Commandment of the Just (Re-worked)

Joeyray's Bar
Commandment of the Just
Yes, you read the first version, but due to confusion with the background and storyline, I’ve decided to completely re-work it. I have a feeling you will like this :)

The ship shook violently as Admiral DuGalle entered his large room. He could see the zerg swarming out his window. This was the endgame, and desperate times called for desperate measures. The flagship was preparing to jump to transwarp on a coarse to earth. But the ship was damaged extensively, and a jump would cause the ship to be flooded with deathly amounts of radiation. Even then the flagship was being surrounded by fellow ships to protect it.

DuGalle Opened his personal safe and then stuck a large vile filled with blue liquid and a binder filled with papers inside. He secured it in foam and then shut and locked the safe. This secret cargo would one day save the Milky Way galaxy. DuGalle put the key around his neck and began to make a transmission to earth. The ships sirens blared as the ship began to charge for the jump. DuGalle finished his message as the final sirens blared. He then locked his office up so that only the code or explosive could open it.

His sight went blurry as the ship began to jump to transwarp. There was a violent jult and the motion knocked DuGalle down. But just as fast it became calm and quiet. He saw the small red light blink, indicating deadly amounts of radiation. These were his final moments; he turned on some music and sat in his chair, the case containing the secret cargo in his lap. He glanced at his transmission and read it in his head.

DuGalle pulled out his pistol and rubbed it with sadness. But he knew it was better this way. He put it to his head and pulled the trigger. He died knowing that he gave his galaxy a fighting chance for a battle yet to come.

137 years in the future, on earth.
A graying bearded man sat in the corner of a near deserted bar. It was dark outside, and the bar was scarcely light. The man called for another drink in a deep commanding voice. The tender came and poured a glass of vodka.
“Late night Mr. Ross?”
“Indeed, bu..”
Before Ross could finish his sentence, a tall man clothed in a uniform approached the table.
“I’d like some privacy for a bit tender.”
The tender nodded and went back to the bar. Soon the man was in front of Ross.
“Old Ross Dmitri! I wasn’t sure you’d show up.
“Coronal Roska, it’s been a while comrade, I need some action before I get to old.”
Roska sat down as Ross enjoyed his vodka.
“This assignment is, one of a lifetime, Ross. I’m afraid that I’ll need to quiz you on your history.”
“You know of the United Earth Directorate’s mission. To venture and take control of the krupulu sector and secure its resources and assets for the Directorate. As well as to eliminate resistance.”
“I’m not a school boy anymore Roska.”
“Well then you are also familiar with Admiral final DuGalle’s transition to earth.”
“Here’s the news. We detected UED ships on long range sensors 48 hours ago. Since that time We’ve been assembling a team to check it out. It's badly damaged and still drifting from their original course to earth. There may be no action Ross, but it will be historical.
“So this is not military necessarily?”
“There will be a few of us, but we will be escorting scientists and historians.”
“Ah, why not, I’m in.”
More coming soon.
It's DuGalle not DeGaul...just pointing out a mistake.
Ya, fixed it now.
Tthis is the UED fleet that was exterminated by Kerrigan's Swarm at the end of Brood War. Ok this will never happen as lorewise as Admiral Gerard DuGalle's fleet was COMPLETELY wiped out. As in every single ship under his command was annihilated. No one knew what happened to him and his fleet and any message he sent was not received by Earth.

You have creative license so ignoring that and pretending that Dugalle's fleet somehow survived although everyone died, this actually looks good for an introduction. The time skip of 137 years looks like an interesting twist, especially for the Koprulu Sector.
Besides what smylez had said, Mr. DuGalle had taken his own life before the Zerg showed up to completely and utterly clean space with the UED's high and mighty intergalactic asses.

Other than that, continue.
It's, as you can tell, somewhat hypothetical. I've transformed the BW ending (something we can all relate to) into something that will lead to a very sweet story.

I'm going to type up another part today I hope.

