The Darkness of Light (Story)

Joeyray's Bar
This is the story of Kain Orin. The character I normally use in RPs. I never give a good backstory, its normally based on the RP, so this will be his official backstory. You may find answers, you may find questions. Either way, this is the Start of Legend.


Bodies lay everywhere.
Mangled corpses, mutilated bodies, obliterated 'people' half of them... I don't even know what they are.
Soulless husks of degenerating life. Black bones and decaying flesh, corrupted skin and tainted bone.
Charred bodies of the lifeless, and whats left of there eyes, ears, and noses...
All bleeding enough that the blood loss alone would have killed them.
But fate had another way to end their 'Innocent' lives.
The death from Darkness...

The Darkness that lies in my heart...
Chapter 1: Fringe Life

A few days before, mid-day, fringe planet of Aretus.
Kain Orin, age 16

I leave my small home, in my fairly large colony on a small barren, fringe planet. I didn't do much, my father was a craftsman, mainly blades and such. He always believed guns were inefficient... He proved that fact in many fights, he kind of acts as the sheriff as well. He used to be something called... A Shade Gheist, or something like that, some pack of assassins or something, it sounds cool.

I walk out, taking note of our order-less community. I have no friends, I was always the odd-one-out. I see a boy about my age, walking with a few other guys around the same age.

They approach me.

"Hey, kid. What'cha doin' here?"

I keep walking.


I reply with a sarcastic, "I don't care!"

He walks over to me and grabs my shoulder.
"You got some balls kid. You walkin' in Wolf Gang territory now. You gotta pay the toll."

He carries a bat, the others with knives and other blunt objects.

"Funny, I feel like you should be paying for your lack to speak the English language correctly."

"You little..." He swings his bat at me, the strike un-coordinated and very bad. I simply duck, and trip him. The others charge at me. They have no skill, no class, no ability. One with a knife jabs at me, I grab his wrist and break it, and make him stab himself a few times. Another with a bat tries to hit me from behind, but I step to the side and he hits his friend. I take out a dark themed Butterfly Knife and jab under his right shoulder blade the kick him down. Two others charge at me, I fling the blade one, and grab the others face and throw him into the other one.

They all lay, holding their wounds and moaning. I take the knife out from the last guy's lung, and I kneel down to the leader. "This is my territory now. And you must pay the loitering fee. In blood." I stab his trachea, and it goes through his jugular so he ends up drowning in his own blood.

I put my hands in my pockets and use one of the downed men's clothing to clean my blade and put it away, "Pathetic." I say as I resume my stroll through the dark alleyways of the colony.
Just a note, this story (like my other one and the others probably to come) are open to criticism.
Seriously? No one? Continuing...
Sorry... Been so busy that I didn't even see this... Will answer asap. For I'm playing a game and reading so I'm multitasking.
Didn't see it. I wish you'd describe how the characters look, further details about the fight, and slightly different wording. i.e instead of "I reply with a sarcastic..." you could say, "[Quote], I say sarcastically..."

Other than those it's alright.
Not bad, the fight scene's good, but it's lacking... something. Detail? Depth? Not sure.
IT was very fast paced, I did that intentionally. When "A Few Days" passes by...

It'll be better.

But I had forgotten about Kains appearance (the guys he kicked the shat out of I didnt care too much about, but I'll work on that.) More detail is to come.
I'm reading, just not critiquing as of right now.
Alright. I'll have the next part up by sometime tomorrow maybe.
From the shadows, I emerge. A gust of warm wind blows my long, black leather trench coat with it. The coat tail covers my legs and I wear round shades and a black, tight cotton mask. I normally wear the hood of my jacket, but today I decide to show my black, spiked hair. I also wear finger-less gloves, usually for fighting/driving, but I left my bike at home today. I keep my hands in the pockets of my black, smooth pants.
I leave the dark alleyways and enter the over-city. This place is filled with moderate traffic and many people. I start walking to my destination, the Academy.

This is where I do my training and work towards my Career of trying to be an Elite Predator.

"Hey! Kain, back for another round?"

"Nah, just here to do a bit of training." The owner of the training area has gotten to know me.
A little.

I got to the back and pull out an old punching bag. The only one I could never break, never tear...

"We meet again old friend..." I take off my jacket and put it on some weights in the room. My black "Fade" T-Shirt shows along with my tan skin, and moderate muscles. I start unleashing a volley of punches and kicks on it.

Today is different. I unleash a punch, with unstoppable force. A dark energy coats my fist and I destroy the bag.
"What the..." I am astonished, and decide to leave. Something is wrong...

