time. This means that they are in fact the SAME PERSON.

Yes, Kerrigan, The Queen of Blades, and the MEME are one being, and they are the ultimate leader of the Zerg army! In our darkest hour, I must ask you all, to teach an old Protoss pilot how to eat food. With the ability of eating, I shall train further, to learn the spell "Consume". Then, I shall consume the one thousand hallucinations in order to give me infinite strength and the power to crush the Zerg menace once and for all!!!
Sally and I emerged from the room, Sally missing the lower half of her body. I went off and tried to teach Ytternal how to eat food.

I shall train further, to learn the spell "Consume". Then, I shall consume the one thousand hallucinations in order to give me infinite strength and the power to crush the Zerg menace once and for all!!!


wait what YOU GONNA EATZ MEZ NOZZZZZZZZ
Just then, a completely random immortal came flying through the air and happened to land just inside the colocarriers loading bay, with no memory of who he is or how he got there.
Eating is very complicated. And can only be done by true warriors from the Khala. First you, must have a collectors edition of Starcraft 2 Wings Of Liberty, THEN you must burn it, THEN you must carve a hole on your face, THEN you must undergo massive surgery that can only be done on earth, and then and ONLY then, will you be able, to eat, food!
Well, after finding the lower half of Sally Ann horribly ripped from her body, my heart has been broken. I thought I was going to be the one to do that... Still, I don't really know what went on back there, and putting the blame on one of my crewmates would not be the sign of a good commander. Fortunately, she grew back all the missing parts, and each of her severed limbs became a larva. I have kids! Eight of them actually. The baby shower is next Tuesday, and it involves an actual shower. Of creep. Sally Ann fed some burritos to her Overlord, and he's been saving up all week.

No Tassadar, you will not be eaten. Only your hallucinations will be eaten, unless of course, we happen to randomly crash into a starving Zerg leviathan, in which case, we will all horribly perish. That brings me to another off-topic question. There's been a flurry of tentacles and some kind of grotesque tracking-device-organ growing in the washroom. The psi-essence from that room smells like the oddly specific scent of a Zerg leviathan entering a state of desperate hunger. Would anyone care to clean it out for the good of Aiur? Maybe if a random immortal with no memory of who he is or how he got here were to land just inside the colocarrier's loading bay, I could put him to work as a janitor...

Now, to finally learn the art of eating. Wfawwer and DoomerX have been appointed as my official eating assistants. Through the black market (it was actually a dark shade of navy blue), I have purchased my Starcraft 2 Wigs of Liberty Collectors Edition. I must say, those Protoss wigs look amazing. The Pheonix psionic tendril braids look quite handsome, and I plan on ordering some the moment my natural tendrils are severed by the Zerg underground, angry Terran bartenders, and/or Protoss lawyers. The hole on my face has been carved with the simple method of duct-taping a miniature warp gate to the front of my head, and surgically inserting the second half of the warp gate into my previously non-functioning Protoss stomach. Any food inserted into the warp gate will be teleported into the depths of my gullet. In a few moments, I shall kidnap a surgeon from the Earth-bound medivac which is conveniently flying past us and obtain my surgery. FOR AIUR!
So "Ytternal's" kids, morphed into broodlords. Does that make me/him a grandfather?

Either way, the napping of the kids went well. The wee broodlings are currently sleeping on board the medivac. Sir Gunn agreed to join us, and he even brought his bloodstained cleaver with which he will gladly stuff warpgates inside Ytternal's nonexistent gullet.
HOORAH!!! Oh by the way i just happen to have a degree in medical studies and ive needed to practice my zerg heart transplant surgery... so ummmm... know what lets skip to a happier note i found out your larva babies are allergic to creep!! And i didnt even have to rip open one of your larva to do it!!!! Just ignore the duct tape on jeffries stomach...
Alright, now to begin with the eating. But.... I'm not hungry. The master plan has failed, and all will be lost. In a vague attempt of survival, I call out to the Khala, to Aiur, and to the forums. Random images of food must be presented to me, in the hope that I shall find my lost hunger and continue the training of my appetite.

And no worries about the larvae, since Sally Ann taught me how to alter Zerg genes in the galaxy editor. When each Larva dies, it spawns two new ones. Just try not to drop one of them into a fire or similar location where they will repeatedly die and be reborn as two, since that would cause infinite larva to overrun the colocarrier and destroy us all. The Broodlord's name is Jenny, and each of her Broodlings have the ability to spawn another Broodling upon death. As of two seconds ago, that makes me/wfawwer great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grand fathers. Of course, I'm the greatest one.

On an unrelated note, that bloodstained cleaver might be useful for unclogging the Zerg-filled washroom.
Hooray!!! So larva like fire right? Right? RIGHT???

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