Those that read the first version have a little foresight. I'll incorporate a better version of it in a later part of this story.
Part 2
This is a rising action part, so not so much action. I'll make small edits to it here and there.

Ross entered the briefing room and sat down in the back. The room was indeed large, and quaint. Many people filled it, most of them scientists and historians, with the exception of a few military folk. Roska entered the room and went to the front. He turned off the lights and activated the holoscreen.

“Comrades! Today we prepare ourselves to be written into the history books! As you know, We’ve detected DuGalle’s Flagship on long range sensors. You have been selected to participate in this expedition!”

Roska pushed a button and the holoscreen came to life with real time satellite images. The ships were certainly damaged.

“Our scientists determined the ship took a jump to transwarp in the middle of a battle. According to our scientists the ships would have been flooded with large amounts of deadly radiation after the jump. Then the engines must have then cut out at a little over halfway. The ship then drifted on it original coarse towards earth. Now it’s here, and our mission is to determine why the UED flagship left, and why exactly the rest of the fleet never made it back!

Now, welcome the commander of this expedition, Ross Dmitri!”

Ross headed to the pulpit and the lights turned on.

“Comrades, You will all be required to wear special edition marine suites to protect against the radiation, and you all be issued a pistol as well. My single duty is to collect your reports, and to make sure you are safe. It’s my pleasure to be you commander!”

A few hours later the entire expedition was on an exploration class battle cruiser, Commander Ross sitting in the command chair.
“All stations report!”

Each station reported green and Ross gave the order to take off. The ship flew out of the doc and was on its way.

Hours later of high warp travel the expedition arrived at their destination. A historian named Chesnov Fretti stood looking out the loading bay window at the UED flagship. Soon the rest of the expedition arrived at the loading bay, all geared up, and piled into three transports. He was in the same transport as the commander and the officers. It was a relief to his mind that on this mission, he knew just as much as the officers.

The transport soon arrived at the flagship and found its cargo bay blasted open. The expedition unloaded and Commander Ross gave out assignments.
“You there Mr…?”
“Fertti, Chesnov, sir. I’m one of the historians sir.”
And look like one he did, Short combed brown hair, clean shaven, small glasses, and not very tall. Ross beckoned Chesnov to come closer.
“Your in my group. Now we’re heading to the Ademerals quarters first, we are crossing reactor room 3, so when you see the number, put your secondary visor down, unless you want radiation sikness.”
“Yes Comrade Commander.”
“Alright men! Lets go!”
Commander Ross lead his group of 6 to the Admirals quarters. Amoung them was Chesnov, Corporal Teeks, Scientists Roger and Alex, and Engineers Chase and Domek. They walked down many hallways, their suites lights illuminating the way. Engineer Chase spoke.
“Sir, the reactor room is just ahead, it’s my stop.”
“Crew 2 should be in there already with the battery, so your all set. Corporal, go with her. Secondary visors down everyone!”
The corporal Teeks broke off with chase, and the rest turned and traveled down the last hallway. It was evident that there we’re a series of electrical fires, panel explosions, and gas leaks, judging from the damaged hallway. Not only did dead bodies litter the halls, but all the blast doors in this hallway were shut, they had to manually open each one. After 25 minutes of walking and opening blast doors they finally reached the admirals quarters.

Chase came to the reactor rooms buffer door, she pulled the lever hard upward, and the circular door opened. Her arm control panel began to blink red, notifying her that if the special marine suite was opened in any way, death was imminent.
She stepped inside the small buffer room with Corporal Teeks. She then shut the first buffer door and opened the second one. As it opened, a cloud of water vapor from the long gone coolant system entered the buffer room. Condensation gathered on their suites. She entered the reactor room and saw crew 2 hooking up work lights.
She had not seen a nuclear reactor since the academy. But this was nothing like the one there, this one was HUGE. It was going to take a while to hook up the battery safely.
Number of ships changed to just Admiral DuGalle's ship.
Grammar and spelling.

They can walk on the flagship because of magnetic boots.
Most of them have Russian accents.

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