The Superior PRP Bar

Joeyray's Bar
KNEEL BEFORE THE CHAOS! Y'know... If you want to... If you don't I just have to go Zartender (The Z is meant to be there).

So this places code of conduct is... Whatever Blizzard's is, and I am in command here, not Zarkun, not Zanon... NO ONE BUT ME! And, y'know, Blizzard.

Food and Drinks:


Overseer Sh!t (FegelKitteh) Extract: (Trademarked)
The effects include an irritating love of cats and lack of logic. It comes in a small brown shot glass, and through colouring, looks like a horrible drink.

The Mind Shredder: (Trademarked)
Unlike its namesake, this drink truly shreds the mind. Because it attacks your brain like a vicious horde of piranhas. Being served in a big mug and with a reddish colour, why wouldn't you want it?

The Blood of Your Enemy: (Trademarked)
Ah, how nice it is to just relax back after you've murdered your enemy. Now you get that feeling without having to murder them! This blood comes from cloned version of everyone, and it tastes great in the small glass it comes in. Due to so much hatred towards Darkra and Mecha, I have multiple of them. And due to so many people being fed up with Zarkun's BSing I also have some of them.

Flavored Popsicles: (Trademarked)
The come in the flavours of raspberry, orange, lemon, bannana, strawberry, cantelope, and blood. They are the best choice for rejuvenating those writing talents of yours, or give you some if you lack such things.

Flame-Broiled Ultralisk Leg: (Trademarked)
Tastes good with the overly large amount of muscle, and fills you right up. Though you probably won't be able to eat it all, you still have to pay full price.

Agrian Creep Fed Crop Plate: (Trademarked)
Some good tasting Corn, bread, pea pods, and a few other vegetables served on an old iron platter, it is sure to keep you in good shape.

Roach Soup: (Trademarked)
A green soup of acid with chunks of Roach floating around in it, it proves a delicious dinner, albeit causing tons of stomach pain.

Protoss Breakfast: (Trademarked)
A nice powerful ray of artificial sunlight required to start any Protoss' day and can tan the skin of Terrans pretty damn well too.

Zergling Burrito: (Trademarked)
Good both for breakfast, and for lunch, The Zergling burrito provides lots of protein, and a little Zergling egg! So be quick to relieve yourself afterwards, or you might just have a chest burster!

Koprulu Style Neapolitan Ice Cream: (Trademarked)
Named after the famous three flavoured ice cream, this desert contains a flavor of each race in its big glob of ice cream, you can get the refined and classy taste of the Protoss, the savage yet amazing taste of the Zerg, or the pork like taste of the Terran.

(By reading this you agree to the terms and conditions of this bar, including an acceptance of the risk of infestation and mutilation.)


Drink menu:

A Jim Raynor -- Cheap, harsh, and served up warm in a filthy glass.

A Tychus Findlay -- You’re not actually sure what it is, but you spilled a few drops and the counter is still smoking.

The Zeratul -- It isn’t served to you, instead it appears from the shadows. Then, when you try to drink it, you experience weird visions and the glass disappears.

Zergling “Special” -- “Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my rag-time gal…”

Firebat -- Burns goin’ down AND comin’ back up.

Psi-Storm -- Hits so hard you’ll remember what happened tomorrow, yesterday.

Grounds for Divorce -- Matt Horner was drinking these when he “won” a fateful card game.

What He’s Having -- Kachinsky always seems to be in here, so whatever he’s having must be pretty good.

Baneling Body Shot -- Are you sure this is a good idea? I’m not sure where to put the lime...

A Glass of Milk -- “Whaddya mean there aren’t any cows in Koprulu? Where’d this come from then?“

The Solar Shot -- For those looking for a good time. Flame-proof clothing recommended, cuz you’ll be shining brighter than the star of Typhon.

Korhalian BackStabber -- Good for the recently betrayed and left for dead.

