Zanon's PRP Bar (Part 26)

Joeyray's Bar
Prev 1 12 13 14 25 Next
"No, but you did endorse it." My eyes were unyielding and the round in the chamber was equally so. Another hammer c0cks as a Blood Letter wielding a similar revolver loads a round like what morrjo gave me. "Forget it."
"He ain't here!"

Well, this complicates things don't it?

"Alright redshirt employee, I'm going to borrow this [screams of agony] and this [more screaming] and that [anguished cries]. Oh stop it, it's just a flesh wound, you'll regrow it back."

What was that for? How does this help?

"Blood for the blood god?"

...Why don't we just use this stasis shield and send it on a collision course with Zarkun?

"That sounds great!"

T'was all quiet on July 11, XX13 when in the sky, a shooting star came.
But it was no ordinary star! It was a stasis field, coming down with a vengeance!
Like a sign of the apocalypse it headed straight for the bar
The Scourge of the Bar, Zarkun was splat by his own creation.

"We are free! The stasis field broke when it collided with Zarkun at the speed of...mach 7!"

Precise calculations my dear clone brother! Onwards! Let no man, men, woman, women, child, children, animal, animals, something, or anything stop our great work!

"Er.... hehehe... uh... W-w-well... I'd just like to say one thing really quick."

I quickly grab my briefcase and mug of Prismatic Void.


I am abruptly interrupted by extreme violence. I look in horror at my employees.

"Hm... perhaps it would have been less painful to just let Zarkun shoot me."

The ravaged creature rasps "You... son of a... I'll get the union on you, you... fat... cyborg!"

"Check back a page. Post 35, I believe."
Unfortunately for smylez, his dream failed to come true as he had no way to make such a thing happen. Shaking my head at KO, I resume my duties, holstering the revolver.
"Poor man, lost his head when the stasis field crashed into him. Recovery time after impact was .1 of a picosecond. Astounding!"

Amnesia and denial. Let it be. There is no hope for the insane. He will hold onto his reality while we hold onto ours which we know to be true.
Good heavens. Now would be a good time to put on my sales model of the Hiberbelt.

*does so*

Good night.

*vanishes from existence*
"Blast, the CEO didn't supply us with what we requested."

Tomorrow then?


*Both smylez are sucked into another dimension*
*Walks in the door*

I'm back... Miss much?
Discord's hologram pops up.

"The bar's re-spawn timer has been reset to one picosecond... As such, I can now kill you all many, many, many, many times with a single explosion."

He crosses his arms as he considers. "To detonate, or not to detonate. That is the question. The question... Eh, who am I kidding. To quote Mr. Torgue: EXPLOSIONS!"

As the explosion happens my illusion vanishes and I am aboard a cruiser in orbit looking down at the exploding bar. "Well this is a pain. I was still enjoying my drink."
Through a weird !@# paradox domino of joy effect, the cruiser was sent into the bar and exploded. Thus Morph was ACTUALLY blowing up along with all of us. All I could was recalculate how many explosions it would take to send me flying out of the bar so I'll be safe.
Error Detected. Incorrect Protocol. Attempt to destroy cruiser denied and negated.
"Good grief, how many changelings do I have to go through?" *Rides an overseer away right before explosion.*
"Not much. Just the bar exploding, a few fights and a nice alcohol-fueled fire."

A bonus of being behind a portal. Have you ever seen an explosion from the inside? Its beautiful seeing all those colors fly.

"Oooh. Aaah." Cue fireworks gawking.
Someone had a hayday blowing the bar up an infinitesimal amount of time!

Diiiiscoooord?! Where art thou hiding?
*Overseer proceeds to contaminate Bar and spew more TreetopHunter Changelings*
"He he he."
I hate to remind you all, but anything in the bar is now dying several times over. If you are already dead, please ignore this message.
07/12/2013 07:43 AMPosted by TheLostMorph
As the explosion happens my illusion vanishes and I am aboard a cruiser in orbit looking down at the exploding bar. "Well this is a pain. I was still enjoying my drink."

I will do a logical refutation followed by an lore refutation. Pick whichever one you prefer; the end result is the same.

Logic: A hologram is unable to actually affect solid objects. This includes drinks. Also, if it was merely a hologram present you would not actually be enjoying a drink at all. Your hologram would be (actually, it would be merely failing to enjoy a drink due to logical point 1).

Lore: Zanon's PRP Bar is shielded against any and all forms of holographic intrusion, including yours. This is due to a combination of numerous factors, including Kay-Oh!™ Inc and Thundercrash Enterprises™ technology and a Cloister spell. Additionally, this is a Thundercrash Enterprises™ bomb, more than forceful enough to engulf your cruiser. Well, there's another investment lost.

How am I able to give this monologue while dying every .1 picosecond? Again, we have Thundercrash Enterprises™ to thank for that. Specifically due to the fact that my center of consciousness is no longer rooted in my body, thanks to a certain entity.

Join the Conversation

Return to Forum