Roll-2-Dodge San!

Joeyray's Bar
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Begin preparing for the Cult's attempt to assist supaflyz.
Use my kitten forces of happiness to destroy supaflyz.
Use the xelnaga artifact to enhance my zealots and stalkers weapons to level 5.

Become the living incarnate of all 7 sins.
I ask Knarled what will help my case.
Ballistic Missile Launch onto all of you!!!
I turn into a High Templar.
I turn into a ghost
Is this thread even getting looked at anymore?

smylez eats a carrot
smylez rolls a 3
It's a carrot, what are you expecting?
Attempt to open a Zergling Burgers chain.
ShadowFury still requests to be a designated roller.
KnarledOne rolled a 4!
You got the chain open and it's a local hit!

Shadowfury rolls a 1!
You're feelings are hurt. The gods do not smile upon your request. You feel vulnerable. -1 to your roll.

smylez eats a cake!
smylez rolls a 3!
Well, it's a plain ol' cake, what were you expecting?
I attempt to sell Smylez a ]]Superior Carrot Cake[[ to make up for the underwhelming carrot/cake he ate.
Pokes Knarled, trying to get his attention to the fact that I want the position of roller.
KO rolls a 3!
smylez is not a happy customer. You feel slightly bummed out for not bringing his frown to a smile.

SF rolls a 4-1=3!
Perhaps KO will pay attention to your complaints because <--- isn't.

smylez wants some ice-cream!
smylez rolls a 1!
smylez eats vanilla ice cream, the best flavor there is. Too bad smylez is allergic to it. smylez is vulnerable!
ShadowFury can be a roller. He did a decent job, and I'm lazy, so the more qualified people the better.
I take my pet Zergling to the vet for a check-up.
I'm wandering around my house. I smell the cool, crisp spring breeze as it flies past, refreshing my very essence. I pull out my phone and make a reminder to jokingly tell Dehaka not to steal my essence. As I do so, however, a vortex swirls into being above my house. I just finished my note, and return the phone to my pocket, when I notice the Black swirling Void. I step back, alarmed, then realize that there are people still inside of that house! Not wishing to watch my family get sucked into oblivion, I dash towards the house, just as the plates on my roof start to peel off and fly into the shadowy spiral.
I enter the house and look around. My family is playing and chatting, completely oblivious to the imminent doom hovering above their heads. I decide it is time to take action, and using my amazing strength heft my brother over my head and carry him, kicking and screaming, out the door, and launch him towards a tree. Naturally, the rest of my family come out of the house and ponder vocally my decision. I do not have time to spare, however, so I re-enter the house. The entire top floor is gone, and I just then hear the terrified shrieks of my family as they realize the gravity of the situation.
Inside the house, I search frantically for the animals. Being a noble soul, I cannot sacrifice any of my families life, even though they aren't really my family, and the 2 dogs and cat are the most annoying creatures when hungry, thirsty, tired, bored, lonely, or have to relieve themselves, which is always. However, any gripes I may have are gone like chaff in the wind as I seize the dog's kennel and the cat, and start my mad dash for the door. The Vortex is starting to suck me in as well. I am holding to the carpet with one hand, my legs floating through the air, my Right hand still clasping the Kennel, and the cat tucked under my arm, his claws grasping desperately to my skin, rending it with his touch. I am a mere 2 meters from the doorway. My family is backing away, screaming my name in vain.
With a last heroic ditch of effort, I throw the kennel out the door beyond the darkness' grasp, and as my grip fails me, I throw the cat as well. My brother is toppled by the poor white animal, witless but unharmed. I give one last wave goodbye, and then get sucked into the shadow. I notice that as I pass through the portal, it seals shut. I pray for my families safety as I take not of my surroundings.

Inside the Vortex, I couldn't see anything. However, I could feel myself moving. Suddenly, everything bursts into light. Blinking furiously, I find it herd to take in my surroundings. I am floating in a massive white room, where there are people floating around with varying glows and items, with planets popping in and out of existence, where time and reality warp at the roll of a dice. In the center of the room is a sphere with a massive dice within, and with a keyhole. A few privileged individuals have hold of a key, with which they plug in and turn to roll the dice. Certain people have auras of different power, increasing their rolls. I then realize: I am doomed here for an eternity.

TL/DR: I ask someone for some Pineapples.
Rolled 3, grey area.

The Zergling ate the vet. You are now facing a lawsuit.

Rolled 4 (+1 for epic post), great success.

You receive every form of pineapples one could ever possibly want: whole pineapples, sliced pineapples, pineapple jello, pineapple juice, pineapple punch, grenades, pineapple pie, and even a pineapple tree.

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