No Hope - Fanfic Story

Joeyray's Bar
NOTE: This story is fan fictional and is my first story in the Starcraft universe. I plan on increasing my vocabulary and sentence structure while maintaining a good storyline for your entertainment on reading.


A feminine silhouette walked across the frozen landscape with a slung C-10 Rifle on her back exhaustingly and continuously walked forward. The distant stars above the area twinkled and the air smelled similar to that of death while the echoing screams in the background - zerg most likely - signalled horrifying death was impending. Halting to take a break from fatigue and exhaustion, she analyzed the area with tearful eyes. All was sighted in the environment was inhospitable, blinding winds and treacherous, crunchy snow. At times like these, radio communications tend to be out-of-reach and sooner, there would be no hope left.

"Does anyone read me?" She looked around; two fingers kept on the earpiece. "I repeat, does anyone read me? I'm stranded out here and the recent units within my squadron are now deceased. I need immediate evacuation!" She screamed into the earpiece, appearing to be screaming over the loudness of the wind. Her tone of voice cracked with a mixture of heightened fear but bitter aggression.

A few seconds passed and a man coughed over the radio before beginning to speak with a calm, relaxed voice. Samantha pressed her two fingers across her earpiece, beginning to listen over the words and at the same time, ignore the sound of the wind.

"You are in dangerous boundaries whereas both Dominion personal and zerg life are configured there. Just get somewhere safe and be sure to state where you are. The weather is hell out there. Be safe and I ensure you that my luck will be at your side." The message ended with a short beep like it taunted right at her. As she took her fingers off the earpiece, she could hear his voice repeating over and over in her ears. Samantha took in a long breath of fresh air before exhaling, letting her chest slowly flatten. Under preparation, she gripped her weapon in a more readied way and smirked. "This will be fun."

Night was soon falling and the lights managed to shine through the progressively dangerous winds. Samantha leaned upon the wall near the cave entrance while scanning the base from the cliff hangar. There was a few marines wielding the basic assault rifle and looking around while others managed to their own business. One of the SCVs began to repair the large structure which looked like a Barracks as the dead, decaying corpses of the zerg laid nearby. There was no movement from their corpse but it would surely cause a bad reek.

Following the path with a suppressed rifle raised, she gritted her teeth. There were three marines analyzing the area infront of them. Their conversations were blurred by the wind but it was loud enough for her to hear it.

"What do you think about this base we are in? I find it pretty good. The armory is a hella' lot better than the base that I was deployed in yesterday." One marine said, his rifle pointed to the ground.

"It's pretty good. There is a larger amount of ammunition so I could fire more bullets into them zerg! Aha!" He threw his weapon to the ground and bent down, appearing to grasp ahold of a package filled with cans of beer. "Well, I managed to get these babies from the armory. One bastard must've drank too much and left his pack of beers in the corner before heading to sleep so I managed to grasp ahold of three before heading here. Drink up and remember, not too much!" He laughed while the other marines opened up their visors, beginning to grab ahold of their drinks.

Their shenanigans created a good distraction for a couple of assassinations, she thought. With the cloaking device still activated, she crouched down and slowly moved, gritting her teeth. With a rifle raised, a laser emitted from the barrel and touched the marine's forehead. The other's stopped drinking their beer, looking over at the tagged marine.

"Holy !@#$. There's a laser on your forehead." One said, dropping his can of beer. "What. Your kiddin' right? Ahahaha!" He continously laughed and slurped down more of the liquids while the other marines ran for their dropped weapons.

Samantha squeezed down the trigger to release a poundful of thunderous rounds into the marine, penetrating his forehead and piercing through his chest piece. In a split second, the man was dead before they knew it. Crimson blood painted the snow while more suppressed rounds cursed through the air. One of the marines fell to the ground, groaning in pain while Samantha de-cloaked as a trail of blue smoke tainted in the air.

With no words, the ghost leaned down and grabbed ahold of the can of beer. The marine started to cough up pints of blood while maintaining eyecontact, looking in fear at the ghost. Samantha had a blank emotion and shaked the can once more, nodding to him. "It's better to take a one last drink before you die, pal." She grinned in a cute way, putting the tip of the can near his dried lips. He took a slurp of the cold drink and smiled, revealing blood stained teeth. The Dominion marine managed to choke out some words. "Hit... h-hit... 'em hard... an-and... and... thanks."

His smile soon faded to a fearful way like he doesn't appreciate death. In a few seconds, his corpse laid there lifeless and it didn't dare to move. Samantha threw the can of beer to the side and advanced torwards the Dominion base.

Was there anything to achieve?

No hope is what's left to achieve.
Not bad... Keep writing, and push yourself.

Also, I'm assuming the ghost works of Raynors Raiders.
It seemed slightly....cliche, if you want to know the truth. The writing was also a bit dry. Keep going though, it'll get better with practice.
Not bad! Keep it up. Definitely push yourself. It's one of the hardest things to do as a writer. Get your butt in a chair and write. Cut out all distractions and let it all out. Then go back and edit it.