The Jail Breaker -- new from the recently opened New Folsom Prison Bar.

The Bloody Medic -- kills the pain, but we still say you should have a doctor check that out.

Redstone Mixer -- expensive, but I can guarantee it’ll be served in a clean and sterilized glass. Careful, that lava’s hot.

The Broadcaster -- You’re not ready for the raw $ex appeal this sucker brings. A favorite of a certain ex-convict.

The Hellracer -- suspension of sobriety is an integral part of any drinking experience, but this experience requires suspension of sobriety and inhibitions.

The Maelstrom Shocker -- Only served here, a 40% bigger hit than standard Shockers, guaranteed.

Psionic Cooler -- yes, I know it feels weird. Don’t worry, the energy coming out of your body should wear off in a couple days

(insert generic letters to indicate gibberish) -- I don’t know what’s in it either, but that guy down there had one. He started screaming and thrashing for a while, and now he hasn’t gotten up off the floor in over an hour.

The Judicator -- Perfect for influencing the minds of the intoxicated.

Prismatic Void -- Gets better with every drink. Has been known to be lethal.

Mind Shredder: perfect for those wishing to forget everything and start a new life. For anyone not wishing to do this, this drink isn’t advised.

Scotty Bolgers old no. 8: the good stuff

Andorian Ale: Can’t tell you how I got this, its a trade secret.

Charge: Made using stim and several other ingredients. Side effects vary.

Mjolnir (Thor’s Hammer): If you really want to feel hammered, this is for you. Served with a side of hot lead.

Enlightenment: tell me when you get there.

Marine: may cause you to see the counter vanish

Feedback: served cold. All those annoying voices in your head start telling you what you did wrong today.

M.U.L.E.: Good buzz, but may cause a break down later.

Haven Splitter: you’ll either feel warm, safe, and content, or depressed, paranoid, and possibly like injecting yourself with random serums. 50/50 shot.

Ace Suicide: I don’t actually know what this does. Nor do I recommend it.

Alcoholic Projector: Ever wanted to know what you’re actually like when you get totally trashed? Take a few sips of this, and all the alcohol in your system will condense into a ‘party’ version of yourself, where you are completely wasted, have no inhibitions, and are just out for a ‘little’ fun. The more you’ve drunk beforehand, the better the projection. Have fun!

The HBRB: however crazy you think you are, this will make you worse. Yes, that includes you, namesake.

The Noodle Incident: we all know what happens when you take this. It needs no explanation.

Little bit of everything: Exactly what it says. I’ve taken everything I’ve got, mixed it together, and put in the laser accelerator for a few hours. There’s no telling what will happen.

Slicer: Has the unique property that it changes effect depending on the drinker's personality, amplifying any traits they have a good thousand times over. Buzzes in the back of your skull begin after three drinks, amplify slowly, and you randomly sprout wings after the 11th glass.

The Scoutmaster: May result in the drinkee feeling experiencing high levels of Trustworthiness, Loyalty, Helpfulness, Friendliness, Courtesy, Kindness, Obedience, Cheerfulness, Thriftiness, Bravery, Cleanliness, and Reverence. Not Recommended for parties.

Mar Sara Black: need a pick me up, or something for radiation poisoning? Or jut something to get a good buzz going that doesn’t break down? Then say good night, because we won’t be seeing you until the morning. If you wake up.

The Smylez: This beverage is delicious, trust me. Drinking it will have absolutely no harmful effects on you (please ignore the green smoke), and your liver and kidneys will not be damaged in the least. Seriously.

The Lightyear- This drink will take you the distance

Justice Juice- Definitely not recommended for people with a... questionable history

Korhallian Burgundy: Please refrain from setting the liquor on fire, or we will have to ask you to leave.

Dwarven Ale: Urist prefers to consume this when possible.

That should be it...

OH! And don't forget to recommend me to your friends!
Huh? Where is Zanon?

Join the Conversation

Return to Forum