It is about sun-down. Some say it's beautiful, I say its a blessing. Darkness falls soon, and my true home comes...

I grab my jacket and put my hood on, then walk out into the darkening city. In the Underciy (The city that has long since been forgotten since most of the activity happens high in the Overcity, communities on top of the massive buildings) order doesn't exist, liberty is questionable. And mercy. Is a joke. I see a ship flying by, it has an old Earthen-like Medieval "B.K." on it...

B.K.? I've heard that somewhere...
Blade...Kings... Enemies of the...

"DAD!" I start running. The Blade Kings are "Vindicators of the Universe" and despise the Shade Gheists. I think they've finally found my dad.

One of their greatest leaders...
Chapter 2 will be up mid-day tomorrow. I got most of it written.
"Quite good."
Chapter 2: The Beginning, of the End

I see my home, left in ashes and ruins. The only people I have ever cared about in my whole life... Gone...

My eye's feel... Moist...

Do I cry for the first time? Am I not the demon I thought I was?

No, I am something far worse...

A black tear falls from my eye. It falls on the ground, and a black trail of smoke rises... My eyes turn black and my vision fades. All I see is darkness, hatred, and the sight of destroying everything around me... A shooting pain attacks my mind from all sides and I push back, not knowing what this is. The conflict of emotion, and hate collide and I release a violent torrent of some dark energy and rip apart everything around me. In the center of the colony, my wrath leaves a hole of destruction inside of it. Buildings crumble, and people fall into lifeless husks.

The ship that carried the men that destroyed my family, crashes in the distance. My sight returns, But it is clouded by shadows, and I all my mind thinks is to remove their lives from their bodies and make their eternal souls be tortured in a fate worse than burning in the hell they deserve to reside in.

My anger, and hatred causes a black energy, much like the one from earlier, to envelope my body. I charge at them, they aren't too far, but I cover the ground with tremendous speed, roaring with a demonic, vigorous voice. 3 men crawl out. They are wearing white and gold power armor. They look like they are to be dressed as futuristic knights, paladins of the galaxy... They are sinners and noting more, and I am their Judge.

I grab ones face, and pick him up with ease. He tries to punch me or push me away, but I grab his hand with my free hand, and bend it backwards, the napping sound of his bones breaking pleases me. I see his skin go pale, and his flesh withers into nothingness. A blue-ish essence fades from his eyes and mouth into my body. I drop him and the other two crawl backwards in fear.

The other, I look at him, I see an image of his greatest fear. Spiders. I blink, he is surrounded by 3 massive Tarantulas he freezes in fear. They rend his flesh, and rip him limb from limb, as his fear showed, and when he gives his last breath, they fade in a mist of shadows.

The last one, he was their leader. I walk to him. He pulls out a gun and tries to shoot, but he misses every shot, his hands shake that much from fear. I kick the gun from his hands, and I grab him by the neck. An energy courses through my veins. I rip his arm from his body , then proceed to beat him senselessly with it. He is still alive, and will bleed out soon. I grab a sword sheathed on his armor. I stab him in his chest and twist the blade around, ensuring he WILL die. With only seconds left, I jam my hand into the hole in his chest, then rip out his heart, and jam it down his throat, then kick his jaw closed. I notice he is still crying in pain, and shivering with fear. He still lives? Then he will suffer more. I grab his head by his temples and hold him down, I stare into his eyes with a sinister grin, inescapable from my face. He starts bleeding from his eyes and ears.

Everything stops. The energies stop, my smile washes away. I did this...

And it felt...

I'm gonna be honest Koro, the way you've described the Blade Kings, regardless of the raw power behind Korozain's attacks, they have experience and hatred on their side as well, so realistically thinking, wouldn't he need a reason to go learn how to use their powers, such as getting his @ss whooped by three of them? More specifically, the leader?
Well, and I accidentally didnt describe this, he didnt exactly know how he did it. And he just flipped the fack out when he saw his house destroyed and knew they just leveled it with his family inside.

And when that first torrent of energy was released, it hit the ship and it crashed so they were injured and couldn't really do !@#$. When they died he returned to normal-ish.

Still needs some work, yes. But I feel I will get better in time. This is my first story that isn't meant to explain a race.
Right, I understand that. I just thought that that's how it would go based on what you've told everyone about the Blade Kings.
Well later, you'll find out how the Blade Kings really are. They are strong. But, they rely on numbers most of the time. You'll know. I don't like giving spoilers.
I'll be patient and wait then.

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