Practice makes perfect.

Also, you should expand on Samantha as a character more. Who does she even work for?
It seemed slightly....cliche, if you want to know the truth. The writing was also a bit dry. Keep going though, it'll get better with practice.

Yes, I've noticed my writing is dry but I'm improving on it.

Not bad! Keep it up. Definitely push yourself. It's one of the hardest things to do as a writer. Get your butt in a chair and write. Cut out all distractions and let it all out. Then go back and edit it.

Practice makes perfect.

Also, you should expand on Samantha as a character more. Who does she even work for?

I plan on developing Samantha for sure. She's a ghost but is in a anti-Dominion group. I plan on doing snippets between each piece of writing of her background and so forth.
Samantha felt the stages of the presaging hypothermia progress through her body signalled by the signs of it; lowered body tempature, mental confusion, shivering, and so forth. Instead of heading to the Dominion base, there had to be a way to find shelter away from the boundaries whereas danger is strongly advised. The darkness of the night had fallen overtime but the bright lamps on the ground illuminating visibility and marines surrounding large, omninous bonfires would surely come in handy in future events.

Having travelled for a hour as hypothermia increased dramatically at a slow rate, Samantha encountered strobes of lights within the distance. There were marines surrounding the area with their basic assault rifles but their appearance didn't match similarly to the Dominion themselves since their armor was intensively modified and their color was a blackish color. The structure was brightened up by dim lights and the mercenaries modified suits.

Samantha approached the structure with her C-10 rifle slung. One of the mercenaries approached her before both of them came face-to-face. "You are a ghost huh? You part of that 'Sierra' faction or whatever it's called?" The large, bulky mercenary hesitated. His low, booming voice sounding rather odd. "Yes, I am a recruit of that faction. It's a long story on how I came here."

The two proceeded to enter the small structure and was greeted by the salute of two marines at the entrance. Inside was a bar filled with mercenaries who were wearing suits fitted for the survival of the cold area. The friended duo continued through the bar as one mercenary shouted ontop of his lungs but in a quiet voice. "Look at that lady." Another anonymous person questioned her. "Is that a ghost?"

"You look cold. Sit down and wrap this blanket around you." He gave her a large blanket. With a bright smile, Samantha wrapped it around herself. "You are here to stay warm and comfortable for a short period of time before heading out or is there another purpose to why you are here?"

"I was suffering from hypothermia and that being stranded on a freezing planet would cause some problematic issues to you. Radio communications were out of reach once I reached the Dominion base so reinforcements couldn't be called in to assist me on my objective to infiltrate part of the base and to grasp ahold of documents." She sighed and continued. "I came here to stay for awhile."

The man nodded. "It's a good thing that the snipers ontop of the mountain didn't shoot you. Your radio transmission managed to reach our communications tower so I detailed them on not shooting a female who was coming this way. What a coincidence. Being a female around places like this would be honest luck since the Dominion attacks only had marines come into the area. We picked them off like ants." He chuckled and spun around on his seat. "One of the guards could escort you to a room downstairs for you to sleep in."

One of the guards at the door approached her and opened up his visor, revealing his concealed face from black rags. The mercenary shrugged his weapon and hesitated in a dark voice. "I'll escort you to one of the rooms downstairs."

Samantha followed the guard downstairs and noticed a hallway of rooms. She had already passed two floors so this could be another section for people to stay in. "Alot of rooms. The Dominion had this structure as their living area for the marines stationed here on the planet. I reckon there could be more of these structures built on the planet. After we infiltrated the base, we took control of the entire structure." The guard said while strifing forward at a slow pace. "This place is quarantined off from the harsh weather over the last couple of months. The Dominion patrols couldn't find out where we are. Even if they managed to enter the entrance, the snipers ontop of the mountains could take 'em out."

Samantha kept quiet and didn't respond as she followed the guard.

"Alright, here is the room." The guard said before leaving the area. Samantha sat down on the bed and looked around the room. There was a zergling skull on the wall near the door leading to the bathroom that read "Ate him for dinner. Gave him to you." Everything around the room was metal but there was furniture that was wooden aswell. It was paradise momentarily.

Samantha didn't bother to take off her suit and remained comfortable on the bed. She laid on her side and kept her eyes on the zerg skull on the wall. With a smile, Samantha closed her eyes and fell into a deep sleep.
Um... Feels a bit clunky, there's a quality story here, just needs some more work. The conversation's a bit hard to follow who's talking and comes across as staged. The rest of your details are sparse but good.

Work on making the conversations more followable and expand the details where you can.
Thanks for the feedback - whether it is positive or negative kind - and I appreciate it. It's what I exactly need in order to fix up some errors and mistakes that needs tinkering so the audience can enjoy reading it. I'll try fetching up one tommorow.

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